Fic: You Forgave, and I Won't Forget (20/20)

[cgkm2099z]

Title: You Forgave, and I Won't Forget
Author: cgkm2099z
Pairing: Jeff/Annie
Spoilers: Current
Rating: PG-13
Warning One naughty word
Word Count: 10,937
Disclaimer: I do not own Community. Community, and its characters, are the creation of the great Dan Harmon. I think it's still owned by Sony Pictures Television, but after the hack, I'm not so sure. The title is from the song "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons.
A/N: This ended up being the most difficult chapter to write, not to mention the longest. I apologize for the length of time it has taken me. However, I really wanted to get this one right. I hope that, in your eyes dear reader, I did.

Previous Chapter

It was Monday night and Doreen Winger was finishing up taking out the trash for its regular Tuesday morning pickup. She tied up the final bag and dropped it into the can before replacing the lid. As she started towards her porch she noticed a tall figure shuffling towards her out of the shadows that shrouded the driveway. From the way the figure moved it was clear that the person was heavily intoxicated. She felt a spike of fear as she realized she wouldn’t be able to reach her door before the unknown individual that was moving steadily in her direction. Drunk or not, she doubted she would be able to outrun those long legs.

“Stay back!” Doreen tried to project as much confidence as she could, but she could hear the waver in her voice nevertheless. “I’ve… I’ve got mace! I’ll use it!”

The figure paused near the edge of the glow being cast by her porch light and began making an unusual sound. After a moment she realized it was a distorted laugh.

“Go ahead,” a rough voice said. “Couldn’t make me feel any worse.”

Doreen felt the panic drain out of her. Rough and slurred it may have been, but she’d know that voice anywhere.

“Jeff?! What are you doing here? You sound drunk, are you ok? Why didn’t you call first?”

Her son staggered forward into the light and Doreen felt her heart seize in her chest. She’d seen many looks on his face throughout the years; from joyful and excited to mischievous and conniving, and even heartbroken and miserable. But she’d never seen one to match this. He looked… broken.

“Lost my phone…” he half grumbled, half slurred, “dunno when.”

“Jeff, honey, you look awful. What’s wrong?”

“I…” Her son had yet to look her in the eye. When at last he did, his eyes were so haunted and empty that her maternal instincts took over and in an instant she had traversed the distance between them and wrapped him in a hug. For a moment his arms tentatively hugged her back, but quickly she found herself supporting more and more of his weight. Doreen Winger was not a small woman, but her son still dwarfed her. And soon it was all she could do to help him inside to his old room where she was eventually able to get him laid down on the guest bed.

He seemed fully unconscious by the time she had brought him a trash can (just in case) and a glass of water. She stood over him, wondering just what had put her son into such a dreadful state. The whys and wherefores would have to wait for morning. She bent to place the water on the night table, but as she turned to go she felt his hand catch her wrist.

She turned back to him, the light from the hallway lit half of his face and she could see one eye staring at her intently. She was amazed to discover that his face was lined with tears. She knelt next to the bed, and it was then that she got her first clue as to what had put him in this condition.

“I’m not him, am I?” his voice was raw, pleading.

“Who?” Doreen asked gently. “You’re not who, dear?”

“Dad.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Jeff finally regained the capacity for self-awareness he made the determination that he had never felt worse in his entire life, and it had little to do with his prodigious hangover. He managed to prop himself up into a sitting position and spied the glass of water his mother had left him. He downed it along with a couple nearby ibuprofen, then sat in silence for a few minutes to gather his thoughts. He remembered arriving at his mother’s house the night before, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he had gotten there. He also didn’t remember making the decision to go see her, but he had a pretty good idea as to what his thought process had been at the time.

There had been a finite number of things on his mind ever since Sunday night. Of course, with the amount of alcohol he’d consumed, there wasn’t room for much of anything on his mind. But whatever cognitive functions he had at his disposal had been turned into a never ending merry-go-round: Annie - Baby - Kate - Dad - Annie - Baby - Kate - Dad - Annie - Baby - Kate - Dad - Annie - Baby - Kate - Dad.

Jeff had no confidence in his own ability to be a father. He didn’t think he was ready for it and he didn’t think he’d be good at it. But that wasn’t what had led to him waking up in his old room. True, his initial panic had driven him outside, but his love for Annie had brought him back. He’d been ready to go to her. To tell her that he didn’t know what the future held, but that he’d be there to face it with her. But the universe had different plans, it seemed. Just when he’d been about to proclaim himself the man he wished he was, the universe had spit Kate at him to remind him of his greatest failure. And as if that wasn’t enough… No matter where Jeff was in his life, no matter how jaded or pessimistic he felt about love or marriage or family… the one thing he’d had always held onto, the one shred of hope he’d always maintained was that no matter where he ended up and with whom, he’d never turn into his father.

But the son of a bitch couldn’t even let him have that, could he?

Part of the reason it hurt so much to see Kate was the stark reminder that he was capable of acting like his father. But after everything he’d been through at Greendale, everything he’d been through with Shirley, Abed, Britta, Troy, Pierce, Hickey, Duncan, even the Dean and Chang… and Annie. Especially Annie. He really believed that he had become a different person. A better person. Someone who just might be capable of being the man that Annie Edison deserved.

“I used to think like you. Wanted to do the opposite of my old man and settle down the right way. But it’s the same with all us Winger men; the wanderlust gets us sooner or later. Boy, I tell ya Jeff, you remind me so much of myself.”

Was he travelling down the same path William had once travelled with Doreen? Going in with the best intentions but inevitably ending with another broken family and another child pining for something his or her father was incapable of providing?

There were only two people that could help him to answer that question, and he had absolutely no desire to speak to one of them. So here he was, waking up with a hangover in the room he’d grown up in.

He could only imagine what his mother thought of his presence here. Showing up in a state like he had, he knew he was destined for one of her patented lectures, along with the usual questions about why he didn’t visit or call more often. But she had information he needed. And he did feel a little guilty about the infrequency of his visits…

Jeff pulled himself off the bed, his body rebelling against the concept of movement. He took a moment to steady himself, then stretched a few of his sorest muscles.

Time to go face the music.

