Fic: You Forgave, and I Won't Forget (19/20)
Title: You Forgave, and I Won't Forget
Author: cgkm2099z
Pairing: Jeff/Annie
Spoilers: Current
Rating: PG-13
Warning One naughty word, Self-loathing author
Word Count: 8,830
Disclaimer: I do not own Community. Community, and its characters, are the creation of the great Dan Harmon. I think it's still owned by Sony Pictures Television, but after the hack, I'm not so sure. The title is from the song "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons.
A/N: So, this chapter was completed a week or two ago, but I purposely waited to post it. I wanted to get a good chunk of the subsequent chapter completed first. In part so that I could tweak a couple things, but also, well... I think some of you are going to be mad at me for this one.
A note on the timeline in case it isn't clear: paintball took place four weeks after Jeff and Annie returned from Australia (the last part of chapter 18 took place Sunday evening). The first section of this chapter takes place the Friday after paintball and the rest picks up three weeks after paintball.
As always, your comments are greatly appreciated!
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Jeff sat leaned back in his office chair, his feet propped up on his desk, skimming the last couple paragraphs of his lesson plan for his first class of the semester next Monday. Annie had made him promise that he’d do it, so he’d tried. But halfway through he’d started getting that antsy feeling of impending doom that seemed to accompany the start of every semester and he could feel the beginnings of the familiar tightness in the chest. Jeff closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing down the mental image of the bottle of scotch that was stashed in the drawer of his desk. He dropped his feet to the floor, tossed the lesson plan on his desk, and then logged onto his computer to check his email.
He quickly cleared his inbox of spam, including at least a dozen of the Dean’s “great idea” emails for how to improve Greendale and Chang’s daily ranking of Annie and Britta. After that, he typed out a couple responses to legitimate messages, the most important being the email from Shirley detailing her move and containing pictures of the Bennett family’s new setup in Mr. Butcher’s residence. He was about to shut down the computer when he felt that niggling but insistent pull again. His eyes drifted down to the internet browser and soon he was clicking on his newest bookmark. The one that he had titled: Washington DC jobs.
There were more than a few prominent law firms in DC, and even a few that he thought might allow him to retain his soul. But Jeff also found himself highly intrigued by Annie’s lobbyist suggestion. Half the job seemed like it was schmoozing with Senators, Congress members and other important functionaries. The beauty of it was that you could lobby for either side of any issue, and Jeff Winger’s superpower had always been the ability to assume any position that suited his purpose.
He’d only meant to take a quick glance, but before he knew it almost an hour had passed. He was a long way from actually pulling the trigger and trying to make a move, but it felt therapeutic to know that there were, in fact, options out there. In the meantime, there was another idea he’d been toying with. Something he’d enjoy more than teaching, but would also keep him at Greendale with Annie and Abed and Britta. He decided that now was as good of a time as any to see whether it would work. Jeff shut down his computer and made his way over to a familiar office door. He paused and took a breath, then knocked.
“Come in!” Jeff opened the door and strode into the office. “Oh, hello Jeffrey! I thought you would’ve already gone home for the weekend.”
Jeff dropped heavily into one of the chairs opposite the Dean’s desk. “That’s next on my to-do list. But first there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
The Dean gasped. “Are you volunteering to be part of the trial run for the full body scanners at campus entry points? You can’t be too careful about security these days, you know. I’ll have to oversee it of course, and probably keep copies of one or two scans just for reference purposes...”
Jeff rolled his eyes. “No, but it’s sort of related to that. Dean, how often does this school get sued?”
The Dean’s obvious disappointment faded into a pensive look. After several moments of silence Jeff cleared his throat in an effort to prompt a response. The Dean cocked his head to the side and hummed. “I’m trying to decide between incessantly and perpetually.”
“Those are synonyms.”
“Is incestually a word?”
“If it is, it’s not one you want to use.”
“We’ll just go with a lot, then. Why do you ask?”
Jeff looked the Dean directly in the eye. “How would you feel about retaining legal counsel?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Annie was bustling around trying to finish getting ready for her date with Jeff. She tightened her belt with one hand while running a brush through her hair with the other and swishing around a mouthful of mouthwash. It was two weeks into the semester and recently it too often seemed like she was trying to do three things at once. One of the nice things about dating Jeff Winger, however, was that he took even longer grooming himself than she did. So she never had to worry about an impatient boyfriend pestering her about when she’d be ready to leave.
She spit out the mouthwash and set the brush aside before touching up her makeup and refastening her ankle brace. She still had to limp around because of her injury, but the worst of it had passed. And thankfully she had finally been able to trade in the walking boot for a smaller brace that actually allowed her to wear normal shoes. Tonight Jeff was fulfilling his promise to take her out for a nice dinner with Borchert’s thank-you money and she was more than a little excited to try out her first five star restaurant. Normally she’d have put on a pair of heels for this type of place, but that just wasn’t going to happen with a bum ankle so instead she found herself squeezing into a pair of dark blue flats that matched her dress.
After she was finished getting dressed, Annie grabbed her phone and found a text from Jeff that said he’d be there in about ten minutes. She opened up her calendar and did a quick accounting of her tasks for the next few days. Tomorrow (Monday) she had two morning classes and one in the afternoon, but on this particular day she also had a routine doctor’s checkup and in the evening she’d have to put the finishing touches on her first ballistics lab project. Taking six courses, dating Jeff, plus her Save Greendale committee responsibilities didn’t leave her a lot of free time, but she made a mental promise that if she got her lab done early she’d reward herself with a sleepover at Jeff’s.
The Save Greendale committee had undergone some turnover what with Shirley and Hickey’s departure. Chang had become a permanent member and the Dean had hired a woman named Francesca Dart to help out in the aftermath of the rather unfortunate cafeteria roof collapse. Frankie had initially been a bit of a bull in a china shop, but things had begun to smooth over after some early friction between her and the rest of the group. Normally Annie would’ve bristled at someone usurping her role as committee head, but with the way her schedule was panning out she found that she was actually relieved to have someone reliable to take on some of the responsibility.
Speaking of the Save Greendale committee…
Annie stuffed her phone into her flower adorned purse and covered a yawn with her hand as she limped out to the kitchen. Typically indefatigable, her nonstop schedule had been wearing on her lately. She grabbed a small glass from the cupboard, the faucet hissing as she filled it with water, then grabbed a small bottle of pills from the corner drawer. She made her way to Abed’s door and rapped out a quick ‘shave and a haircut’ knock.
Abed’s muffled voice called for her to enter and she moved swiftly through the door. Abed was laying on his bed watching TV, the remote control held tightly in his right hand. His left foot was propped up on a small stack of pillows and was wrapped tightly with bandages. It had taken less than a week from the arrival of the replica House Vagadosh family sword for Abed to find a way to gash his foot. Annie popped open the bottle of pills and handed one to Abed along with the glass of water.
“Here, it’s time to take your antibiotics.”
Abed grimaced and popped the pill into his mouth before washing it down with a few swigs of water. The two of them had made for a rather sorry sight over the past few days, with each of them limping around the apartment - Annie favoring her right foot and Abed his left.
Abed finished draining the glass of water and handed it back. “Thanks Annie. Want a chocolate?” Abed gestured towards a small pile of foil wrapped chocolates on his end table.
Annie shook her head. “No thanks, I’m about to go to dinner with Jeff.”
Abed glanced surreptitiously at his phone. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Annie sighed. “Jeff’s taking me to the Palace Arms and I don’t want to spoil my appetite.”
Abed grabbed one of the chocolates off the table and held it out to her. “I really think you should have one. It will help.”
Annie eyed the shiny foil. For some reason the thought of chocolate repulsed her and she suddenly felt nauseous. “Ugh… no, I can’t.” She paused for a moment as what Abed had said sunk in. “Wait, what do you mean it will help?”
Abed looked away. “Well you’ve got a big date. And it’s just time, that’s all. Past time, really.”
“What are you-” Annie gasped as her eyes bulged halfway out of their sockets. Before she could think of anything to say, her phone began belting out the lyrics to Howie Day’s “Collide.”
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
Jeff had arrived.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Come on,” Jeff prodded, “at least have a little champagne. I got this bottle for us to share and toasting with water is just lame.”
“Um,” Annie tittered nervously, “I’m sorry, I can’t… I… my stomach is just unsettled, that’s all.” It wasn’t an outright lie. Her stomach had been doing backflips ever since she realized the implication of Abed’s offer of chocolate.
Jeff frowned. “All right, fine. But if I drink all of this then you’re going to have to drive home, and I am not responsible for my side-seat driving.”
Annie smiled feebly and shrugged. Jeff took it for agreement and pulled his car keys out of his pocket, placing them down in front of Annie.
“I hope you realize the level of trust I’m placing in you here,” Jeff said with mock seriousness. “This is the most important responsibility you have ever had.”
Oh, if you only knew…
Jeff picked up his flute of champagne and they shared a toast to the new schoolyear, the Save Greendale committee, and Jeff’s new position as the school’s legal representative. The dinner that followed consisted of four courses. Annie started with a vegetable soup to try to settle her stomach whereas Jeff went with a salad, then a crab cake appetizer preceded their main courses: roasted halibut for Annie and filet mignon for Jeff. Each of the courses was elaborately presented in such a way as to make it appear that you were getting more food for the exorbitant prices than you actually were. Annie found the smallish portions a relief, however, given her lack of appetite.
Jeff was in a particularly talkative mood and Annie was content to pick at her dinner while he jabbered away about getting up to speed on Greendale’s legal situation and a case he was already working on to defend the school from injury claims stemming from the paintball game. The work had invigorated Jeff and Annie couldn’t remember seeing him this passionate about anything since his early semester searches for the perfect blow-off class. He seemed happy and content, which simultaneously made Annie overjoyed and all the more reluctant to shatter his mood. But as their dessert of crème brûlée and fresh fruit was placed down in front of them, she knew she had to say something.
“There’s something I really-”
“So there’s something important-”
They both stopped short after initially talking over each other and indicated for the other to continue.
Annie shook her head. “No, please Jeff, you first.” She was grateful for the slight reprieve, but also knew that if she gave her news first, Jeff would likely never get to whatever it was he wanted to say.
