Rambling About the One
I have these dreams of finding someone spectacular who will bring a completely new light to my life. The man who sweeps me off my feet and who doesn't disappoint me. The one who will actually put as much stock into his promises as I do. The man who will do anything possible to be with me even if that means rearranging his schedule. I just don't understand why I can't accept that that isn't reality. That the guy who is so sweet, attentive, and giving probably isn't going to be what I envision in my head. It seems silly that I can't let go of this dream, but I cling to it relentlessly. It worries me because I never took myself for being such a romantic, but everyday that seems to be more true. Maybe it is the hormones that is causing these feelings to be more pronounced, but I just can't shake this feeling that the dream is not in my destiny and that I'm just going to hurt myself badly because I refuse to let it go. Just once I would like to have the guy who brings me flowers, the one who kisses me hello like he couldn't stand the time he was away from me, the one who thinks about me constantly, the one who wants to whisk me away for a romantic weekend.
I know I'm young still and I'm talking about something that is likely not to happen to me for 3-5 years at the minimum, but its so frustrating. Girls who never dreamed about families, girls who nag, and girls who use guys all seem to find these wonderful guys and me (I know I have my faults)... I don't even know what kind of relationship I'm in. All I know is I feel extremely lonely and I want to reach out to him, but I fear doing so because I feel like it will be added pressure and that I shouldn't because that's not where we are. Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing in this situation. I know I really don't want to to be in a serious relationship, but am I cut out to do the casual thing? I don't have doubts when I'm with him because of course everything is wonderful then. I just don't want to get too attached. I guess that's it. I'm just waiting for the slap in the face since thus far its only been a matter of time.
I just don't know right now.
I know I'm young still and I'm talking about something that is likely not to happen to me for 3-5 years at the minimum, but its so frustrating. Girls who never dreamed about families, girls who nag, and girls who use guys all seem to find these wonderful guys and me (I know I have my faults)... I don't even know what kind of relationship I'm in. All I know is I feel extremely lonely and I want to reach out to him, but I fear doing so because I feel like it will be added pressure and that I shouldn't because that's not where we are. Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing in this situation. I know I really don't want to to be in a serious relationship, but am I cut out to do the casual thing? I don't have doubts when I'm with him because of course everything is wonderful then. I just don't want to get too attached. I guess that's it. I'm just waiting for the slap in the face since thus far its only been a matter of time.
I just don't know right now.