His mother looked up from the magazine she was reading as he emerged from the hallway into the living room. Doreen had recently retired, but Jeff still wondered why she didn’t move to a smaller house that required less upkeep. It was meticulously kept, however, which was a significant change from when Jeff was in high school and Doreen had been working extended hours to make ends meet. He hesitated at the end of the couch as his mother gave him an appraising look.

“I made breakfast,” she said casually. “I put it in the fridge a while ago, but feel free to heat some up if you’re hungry.”

Jeff bobbed his head silently and shuffled into the kitchen. He didn’t feel especially hungry, but he knew he needed to eat something. With all the drinking he’d done, he wasn’t sure if he’d had any actual food in the past 24 hours.

In the refrigerator he encountered a pleasant surprise. His mom had made him an egg white omelet and a giant stack of her special apple pancakes that had always been his favorite growing up. Maybe she’s not mad at me after all, Jeff thought, then immediately winced as another thought occurred to him - or maybe she’s just smoothing things over before letting me have it…

Jeff fixed himself a plate of food and popped it in the microwave. As he closed the microwave door he did a double take when he noticed the clock. It was already mid-afternoon.

Once his food was ready he grabbed some orange juice and returned to the living room. He sat down on the end of the couch near the recliner his mother was situated in and pulled the coffee table closer after setting his food on it. He lifted a forkful of omelet towards his mouth, but before it reached its destination he caught sight of the flat stare being directed his way. Jeff paused with the fork inches from his mouth, then contritely returned the coffee table to its original position and grabbed one of the folding TV tables to support his breakfast instead.

Doreen returned to flipping through her magazine as Jeff quietly chewed his food. After a few minutes of directing sidelong glances her way, he felt compelled to break the silence.

“So, uh, how’s retirement treating you?”

Doreen glanced up at him, a brief look of incredulity flashing across her face before she shrugged. “I like it fine. It’s a little boring sometimes but at least I have time to do my gardening now. It’s a shame my son doesn’t live around here or he’d be able to drop by once in a while to help me lift a few of the heavier things.”

Jeff rolled his eyes. He knew that was coming so at least they got it out of the way early. “Mom, I told you, if you need my help with something specific then let me know. I’m not going to just drop by randomly and say ‘ok, put me to work.’”

His mother arched an eyebrow at him. “You mean that’s not why you’re here now?”

Jeff stared uncomfortably at his food. What little appetite he had seemed to shrivel up and die.

Doreen licked a finger and flipped another page in her magazine. “It’s ok, Jeff. I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready.” She tried to keep her tone light, but he could sense the undercurrent of concern in her voice.

He didn’t know if he’d ever truly be ready. But he’d come all the way out here so he might as well do something about it. He picked up the TV table and set it aside, then turned back to face his mother. He found that Doreen had already set aside her magazine and was now leaning forward, giving Jeff her undivided attention.

“Um, I’m not really sure where to begin,” Jeff said hesitantly.

A slight smile touched the corners of Doreen’s lips. “How about at the beginning?”

Jeff huffed out a laugh. Apparently he hadn’t gotten all of his sarcasm from his Dad’s side of the family. “Alright, well, I’ve uh, I’ve been seeing someone.” Doreen’s eyebrows raised and she tilted her head slightly to the side. “You haven’t met her, but um, I’ve probably mentioned her before. Her name is Annie.”

“The young woman from your study group?” Doreen asked cautiously.

“Yeah. That’s her. We’ve been together about two months. She went with me on that trip to Australia and, um, well we’ve been dating since then.” A strange expression crossed his mother’s face, but she motioned for him to continue. “Things have been going really great but, uh, we went out for dinner on Sunday and…” Jeff hesitated, unsure that he wanted to continue. But Pandora’s Box had already been cracked open, and now there was no getting the lid closed again.

Come on, Winger, it’s like tearing off a band aid.

“You might be a grandmother soon,” he blurted.

Doreen’s eyes went as wide as he’d ever seen them. When she spoke, he could tell she was making an intensive effort not to smile too much, but only marginally succeeding. “Wow… that’s uh, that’s big news, Jeffrey. But what do you mean by might?”

Jeff shifted uncomfortably. “Well, Annie said that she missed her period, and that she’d been tired and having unusual fits of nausea. But she hadn’t taken a pregnancy test.”

“And that was Sunday night?” Jeff nodded and Doreen sighed. “Well now I understand why you showed up the way you did last night.”

“No, Mom, you don’t. Not all of it anyway.”

A look of profound sadness came over her as she leaned forward and placed a hand on Jeff’s wrist. “Yes, I do, Jeff. And no, you’re not your father.”

Jeff felt his stomach drop. Those were the exact words he wanted to hear, but it was going to take some convincing before he was ready to believe them. “How did you…?”

“You had a few things to say before you passed out last night, so I knew what was bothering you, I just didn’t know why.” Jeff now understood the reason for the apple pancakes. “But Jeff, honey, why would you think you’ll end up doing the same things he did?”

Jeff felt the familiar feeling of shame wash over him. The one he felt anytime he thought about Kate. “Because I’ve done it before.”

Doreen narrowed her eyes at him. “Explain…” she said slowly.

“Do you remember Kate?” His mother hummed in the affirmative. “I told you we broke up, but I never told you how.” Jeff paused and took a deep breath. “We were starting to get serious, but then I found out she had a kid. His name is Ethan. He was eight at the time. I told Kate it didn’t bother me, but it did. And then I promised Ethan I’d go to one of his baseball games,” Jeff closed his eyes and hung his head, “but instead I bailed and never called her again.”

Doreen sat back, a frown covering her face. Maybe now she understood who her son really was.

“Isn’t that what Dad would’ve done?”

Doreen blew out a breath, then shook her head slowly. “Jeff, I’m not going to pretend that you should be proud of what you did. But there’s a big difference between what you did and what your father did. First of all, your father never once felt bad about it. Second, and most importantly, Ethan is not your child.”

“But shouldn’t I-”

“I wasn’t finished,” his mother cut him off. “Now I liked Kate. She was a sweet girl, but she bears some of the responsibility here too. The two of you were together for months and she apparently never mentioned that she had a son. That’s an important bit of information. I’m not saying that it should’ve been the first words out of her mouth when she met you, but it’s not something she should’ve kept hidden that long.” Doreen leaned forward again and directed an earnest look his way. “Getting involved in a relationship with someone that already has children is a big decision. It works for some people and not for others. And just because it didn’t work for you doesn’t make you a bad person. You did owe her an explanation, though. But she also owed you that information sooner.”

