Merry
Few weeks between updates. I've had a kind of laziness about updating since I've started T (a grand total of 13 days ago) . Procrastination mixed with an uncertainty of what to say. I've started things. Next big era.
I guess there's a lot to say, and not much. The changes are coming. It's like watching grass grow. If grass was moody and sometimes confused and feeling vulnerable. Which grass maybe sometimes is. Studying the changes from a first hand perspective is kind of exhilarating and kind of dull. I'm looking so hard I think I imagine things. Then J points out something I thought I had seen myself. Everything that comes up, every physical or emotional twinge is questioned. "Is this the T, or is this something else?" "Is this something I can control, or something I have to wait out?"
I've been moody. Or just feeling a bit off kilter, like I'm not really sure how to react to situations like I usually would. Like my mouth forms words and responses before my mind has decided how it's going to respond. There's not a lot of communication between the Oval Office and the Press Secretary right now. A lot of mixed messages and bad calls. J has been very patient. We have a hell of a lot of change in our lives separately and in our life together. She calls me out when I don't realise I'm doing something shitty, and we talk about it and move on. Thank christ we know how to communicate with each other. Thank christ we took the time to learn it.
There have started to be small physical changes. I can feel things moving and growing and changing day to day. I'm excited by what lifting can achieve. I should really go and do some exercise in the garage, I'm trying to form good habits. So maybe I'll cut this short.
One thing that isn't really transition related, but I'm going to write it up anyway. Had christmas dinner with my immediate family last night. It was a really great night, a good way to wrap up a dramatic year. I can't think of another year where more has changed in our family. But we were still all here and mostly in one piece. And able to make each other laugh and, in the best way, cry. And give each other ridiculous and thoughtful and loving gifts. I am so very aware of how lucky I am to have them.
Much love to everyone, hope your Christmas day is as excellent as my Christmas Eve Eve was.
I guess there's a lot to say, and not much. The changes are coming. It's like watching grass grow. If grass was moody and sometimes confused and feeling vulnerable. Which grass maybe sometimes is. Studying the changes from a first hand perspective is kind of exhilarating and kind of dull. I'm looking so hard I think I imagine things. Then J points out something I thought I had seen myself. Everything that comes up, every physical or emotional twinge is questioned. "Is this the T, or is this something else?" "Is this something I can control, or something I have to wait out?"
I've been moody. Or just feeling a bit off kilter, like I'm not really sure how to react to situations like I usually would. Like my mouth forms words and responses before my mind has decided how it's going to respond. There's not a lot of communication between the Oval Office and the Press Secretary right now. A lot of mixed messages and bad calls. J has been very patient. We have a hell of a lot of change in our lives separately and in our life together. She calls me out when I don't realise I'm doing something shitty, and we talk about it and move on. Thank christ we know how to communicate with each other. Thank christ we took the time to learn it.
There have started to be small physical changes. I can feel things moving and growing and changing day to day. I'm excited by what lifting can achieve. I should really go and do some exercise in the garage, I'm trying to form good habits. So maybe I'll cut this short.
One thing that isn't really transition related, but I'm going to write it up anyway. Had christmas dinner with my immediate family last night. It was a really great night, a good way to wrap up a dramatic year. I can't think of another year where more has changed in our family. But we were still all here and mostly in one piece. And able to make each other laugh and, in the best way, cry. And give each other ridiculous and thoughtful and loving gifts. I am so very aware of how lucky I am to have them.
Much love to everyone, hope your Christmas day is as excellent as my Christmas Eve Eve was.