it doesn't matter that I attend one of the more selective music schools in the country. I feel that way too. I have a really hard time believing in my own talent. I don't know if anyone would bother with me outside of this place, and I feel like they only deal with me here because I'm nice and I work hard. A good student.
But I keep telling myself that indulging in insecurities is a waste of time, and trying to figure out whether I measure up across the board is also a depressing waste of time. It is, and I know it. I tell myself that my insecurities don't matter ultimately--and they don't. I'll do my best to do whatever it is I choose, do it with as little reservation as possible, and see where that leads me. It's easier to stay sane if you're focusing on one day at a time and not getting involved with the pettier side of life and music.
SO stop yelling at yourself. Voices take a really, really long time. If you start to beat yourself up over it, you won't progress. Singing is like that. If you care too much in the wrong direction, you don't improve. Music is not for enduring, it's for enjoying and giving.
As on every occasion that you leave me a thoughtful, mature comment like this, I know intellectually that you are probably right. Emotionally, however, I'm not there yet; working on it, but not there. Right now, self-doubt and fear are the still only reactions I know how to have when I see myself falling short -- quite literally, I can't seem to talk myself into any other more positive response, and it sure isn't for lack of trying.
So, as always, congratulations on your healthy attitude towards pressure. Hopefully one day soonish I'll be in a position to truly learn from your example.
But I keep telling myself that indulging in insecurities is a waste of time, and trying to figure out whether I measure up across the board is also a depressing waste of time. It is, and I know it. I tell myself that my insecurities don't matter ultimately--and they don't. I'll do my best to do whatever it is I choose, do it with as little reservation as possible, and see where that leads me. It's easier to stay sane if you're focusing on one day at a time and not getting involved with the pettier side of life and music.
SO stop yelling at yourself. Voices take a really, really long time. If you start to beat yourself up over it, you won't progress. Singing is like that. If you care too much in the wrong direction, you don't improve. Music is not for enduring, it's for enjoying and giving.
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But secondly, is this the recital you were viciously sick before-during?
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So, as always, congratulations on your healthy attitude towards pressure. Hopefully one day soonish I'll be in a position to truly learn from your example.
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