Jeff had never considered the idea that what happened with Kate was anything other than one hundred percent his fault. He still felt like a scumbag for not manning up and having a face-to-face conversation with her about it. He supposed he always would, and deservedly so. But for the first time in six years, the load felt just a little bit lighter.

“That was six years ago, though,” his mother was saying. “Was that really the first thing that came to your mind when Annie told you she might be pregnant?”

“Not exactly…”

Doreen spread her hands expectantly.

“Well… the first thing that came to my mind was panic.” Jeff gave his mother a rundown of the fears he’d been grappling with, including his worries over being a terrible father and being responsible for short circuiting Annie’s path to stardom.

Doreen grimaced. “Look Jeff, it’s only natural to be nervous about becoming a parent. I was. It’s a significant responsibility, but the fact that you’re nervous about it tells me that you’ll treat it with the seriousness and respect that it requires. And as for how you’ll fit it into your life or how Annie can still have the career you want for her, you’ll find a way to make it work. It’s a significant responsibility as I said, but it’s not a death sentence.” Her advice was straightforward and commonsense enough that Jeff wondered why he hadn’t been able to see it himself. In fact, he was slightly amazed that she was able to refrain from any condescension. “Now all that said, I’m curious. What did Annie have to say about it?”

Jeff stared at the floor in silence.

“Didn’t you tell her?”

More silence.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Jeffrey? How could you not tell her?!”

“I wanted to, ok?” Jeff snapped. “But I ran away. I’m a selfish coward and I ran away!” He stopped short and took a deep breath. “I was on my way back, though. I was going to tell her everything. But then they were there.”

“Who?” Doreen asked warily.

“Kate and Dad!” His mother recoiled in shock. “Kate is dating Dad. I can’t even begin to tell you how fucked up that is. And he’s going to screw her over just like I did!” Jeff could feel the impotent rage filling him again, along with the desire to find another bottle of scotch. “Then to top it all off, he told me that I reminded him of himself!” Jeff buried his face in his hands. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be different from him. Was that too much to ask?”

“Jeff,” his mother said gently, “look at me.” Jeff threw his hands down and collapsed back on the couch. When he finally directed his gaze her way, he could see the pain behind her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Jeff furrowed his brow in confusion. “What are you sorry for?”

Doreen swallowed thickly. “I knew your father leaving was hard on you, but I… I had no idea…” she paused and wiped away a tear. “Jeff, you have to believe me, though. You are not like him.”

“He said he used to think like me,” Jeff said in a hollow voice. “He said he wanted to do the opposite of grandpa. He said-”

“Jeff, do you love Annie?”

“Yes.” He surprised himself with the conviction in his voice.

“I believe you. But it’s not important what I believe.” A fierce intensity filled her eyes. “What’s important is that you believe it. And that right there is the difference between you and your father.”

Jeff frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Your father never loved me.” Jeff felt his mouth fall open. “Oh, he may have thought he did, but what he really loved was the idea of me.” Doreen sighed. “It wasn’t me or even you that was really important to him, it was getting back at his father. And in the end that just wasn’t enough for him. I suppose you could say I knew better with William, but I was young and stupid and I had my own issues to deal with. I knew he’d leave eventually, so I guess I had made my peace with it long before it actually happened. I just wish I could’ve prepared you for it too…”

Jeff stared at her. There was a question burning in his mind that he’d always wanted to ask her, but had never had the courage. “Do you… hate him?”

Doreen’s smiled wistfully at him. “Of course not. He gave me you.”

It took a superhuman effort for Jeff to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. He tore his eyes away from her and aimlessly inspected his hands resting in his lap. “I… I was so scared I was just doing the same thing he did… that eventually I’d…” he trailed off, unable to bring himself to finish the thought.

“Do you know why I asked you if you love Annie?” Jeff looked up at his mother. She was wearing a smile that contained just a hint of mischief.

“I thought it was obvious, but I guess now you’re going to tell me it was something else.”

“I didn’t ask because I needed to know the answer. I asked to find out if you knew the answer. I already knew.” Doreen laughed softly to herself. “I’ve known it for a long time, actually.”

Jeff gaped at her. “Wait, what?”

“A mother knows.” Doreen’s eyes twinkled as she regarded him. “You’ve been telling me about this study group of yours for over five years now. Maybe you and your friends didn’t see it because you were all in it together, but when you tell the story it’s impossible to hide what you feel for the people in it. Jeff, you should see the way your eyes light up when you talk about her. You should hear the way your voice sounds when you-” she paused and pressed a hand to her chest, clearly choking back tears. “You know,” she said shakily, “for a long time I thought the two of you were dating. If you don’t mind my asking, what on Earth took you so long?”

“I’ve been hearing that question a lot lately,” Jeff said ruefully. “I suppose I made excuses about her being too young, or too sentimental, or too into Zac Efron. But I guess when it comes down to it… I don’t really have a good answer. Early on I think I just knew myself too well. And I respected her too much to subject her to that. But the last few years…” Jeff shook his head. “You get stuck, you know? And if my behavior since Sunday is any indication, I probably wasn’t ready for it anyway.”

“If I had any uncertainty about your love for Annie, your behavior since Sunday would’ve proven it beyond any doubt.”

Jeff looked at his mother in surprise. “What? How does having a meltdown and getting drunk all while leaving my possibly pregnant girlfriend alone prove that I love her?”

“Jeff,” Doreen eyed him with compassion, “there’s no question you could’ve handled things better. But this all happened because you were terrified of losing her. You wouldn’t react that strongly unless you were in love with her.”

Jeff felt as though he ought to have more objections to offer, but for once he found himself fresh out of additional insecurities to be pessimistic about.

Doreen placed her hands on her knees and stood. “Now as much as I’d love for you to stay, I think it’s past time you got out of here and started telling Annie all these things you’ve been telling me.”

“If she’s still willing to talk to me…” Jeff muttered as he pulled himself off the couch.

“I’ll admit I don’t know Annie, but from everything you’ve told me about her, I don’t think you need to worry about that.” Doreen spread her arms and Jeff stepped over to wrap her in a hug. “Jeff?” she said with the side of her face pressed against his shoulder.

“Yeah Mom?”

