an old flame... kinda
you won't believe who called me... mr. lukewarm pants, the seattle guy!! i haven't heard from him since february (aftre my nyc trip) and frankly... i had really tried to put him out of my mind! i even tried to rebound a few times. but when he called, my heart was beating like 1000 beats a minute (is this possible? probably not) and well... i realized that i hadn't quite recovered from his folly behavior. he called me two fridays ago. apparently he was moving to portland, oregon for a new job. he had been going back and forth from the bay area to seattle to settle housing issues and a new job search...
i thought he was calling me to get "closure" or forginess or maybe even absolution. (usually, when you're doing the dumping, you have issues about the relationship that you just ended. although, we didn't really have a relationship... when you're the one dumped, you can't help but move on. you have no choice!) and since i thought i had closure, i decided to be nice and give him one, too. in retrospect, i've realized: what guy needs closure?!?! i'm such a girl, i can't help thinking like one, you know?
we met up a few days later. and i was wrong. he wasn't calling to get closure at all. he wanted a second chance.
boy, was i surprised.
he apologized. he groveled. he gave some good excuses. he groveled some more. i liked the fact that he groveled. it helped his case a lot. he told me that he had been torturing himself the past three months thinking about me and kicking himself for letting me go. (cause he did screw up big time.) he wanted to mend things between us and he said he would have regretted it if he didn't contact me one last time before he left.
yeah, he's currently in portland right now. he is contracting for the first three months and going perm after. he said he wants to come back to the bay area asap. i'm not sure how serious he is.
considering his track record (the ONE that he has)... i can't help but be weary and wonder what his motives are. i told him that. i told him that he hurt me pretty badly last time and that i have a hard time trusting him this time around. i know. from the discussions that i've had with my friends, i have two differing camps of opinions.
- the "why didn't you hang up on the dick?" camp: believes that i am too trusting and shouldn't give the jerk a second chance.
- "it's a second chance" camp: they believe in second chances!!
both camps offered this advice: guard your heart and be careful this time.
i can't help it if i wear my heart on my sleeve... i can't help i feel! i'm leaning towards the latter camp...
but on the other hand, i was so excited that he called me again. i was so happy. i can't help how i feel. i've been sad over him for so long. and sure, i didn't say so on my lj but i felt it. i missed him, too.
so why this long winded confession? a few reasons:
1) it's my lj dammit, i'll write whatever i want.
2) i gotta referenced this somewhere. i don't want to leave anyone too confused. i mean, i'm sure i'll write about him again.
3) now that i have a steady job i have more time to lj again. ironic, i know.
4) this is very therapeutic!
5) and the defense rests, your honor.
i thought he was calling me to get "closure" or forginess or maybe even absolution. (usually, when you're doing the dumping, you have issues about the relationship that you just ended. although, we didn't really have a relationship... when you're the one dumped, you can't help but move on. you have no choice!) and since i thought i had closure, i decided to be nice and give him one, too. in retrospect, i've realized: what guy needs closure?!?! i'm such a girl, i can't help thinking like one, you know?
we met up a few days later. and i was wrong. he wasn't calling to get closure at all. he wanted a second chance.
boy, was i surprised.
he apologized. he groveled. he gave some good excuses. he groveled some more. i liked the fact that he groveled. it helped his case a lot. he told me that he had been torturing himself the past three months thinking about me and kicking himself for letting me go. (cause he did screw up big time.) he wanted to mend things between us and he said he would have regretted it if he didn't contact me one last time before he left.
yeah, he's currently in portland right now. he is contracting for the first three months and going perm after. he said he wants to come back to the bay area asap. i'm not sure how serious he is.
considering his track record (the ONE that he has)... i can't help but be weary and wonder what his motives are. i told him that. i told him that he hurt me pretty badly last time and that i have a hard time trusting him this time around. i know. from the discussions that i've had with my friends, i have two differing camps of opinions.
- the "why didn't you hang up on the dick?" camp: believes that i am too trusting and shouldn't give the jerk a second chance.
- "it's a second chance" camp: they believe in second chances!!
both camps offered this advice: guard your heart and be careful this time.
i can't help it if i wear my heart on my sleeve... i can't help i feel! i'm leaning towards the latter camp...
but on the other hand, i was so excited that he called me again. i was so happy. i can't help how i feel. i've been sad over him for so long. and sure, i didn't say so on my lj but i felt it. i missed him, too.
so why this long winded confession? a few reasons:
1) it's my lj dammit, i'll write whatever i want.
2) i gotta referenced this somewhere. i don't want to leave anyone too confused. i mean, i'm sure i'll write about him again.
3) now that i have a steady job i have more time to lj again. ironic, i know.
4) this is very therapeutic!
5) and the defense rests, your honor.