“Ok, um…” Jeff cleared his throat. “Uh, so as you’ve probably noticed since I can’t shut up about it, I’m really enjoying having actual legal work to do again. It even makes the teaching more bearable.” Jeff chuckled and sat back in his chair. “Anyway, I uh, I wanted to thank you… you know… for giving me a kick in the ass.”
Annie smiled widely at him. “You’re welcome. I’m… I’m happy that you’re happy.”
Jeff pulled something out of his pocket and held it below the table. He seemed suddenly nervous. “I got you something…” Annie eyed him quizzically as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. After a moment he extended his left hand, which was gripping a small white box. “Here.”
Annie reached out tentatively and took the box from Jeff. It felt light as a feather. She delicately removed the lid and peered down at the contents. Sitting on a bed of black velour was a small silver key.
Annie stared at it for a moment in puzzlement. Then suddenly her breath caught in her throat and her head snapped up to meet Jeff’s gaze. He was staring at her intently, trying to gauge her reaction. “Is this…?” Annie managed weakly.
“It’s a key to my apartment,” Jeff said diffidently. “I just figured it would be easier, you know, since you’ve been spending so much time there and all…” He broke away from her gaze and stared at the table. “It’s dumb, I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it.”
The stinging in Annie’s eyes disagreed with Jeff’s assessment of the importance of the gesture and she had to struggle against the tears that had started pooling. She clutched the box tightly to her chest with her right hand and reached the other out to take hold of his. His eyes drifted back up to meet with hers again. “Jeff…” she said shakily, “this is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.”
Jeff let out a sigh of relief and his smile finally seemed to relax. “Well maybe I overshot then. I was going for something more along the lines of ‘convenient and lightly sentimental.’”
Annie huffed out a laugh and gazed at him fondly. She could see through the act and he knew it. But she allowed him to keep up the pretense.
“So, uh, what was it you wanted to tell me?”
Annie’s anxiety came rushing back in an instant. For a few blissful moments she had actually been able to forget.
“Ummm… I… I’m not really sure how to say this. I want to stress that I don’t know anything for certain yet, but I…” Annie felt Jeff squeeze her hand and she realized she’d fallen into a dazed silence. She refocused her attention on him, he was wearing a look of mild concern, but she doubted he had any idea what was in store for him.
“I’m late.”
Annie held her breath.
Jeff’s forehead crinkled and the concerned look was replaced by a perplexed one. “Late for what?”
“Jeff, nooo,” Annie whined. As she repeated the two little words, her eyes went wide to emphasize the second one. “I’m late.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The unseasonably cold night air felt like a slap in the face after the warmth of the restaurant. Jeff tore at his collar, undoing the top button and loosening the tie that seemed to be strangling him. He grasped a nearby railing with both hands and leaned over as if to vomit over the side. He wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t. He closed his eyes and lowered his chin to his chest in an effort to get his head to stop spinning.
I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this.
This can’t be happening.
God, I am SO not ready for this!
Everything had been going perfectly up until 83 seconds ago. The restaurant was really posh, the food was incredible, Annie looked amazing… even the stupid key had been a hit. But then… then the meaning of those two little words had sunk in.
I’m late.
The whole world had seemed like it was collapsing on top of his chest and the restaurant walls felt as though they had taken on an exaggerated convex shape, bowing inward to smother him. The need to get outside into the open air had been overpowering and ultimately irresistible.
I’m late.
He wasn’t ready to be a father. He’d only recently discovered that he was ready to be a serious boyfriend. This was a completely different level of responsibility. He’d thought about wanting to have kids. He’d thought about wanting to have kids with Annie. But this was just too real. He didn’t know the first thing about childcare or how to take an infant and help mold them into an articulate and functioning adult. Hell, he was barely an articulate and functioning adult himself. Failure was all but certain.
I’m late.
This just didn’t fit with his life right now. He was only just getting himself reestablished in law and he still had teaching responsibilities. He didn’t have time to go shopping for cribs and strollers and clothes, let alone actually care for a baby once it arrived. And what about Annie? Would she move in with him? He wasn’t sure he had the financial wherewithal to support himself, Annie and a child, not to mention the stress this would put on their still fledgling relationship.
I’m late.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t part of his plan. Not yet anyway. He’d wanted some time to be with Annie first. Up until now everything had been going better than he could have possibly imagined. But they’d been together for less than two months. After five years of dancing around it, they’d finally gotten together and he’d… well… he’d wanted her to himself for longer. And then maybe… someday…
I’m late.
Annie had been abnormally quiet and jittery all night. Now he knew why. Only after he’d given her the key had she seemed like herself for a few brief moments. But then he’d asked about what she’d started to tell him and she transformed again. In his mind’s eye, he could still see the look in her eyes as she began speaking. She’d been hesitant, evasive, nervous. She’d been… scared.
You selfish prick.
All his thoughts had been consumed with how this news affected him, how it affected his life, and how it affected his plans. Well what about Annie’s plans? Annie wanted to get her second degree, intern for the FBI, and make her mark on the world. And Jeff had never doubted that she would. The idea of Annie Edison not accomplishing her goals had just been… inconceivable to him. And now… he’d fucked it up. He’d wrecked her plans and taken her dreams away from her. In the end it turned out that the unstoppable Annie Edison could only be stopped by one thing: Jeff Winger.
She’d been afraid. Afraid of what the future might hold, afraid of what it could mean for the two of them, afraid of what his reaction might be. And what had he done? He’d bolted. Bolted like the coward that he was. Left her sitting by herself, literally unable to run after him because of her ankle. The woman he loved and future mother of his child had needed him more than ever, and he ran away.
And now she was sitting in a restaurant, alone and afraid.
He had never felt so ashamed in all his life. He had to go back.
Slowly but surely, he forced himself to let go of the railing. The cold of the metal had seeped into the joints of his hands and getting his knuckles to unbend felt like prying open a set of rusty hinges. He stood up straight and began trudging back towards the entrance to the restaurant. Somehow he felt like every step ought to have been accompanied by a dirge. He opened the front door and moved into the atrium. As the tingling of his skin signaled the returning warmth, Jeff looked through the glass pane separating the atrium from the main dining area. He could see Annie sitting at their table, one hand supporting her forehead and the other using a spoon to aimlessly stir her water. She looked so small and vulnerable.
He had to go to her. Jeff took a deep breath and desperately tried to prepare himself. He didn’t have the first clue about what to say to her, but “I’m sorry” was probably a good place to start.
“Hello, Jeff,” a female voice said from his side, “long time no see.”
Jeff turned and froze as soon as he saw the source of the voice. He wanted to run again, but his legs seemed to be rooted in place.
“Kate,” he said tersely, “what are you doing here?”
“Getting dinner.” Kate’s breezy voice had always been accompanied by a light laugh, as if she was perpetually amused by the world around her. He’d always found it intoxicating. At least he hadn’t taken that away from her. “That’s still legal in this state, yes?”
“Of course, I just…” Jeff’s mind had gone blank. What do you say to a woman you abandoned?
Kate let out another airy and carefree laugh. “Relax, Jeff. I got over being mad at you a long time ago. I’m with someone else now, and I’m happy.”
Jeff breathed an internal sigh of relief. “That’s… good. That’s good, I’m happy for you. How’s, uh, Evan doing?”
Kate closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, causing her dark red curls to faintly sway. The amused smile never left her lips. “Ethan is fine. He just started high school. He’s still playing baseball, too. He made the junior varsity team last year as an eighth grader.”
Jeff winced at getting her son’s name wrong. It had been six years, but he felt like he was only digging himself in deeper with this woman.
As if remembering her son’s name would have somehow made up for bailing on the two of them as soon as I found out about him… he thought bitterly.
“That’s great and uh, well, it was good to see you, Kate. You look good. I have to get going though, I’m actually here with-”
“Yes,” Kate said thoughtfully, “I saw you with your date. She looks… young. And speaking of dates, here comes mine now.”
Jeff turned as he felt a hand clap down on his shoulder and for the second time in two minutes, felt frozen in place.
“…Dad?”
“Hey, there Jeff! You aren’t tryin’ to steal my girl are ya?”
Once again, Jeff’s brain felt like it had been degaussed. “I… I was just…”
“Ah, relax, I’m just messing around. Kate and I saw you in the restaurant earlier. She wanted to go say hello, but I didn’t want to disturb you.”
Kate sauntered over and placed a light kiss on William Winger’s cheek. “Well, I’ll let you boys get caught up. I’ll be outside, dear.”
Father and son watched as Kate made her way out the front, her slim figure wrapped in a full length overcoat. Jeff could’ve sworn she was putting a little extra swing into her hips.
Jeff turned back to his father, his face a mixture of incredulity and disgust. “You’re dating Kate? You know that she and I used to…”
William shrugged. “Sure, she told me about it. I figured it just means you have good taste. Not sure why you let her go though, she’s a redhead that loves scotch and Die Hard.”
“She’s half your age!”
“Yeah, well, Willy Junior finally moved out earlier this year, and I thought I’d have a little fun. It’s not like it’s serious or anything.”
Jeff’s anger flared. “She seems to think it is!”
William shrugged again. “Ah, you know how women are. If you tell ‘em it’s a fling then they won’t go along with it. You’ve gotta play the game. Besides, she’s got a kid. I don’t need that again, that’s for sure.” He turned towards the restaurant and gestured in Annie’s direction. “Anyway, I saw you with that sweet little thing in there. You know what the score is. Gotta catch ‘em young before they learn all the tricks. Oh, now don’t look at me like that. I used to think like you. Wanted to do the opposite of my old man and settle down the right way. But it’s the same with all us Winger men; the wanderlust gets us sooner or later. Boy, I tell ya Jeff,” William Winger chuckled and Jeff didn’t think he’d ever heard anything more revolting. That is, until the next words he heard come out of his father’s mouth, “You remind me so much of myself.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The key slid in easily enough, but the lock stuck for a moment as they often do when using a new key. Eventually it gave way and the door swung open, revealing Jeff’s darkened apartment. Annie hadn’t really expected it, but she had been hoping against hope to find him there. But the darkness instantly dashed what little hope she’d had.