Doreen pulled back and looked him in the eye. “I don’t know Annie. I’d like for that to change. Bring her by sometime, would you?”

“I will. And… thanks Mom.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jeff pulled into a parking spot and put his mother’s car into park. He wasn’t sure if Annie would be home, so his mom had lent him her car to prevent him from having to take a cab all over town. He had no clue what had become of his phone, but he didn’t want to call anyway. This needed to be done in person.

He glanced up at the windows of apartment 303, wondering just what kind of mess he would find there. Jeff had spent the better part of his life running away from situations like this. But this was of his own making, and he was finally done running. He was desperate to see Annie again but simultaneously dreading it, knowing that he would see hurt in her eyes and that he was responsible for it.

Jeff climbed out of the car and made his way into the building. As he lumbered up the steps he’d climbed hundreds of times, he found every step a paradox - pushing him away and yet also pulling him inexorably onward. When at last he found himself facing the door, it took a titanic effort of willpower to force his fist to rap out a knock. He waited with a mixture of hesitancy and impatience, until at last he heard the click of the deadbolt. His stomach felt like he was in an uncontrolled freefall dive, but when the door finished swinging open it wasn’t Annie he was facing.

“Abed… hey.”

“Hi Jeff,” Abed said in a clipped tone.

“Is uh, is Annie here?”

Abed had never been easy to read, but Jeff knew when he was being judged. After several moments of silent evaluation, he opened the door further and motioned for Jeff to enter. As he passed the threshold into the apartment, Jeff’s eyes immediately locked onto the door to Annie’s room. It was closed.

“Have a seat.” Abed’s voice from behind him was accompanied by the consecutive clicks of the door latch and deadbolt.

Jeff’s eyes never left Annie’s door as he moved steadily towards it. “Actually I really need to talk to-”

“She’s not here.”

Jeff froze only feet from Annie’s door, his arm already part way lifted for a knock that would never come. He turned slowly to face Abed, who was limping his way across the living room. “Do you know where she is?”

“Yes.”

Jeff wasn’t in the mood to play games, but it wouldn’t be fair to take it out on Abed. This situation was entirely his own fault. “Feel like sharing that information?” he asked as patiently as he could.

“I might,” Abed said carefully as he lowered himself into his recliner and propped his foot up on the ottoman. “But before I do, there’s something I need to know.” Abed gestured towards Troy’s old chair. “Please sit.”

Jeff reluctantly dropped into the chair opposite Abed. “Ok,” he sighed, “what is it?”

Abed’s calculating look returned. “Jeff, are you Alvy Singer or Jerry Maguire?”

Jeff rolled his eyes. “I don’t know who that first person is and am embarrassed that I do know the second one.”

“Alvy Singer is the main character in the movie Annie Hall. Written, directed by and starring Woody Allen.”

Jeff smirked at him. “Well, I’d rather be Tom Cruise than Woody Allen. But I don’t understand what you’re getting at here, Abed.”

Abed shrugged. “Both are flawed characters, Jeff. Like you. But while one overcomes his fears and emotional distance, the other succumbs to his neurosis and ends up questioning how his relationship with a woman he had a unique connection with came to an end. In case the association isn’t clear, the woman’s name is Annie.”

“Thanks,” Jeff deadpanned, “I got that part.” He leaned back in the chair and rubbed at his temples. “Abed, I know it gives you comfort to view everything through that meta lens of yours, but this is reality. You can’t just shove life into the plot of a movie and expect things to play out the same way.”

Abed eyed him and Jeff had the distinct feeling of once again being studied by a beige praying mantis. “I know that Jeff. I was attempting to use a comfortable metaphor to ask an uncomfortable question. A way of saying, what kind of person do you want to be?”

The question caught him off guard. What with all his childish obsessions with things like cartoons, Inspector Spacetime and Kickpuncher, sometimes it was easy for Jeff to forget how smart Abed was.

It didn’t register with Jeff how long he’d been silent until Abed began speaking again. “Jeff, I know that the Dean told you about my plan to get you to reveal your feelings to Annie.”

The remark startled him. It had been months since he thought about that, and seeing as how his feelings for Annie were now public knowledge, he didn’t see the point in denying it. “How did you know that?”

“Because I told him to tell you.” Jeff’s eyebrows raised as Abed gazed at him coolly. “We were in on it the whole time. The idea was to make you think we were up to something so that you’d feel a sense of urgency to act, but without actually forcing you into anything.”

“But then what about your movie?” Jeff blurted.

Abed seemed taken aback by the question. “That was a movie, Jeff. A good writer draws on what he knows and a good director knows his cast. I wrote the characters with you and Annie in mind because I wanted to get the most out of your performances.” He shrugged. “It seemed to work.”

“So… the kiss wasn’t meant to make us…”

“A good director knows his cast. I knew that having the two of you kiss would yield the passion I needed.” Abed arched an eyebrow. “You guys went a little overboard with it, though. No, the movie was just a movie, but if it happened to bring the two of you closer then I suppose that’s a welcome side effect.”

Jeff was stunned. He wanted to ask if Abed had any idea what that kiss had done to him, but his mouth was temporarily unable to form words.

“As I said, the plan was to give you an incentive to act on your own. But I couldn’t do it by myself, so I enlisted the Dean to feed you false information. When I first asked him to help, I was surprised to learn that he already knew how you had opened the door in Borchert’s lab, but he had a rather strange idea as to who had been the cause.” Jeff was pretty sure he knew who the Dean had thought was responsible. Nevertheless, he was grudgingly impressed with the deception. Apparently Craig Pelton had learned how conspiracies work after all.

A side effect of not thinking about Abed’s plot in months was that Jeff also hadn’t thought about how irritated he’d been with him. Now that his shock was wearing off, the aggravation was beginning to return. He thought he should’ve been over it, especially given how things had turned out, but instead he found himself suddenly gritting his teeth. “Why would you do that? Why would you do any of that?”

Abed stared at him without blinking. “Jeff, as you know I don’t have the best understanding of feelings. My own or anyone else’s. That’s why I appreciate the predictable structure of television and movies. If you understand the archetype of a character and the scenario they find themselves in, you can predict their response. You and I are both alike in that way. We want to be able to control everything because we fear the unknown. But real life rarely has the same structure. As much as we try to control it, there are too many variables we can’t account for. It leaves us stuck with what’s comfortable and afraid to take risks.” Abed paused and finally blinked, then frowned in concentration for a moment before continuing. “I saw you doing the same thing with Annie, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was in a position to help someone emotionally. Because I’ve found something that I never expected. I am happy with Rachel. Being with her has improved my life in ways I can’t even quantify. I wanted that happiness for you too. But not just for you, for Annie as well. And I know that you do make her happy.”

