Did I Really Say That?
Cynthia was teasing me about a really goofy thing I said a couple years ago that's become a running joke with us. It got me thinking: "What are the top five goofiest things I've ever said?"
5. "Aaaaaah! You hit me in my scoliosis!" I was in an after school fight with a sorta friend. How we ended up locked in battle, I can't remember; perhaps we were egged on by classmates who wanted to see two of the biggest kids in school locked in battle. The friend was blind in his left eye and couldn't see punches from my strong side. I felt bad hitting him and knew how to throw the fight.
Weeks before, we were all screened for scoliosis. I was found to have a very slight curvature of the spine, but it was enough to be on the receiving end of eighth grade ridicule. With everybody knowing I had a "deformity," I turned when my sorta friend threw a punch, took it in my back, and dropped to the ground screaming, "You hit me in my scoliosis!!!"
People freaked out--you'd think my spine had snapped! I remember a classmate saying, "Aw, fuck, Erickson. You killed him! You hit him in his scoliosis and fuckin' killed him, man!"
I received a lot of teasing for throwing the fight, but I was teased to no end in eighth grade anyway, so it was nothing new. I spared my sorta friend's face a lot of damage and as goofy as it may sound, I walked away with my pride, knowing I'd done the right thing.
4. "Goodnight." Sometimes actions are dumber than words.
When I first started seeing darthcynthia, I was still incredibly shy. Just being with her was cool enough, and whenever we were done hanging out and I walked her to the door, I was awash in a sea of, "Golly--gee...I think she likes me..."
I was so caught up in the feeling, I never noticed she was doing everything she could to let me know she wanted a goodnight kiss. With her all but grabbing me and kissing me--instead of taking the hint--I said, "Goodnight," and went off on my merry, giddy way.
3. "Remember that Night Court with Bull...?" File this under the, "Can you be a bit more vague?" column.
I was driving along with a friend, and we hadn't said anything to each other for a bit. I was thinking about the TV show, Night Court, and a particularly funny thing with the character, Bull. To start up conversation, I said, "Remember that Night Court with Bull...?" and, thinking about the funny episode, didn't finish my sentence. It would be like saying, "Remember that Simpsons episode with Homer?" It was a surreal roadtrip moment...
2. "At least it no rain..." I had a crush on a girl who lived in the first apartments I ever lived in. We'd pass each other and say hi. There seemed to be a little chemistry in our little nods as we passed. One day I was unloading groceries and she pulled up beside me. I as amazed--she said, "Hey there! Need help to your apartment with those?"
"Sure," I said. The girl I had a crush on was helping me carry groceries. To the apartment. It was neato!
I had to talk to her--she made the first move, after all. So what did I do? I talked about the weather.
"So...how 'bout this weather we're having?" I said, wishing I could punch my brain for making me say such a stupid thing.
"Yeah," she said, taken aback by my sudden weather talk. "It's cloudy."
"Yeah," I said. And then I said it--just like this: "At least it no rain."
She never helped me carry groceries again...
1. "You're my favorite wife." I'm glad I said "At least it no rain," to the girl in my apartments because nothing ever happened and Cynthia is the only sweetie I've ever had. My one and only! (Even if she had to kiss my shy ass first before I got the hint.) She has a great sense of humor and laughs at my goofy ways.
There are many times everyday I look at her smile and feel so lucky. No words can describe how much she means to me. But that doesn't mean I haven't tried...
One day, while struck with one of those "Wow, that's my sweetie!" moments, I decided I was going to tell her how much she meaned to me. It wouldn't just rival the most romantic words from the most romantic movies and stories of the ages--it would put them to shame. I would tell her she was my favorite thing in the universe; that I would lay down my life for her and freeze time to hold onto special moments if I could. It would be soooooooooo romantic she'd know how much I care for her. Yes, it would be the most beautiful thing ever said.
Instead, I said, "You're my favorite wife."
I blame it on the brain tumor--yeah, that's it! Somehow, all the romantic things I wanted to say slid away as I thought of the perfect words. I looked at her and my brain said "favorite," and thinking about how lucky I am, also said, "wife."
I'm sooooooooooooo lucky my favorite wife has a wonderful sense of humor.
Of course, she never forgets to jokingly remind me that we're strapped for cash because I'm supporting a harem, and she asks me what all my other wives are like. We've given them numbers, and I think we've decided I have 13 wives. It's a joke that has gone on for a couple years, now, and I suspect will still be going on long after all my other wives have died from old age and the best love ever keeps burning brighter than the sun...