She stepped into the apartment and flipped on the living room lights before closing the door softly behind her. Her eyes ran slowly over the room, taking in all the little details that reminded her so much of Jeff: the immaculate carpet, the absurdly expensive throw pillows, and the neatly folded blankets that were placed just so. He wasn’t there, but his presence permeated the entire apartment and even that felt slightly comforting.
She hadn’t known what to expect of Jeff by way of reaction to her news, and to say she was apprehensive about it would have been more than an understatement. She could see the blood drain out of his face as the realization had hit him, and then… Well, it hadn’t been a complete surprise when he’d jumped up from the table and disappeared through the front door of the restaurant. Not a complete surprise, but certainly not the reaction she’d hoped for. Her first thought was that he just needed to get some air and that once the initial shock had worn off, he’d return to talk things over with her. But the longer she’d sat there stirring her water, the more apparent it became that he wasn’t coming back at all. At some point their waiter had approached the table to nervously inform her that the bill had been paid.
If she’d been in her normal mindset, she probably would’ve found it embarrassing to be left like that - to have to thank the waiter and ask if a tip had been left, and then walk out of the restaurant alone. But all she could really focus on was the need to find Jeff. She had his car keys so she figured he couldn’t have gone far. But as she stepped out the front door, she noticed the doorman helping an elderly couple into a taxi. After it departed, Annie questioned the doorman who, to her dismay, confirmed that a man fitting Jeff’s description had caught a cab approximately ten minutes earlier.
She’d already tried calling him a half dozen times, but his phone was going straight to voicemail. On two occasions she had left him messages, pleading with him to call her as soon as possible. The only other thing she could think to do was to head to his apartment, so that’s what she’d done. Finding it dark wasn’t a surprise, but her already frazzled nerves had taken another hit nonetheless.
She decided to stay, since this place offered her the best chance of getting to talk to him. He’d have to return sooner or later after all. She shed her coat and hung it up before limping over to the couch and sinking down tiredly onto it. The clock on the cable box read 8:32. She stared at it without moving until it read 8:36, her mind blank and feeling utterly powerless. Finally, she pulled out her phone and began tapping out text messages.
Jeff, I know this is a shock, it was to me too. But nothing is certain and I really need to talk to you.
I’m at your apartment. Please come home so we can talk. Or at least let me know that you’re ok.
Over the next few hours, Annie experienced a wide range of emotions: sadness, fear, anger, melancholy, resignation, despair… She thought about trying to watch TV or read, but she knew she’d be unable to focus on it, so mostly she just stared at her phone and prayed to hear the sound of a key in the lock. Periodically, the inaction became too much to bear and she’d type out another text.
Where are you?
Are you ok? I’m worried about you.
I miss you. I love you.
Jeff I’m scared. Please don’t leave me alone.
Sometime after midnight she found herself curled up in Jeff’s usual spot on his bed. Her phone lay next to her, the infernal device still obstinately refusing to display any sort of message from Jeff.
This wasn’t how she’d imagined spending her first night at Jeff’s place after having been given a key.
He never returned, but if he had, Jeff would’ve had to endure the sound of Annie crying herself to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Come on, Annie, open the door!” Britta’s muffled voice was accompanied by more insistent pounding.
Annie lifted the pillow off her face before mustering up what energy she could to shout back. “No, just please leave me alone!” It ended up being more of a whine than a shout.
The pounding on the door went from intermittent to constant. “My bed is literally ten feet from your door, I can do this all night!” Britta hollered over her relentless banging.
It had been just over a week since Britta had joined Annie and Abed in apartment 303, and aside from a kerfuffle over them receiving a subsidy from Britta’s parents, things had been going pretty well. At the moment, however, Annie was regretting it.
The hammering on the door came to an abrupt halt.
Annie could only make out bits and pieces, but she could hear two voices arguing. After a few moments, a precise knock sounded on the door followed by Abed’s voice. “Annie, I must insist that you and Britta resolve whatever issue there is between you. The new episode of Inspector Spacetime starts in ten minutes and I cannot allow a roommate disturbance to disrupt that.”
“Abed! Annie’s in some kind of a crisis, try to be more sensitive!”
“Why? Does this have something to do with her missing her period? I thought that-”
“WHAT?!” The beating on the door resumed, harder than ever, and Annie began to worry that they’d get complaints from the neighbors. That or Britta would actually break her door down.
She reluctantly dragged herself out of bed, limped over to her door and undid the lock. The door flew open and Britta almost tackled Annie as she rushed into the room. She grabbed Annie by the arms and ushered her quickly over to the bed.
“Ok, now tell me everything!” Britta exclaimed breathlessly as they sat down on the bed. Annie glanced at the doorway where Abed was still standing, an uncertain look on his face. Britta followed her gaze and made a shooing motion at him. “It’s ok, Abed, I’ve got this!”
Abed still dithered. “Are you sure? I’ve been working with Rachel on being more aware of my social responsibilities. Annie is my friend and if she needs someone to talk to then society dictates that ought to be more important to me than a TV show.”
Despite her mood, Annie couldn’t help but let out an “Aww!”
Britta hopped up from the bed and trotted over to take Abed’s hand. “Abed, sweetie, don’t worry. You’re a good friend. But this is girl stuff. I promise we’ll let you know if we need anything.”
Abed looked over at Annie and she nodded. He turned back to Britta, nodded once, and then hobbled back towards his room. Britta closed the door behind her before rejoining Annie on the bed.
“Sooo? Tell me everything! When did you find out? Where’s Jeff? Does he know? I mean, I have to kill him, obviously, but this is so exciting! Or is it? I guess you weren’t planning on this, huh? Are you going to stay in school? Are you going to move in with Jeff? And what about your career? Don’t feel pressured by the patriarchal hegemony to stay home barefoot and pregnant. You can always get daycare, or better yet, have Jeff be the stay at home dad. I’d pay to see that. Oh, but I definitely still have to kill him. Too bad Shirley left or she’d help. Come on, I need details!”
Annie’s eyes had gone wide by the end of Britta’s bout of verbal diarrhea. Now she knew how Jeff felt. She decided to start off slowly.
“Well, um, I’ve been so busy lately that I didn’t really notice it. But I am over a week late. And now that I think about it, I have been more tired than I would normally be and I’ve been having unusual bouts of nausea. It wasn’t until last night when I was getting ready for my date with Jeff that Abed reminded me and it all sort of clicked. Oh, he’s apparently still tracking our menstrual cycles, by the way.”
Britta shuddered and mimed retching. “Eww! And now we’re living in the same apartment?!”
Annie shrugged. “Yeah, it’s gross. But he means well. Just be suspicious any time he offers you chocolate.” Britta mimed retching again. “Anyway… I don’t know for sure yet. I-”
“What do you mean you don’t know for sure?”
Annie glanced around uncomfortably. “Well… I had to leave for my date with Jeff and I didn’t really have time to do anything about it. And then I had class today and a project to finish. But I did have a doctor appointment this afternoon and I had them do a blood test. I get the results tomorrow.”
Britta stared at her incredulously. “You didn’t have time? You had class and a project? Annie, this is huge. This is something you make time for. Home pregnancy tests are really accurate and they only take a couple minutes. I, um, well… I actually have one if you want to use it…”
“No! I can’t! I don’t want-” Annie stopped herself and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t want to know yet.”
“What?! Why not?”
“Well…” Annie hesitated. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Britta about the situation with Jeff, especially since she’d already pledged to kill him. Of course, after the last twenty four hours, Annie wasn’t entirely sure she’d want to stop Britta from doing just that. She didn’t see a way out of it though, and Britta certainly wasn’t likely to let the subject drop. “I guess… the longer I wait to find out, then the longer it doesn’t have to be one or the other. And… well, I was hoping Jeff would be there with me when I found out for sure.”
Britta wrinkled her nose. “Oh yeah. Where is that infuriating wad of directionless testosterone?”
Annie stared at her lap. “I don’t know,” she said quietly.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Britta asked suspiciously.
Annie opened her mouth to begin explaining what happened, but instead of words all that came out were sobs and before she knew it she was bawling uncontrollably. Somewhere along the way she felt Britta’s arms wrap her in a hug and her head pulled down to rest on Britta’s shoulder. When her sobbing finally began to subside, she tried to explain what had happened at dinner. But through the sniffles and coughs and whines, she wasn’t sure how coherent she was being.
“I really am going to kill him,” she heard Britta mutter under her breath. Apparently she’d gotten the gist of what Annie had been trying to tell her.
Annie raised her head and regarded Britta through red, puffy eyes. “Britta, what am I going to do? I know I usually seem like I have it all together, but I-” Annie fought down another sob, “I can’t do this by myself!”
Britta reached down and took Annie’s hand with both of hers. “Oh, sweetie, no. Don’t think like that. Jeff is a lot of things, but… well, he really does love you, and I just can’t see him abandoning you. Especially if you’re pregnant.”
“Then where is he? Why won’t he answer me?” Annie’s shoulders began shaking all over again.
Britta grimaced, clearly unfamiliar with playing the role of comforter. She tried rubbing Annie’s hand reassuringly. “Annie… you know Jeff… he doesn’t respond well to emotional shocks. Hell, I told him I loved him and his response was to go outside and French a nineteen year old girl.”
Annie couldn’t help but huff out a surprised laugh, her giggles mixing in equal parts with her whimpers. “Do you… do you remember when Pierce pretended to be his dad and Jeff chased down his car and made him crash?”
Britta grinned. “Or when he thought he was out of the study group and he attacked the table with a fire axe?”
Another bout of giggles racked Annie. It was strange how some things that seemed so serious at the time ended up being so funny when you looked back on them. All the pieces, all the memories, they all wove together to make up part of the tapestry of your life. And even though some of them had hurt at the time, Annie wouldn’t have traded them for anything.
“My point is, Annie,” Britta went on, “we’ve had more than our share of fights and arguments and whatever over the years. Jeff’s had plenty of opportunities to bail on all of us, but, well… he always comes back in the end.”
“You… you really think so?” Annie asked uncertainly.
“I know so. And hey, if he doesn’t, then we’ll call Shirley and get that detective guy she works for to find him and then the three of us will kill him for real,” Britta said through a smirk.