“How do you know that?” Jeff asked almost by reflex.

“Because she’s been making the best pancakes I’ve ever had,” Abed said matter-of-factly. “I don’t know everything that’s happened between you and her over the last two days, but that happiness is still possible for both of you. But if you want to have your happily ever after, then you’ve got to fight for it. Every day. So I ask again, what kind of person do you want to be?”

Jeff stared at his friend in disbelief. For as much as Abed claimed not to understand feelings or be able to read social situations, when he got it right, he got it right. “I never really knew the kind of person I wanted to be,” he found himself saying almost before he realized it. “I only knew the person I didn’t want to be. And Sunday I came face to face with that person and had to consider the possibility that I was becoming my father. It scared me more than anything I can remember. Because I've also found something I never expected. I do know the kind of person I want to be. And it’s all because of her. The thought of not being able to live up to that was just too much to take.”

Jeff fell silent, amazed at the ease with which the admission had come.

Abed studied him for several moments, then finally smiled. “I see. You’re not Alvy Singer or Jerry Maguire. You’re Aragorn.” For once Jeff knew exactly where Abed was going with one of his movie references. “I would tell you that you can’t let the fear of reliving the mistakes of your ancestors rule your life, but I think that’s the reason you’re here.”

Jeff nodded resolutely.

“Good. Annie is at the Greendale health center getting the results of her pregnancy test.”

Jeff was on his feet in a flash, his long legs carrying him quickly towards the door.

“Jeff!” Abed called out from behind him. Jeff turned and regarded him impatiently. “Put aside the ranger. Become who you were born to be.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jeff killed the engine and jumped out of the car as quickly as he could. Traffic had been infuriatingly slow, but he was franticly holding out hope that he might make it in time to be with Annie when she got the test results. It was one small chance for some redemption. He rushed through the parking lot, but came to an abrupt halt when he saw his car parked near the end of the row closest to the clinic.

Annie was still here.

Jeff hurried onward, but as he passed his car, he spied a familiar brown head of hair approaching up the walkway. Jeff felt a flash of relief at the sight of her, but also a sharp pang of despair that he hadn’t made it in time. Annie was walking slowly, seemingly unaware of her surroundings, staring straight ahead with an unreadable expression on her face. She hadn’t spotted him yet.

Jeff sidled over to his car, leaned against it and waited.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Annie felt like she was moving through a fog. She knew she had had an exchange with a nurse and a clerk on her way out, but none of it had seemed real. All she could hear was the doctor’s words echoing in her mind. As she turned the final corner into the parking lot, the replay began again.

“Good afternoon, Miss Edison. I have the results of your tests here. Everything looks good, you’re in excellent physical condition. We’re going to keep an eye on your blood pressure though, it’s a little higher than at your last checkup, but still well within the normal boundaries. But I’m sure you’re anxious to get the results of your other test. Is there… anyone joining you?”

“No.”

“Alright, well as I said, I have the results. It looks like-”

The fog surrounding Annie suddenly parted as she caught sight of the figure leaning against the Lexus. Her eyes focused on the face she’d been longing to see since Sunday night. His pose was casual, but Annie could sense his apprehension.

She’d played this scenario out in her head a thousand times. About what she’d do when she saw him again. Sometimes she was cordial, sometimes she was standoffish, and sometimes she demonstrated the best moves she’d learned in her karate class. But in the end, there wasn’t really any decision to be made. There was only ever one thing she could do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Annie stopped short when she finally saw him. She stood like a statue for what seemed like an eternity, her face still an unreadable mask. But then she was running towards him, and for a split second Jeff was worried that she meant to tackle him through his windshield. She slammed into him, but instead of flying bodies and shattering glass, he found the air being squeezed out of his lungs by the fiercest hug of his life. For a moment it was as if Jeff’s arms didn’t know what to do with themselves, but soon enough they were gently wrapping around Annie to return her hug. Her face had buried itself in his chest and he brought one hand up to cup the back of her head while the other softly rubbed her back. Jeff felt a stab of guilt when he heard the sniffles start and her shoulders began shaking. He closed his eyes and held her close, for as long as she needed.

At long last she stilled, and Jeff heard one last sniffle as she sucked in a breath and began to pull back from him. He released her from his grasp and she took a half step back, but before she had gone far her fist shot out and slugged him in the chest. Hard.

Annie glared up at him defiantly. “I’m mad at you.”

It took Jeff a moment to catch his breath. “I know… I know, and you should be.” He massaged the spot where her fist had struck him. “Hickey would approve of your aim…” The look on her face made it clear that she wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “Ok, look, I deserved that. It’s just that I- I’m not good with…” Jeff paused to take a deep breath. “Annie, I’m sorry.” Her eyes flicked down briefly, then back up to meet his again. But her expression hadn’t softened and her arms, which were folded across her chest, remained firmly in place. “Annie, please, I am so sorry, I- I should have been there.”

“Yes. You should have,” she said tersely.

“I tried to get here… as soon as I found out… but I-” Jeff stopped to regroup. There were a thousand things he wanted to tell her all at once and everything was getting jumbled in his head. “Look, I don’t want this to sound like I’m making excuses; there’s no excuse for what I did, ok? But I need to explain some things to you. Please?”

Annie considered for a moment, then nodded for him to continue. Jeff let out a small sigh of relief.

“My dad was at the restaurant on Sunday.” Annie’s eyes widened considerably at that. “When you told me that you might be… you know… I panicked. It was selfish and stupid, but after I cleared my head a little, I was on my way back. I was in the lobby; I was about to go to you, but then… Kate was there.” A perplexed look crossed Annie’s face and Jeff continued on reluctantly. “I dated Kate about six years ago and she… well… remember our confessions after we ate those berries in the woods?”

Annie’s eyes darted around for a moment as she searched her memory. Suddenly her eyes snapped back to him and a small gasp escaped her lips.

