Assignment - Collars
My assignment today is to write about collars and I am really having difficulty doing so. My difficulty stems from having no collar and no real potential of pairing up and getting one anytime soon.
A couple months ago dear friends invited me to their collaring ceremony. While I normally love these types of events, I did not attend because I just wanted to cry and feel miserable for my lot in life. I had a literal collar for just over a year but when I realized it meant something different to me than it did to my Sir, I gave it back. I wasn’t done wallowing in my misery to attend my friend’s ceremony and celebrate with them.
You see, to him, the collar simply meant he was calling, “dibs!” on this woman. To me, a collar means much more than once every three month physical activity. Much like a dog left in a kennel run for too many days alone, I felt neglected. I feel that I was at the bottom of the list being only a pleasant extracurricular activity. Where my list of priorities were this:
- God
- Biological Family
- Education
- Career/Professional Goals
- Dominant
- Household
- BDSM Community
- Extracurricular Activities
My Dominant’s list of priorities seemed to be:
- Career
- Family
- Education
- Household
- Extracurricular Activities including Submissive
- No priority for God nor the BDSM community at large.
I expected to be somewhat of a priority to him and instead I found that I was simply a passing amusement, similar to the bowling game he would play once a quarter or so. I suppose it was selfish of me to think that my needs should be considered too.
A collar is a symbol indicating an agreement that the submissive will honor and obey the Dominant. It is also an indication that the Dominant agrees to consider the submissives needs when making decisions for the family. A collar has much the same meaning as a wedding ring used to have, except that a collar is recognized by the BDSM community only and not as a legal agreement.
Someone once commented to me that Portland was the home of the Velcro collar. By saying that, he was showing his disdain of the community at large and how little the collar seems to mean to us. At the time, I was not really aware of the various relationships and personalities in our community. Since I heard him say that, I have taken special care to notice who goes in and out of relationships every few months and have determined to avoid becoming close to those people.
Early on in my BDSM career, shortly after opening up to my husband about my interest in the community, my husband told me he wanted to give his girlfriend his collar. I was startled. I had not met the woman yet and they had only known each other two months while he was stationed in another state. I was at first hurt that he would find someone so quickly and then I realized that he might not be aware of the deep significance offering or wearing a collar should mean. I had him check Wiki for a better explanation than I was able to give and after reading that, he held off doing so until they were much more firmly committed to each other. I knew that the last time he fell in love with a woman, he kept her around for 30 years. I expect this relationship of his/ours to last years and it appears that so does she.
The marriage vow used to say something about “love, honor and obey” but now more and more couples are opting for “love, honor and cherish”. It’s unfortunate that the word obey has been looked down upon but I see the word Honor going away eventually too. Will it be “Love, Lust & Cherish”? The collaring vow is more like “Respect, honor and obey” but that too is definitely up for discussion. Each collaring is different, as it is a personal commitment between two people but for the most part, collaring means that you intend to put this person as a priority in your life and you promise to show them respect, represent their honor, and obey as required.