Annie’s lip trembled again, but instead of breaking down she spread her arms wide and waited for Britta to wrap her in another hug. For a few moments, her anxiety and despair had gotten the better of her, but deep down she knew that Britta was right about Jeff. And moreover, she knew that no matter what happened, she would never have to go it alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day, Annie was feeling much more introspective as she sat in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Britta and Abed had offered to go with her, but she had declined as gently as she could. She was still holding out hope that Jeff would finally make an appearance and if he did, she didn’t want any more drama than there was already likely to be. And if he didn’t… then she’d have a chance to reflect on her feelings before having to share the news with anyone, regardless of what that news was. Because she found that she was much more conflicted about what she wanted than she thought she would be.
Annie had always wanted kids. Of that, she had no doubt. But there were things she had wanted to accomplish first, not to mention the planning and research she’d need to do. There were a million reasons why she should be hoping the test came back negative. Relationship reasons. Financial reasons. Career reasons. Jeff reasons. But at the same time, some of the best things that had ever happened to her had been spur of the moment with little to no planning involved. Deciding to go to Greendale. Moving in with Troy and Abed. Deciding to re-enroll at Greendale. Heading to Australia with Jeff. And even with his inopportune disappearing act, there was a part of her that very much wanted to have a family with him.
She knew she ought to be mad at him, but mostly she just felt sad that he wasn’t there. Sad, and a little worried. Emotional shock or not, it had been almost two days without any sign of him. She’d checked by his apartment at lunchtime and he still hadn’t been home. Maybe it was denial or maybe it was just her mind trying to protect itself, but she was certain she’d see him again soon. And she knew that what Britta had said was true. He really did love her. And for now, that was enough. Annie closed her eyes and could see him smiling at her. Those little looks he had always reserved just for her…
When she’d first met him, she thought it was just her imagination. Cool, good looking guys like Jeff had never paid any attention to her before that. But things had really started for her just before the pep rally, when Jeff had gone out of his way to try to make things up to her for pushing Troy towards football. Then he’d sat next to her, with his arm around her shoulder, and she’d told herself that it was just because he felt guilty about the way he’d acted. That had begun a long-standing pattern between them of Jeff doing something to upset her and then moving Heaven and Earth to make things right.
But it wasn’t until that day in the study room that the idea ever entered her head that he might actually be interested in her. It had all seemed so simple. All she did was let her hair down, but the way he had looked at her… it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. Then Shirley had popped in and given voice to the tension hanging in the air and neither of them had known what to do. By the next night, she had basically written it off as just a weird out of body experience caused by the power of Shirley’s suggestion. But then… She hadn’t planned to do it. The idea had never even occurred to her beforehand. Victory in the debate had seemed certain, but then Simmons had launched himself out of his wheelchair, Jeff caught him, and suddenly all the work they’d put in was about to be for nothing. Well, Annie Edison didn’t work hard for nothing. She grabbed Jeff and kissed him, and the gym had gone silent - or maybe she just thought it had - and then Simmons was dropping to the floor, Jeff was turning towards her, his hands encircling her waist, and the force with which he’d kissed her back… The dazed look on his face afterwards had told her all she needed to know.
Still, there was a big difference between being interested in someone and actually wanting to pursue it. At that time, she hadn’t yet let go of Troy and Jeff was preoccupied with alternately pursuing Britta and Professor Slater. Nevertheless, they remained in each other’s orbit for the rest of the year, even throughout her relationship with Vaughn. She’d been sad when he told her he was transferring to Delaware, but then he’d shocked her by asking her to come along. Her first impulse had been to say yes. Vaughn was sweet and cute, he wrote dumb but sincere songs for her, and he was the first real (heterosexual) boyfriend she’d ever had. Also, it seemed like an adventure. And having a spontaneous adventure like that was something she’d always had on her list of things to do while in college. But she was already having second thoughts by the time the dance rolled around. Vaughn was sweet and cute, but he didn’t challenge her intellectually. She couldn’t envision herself ending up with him and if she moved across the country with him… it just made things a little too real. But the most difficult thing would have been leaving Greendale and the study group. Greendale was the first place she’d ever felt like she truly belonged, and that was mainly thanks to the six people who were already becoming like an extended family to her.
So when she pulled Jeff aside to tell him that she was transferring to Delaware, part of her was hoping he’d explain why it wouldn’t work, tell her it was a stupid idea, or make some sort of inspirational speech to convince her to stay. And maybe, she was even hoping just a little that he’d give her a more personal reason to stay. Jeff had been unexpectedly supportive though, and the next thing she knew she was in the car with Vaughn, driving away. But they hadn’t made it very far before she was ready to have a panic attack. She’d made him stop the car, and then explained all the reasons why she just couldn’t go through with it, despite how much she cared about him. Well, all the reasons save one. Vaughn had taken it surprisingly well. He dropped her back at campus, they kissed goodbye, and then he’d driven to Delaware and out of her life.
Annie had wandered around campus for a while, reacquainting herself with the place she’d almost left. As she passed various buildings or landmarks, little memories from throughout the year kept popping into her head, and she knew she’d made the right decision. Eventually she was drawn to the library, and had headed towards the study room - the place that felt more like home than her ratty little apartment ever had. But before she had reached it, she saw him. The one reason for staying that she hadn’t told Vaughn about.
“I thought you left.”
There wasn’t much more Annie could do than shrug. “I couldn’t go.”
“What happened?”
I just couldn’t leave this place. I just couldn’t leave all of you. “I guess as we were driving away, I finally started living in the moment. And I realized that, in the moment, Greendale is where I belong. What are you doing out here?”
“Oh, you know, Britta and Slater told me they loved me.”
The rather surprising news had kicked her heart into overdrive. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What did you do?”
“I ran away.” Part of her had been disappointed in him. But part of her also felt sorry for him. It had been quite clear from the beginning that Jeff wasn’t exactly the best at handling emotional situations, and she knew that if both Britta and Slater had told him they loved him, it couldn’t have been pretty. “I don’t know… it’s hard. Slater makes me feel like I do when I write my New Year’s resolutions. She makes me feel like the guy I want to be.” Annie had almost gasped in surprise - he was actually opening up to her! “And Britta makes me feel like the guy I am three weeks after New Year’s, when I’m back to hitting my snooze button and screening my mom’s phone calls, back to who I really am. So, do you try to evolve? Or do you try to know what you are?”
At that point she really had felt sorry for him. For all the ways he tried to play the cool, invincible lawyer, he struggled with the same sorts of problems that all the rest of them did. He raised a good question too. One that she certainly didn’t have the answer for. “I don’t know. I wish I could live two lives. One of me could go with Vaughn, and one of me could stay here.” It was as honest an answer as she could give. But something was bothering her, she just couldn’t put a finger on-
“Yeah, one of me could be back with Slater, and the other could try it with Britta. And then we could all get together for some weird foursome.”
Annie huffed out a laugh. She’d never seen this side of him before, all solemn and emotionally vulnerable. And yet even then he managed to maintain his sense of humor. It was part of what she-
“Um, I guess I’ve got to go… deal with it.”
“Good luck!”
Jeff paused. “Um, I’m glad you’re staying.” Annie nodded. He’s your friend, of course he’s glad you’re staying. It doesn’t mean-
Jeff spread his arms and stepped towards her. She spread her arms and stepped forward as well. Her arms wrapped around his waist as his enveloped her, and her head laid gently against his shoulder. And then it hit her. This was where she belonged. Her heart, which had already been beating quickly, redoubled its efforts. Jeff was about to go “deal with it.” Which meant he was probably going to pick between Britta and Slater. And once he made that choice, who knew what would happen? She might never get to find out if-
They pulled apart, but instead of taking off for the cafeteria, Jeff just stood there and sighed contentedly. This was her chance. She started towards him, slowly, tentatively. Her eyes flicked down to his lips, then back up. He looked slightly confused, as if wondering whether what he thought was happening was actually happening. She expected him to turn away, to put his hands up, or tell her to stop. But he didn’t. She went on her tiptoes and leaned forward and then their lips met. It was slightly stiff and awkward, it didn’t last long, and for a moment Annie figured she’d just ruined everything. They separated, and Annie looked at him uncertainly, her face silently asking the question of whether she’d just done the worst thing possible. Jeff stood motionless, the dazed look had returned to his face, but there was something else there too. Desire. Craving.
He only remained still for a second, but it felt like the longest second of Annie’s life. Then he practically lunged at her, his lips colliding with hers. His hands gripped her sides and hers came up to grip his arms, and then his arm slid around her, cupping the back of her head, pulling her closer as they sank deeper and deeper into the kiss.
All sorts of visions floated through Annie’s head. Going home with him, kissing some more, and then making their way to his bedroom… Spending the summer with him, going shopping together and to the movies… Sophomore year, dating the coolest guy on campus, walking from class to class with his arm around her… Graduation, when she’d already have a successful job lined up, Jeff would return to being a lawyer, and he’d take her out for dinner where he’d hide the ring in her dessert…
But instead of all that, Jeff had broken away from her, stuttered some excuses and promised to call her. And before she knew it, she was standing by herself with just her bags. All summer she’d waited, but he only ever called once. It was about a week before the semester started and he said he wanted to talk about discretion…
She knew what she’d felt that night was real. She knew it. So when he’d acted ashamed, when he’d pushed her away, it hurt as much as anything she’d ever known. They could’ve been happy together. Why couldn’t he see it too?
With the perspective she’d gained over the subsequent years, she’d come to realize that it was probably for the best. Both of them had had a lot of growing up to do. If they’d gotten together then, it likely would not have ended well. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t wanted it. It didn’t mean it wasn’t painful to have been dismissed like she was. Over the years there seemed to be no end to the ways in which he could confuse her, deny his feelings, or generally run her in circles. But she hadn’t given up on him then, and she wouldn’t give up on him now.
Annie stared longingly at her phone for several more minutes, willing it to display some sort of message from Jeff. But by the time a nurse came and called for her, it still hadn’t made a peep. Annie stood and shook herself slightly, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Without another glance at her phone, she strode into the office alone to get the most important news of her life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Kate is a reference to Intro to Felt Surrogacy, in case some of you are wondering where she came from.