“Yeah… believe me, it gets worse. Because no sooner do I see her than I met her date. My dad.” Annie’s eyes widened again, and a modicum of sympathy began to peek through her wounded veneer. “I’ll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that he hasn’t changed, and it won’t end well between them.” Jeff directed an earnest expression her way and his voice rose in pitch, as though pleading with her to understand. “But what really got me was when he said I reminded him of himself and compared his situation with my mom to my situation with you.”

Annie flinched. For a brief moment it seemed like she was going to move towards him before she caught herself.

“I… Maybe a better person would’ve known what to do, but I didn’t. You know about my… issues… with him, and the idea of becoming him and doing the same thing to you that he did to my mom and me, I- It was just too much for me to take. I’m sorry, I know that by leaving you there I was…” Jeff huffed out a rueful laugh. “Well, the irony isn’t lost on me that my fear of becoming like my father led me to do something he would’ve done.”

Annie stared at him silently, her face a paradox of conflicting emotions. Finally she spoke in a soft voice, “That was Sunday night. Where did you go, what did you do? And why didn’t you call me?”

Jeff grimaced. “I don’t remember where I went, but what I did was get drunk.” Annie rolled her eyes and gave an annoyed huff. “I know… I know… It was the wrong answer but it was the only one I had. I lost track of all time, I think I slept somewhere at one point, but it’s mostly just a blur. And I lost my phone. I get the feeling I’m not going to like the messages I have waiting for me if I ever get it back…”

“Britta helped me write a few last night.” Annie smirked at him and Jeff had to stifle a groan. “Jeff,” she went on slowly, “I’m sorry that you had to go through all that with Kate and your father. But I need you to understand what you put me through over the last two days.” Jeff felt his chest tighten. He’d been dreading this part.

Annie appeared to gather herself before she continued. “First of all, I was worried sick about you. I stayed at your apartment Sunday night, then checked in again earlier today. I had no idea where you were and you weren’t responding to any of my messages. I told myself over and over that you were ok, but the longer it went on, the louder that little voice in my head got that said ‘what if something terrible happened?’”

She paused and looked down. When her eyes returned to meet his again he saw it. The pain he’d been dreading. He forced himself to continue meeting her gaze. “That’s what had me worried. But what hurt the most was that you weren’t there for me. I really needed you, and you left me by myself.”

And there it was.

He knew full well what he had done and that it had hurt her, but hearing the words from her mouth felt as though someone had pressed a searing hot brand to his heart. “Annie… I know there’s nothing I can say that will make it up to you. And I’ll understand if it takes you a while to trust me again. But in my drunkenness I actually managed to do something smart. I went to see my mom and she helped me to learn a few things about myself. And I realized something important.” Jeff hesitated and wetted his lips. “In all that time I spent worrying about one day leaving you because I had turned into my father, I never once considered doing it. The idea of being a father terrifies me. But not anywhere near as much as the idea of losing you. I can’t promise you that I’ll never freak out again, but I swear to you, I will never ever abandon you.”

Annie’s eyes bored into him for several moments until eventually she glanced down again in contemplation. She nodded slightly to herself and raised her head. This time instead of pain, there was only a calm sincerity. “I think…” she said softly, “you should kiss me now or you might regret it for the rest of your life.”

Jeff didn’t need to be told twice. He stepped close to her, his right hand coming up to gently brush her hair aside. It lingered there briefly as he gazed down at Annie. Her big blue eyes gazed back at him, a melancholy smile touching the corners of her lips, and he found himself falling in love with her all over again. His hand settled on her shoulder as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was slow and unhurried, and while not entirely devoid of passion, it carried with it the promise of so much more. As their lips lingered against each other’s, he found it difficult to remember why he’d fought against his feelings for her for so long. But in the end, he’d never really stood a chance, had he? She was just too easy to fall in love with.

Annie’s eyes drifted open again after they separated and that loving expression he had come to depend on settled over her. “Let’s make a deal, ok?”

Jeff narrowed his eyes at her. “What sort of deal?”

The corner of her mouth curved upward slowly. “If either of us ever need to freak out again, we do it together.”

A low rumble began in Jeff’s stomach and for the first time in days he allowed himself a genuine laugh. “Ok, deal. But only if we each get to freak out in our own ways. I can’t scream with my whole body over a pen like you can.”

Annie’s eyes filled with mischief. “Agreed. Because if I’m going to stay up all night reading about something, it’s going to be because I’m interested in it. Not because someone made a better clay ashtray than me.”

They shared another laugh and Jeff finally began to feel like things were right with the world. But all too quickly, Annie turned serious again.

“So I um… I suppose I should tell you the news. I had the doctor do a blood test and-”

“Wait,” Jeff cut in, “before you say anything else, I just… whatever happens… we’ll figure it out. I know it’s your decision, but please don’t leave school. We can make it work. You can…” Jeff swallowed thickly, “you can move in with me. If- If you want to… that way we can take care of the baby together, and I’m sure my mom will help if we ask her. And… I’ll go with you. For your internship, I mean. Most of the legal stuff here is paperwork anyway, and I can help out so you-”

“Jeff, I’m not pregnant.”

Jeff’s rambling came to a crashing halt as his tongue turned to stone in his mouth. When he finally succeeded in swallowing it, the stone settled in the pit of his stomach. “You’re sure?” he managed.

Annie nodded.

“Then… what was…?”

Annie let out a long sigh. “The doctor thinks it’s a combination of stress and a reaction to my pain medication. The nausea was almost certainly because of the medicine.”

“Well,” he said slowly, “I guess that’s that then.”

“Yeah.”

“I feel like… I’m supposed to be happy about this.” Jeff searched her eyes, but her normally animated and expressive mannerisms were muted and unreadable. “So how come all I feel is hollow inside?”

Annie’s eyes softened and she looked at him with something approaching sympathy. “I… I feel the same way.”

Neither of them seemed to know what to say next, so Jeff reached out and pulled her close, wrapping her in another hug. Her arms closed around his back in response and they clung to each other in silence. Annie was the first to break it. “I guess part of me really wanted this,” she said into his chest. “So even though the rational part of me knows that this isn’t the best time… it still hurts.”