So those are my stupid things...what are some of yours?
5. "Aaaaaah! You hit me in my scoliosis!" I was in an after school fight with a sorta friend. How we ended up locked in battle, I can't remember; perhaps we were egged on by classmates who wanted to see two of the biggest kids in school locked in battle. The friend was blind in his left eye and couldn't see punches from my strong side. I felt bad hitting him and knew how to throw the fight.
Weeks before, we were all screened for scoliosis. I was found to have a very slight curvature of the spine, but it was enough to be on the receiving end of eighth grade ridicule. With everybody knowing I had a "deformity," I turned when my sorta friend threw a punch, took it in my back, and dropped to the ground screaming, "You hit me in my scoliosis!!!"
People freaked out--you'd think my spine had snapped! I remember a classmate saying, "Aw, fuck, Erickson. You killed him! You hit him in his scoliosis and fuckin' killed him, man!"
I received a lot of teasing for throwing the fight, but I was teased to no end in eighth grade anyway, so it was nothing new. I spared my sorta friend's face a lot of damage and as goofy as it may sound, I walked away with my pride, knowing I'd done the right thing.
4. "Goodnight." Sometimes actions are dumber than words.
When I first started seeing darthcynthia, I was still incredibly shy. Just being with her was cool enough, and whenever we were done hanging out and I walked her to the door, I was awash in a sea of, "Golly--gee...I think she likes me..."
I was so caught up in the feeling, I never noticed she was doing everything she could to let me know she wanted a goodnight kiss. With her all but grabbing me and kissing me--instead of taking the hint--I said, "Goodnight," and went off on my merry, giddy way.
3. "Remember that Night Court with Bull...?" File this under the, "Can you be a bit more vague?" column.
I was driving along with a friend, and we hadn't said anything to each other for a bit. I was thinking about the TV show, Night Court, and a particularly funny thing with the character, Bull. To start up conversation, I said, "Remember that Night Court with Bull...?" and, thinking about the funny episode, didn't finish my sentence. It would be like saying, "Remember that Simpsons episode with Homer?" It was a surreal roadtrip moment...
2. "At least it no rain..." I had a crush on a girl who lived in the first apartments I ever lived in. We'd pass each other and say hi. There seemed to be a little chemistry in our little nods as we passed. One day I was unloading groceries and she pulled up beside me. I as amazed--she said, "Hey there! Need help to your apartment with those?"
"Sure," I said. The girl I had a crush on was helping me carry groceries. To the apartment. It was neato!
I had to talk to her--she made the first move, after all. So what did I do? I talked about the weather.
"So...how 'bout this weather we're having?" I said, wishing I could punch my brain for making me say such a stupid thing.
"Yeah," she said, taken aback by my sudden weather talk. "It's cloudy."
"Yeah," I said. And then I said it--just like this: "At least it no rain."
She never helped me carry groceries again...
1. "You're my favorite wife." I'm glad I said "At least it no rain," to the girl in my apartments because nothing ever happened and Cynthia is the only sweetie I've ever had. My one and only! (Even if she had to kiss my shy ass first before I got the hint.) She has a great sense of humor and laughs at my goofy ways.
There are many times everyday I look at her smile and feel so lucky. No words can describe how much she means to me. But that doesn't mean I haven't tried...
One day, while struck with one of those "Wow, that's my sweetie!" moments, I decided I was going to tell her how much she meaned to me. It wouldn't just rival the most romantic words from the most romantic movies and stories of the ages--it would put them to shame. I would tell her she was my favorite thing in the universe; that I would lay down my life for her and freeze time to hold onto special moments if I could. It would be soooooooooo romantic she'd know how much I care for her. Yes, it would be the most beautiful thing ever said.
Instead, I said, "You're my favorite wife."
I blame it on the brain tumor--yeah, that's it! Somehow, all the romantic things I wanted to say slid away as I thought of the perfect words. I looked at her and my brain said "favorite," and thinking about how lucky I am, also said, "wife."
I'm sooooooooooooo lucky my favorite wife has a wonderful sense of humor.
Of course, she never forgets to jokingly remind me that we're strapped for cash because I'm supporting a harem, and she asks me what all my other wives are like. We've given them numbers, and I think we've decided I have 13 wives. It's a joke that has gone on for a couple years, now, and I suspect will still be going on long after all my other wives have died from old age and the best love ever keeps burning brighter than the sun...
So those are my stupid things...what are some of yours?