Author: cgkm2099z
Pairing: Jeff/Annie
Spoilers: Current
Rating: PG-13
Warning One naughty word, Self-loathing author
Word Count: 8,830
Disclaimer: I do not own Community. Community, and its characters, are the creation of the great Dan Harmon. I think it's still owned by Sony Pictures Television, but after the hack, I'm not so sure. The title is from the song "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons.
A/N: So, this chapter was completed a week or two ago, but I purposely waited to post it. I wanted to get a good chunk of the subsequent chapter completed first. In part so that I could tweak a couple things, but also, well... I think some of you are going to be mad at me for this one.
A note on the timeline in case it isn't clear: paintball took place four weeks after Jeff and Annie returned from Australia (the last part of chapter 18 took place Sunday evening). The first section of this chapter takes place the Friday after paintball and the rest picks up three weeks after paintball.
As always, your comments are greatly appreciated!
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Jeff sat leaned back in his office chair, his feet propped up on his desk, skimming the last couple paragraphs of his lesson plan for his first class of the semester next Monday. Annie had made him promise that he’d do it, so he’d tried. But halfway through he’d started getting that antsy feeling of impending doom that seemed to accompany the start of every semester and he could feel the beginnings of the familiar tightness in the chest. Jeff closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing down the mental image of the bottle of scotch that was stashed in the drawer of his desk. He dropped his feet to the floor, tossed the lesson plan on his desk, and then logged onto his computer to check his email.
He quickly cleared his inbox of spam, including at least a dozen of the Dean’s “great idea” emails for how to improve Greendale and Chang’s daily ranking of Annie and Britta. After that, he typed out a couple responses to legitimate messages, the most important being the email from Shirley detailing her move and containing pictures of the Bennett family’s new setup in Mr. Butcher’s residence. He was about to shut down the computer when he felt that niggling but insistent pull again. His eyes drifted down to the internet browser and soon he was clicking on his newest bookmark. The one that he had titled: Washington DC jobs.
There were more than a few prominent law firms in DC, and even a few that he thought might allow him to retain his soul. But Jeff also found himself highly intrigued by Annie’s lobbyist suggestion. Half the job seemed like it was schmoozing with Senators, Congress members and other important functionaries. The beauty of it was that you could lobby for either side of any issue, and Jeff Winger’s superpower had always been the ability to assume any position that suited his purpose.
He’d only meant to take a quick glance, but before he knew it almost an hour had passed. He was a long way from actually pulling the trigger and trying to make a move, but it felt therapeutic to know that there were, in fact, options out there. In the meantime, there was another idea he’d been toying with. Something he’d enjoy more than teaching, but would also keep him at Greendale with Annie and Abed and Britta. He decided that now was as good of a time as any to see whether it would work. Jeff shut down his computer and made his way over to a familiar office door. He paused and took a breath, then knocked.
“Come in!” Jeff opened the door and strode into the office. “Oh, hello Jeffrey! I thought you would’ve already gone home for the weekend.”
Jeff dropped heavily into one of the chairs opposite the Dean’s desk. “That’s next on my to-do list. But first there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
The Dean gasped. “Are you volunteering to be part of the trial run for the full body scanners at campus entry points? You can’t be too careful about security these days, you know. I’ll have to oversee it of course, and probably keep copies of one or two scans just for reference purposes...”
Jeff rolled his eyes. “No, but it’s sort of related to that. Dean, how often does this school get sued?”
The Dean’s obvious disappointment faded into a pensive look. After several moments of silence Jeff cleared his throat in an effort to prompt a response. The Dean cocked his head to the side and hummed. “I’m trying to decide between incessantly and perpetually.”
“Those are synonyms.”
“Is incestually a word?”
“If it is, it’s not one you want to use.”
“We’ll just go with a lot, then. Why do you ask?”
Jeff looked the Dean directly in the eye. “How would you feel about retaining legal counsel?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Annie was bustling around trying to finish getting ready for her date with Jeff. She tightened her belt with one hand while running a brush through her hair with the other and swishing around a mouthful of mouthwash. It was two weeks into the semester and recently it too often seemed like she was trying to do three things at once. One of the nice things about dating Jeff Winger, however, was that he took even longer grooming himself than she did. So she never had to worry about an impatient boyfriend pestering her about when she’d be ready to leave.
She spit out the mouthwash and set the brush aside before touching up her makeup and refastening her ankle brace. She still had to limp around because of her injury, but the worst of it had passed. And thankfully she had finally been able to trade in the walking boot for a smaller brace that actually allowed her to wear normal shoes. Tonight Jeff was fulfilling his promise to take her out for a nice dinner with Borchert’s thank-you money and she was more than a little excited to try out her first five star restaurant. Normally she’d have put on a pair of heels for this type of place, but that just wasn’t going to happen with a bum ankle so instead she found herself squeezing into a pair of dark blue flats that matched her dress.
After she was finished getting dressed, Annie grabbed her phone and found a text from Jeff that said he’d be there in about ten minutes. She opened up her calendar and did a quick accounting of her tasks for the next few days. Tomorrow (Monday) she had two morning classes and one in the afternoon, but on this particular day she also had a routine doctor’s checkup and in the evening she’d have to put the finishing touches on her first ballistics lab project. Taking six courses, dating Jeff, plus her Save Greendale committee responsibilities didn’t leave her a lot of free time, but she made a mental promise that if she got her lab done early she’d reward herself with a sleepover at Jeff’s.
The Save Greendale committee had undergone some turnover what with Shirley and Hickey’s departure. Chang had become a permanent member and the Dean had hired a woman named Francesca Dart to help out in the aftermath of the rather unfortunate cafeteria roof collapse. Frankie had initially been a bit of a bull in a china shop, but things had begun to smooth over after some early friction between her and the rest of the group. Normally Annie would’ve bristled at someone usurping her role as committee head, but with the way her schedule was panning out she found that she was actually relieved to have someone reliable to take on some of the responsibility.
Speaking of the Save Greendale committee…
Annie stuffed her phone into her flower adorned purse and covered a yawn with her hand as she limped out to the kitchen. Typically indefatigable, her nonstop schedule had been wearing on her lately. She grabbed a small glass from the cupboard, the faucet hissing as she filled it with water, then grabbed a small bottle of pills from the corner drawer. She made her way to Abed’s door and rapped out a quick ‘shave and a haircut’ knock.
Abed’s muffled voice called for her to enter and she moved swiftly through the door. Abed was laying on his bed watching TV, the remote control held tightly in his right hand. His left foot was propped up on a small stack of pillows and was wrapped tightly with bandages. It had taken less than a week from the arrival of the replica House Vagadosh family sword for Abed to find a way to gash his foot. Annie popped open the bottle of pills and handed one to Abed along with the glass of water.
“Here, it’s time to take your antibiotics.”
Abed grimaced and popped the pill into his mouth before washing it down with a few swigs of water. The two of them had made for a rather sorry sight over the past few days, with each of them limping around the apartment - Annie favoring her right foot and Abed his left.
Abed finished draining the glass of water and handed it back. “Thanks Annie. Want a chocolate?” Abed gestured towards a small pile of foil wrapped chocolates on his end table.
Annie shook her head. “No thanks, I’m about to go to dinner with Jeff.”
Abed glanced surreptitiously at his phone. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Annie sighed. “Jeff’s taking me to the Palace Arms and I don’t want to spoil my appetite.”
Abed grabbed one of the chocolates off the table and held it out to her. “I really think you should have one. It will help.”
Annie eyed the shiny foil. For some reason the thought of chocolate repulsed her and she suddenly felt nauseous. “Ugh… no, I can’t.” She paused for a moment as what Abed had said sunk in. “Wait, what do you mean it will help?”
Abed looked away. “Well you’ve got a big date. And it’s just time, that’s all. Past time, really.”
“What are you-” Annie gasped as her eyes bulged halfway out of their sockets. Before she could think of anything to say, her phone began belting out the lyrics to Howie Day’s “Collide.”
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
Jeff had arrived.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Come on,” Jeff prodded, “at least have a little champagne. I got this bottle for us to share and toasting with water is just lame.”
“Um,” Annie tittered nervously, “I’m sorry, I can’t… I… my stomach is just unsettled, that’s all.” It wasn’t an outright lie. Her stomach had been doing backflips ever since she realized the implication of Abed’s offer of chocolate.
Jeff frowned. “All right, fine. But if I drink all of this then you’re going to have to drive home, and I am not responsible for my side-seat driving.”
Annie smiled feebly and shrugged. Jeff took it for agreement and pulled his car keys out of his pocket, placing them down in front of Annie.
“I hope you realize the level of trust I’m placing in you here,” Jeff said with mock seriousness. “This is the most important responsibility you have ever had.”
Oh, if you only knew…
Jeff picked up his flute of champagne and they shared a toast to the new schoolyear, the Save Greendale committee, and Jeff’s new position as the school’s legal representative. The dinner that followed consisted of four courses. Annie started with a vegetable soup to try to settle her stomach whereas Jeff went with a salad, then a crab cake appetizer preceded their main courses: roasted halibut for Annie and filet mignon for Jeff. Each of the courses was elaborately presented in such a way as to make it appear that you were getting more food for the exorbitant prices than you actually were. Annie found the smallish portions a relief, however, given her lack of appetite.
Jeff was in a particularly talkative mood and Annie was content to pick at her dinner while he jabbered away about getting up to speed on Greendale’s legal situation and a case he was already working on to defend the school from injury claims stemming from the paintball game. The work had invigorated Jeff and Annie couldn’t remember seeing him this passionate about anything since his early semester searches for the perfect blow-off class. He seemed happy and content, which simultaneously made Annie overjoyed and all the more reluctant to shatter his mood. But as their dessert of crème brûlée and fresh fruit was placed down in front of them, she knew she had to say something.
“There’s something I really-”
“So there’s something important-”
They both stopped short after initially talking over each other and indicated for the other to continue.
Annie shook her head. “No, please Jeff, you first.” She was grateful for the slight reprieve, but also knew that if she gave her news first, Jeff would likely never get to whatever it was he wanted to say.
