Rant of a Depressed, Sad and Lonely Girl
Why do I constantly let myself get all excited about something and then when it doesn't happen it feels like I want to just crawl in a hole and avoid everyone for a really long time?
I'm missing something from my life. I hate not being busy. That is the one thing about being at school that is distressing. I like keeping busy or having something to do at all times. Even if it is just sitting in bed all day watching movies. Right now there feels like I am lacking everything because for the first weekend in forever he isn't online for me to talk to him. He has become my crutch and I really shouldn't depend on him, because he doesn't need me in the same way. Why do I do that? Why do I latch on to people? Most times they don't even know it, but I do and it hurts when they don't realize it. I don't know what to do. I'm floating around in an abyss and it seems like I'll never find a way out. Am I doomed to trying to find myself in some sort of relationship (physical or in a dating sense) and then driving that person away because the little girl in me who is forever alone can't deal with relying on herself? On top of that, am I continually going to beg and plead with people to love/care for me? Am I going to make myself feel like I have no self-worth because I put myself in positions that are completely unrealistic? I just don't know anymore. Maybe I never knew. This seems to be a continual problem with me yet I have not found a suitable solution. Ahh... the unknown.... my worst enemy.
I'm missing something from my life. I hate not being busy. That is the one thing about being at school that is distressing. I like keeping busy or having something to do at all times. Even if it is just sitting in bed all day watching movies. Right now there feels like I am lacking everything because for the first weekend in forever he isn't online for me to talk to him. He has become my crutch and I really shouldn't depend on him, because he doesn't need me in the same way. Why do I do that? Why do I latch on to people? Most times they don't even know it, but I do and it hurts when they don't realize it. I don't know what to do. I'm floating around in an abyss and it seems like I'll never find a way out. Am I doomed to trying to find myself in some sort of relationship (physical or in a dating sense) and then driving that person away because the little girl in me who is forever alone can't deal with relying on herself? On top of that, am I continually going to beg and plead with people to love/care for me? Am I going to make myself feel like I have no self-worth because I put myself in positions that are completely unrealistic? I just don't know anymore. Maybe I never knew. This seems to be a continual problem with me yet I have not found a suitable solution. Ahh... the unknown.... my worst enemy.