beware: non-sensical ramblings ahead
warning: this is rambling madness dripped from my fingers in a moments time and is quite cryptic. i don't expect a damned person to understand any of this in it's completeness, but i need to get it out there, somehow, and this is the forum...
there's an infinite sadness in this world.
the sadness that comes with some having too much to enjoy their life and others having too little to even live their life.
it comes in the form of deformed babies, retardation, lack of motivation, desperation, unrequited love, bad timing, lost opportunities and mother nature.
and yet, we all deal with it differently.
* a good portion of us drown in our misfortune, never thinking that we can take control of our own destiny. eventually dragging everyone down with us to drown in the vast sea alone.
* and still others make the best with what they got and never really feel the highs or lows of it all.
* a select few seem to surpass all obstacles. brushing off the sadness like candy wrappers in the wind. no scars. letting it pass through their veins and out their pores, never savouring the sweet misery that lies within and all the while puzzling the rest of us who spin in the whirlwind of it all.
* and then there's people like me. while i love life and enjoy every last breath i can, i cannot help but allow the sadness to saturate. when it comes, it washes over me, engulfs my soul and stirs my insides. i cannot help but accept the invitation and let it consume me. while i own these lows, i also adore the highs and recognize them in the form of free ice-cream coupons and cloudy days.
but still, there is a connection to the sadness. i keep it close to my heart. i find it baffling that others have no residue of it while others keep it cemented in stone. to find the sadness, to appreciate it for all it is, and still be able to keep a smile amidst it all is rare.
to realize that it IS life. people say life is tough for a reason. it is a struggle of hard work and meticulous daily choices. for some, it is effortless, so where is the reward? for others, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom, so where is the joy? the balance, of looking into the eye of the storm, letting it pull you and twist you and coming out on top. to me, that is triumph. knowing it could hurt, yet taking the plunge without the parachute in the hopes you will land upright. giving in to the free-fall...
but it's what i look for in someone, and it saddens me that he'll never understand... i am not perfect. i made my bed years ago and nothing will stop me from finishing my slumber.