“Ok, um…” Jeff cleared his throat. “Uh, so as you’ve probably noticed since I can’t shut up about it, I’m really enjoying having actual legal work to do again. It even makes the teaching more bearable.” Jeff chuckled and sat back in his chair. “Anyway, I uh, I wanted to thank you… you know… for giving me a kick in the ass.”
Annie smiled widely at him. “You’re welcome. I’m… I’m happy that you’re happy.”
Jeff pulled something out of his pocket and held it below the table. He seemed suddenly nervous. “I got you something…” Annie eyed him quizzically as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. After a moment he extended his left hand, which was gripping a small white box. “Here.”
Annie reached out tentatively and took the box from Jeff. It felt light as a feather. She delicately removed the lid and peered down at the contents. Sitting on a bed of black velour was a small silver key.
Annie stared at it for a moment in puzzlement. Then suddenly her breath caught in her throat and her head snapped up to meet Jeff’s gaze. He was staring at her intently, trying to gauge her reaction. “Is this…?” Annie managed weakly.
“It’s a key to my apartment,” Jeff said diffidently. “I just figured it would be easier, you know, since you’ve been spending so much time there and all…” He broke away from her gaze and stared at the table. “It’s dumb, I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it.”
The stinging in Annie’s eyes disagreed with Jeff’s assessment of the importance of the gesture and she had to struggle against the tears that had started pooling. She clutched the box tightly to her chest with her right hand and reached the other out to take hold of his. His eyes drifted back up to meet with hers again. “Jeff…” she said shakily, “this is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.”
Jeff let out a sigh of relief and his smile finally seemed to relax. “Well maybe I overshot then. I was going for something more along the lines of ‘convenient and lightly sentimental.’”
Annie huffed out a laugh and gazed at him fondly. She could see through the act and he knew it. But she allowed him to keep up the pretense.
“So, uh, what was it you wanted to tell me?”
Annie’s anxiety came rushing back in an instant. For a few blissful moments she had actually been able to forget.
“Ummm… I… I’m not really sure how to say this. I want to stress that I don’t know anything for certain yet, but I…” Annie felt Jeff squeeze her hand and she realized she’d fallen into a dazed silence. She refocused her attention on him, he was wearing a look of mild concern, but she doubted he had any idea what was in store for him.
“I’m late.”
Annie held her breath.
Jeff’s forehead crinkled and the concerned look was replaced by a perplexed one. “Late for what?”
“Jeff, nooo,” Annie whined. As she repeated the two little words, her eyes went wide to emphasize the second one. “I’m late.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The unseasonably cold night air felt like a slap in the face after the warmth of the restaurant. Jeff tore at his collar, undoing the top button and loosening the tie that seemed to be strangling him. He grasped a nearby railing with both hands and leaned over as if to vomit over the side. He wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t. He closed his eyes and lowered his chin to his chest in an effort to get his head to stop spinning.
I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this.
This can’t be happening.
God, I am SO not ready for this!
Everything had been going perfectly up until 83 seconds ago. The restaurant was really posh, the food was incredible, Annie looked amazing… even the stupid key had been a hit. But then… then the meaning of those two little words had sunk in.
I’m late.
The whole world had seemed like it was collapsing on top of his chest and the restaurant walls felt as though they had taken on an exaggerated convex shape, bowing inward to smother him. The need to get outside into the open air had been overpowering and ultimately irresistible.
I’m late.
He wasn’t ready to be a father. He’d only recently discovered that he was ready to be a serious boyfriend. This was a completely different level of responsibility. He’d thought about wanting to have kids. He’d thought about wanting to have kids with Annie. But this was just too real. He didn’t know the first thing about childcare or how to take an infant and help mold them into an articulate and functioning adult. Hell, he was barely an articulate and functioning adult himself. Failure was all but certain.
I’m late.
This just didn’t fit with his life right now. He was only just getting himself reestablished in law and he still had teaching responsibilities. He didn’t have time to go shopping for cribs and strollers and clothes, let alone actually care for a baby once it arrived. And what about Annie? Would she move in with him? He wasn’t sure he had the financial wherewithal to support himself, Annie and a child, not to mention the stress this would put on their still fledgling relationship.
I’m late.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t part of his plan. Not yet anyway. He’d wanted some time to be with Annie first. Up until now everything had been going better than he could have possibly imagined. But they’d been together for less than two months. After five years of dancing around it, they’d finally gotten together and he’d… well… he’d wanted her to himself for longer. And then maybe… someday…
I’m late.
Annie had been abnormally quiet and jittery all night. Now he knew why. Only after he’d given her the key had she seemed like herself for a few brief moments. But then he’d asked about what she’d started to tell him and she transformed again. In his mind’s eye, he could still see the look in her eyes as she began speaking. She’d been hesitant, evasive, nervous. She’d been… scared.
You selfish prick.
All his thoughts had been consumed with how this news affected him, how it affected his life, and how it affected his plans. Well what about Annie’s plans? Annie wanted to get her second degree, intern for the FBI, and make her mark on the world. And Jeff had never doubted that she would. The idea of Annie Edison not accomplishing her goals had just been… inconceivable to him. And now… he’d fucked it up. He’d wrecked her plans and taken her dreams away from her. In the end it turned out that the unstoppable Annie Edison could only be stopped by one thing: Jeff Winger.
She’d been afraid. Afraid of what the future might hold, afraid of what it could mean for the two of them, afraid of what his reaction might be. And what had he done? He’d bolted. Bolted like the coward that he was. Left her sitting by herself, literally unable to run after him because of her ankle. The woman he loved and future mother of his child had needed him more than ever, and he ran away.
And now she was sitting in a restaurant, alone and afraid.
He had never felt so ashamed in all his life. He had to go back.
Slowly but surely, he forced himself to let go of the railing. The cold of the metal had seeped into the joints of his hands and getting his knuckles to unbend felt like prying open a set of rusty hinges. He stood up straight and began trudging back towards the entrance to the restaurant. Somehow he felt like every step ought to have been accompanied by a dirge. He opened the front door and moved into the atrium. As the tingling of his skin signaled the returning warmth, Jeff looked through the glass pane separating the atrium from the main dining area. He could see Annie sitting at their table, one hand supporting her forehead and the other using a spoon to aimlessly stir her water. She looked so small and vulnerable.
He had to go to her. Jeff took a deep breath and desperately tried to prepare himself. He didn’t have the first clue about what to say to her, but “I’m sorry” was probably a good place to start.
“Hello, Jeff,” a female voice said from his side, “long time no see.”
Jeff turned and froze as soon as he saw the source of the voice. He wanted to run again, but his legs seemed to be rooted in place.
“Kate,” he said tersely, “what are you doing here?”
“Getting dinner.” Kate’s breezy voice had always been accompanied by a light laugh, as if she was perpetually amused by the world around her. He’d always found it intoxicating. At least he hadn’t taken that away from her. “That’s still legal in this state, yes?”
“Of course, I just…” Jeff’s mind had gone blank. What do you say to a woman you abandoned?
Kate let out another airy and carefree laugh. “Relax, Jeff. I got over being mad at you a long time ago. I’m with someone else now, and I’m happy.”
Jeff breathed an internal sigh of relief. “That’s… good. That’s good, I’m happy for you. How’s, uh, Evan doing?”
Kate closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, causing her dark red curls to faintly sway. The amused smile never left her lips. “Ethan is fine. He just started high school. He’s still playing baseball, too. He made the junior varsity team last year as an eighth grader.”
Jeff winced at getting her son’s name wrong. It had been six years, but he felt like he was only digging himself in deeper with this woman.
As if remembering her son’s name would have somehow made up for bailing on the two of them as soon as I found out about him… he thought bitterly.
“That’s great and uh, well, it was good to see you, Kate. You look good. I have to get going though, I’m actually here with-”
“Yes,” Kate said thoughtfully, “I saw you with your date. She looks… young. And speaking of dates, here comes mine now.”
Jeff turned as he felt a hand clap down on his shoulder and for the second time in two minutes, felt frozen in place.
“…Dad?”
“Hey, there Jeff! You aren’t tryin’ to steal my girl are ya?”
Once again, Jeff’s brain felt like it had been degaussed. “I… I was just…”
“Ah, relax, I’m just messing around. Kate and I saw you in the restaurant earlier. She wanted to go say hello, but I didn’t want to disturb you.”
Kate sauntered over and placed a light kiss on William Winger’s cheek. “Well, I’ll let you boys get caught up. I’ll be outside, dear.”
Father and son watched as Kate made her way out the front, her slim figure wrapped in a full length overcoat. Jeff could’ve sworn she was putting a little extra swing into her hips.
Jeff turned back to his father, his face a mixture of incredulity and disgust. “You’re dating Kate? You know that she and I used to…”
William shrugged. “Sure, she told me about it. I figured it just means you have good taste. Not sure why you let her go though, she’s a redhead that loves scotch and Die Hard.”
“She’s half your age!”
“Yeah, well, Willy Junior finally moved out earlier this year, and I thought I’d have a little fun. It’s not like it’s serious or anything.”
Jeff’s anger flared. “She seems to think it is!”
William shrugged again. “Ah, you know how women are. If you tell ‘em it’s a fling then they won’t go along with it. You’ve gotta play the game. Besides, she’s got a kid. I don’t need that again, that’s for sure.” He turned towards the restaurant and gestured in Annie’s direction. “Anyway, I saw you with that sweet little thing in there. You know what the score is. Gotta catch ‘em young before they learn all the tricks. Oh, now don’t look at me like that. I used to think like you. Wanted to do the opposite of my old man and settle down the right way. But it’s the same with all us Winger men; the wanderlust gets us sooner or later. Boy, I tell ya Jeff,” William Winger chuckled and Jeff didn’t think he’d ever heard anything more revolting. That is, until the next words he heard come out of his father’s mouth, “You remind me so much of myself.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The key slid in easily enough, but the lock stuck for a moment as they often do when using a new key. Eventually it gave way and the door swung open, revealing Jeff’s darkened apartment. Annie hadn’t really expected it, but she had been hoping against hope to find him there. But the darkness instantly dashed what little hope she’d had.