Jeff’s breath caught in his throat. He knew that Annie had put her finger on exactly what he was feeling, but her words had a dual effect on him. First was a realization about himself. His thoughts on children had always been theoretical, but after facing the prospect firsthand there could be no more theory. Despite all his fear and doubt, there was a part of him that had absolutely, unequivocally, wanted this. The second was a realization about Annie. She wanted it too. She’d always been candid about her desire to have children. And even the damaged part of his psyche had stopped doubting her when she told him that she loved him. But somehow he’d never connected the dots. Annie loved him. Annie wanted to have children. Annie wanted to have children with him.

The sudden epiphany stunned him so much that at first he didn’t notice that she was pulling away from him. He had to fight the urge to grab her all over again.

“I’m sorry for putting us both through all this,” she was saying, “maybe I should have-”

No.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

“Stop.” Annie glanced up at him, slightly startled by the severity in his tone. “Annie, you do not owe me an apology.”

He could scarcely believe it; even after everything he had subjected her to over the past couple days, she had been ready to apologize to him. And something in the back recesses of his mind told him that this wasn’t the first time this had happened. He searched his memory back through the years - to all the times he’d ignored or denied his feelings for her - to all the times he’d hurt her, whether intentionally or not - and yet… he’d hardly ever uttered the words “I’m sorry.” In fact, more often than not it seemed like she was the one that ended up apologizing for something unnecessarily.

But more importantly, he’d never explained why he did it. Why he had denied everything for so long and why he’d pushed her away. He’d given her bits and pieces of the story, usually during his all-too-frequent meltdowns, but she’d never seen the whole picture. For the longest time he hadn’t understood it himself, so how could she be expected to?

After everything she’d helped him through over the years and especially the last few months, he already owed her a debt he didn’t think he’d ever be able to repay. It was time for him to start changing things.

There was something he had to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Annie had to fight the urge to apologize for her unnecessary apology, then had to fight to keep herself from giggling at the absurdity of feeling like she needed to apologize for apologizing. Jeff remained silent for several moments, and her initial surprise at his outburst faded into curiosity as she studied him. She could practically see the gears turning in his head, but wasn’t precisely sure what he was preoccupied with. At last he seemed to make his mind up about whatever it was he’d been contemplating and he redirected his attention towards her.

“Hey,” he said, “there’s um, something I need to show you. I mean tell you. But not here. Take a walk with me?”

Annie grimaced. “Ok, but it’s not too far is it? I tweaked my ankle when I ran at you earlier.”

Jeff winced sympathetically. “Not too far.”

Annie nodded and fell in beside him as they started back towards campus. He placed his arm around her as they strolled leisurely past the health center, then the cafeteria, until finally they arrived at the building housing Jeff’s office. But when they entered, he only made a brief stop at his office to pick up a flashlight before leading her someplace else.

“What are we doing here?” Annie inquired as Jeff pushed open the door to a room she’d only ever entered once before.

“Just trust me.” He smiled at her, but for some reason it seemed somewhat strained.

Annie arched an eyebrow quizzically as they crossed the threshold into the Greendale teacher’s lounge. It was empty, save for themselves, and she found herself frowning as her eyes took in all the various party paraphernalia the Greendale faculty kept on hand. She also noticed a stark lack of anything related to teaching. A resigned sigh escaped her lips and she turned to inspect the hole in the wall that had been created by Hickey’s pickaxe and the subsequent fire. It was plastered over, but remained unpainted.

Jeff had made a beeline for the corner of the room and had already pushed aside the vending machine and was now busy pulling up the carpet. It was readily apparent what he was doing, but what she didn’t understand was why.

“Jeff, why are you taking me down into the lost section of Greendale again? Borchert moved out all of his stuff, all that’s left down there is junk.”

“Not everything,” he said cryptically as he pulled open the trapdoor, revealing a black pit that seemingly led to nowhere. A makeshift stairwell had been installed to make it easier for Borchert to extract his belongings, and Jeff descended into the gloom. Annie sighed and pulled her phone out, activating the flashlight app before gingerly picking her way down the wobbly wooden steps.

Jeff took her hand to help her as she neared the bottom of the stairs, then intertwined his fingers with hers as they cautiously made their way through the debris littering the old hallways. The first time they’d come down here none of them had had any clue what to expect, but now with just the two of them the lost section of Greendale seemed even eerier than before. But Jeff’s flashlight and her brave little phone light cut a swath through the darkness, and before long they had reached the entrance to Borchert’s old lab.

Annie scowled at the memory of Jeff and Britta acting all lovey-dovey over the prospect of Greendale being sold and their impending nuptials, though fortunately it was dark enough that Jeff didn’t notice. The jukebox door was left standing open and as they passed through it, Annie felt a wave of déjà vu hit her. Borchert’s personal effects, and of course Raquel, had been removed, but most of the old banks of computers had been left behind, being over forty years old and long since obsolete.

Raquel had controlled most of the lights, but Jeff made a quick circuit of the room to turn on the ones he could. When he finished, the strongest feeling of déjà vu yet hit Annie. The room looked and felt just like it had after Richie stuck the pickle magnet on Raquel, trapping them inside. Despite some of the less than pleasant aspects of their first visit, a smile was slowly spreading across Annie’s face. This was, after all, the place where they had found the means to save Greendale once and for all.

Annie gave herself a shake to dispel the memories and turned to face Jeff. His eyes were darkly intent, made all the more so by the dim lighting. The gaze he was directing at her was one that up until a few months ago would have likely seen her reduced to a puddle of incoherent goo. As it was, she still felt her knees wobble.

“So, um… why are we down here?” she asked with just a hint of flutter in her voice.

Jeff took a couple slow steps towards her until they were standing only a few feet apart. “I love you.” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Annie couldn’t help but break into a wide smile. “I love you too. But we didn’t need to come all the way down here for you to tell me that.”

“Not for that, no. But there’s more.” He seemed oddly hesitant, as though there was something he needed to do, but didn’t know how to do it.

“Ok…” Annie said slowly, “well whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Something was still holding him back. “I know.”

Annie smirked at him. “You’re not going to turn into a serial killer on me now are you?”

Jeff huffed out a laugh and finally seemed to relax a little. “That wasn’t my first plan. But who knows, maybe I’m the ass crack bandit and I’ve lured you into my cracking lair.”

Annie felt a rush of guilt mixed with anxiety, and forced out a strained laugh. Fortunately, Jeff seemed too focused on his own discomfort to notice hers.