She stepped into the apartment and flipped on the living room lights before closing the door softly behind her. Her eyes ran slowly over the room, taking in all the little details that reminded her so much of Jeff: the immaculate carpet, the absurdly expensive throw pillows, and the neatly folded blankets that were placed just so. He wasn’t there, but his presence permeated the entire apartment and even that felt slightly comforting.
She hadn’t known what to expect of Jeff by way of reaction to her news, and to say she was apprehensive about it would have been more than an understatement. She could see the blood drain out of his face as the realization had hit him, and then… Well, it hadn’t been a complete surprise when he’d jumped up from the table and disappeared through the front door of the restaurant. Not a complete surprise, but certainly not the reaction she’d hoped for. Her first thought was that he just needed to get some air and that once the initial shock had worn off, he’d return to talk things over with her. But the longer she’d sat there stirring her water, the more apparent it became that he wasn’t coming back at all. At some point their waiter had approached the table to nervously inform her that the bill had been paid.
If she’d been in her normal mindset, she probably would’ve found it embarrassing to be left like that - to have to thank the waiter and ask if a tip had been left, and then walk out of the restaurant alone. But all she could really focus on was the need to find Jeff. She had his car keys so she figured he couldn’t have gone far. But as she stepped out the front door, she noticed the doorman helping an elderly couple into a taxi. After it departed, Annie questioned the doorman who, to her dismay, confirmed that a man fitting Jeff’s description had caught a cab approximately ten minutes earlier.
She’d already tried calling him a half dozen times, but his phone was going straight to voicemail. On two occasions she had left him messages, pleading with him to call her as soon as possible. The only other thing she could think to do was to head to his apartment, so that’s what she’d done. Finding it dark wasn’t a surprise, but her already frazzled nerves had taken another hit nonetheless.
She decided to stay, since this place offered her the best chance of getting to talk to him. He’d have to return sooner or later after all. She shed her coat and hung it up before limping over to the couch and sinking down tiredly onto it. The clock on the cable box read 8:32. She stared at it without moving until it read 8:36, her mind blank and feeling utterly powerless. Finally, she pulled out her phone and began tapping out text messages.
Jeff, I know this is a shock, it was to me too. But nothing is certain and I really need to talk to you.
I’m at your apartment. Please come home so we can talk. Or at least let me know that you’re ok.
Over the next few hours, Annie experienced a wide range of emotions: sadness, fear, anger, melancholy, resignation, despair… She thought about trying to watch TV or read, but she knew she’d be unable to focus on it, so mostly she just stared at her phone and prayed to hear the sound of a key in the lock. Periodically, the inaction became too much to bear and she’d type out another text.
Where are you?
Are you ok? I’m worried about you.
I miss you. I love you.
Jeff I’m scared. Please don’t leave me alone.
Sometime after midnight she found herself curled up in Jeff’s usual spot on his bed. Her phone lay next to her, the infernal device still obstinately refusing to display any sort of message from Jeff.
This wasn’t how she’d imagined spending her first night at Jeff’s place after having been given a key.
He never returned, but if he had, Jeff would’ve had to endure the sound of Annie crying herself to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Come on, Annie, open the door!” Britta’s muffled voice was accompanied by more insistent pounding.
Annie lifted the pillow off her face before mustering up what energy she could to shout back. “No, just please leave me alone!” It ended up being more of a whine than a shout.
The pounding on the door went from intermittent to constant. “My bed is literally ten feet from your door, I can do this all night!” Britta hollered over her relentless banging.
It had been just over a week since Britta had joined Annie and Abed in apartment 303, and aside from a kerfuffle over them receiving a subsidy from Britta’s parents, things had been going pretty well. At the moment, however, Annie was regretting it.
The hammering on the door came to an abrupt halt.
Annie could only make out bits and pieces, but she could hear two voices arguing. After a few moments, a precise knock sounded on the door followed by Abed’s voice. “Annie, I must insist that you and Britta resolve whatever issue there is between you. The new episode of Inspector Spacetime starts in ten minutes and I cannot allow a roommate disturbance to disrupt that.”
“Abed! Annie’s in some kind of a crisis, try to be more sensitive!”
“Why? Does this have something to do with her missing her period? I thought that-”
“WHAT?!” The beating on the door resumed, harder than ever, and Annie began to worry that they’d get complaints from the neighbors. That or Britta would actually break her door down.
She reluctantly dragged herself out of bed, limped over to her door and undid the lock. The door flew open and Britta almost tackled Annie as she rushed into the room. She grabbed Annie by the arms and ushered her quickly over to the bed.
“Ok, now tell me everything!” Britta exclaimed breathlessly as they sat down on the bed. Annie glanced at the doorway where Abed was still standing, an uncertain look on his face. Britta followed her gaze and made a shooing motion at him. “It’s ok, Abed, I’ve got this!”
Abed still dithered. “Are you sure? I’ve been working with Rachel on being more aware of my social responsibilities. Annie is my friend and if she needs someone to talk to then society dictates that ought to be more important to me than a TV show.”
Despite her mood, Annie couldn’t help but let out an “Aww!”
Britta hopped up from the bed and trotted over to take Abed’s hand. “Abed, sweetie, don’t worry. You’re a good friend. But this is girl stuff. I promise we’ll let you know if we need anything.”
Abed looked over at Annie and she nodded. He turned back to Britta, nodded once, and then hobbled back towards his room. Britta closed the door behind her before rejoining Annie on the bed.
“Sooo? Tell me everything! When did you find out? Where’s Jeff? Does he know? I mean, I have to kill him, obviously, but this is so exciting! Or is it? I guess you weren’t planning on this, huh? Are you going to stay in school? Are you going to move in with Jeff? And what about your career? Don’t feel pressured by the patriarchal hegemony to stay home barefoot and pregnant. You can always get daycare, or better yet, have Jeff be the stay at home dad. I’d pay to see that. Oh, but I definitely still have to kill him. Too bad Shirley left or she’d help. Come on, I need details!”
Annie’s eyes had gone wide by the end of Britta’s bout of verbal diarrhea. Now she knew how Jeff felt. She decided to start off slowly.
“Well, um, I’ve been so busy lately that I didn’t really notice it. But I am over a week late. And now that I think about it, I have been more tired than I would normally be and I’ve been having unusual bouts of nausea. It wasn’t until last night when I was getting ready for my date with Jeff that Abed reminded me and it all sort of clicked. Oh, he’s apparently still tracking our menstrual cycles, by the way.”
Britta shuddered and mimed retching. “Eww! And now we’re living in the same apartment?!”
Annie shrugged. “Yeah, it’s gross. But he means well. Just be suspicious any time he offers you chocolate.” Britta mimed retching again. “Anyway… I don’t know for sure yet. I-”
“What do you mean you don’t know for sure?”
Annie glanced around uncomfortably. “Well… I had to leave for my date with Jeff and I didn’t really have time to do anything about it. And then I had class today and a project to finish. But I did have a doctor appointment this afternoon and I had them do a blood test. I get the results tomorrow.”
Britta stared at her incredulously. “You didn’t have time? You had class and a project? Annie, this is huge. This is something you make time for. Home pregnancy tests are really accurate and they only take a couple minutes. I, um, well… I actually have one if you want to use it…”
“No! I can’t! I don’t want-” Annie stopped herself and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t want to know yet.”
“What?! Why not?”
“Well…” Annie hesitated. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Britta about the situation with Jeff, especially since she’d already pledged to kill him. Of course, after the last twenty four hours, Annie wasn’t entirely sure she’d want to stop Britta from doing just that. She didn’t see a way out of it though, and Britta certainly wasn’t likely to let the subject drop. “I guess… the longer I wait to find out, then the longer it doesn’t have to be one or the other. And… well, I was hoping Jeff would be there with me when I found out for sure.”
Britta wrinkled her nose. “Oh yeah. Where is that infuriating wad of directionless testosterone?”
Annie stared at her lap. “I don’t know,” she said quietly.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Britta asked suspiciously.
Annie opened her mouth to begin explaining what happened, but instead of words all that came out were sobs and before she knew it she was bawling uncontrollably. Somewhere along the way she felt Britta’s arms wrap her in a hug and her head pulled down to rest on Britta’s shoulder. When her sobbing finally began to subside, she tried to explain what had happened at dinner. But through the sniffles and coughs and whines, she wasn’t sure how coherent she was being.
“I really am going to kill him,” she heard Britta mutter under her breath. Apparently she’d gotten the gist of what Annie had been trying to tell her.
Annie raised her head and regarded Britta through red, puffy eyes. “Britta, what am I going to do? I know I usually seem like I have it all together, but I-” Annie fought down another sob, “I can’t do this by myself!”
Britta reached down and took Annie’s hand with both of hers. “Oh, sweetie, no. Don’t think like that. Jeff is a lot of things, but… well, he really does love you, and I just can’t see him abandoning you. Especially if you’re pregnant.”
“Then where is he? Why won’t he answer me?” Annie’s shoulders began shaking all over again.
Britta grimaced, clearly unfamiliar with playing the role of comforter. She tried rubbing Annie’s hand reassuringly. “Annie… you know Jeff… he doesn’t respond well to emotional shocks. Hell, I told him I loved him and his response was to go outside and French a nineteen year old girl.”
Annie couldn’t help but huff out a surprised laugh, her giggles mixing in equal parts with her whimpers. “Do you… do you remember when Pierce pretended to be his dad and Jeff chased down his car and made him crash?”
Britta grinned. “Or when he thought he was out of the study group and he attacked the table with a fire axe?”
Another bout of giggles racked Annie. It was strange how some things that seemed so serious at the time ended up being so funny when you looked back on them. All the pieces, all the memories, they all wove together to make up part of the tapestry of your life. And even though some of them had hurt at the time, Annie wouldn’t have traded them for anything.
“My point is, Annie,” Britta went on, “we’ve had more than our share of fights and arguments and whatever over the years. Jeff’s had plenty of opportunities to bail on all of us, but, well… he always comes back in the end.”
“You… you really think so?” Annie asked uncertainly.
“I know so. And hey, if he doesn’t, then we’ll call Shirley and get that detective guy she works for to find him and then the three of us will kill him for real,” Britta said through a smirk.