“No, I’m just… struggling with how to say what I need to say. I don’t want to Winger-speech this, it’s too important.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I guess I feel like I haven’t always been fair with you.” Annie crinkled her forehead and looked at him curiously. “When I was a lawyer back before Greendale I never cared about fairness. I was a winner and winners didn’t worry about what was fair. But this place… all you guys… and especially you… it’s like you showed me how to be human again. I know I acted like I was happy back then, but the truth of it is that I was miserable. I just couldn’t admit it to myself.”

Annie wasn’t sure what she had expected to come out of him bringing her down here, but it certainly wasn’t this.

“But now… I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than these last two months with you.” Annie let out an excited little squeak as a feeling of giddiness washed over her and she found herself nodding almost compulsively. Jeff wetted his lips before continuing, “You know, I never thought I’d say this to anyone, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Annie felt the sudden need to lean against a nearby table for support. “I know it’s too soon to be talking about marriage or anything like that, but I wanted you to know how I feel.”

Annie had certainly been feeling these things too. True they’d only been dating for two months, but it’s not like they’d been starting from square one. Annie had long felt that if they ever got together, it wouldn’t be something trivial. And over the past two months all the indications she’d gotten from Jeff were that he was committed to building something lasting between them. And yet… to hear him come right out and say it was nothing short of astonishing. Not to mention the fact that Mr. “It’s so obvious to me that marriage is dumb that I can’t even pretend to get behind it” had brought up the idea of marriage before Annie “Every time I see a wedding idea I like, I put it in a little scrapbook” Edison. The odds makers in Las Vegas would’ve had a field day with that one.

“Look, I love you, and I want this to work between us. So… there are things that I need try to make right. You once told me that apologies are opportunities to admit your own mistakes. And I’ve done some things I’m not proud of.”

“Jeff,” Annie was still feeling a bit lightheaded as a result of his proclamation, but had recovered to the point where she could speak, “we don’t need to rehash the last few days again, it’s-”

“That’s not what I mean,” Jeff interrupted. “I’m talking about everything else.”

Annie’s eyes widened and she almost gasped in surprise. She thought she knew what he was getting at, she just never thought that he’d-

“I never answered your question. In the bathroom that day. But the answer is yes, I do want you. I wanted you then and I want you now. I just didn’t know how to tell you. You were so young and innocent and optimistic and I was so-” Jeff’s eyes searched the ceiling for right words, “-the opposite of that. A lot of people - hell, just about everyone - have been asking me why I didn’t do something sooner. I think part of it was that I knew my history with women and I just didn’t trust myself enough to treat you the way that you deserved.”

Annie stared at him, her mouth hanging part way open, once again stunned into silence. Over the past two months she’d seen signs from him; signs that he was making progress with being able to open up to her, but this was unlike anything she’d ever seen or expected.

“But it wasn't just that... Look Annie, I'm a mess. You must have noticed by now. For the longest time I couldn’t-” Jeff fell silent and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked to be struggling internally with himself, as though the last vestiges of his old self were making their final stand. Annie had the urge to run over and hug him, but something told her that this was a battle he had to fight on his own. When his eyes finally drifted open again, they had a clarity of feeling she’d never seen in them before.

“I spent most of my childhood wanting only one thing,” he murmured, “and it was the one thing I couldn’t have. When I finally realized that I couldn’t have it, I shut that part of myself down. I told myself that love and happiness were a lie because I knew I’d never get to have them. So I started chasing empty things instead. But I never really wanted any of it, it was just something to do, a way to convince myself that there was some sort of meaning in my life.” Annie’s heart was breaking for him, yet she was still surprised by the new and more open Jeff. But any surprise she felt was nothing compared to what came next. “Then I met you, and everything changed. For the first time since I was a kid I knew exactly what I wanted. But I had convinced myself that I didn’t deserve it, that it wasn’t real. So I made excuses. I chased an empty relationship with Britta, I pushed you away… But you… you just refused to let me. I have loved you from the moment I met you. I’m just sorry that it took me five years to realize it. I don’t understand why you stuck around, why you put up with me, why you… waited. I just know that I’d be lost without you.” Annie’s heart felt like it was about to explode. Tears were running freely down her cheeks and it was everything she could do to keep from sobbing uncontrollably. “It was you, you know.” Jeff gestured around the dank, gloomy ruin and realization slowly began to set in for Annie. Jeff must have seen it on her face, because he nodded gravely. “Yes. I thought about you. I thought about you and my love for you literally opened a door, and I was still too much of a coward to tell you. And if Troy hadn’t almost blown himself up and dragged us halfway around the world, who knows when I would have. I don’t deserve you, Annie Edison, but for some reason you seem to love me anyway. I just needed to tell you… everything. To finally tell you… and ask your forgiveness for all the things I’ve done.”

Annie huffed out a laugh that was at least half a sob. “Forgiveness?” she asked incredulously, “I already forgave you a long time ago.”

Just when she thought Jeff couldn’t surprise her anymore, tears began trickling down the sides of his face. “Why…? How…?” he choked out.

“It wasn’t always easy…” she managed, “but you were worth forgiving.” Annie wiped away a tear and tried to put on an air of levity. “Anyway, you know what they say. Forgive and forget, right?”

Jeff locked eyes with her, and Annie saw in them everything she’d ever dared hope for or dream of, and she knew with a certainty she had never before experienced that she would love this man for the rest of her life. When he spoke, it was with a determination that made it clear beyond any doubt that the same was true for him.

“I won’t forget. Not ever.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*THE END*

A/N: So here we are, at the end of a journey that has lasted for over 15 months and ballooned to over 133,000 words in total. You can't imagine how difficult it was for me to write "20/20" in the title bar. Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read my humble story and indulge me in this not-so-little project. I appreciate your tolerance for my verbosity and I hope that this has brought you some measure of enjoyment, as it has for me. I may return to this little AU of mine from time to time to write some epilogues, but for now I will be moving on to other projects.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I did not give a special thank you to those of you that have taken the time to leave comments and feedback in support of my fragile ego. And a special, special special thanks to those of you who did so on a regular basis (in alphabetical order): bethanyactually, cori_the_bloody, jdp1979, keeponlearning1, loveobsessed999, mmcc194, and peef_rimgar. You're my own personal study group. I love that I got to be with you guys. You saved my life, and changed it forever. Thank you.