Annie’s lip trembled again, but instead of breaking down she spread her arms wide and waited for Britta to wrap her in another hug. For a few moments, her anxiety and despair had gotten the better of her, but deep down she knew that Britta was right about Jeff. And moreover, she knew that no matter what happened, she would never have to go it alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day, Annie was feeling much more introspective as she sat in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Britta and Abed had offered to go with her, but she had declined as gently as she could. She was still holding out hope that Jeff would finally make an appearance and if he did, she didn’t want any more drama than there was already likely to be. And if he didn’t… then she’d have a chance to reflect on her feelings before having to share the news with anyone, regardless of what that news was. Because she found that she was much more conflicted about what she wanted than she thought she would be.
Annie had always wanted kids. Of that, she had no doubt. But there were things she had wanted to accomplish first, not to mention the planning and research she’d need to do. There were a million reasons why she should be hoping the test came back negative. Relationship reasons. Financial reasons. Career reasons. Jeff reasons. But at the same time, some of the best things that had ever happened to her had been spur of the moment with little to no planning involved. Deciding to go to Greendale. Moving in with Troy and Abed. Deciding to re-enroll at Greendale. Heading to Australia with Jeff. And even with his inopportune disappearing act, there was a part of her that very much wanted to have a family with him.
She knew she ought to be mad at him, but mostly she just felt sad that he wasn’t there. Sad, and a little worried. Emotional shock or not, it had been almost two days without any sign of him. She’d checked by his apartment at lunchtime and he still hadn’t been home. Maybe it was denial or maybe it was just her mind trying to protect itself, but she was certain she’d see him again soon. And she knew that what Britta had said was true. He really did love her. And for now, that was enough. Annie closed her eyes and could see him smiling at her. Those little looks he had always reserved just for her…
When she’d first met him, she thought it was just her imagination. Cool, good looking guys like Jeff had never paid any attention to her before that. But things had really started for her just before the pep rally, when Jeff had gone out of his way to try to make things up to her for pushing Troy towards football. Then he’d sat next to her, with his arm around her shoulder, and she’d told herself that it was just because he felt guilty about the way he’d acted. That had begun a long-standing pattern between them of Jeff doing something to upset her and then moving Heaven and Earth to make things right.
But it wasn’t until that day in the study room that the idea ever entered her head that he might actually be interested in her. It had all seemed so simple. All she did was let her hair down, but the way he had looked at her… it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. Then Shirley had popped in and given voice to the tension hanging in the air and neither of them had known what to do. By the next night, she had basically written it off as just a weird out of body experience caused by the power of Shirley’s suggestion. But then… She hadn’t planned to do it. The idea had never even occurred to her beforehand. Victory in the debate had seemed certain, but then Simmons had launched himself out of his wheelchair, Jeff caught him, and suddenly all the work they’d put in was about to be for nothing. Well, Annie Edison didn’t work hard for nothing. She grabbed Jeff and kissed him, and the gym had gone silent - or maybe she just thought it had - and then Simmons was dropping to the floor, Jeff was turning towards her, his hands encircling her waist, and the force with which he’d kissed her back… The dazed look on his face afterwards had told her all she needed to know.
Still, there was a big difference between being interested in someone and actually wanting to pursue it. At that time, she hadn’t yet let go of Troy and Jeff was preoccupied with alternately pursuing Britta and Professor Slater. Nevertheless, they remained in each other’s orbit for the rest of the year, even throughout her relationship with Vaughn. She’d been sad when he told her he was transferring to Delaware, but then he’d shocked her by asking her to come along. Her first impulse had been to say yes. Vaughn was sweet and cute, he wrote dumb but sincere songs for her, and he was the first real (heterosexual) boyfriend she’d ever had. Also, it seemed like an adventure. And having a spontaneous adventure like that was something she’d always had on her list of things to do while in college. But she was already having second thoughts by the time the dance rolled around. Vaughn was sweet and cute, but he didn’t challenge her intellectually. She couldn’t envision herself ending up with him and if she moved across the country with him… it just made things a little too real. But the most difficult thing would have been leaving Greendale and the study group. Greendale was the first place she’d ever felt like she truly belonged, and that was mainly thanks to the six people who were already becoming like an extended family to her.
So when she pulled Jeff aside to tell him that she was transferring to Delaware, part of her was hoping he’d explain why it wouldn’t work, tell her it was a stupid idea, or make some sort of inspirational speech to convince her to stay. And maybe, she was even hoping just a little that he’d give her a more personal reason to stay. Jeff had been unexpectedly supportive though, and the next thing she knew she was in the car with Vaughn, driving away. But they hadn’t made it very far before she was ready to have a panic attack. She’d made him stop the car, and then explained all the reasons why she just couldn’t go through with it, despite how much she cared about him. Well, all the reasons save one. Vaughn had taken it surprisingly well. He dropped her back at campus, they kissed goodbye, and then he’d driven to Delaware and out of her life.
Annie had wandered around campus for a while, reacquainting herself with the place she’d almost left. As she passed various buildings or landmarks, little memories from throughout the year kept popping into her head, and she knew she’d made the right decision. Eventually she was drawn to the library, and had headed towards the study room - the place that felt more like home than her ratty little apartment ever had. But before she had reached it, she saw him. The one reason for staying that she hadn’t told Vaughn about.
“I thought you left.”
There wasn’t much more Annie could do than shrug. “I couldn’t go.”
“What happened?”
I just couldn’t leave this place. I just couldn’t leave all of you. “I guess as we were driving away, I finally started living in the moment. And I realized that, in the moment, Greendale is where I belong. What are you doing out here?”
“Oh, you know, Britta and Slater told me they loved me.”
The rather surprising news had kicked her heart into overdrive. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What did you do?”
“I ran away.” Part of her had been disappointed in him. But part of her also felt sorry for him. It had been quite clear from the beginning that Jeff wasn’t exactly the best at handling emotional situations, and she knew that if both Britta and Slater had told him they loved him, it couldn’t have been pretty. “I don’t know… it’s hard. Slater makes me feel like I do when I write my New Year’s resolutions. She makes me feel like the guy I want to be.” Annie had almost gasped in surprise - he was actually opening up to her! “And Britta makes me feel like the guy I am three weeks after New Year’s, when I’m back to hitting my snooze button and screening my mom’s phone calls, back to who I really am. So, do you try to evolve? Or do you try to know what you are?”
At that point she really had felt sorry for him. For all the ways he tried to play the cool, invincible lawyer, he struggled with the same sorts of problems that all the rest of them did. He raised a good question too. One that she certainly didn’t have the answer for. “I don’t know. I wish I could live two lives. One of me could go with Vaughn, and one of me could stay here.” It was as honest an answer as she could give. But something was bothering her, she just couldn’t put a finger on-
“Yeah, one of me could be back with Slater, and the other could try it with Britta. And then we could all get together for some weird foursome.”
Annie huffed out a laugh. She’d never seen this side of him before, all solemn and emotionally vulnerable. And yet even then he managed to maintain his sense of humor. It was part of what she-
“Um, I guess I’ve got to go… deal with it.”
“Good luck!”
Jeff paused. “Um, I’m glad you’re staying.” Annie nodded. He’s your friend, of course he’s glad you’re staying. It doesn’t mean-
Jeff spread his arms and stepped towards her. She spread her arms and stepped forward as well. Her arms wrapped around his waist as his enveloped her, and her head laid gently against his shoulder. And then it hit her. This was where she belonged. Her heart, which had already been beating quickly, redoubled its efforts. Jeff was about to go “deal with it.” Which meant he was probably going to pick between Britta and Slater. And once he made that choice, who knew what would happen? She might never get to find out if-
They pulled apart, but instead of taking off for the cafeteria, Jeff just stood there and sighed contentedly. This was her chance. She started towards him, slowly, tentatively. Her eyes flicked down to his lips, then back up. He looked slightly confused, as if wondering whether what he thought was happening was actually happening. She expected him to turn away, to put his hands up, or tell her to stop. But he didn’t. She went on her tiptoes and leaned forward and then their lips met. It was slightly stiff and awkward, it didn’t last long, and for a moment Annie figured she’d just ruined everything. They separated, and Annie looked at him uncertainly, her face silently asking the question of whether she’d just done the worst thing possible. Jeff stood motionless, the dazed look had returned to his face, but there was something else there too. Desire. Craving.
He only remained still for a second, but it felt like the longest second of Annie’s life. Then he practically lunged at her, his lips colliding with hers. His hands gripped her sides and hers came up to grip his arms, and then his arm slid around her, cupping the back of her head, pulling her closer as they sank deeper and deeper into the kiss.
All sorts of visions floated through Annie’s head. Going home with him, kissing some more, and then making their way to his bedroom… Spending the summer with him, going shopping together and to the movies… Sophomore year, dating the coolest guy on campus, walking from class to class with his arm around her… Graduation, when she’d already have a successful job lined up, Jeff would return to being a lawyer, and he’d take her out for dinner where he’d hide the ring in her dessert…
But instead of all that, Jeff had broken away from her, stuttered some excuses and promised to call her. And before she knew it, she was standing by herself with just her bags. All summer she’d waited, but he only ever called once. It was about a week before the semester started and he said he wanted to talk about discretion…
She knew what she’d felt that night was real. She knew it. So when he’d acted ashamed, when he’d pushed her away, it hurt as much as anything she’d ever known. They could’ve been happy together. Why couldn’t he see it too?
With the perspective she’d gained over the subsequent years, she’d come to realize that it was probably for the best. Both of them had had a lot of growing up to do. If they’d gotten together then, it likely would not have ended well. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t wanted it. It didn’t mean it wasn’t painful to have been dismissed like she was. Over the years there seemed to be no end to the ways in which he could confuse her, deny his feelings, or generally run her in circles. But she hadn’t given up on him then, and she wouldn’t give up on him now.
Annie stared longingly at her phone for several more minutes, willing it to display some sort of message from Jeff. But by the time a nurse came and called for her, it still hadn’t made a peep. Annie stood and shook herself slightly, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Without another glance at her phone, she strode into the office alone to get the most important news of her life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Kate is a reference to Intro to Felt Surrogacy, in case some of you are wondering where she came from.