Fifth and Final No, Jayne's Song
Title: Fifth and Final No, Jayne's Song
Series: Finding
Sub-Series: Five Times No
Characters: Jayne/River, Mal, crew
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post-BDM, five years after Miranda, after Fourth No.
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Finally!!! It is done, the Five No's are done! For the prompt so kindly, patiently waited for by
bookaddict43 . She is the soul of patience! And a great gal too! And for
jaynedancing for asking how it would go if Jayne lost control on Mal, so I went down the path to see it happen. The lyrics are by Jim Steinmann, sung by Meat Loaf, my guilty pleasure. This is a song arc that hopefully will flow more smoothly. Concrit is much appreciated.
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline no matter when they appear.
Five No's Organizational Post
Had to split into two posts... lj being tweaky. Part One
Later
She felt him choose, felt him withdraw and retreat from himself. Her fingertips brushed his cheek, felt an unnatural coolness there. He had always been warm, often burning to her touch. This was the first time she had ever felt him cold. Fear darkened her eyes; she reached out to him, pulled one of his hands close. Cold, no touch of the fire that was Jayne.
“Jayne? Jayne, xin li, please no.” She pleaded softly. She knew loud would be heard no more than soft. Her whisper barely registered as sound at all.
“Now is not the time. Sleep, be, but return.”
~*~
He heard faintly on the still air her voice. A bird’s call, sweet and soothing. He sighed and closed his eyes letting the sound of her song quiet him. Sleep, forgetting, and then letting go; he released a breath and then no more.
A shrieking call and talons pulled him aware. His beautiful bird with her shimmering plumage was launching her tiny body against him, plucking at his fur, his head exposed. Wings beat about his face, buffeted him awake.
Grumbling, he swatted with a paw at the frantic bird. Wanted to get back to the peaceful nothingness he had finally found.
A tear of talons across his brow, the high pitched cry of her anguished voice drove the last of that hope away, waking him fully.
~*~
His body had cooled to the point where Simon was hoping warm infusions of plasma would stave off system-shut down, but he had little hope for the man his sister would not leave. Simon had doped Jayne as he had too to stop the brutal fight with the Captain. In doing so he had had to so overdose the man that he feared he had pushed him to the other side of recovery to inevitable death.
River had not said anything to Simon, had not made his culpability in potentially killing Jayne verbal and he felt that she probably never would. She just held the man’s cold hand and talked in low undertones to him. Simon had tried to hear what she was saying, but her voice was pitched to low for hearing.
On the other bed in the infirmary Mal’s breaths were coming strong and regular. Simon had been fortunate enough that the damage done was all within his medical skills to manage easily. A few more minutes with Jayne and it would have been impossible. Inara had been comforting to the young doctor when he had started stumbling through his explanation of the series of events leading to the end.
They had all looked to River to find answers. Answers to what kind of man would wake if Jayne survived. It was a painful reminder to them all of River after the Maidenhead fight.
~*~
“Albatross, we have ourselves a terribly hard question on our hands.” Mal said as kindly as he could. His right cheek was swollen and bruised; a split lip topped a line purpled down to his neck. Bandage above his right eye hid a laceration ugly with its’ depth. The rest of him was as colored and marked. His voice was softer than usual, coarser from a blow across his throat. But he lived.
River nodded, eyes hidden behind a curtain of hair.
“Sweetie, Jayne isn’t safe. He has been getting worse hasn’t he?” Inara asked, her arm soothingly around River’s shoulders.
“Dancing with the song of violence ringing in his ears.” River murmured softly.
Zoë interrupted, “He was going to kill the Captain, said he would years back if he got pushed hard enough.”
Mal snorted grimly, “Seems I found that push. But tell me true Albatross. Do I got more ta worry on with my merc.?”
“Not your merc… my balance, the root around which all flows. End one, end the other. Will follow where I must.”
“He has to know if what Jayne is will keep being a threat to us; to him.” Zoë said less kindly.
River threw her hair back over her shoulders; looked from one person to the next evenly and calmly.
“Why should I let a man live who I can’t trust to not turn on me.” Mal finished Zoë’s thought.
Frustration clear in her voice, River spoke, “A lord over his kingdom needs around him those loyal to his cause. Must trust in those he has chosen, those who have chosen themselves to stay…” She stopped, reached out to rest her fingers gently on her unconscious husband’s arm. “Trust Captain. There is no other answer if the kingdom will survive.”
“You know better than I do that trust isn’t coin we trade on much.” Mal grunted back.
“It keeps us a family. It keeps us whole.” She answered evenly.
“He was going to kill me Albatross!”
“Yes. You did not trust him. Have not before. He will never believe until you do.”
Before Mal could erupt, Inara stopped him, understanding more than she knew. “Mal, it has been more than six years since Jayne came onto Serenity. When have you ever trusted him?”
Mal snorted, shook his head while grimacing in pain, “Never, and you can the see why!” He gestured at his bandages.
“Despite that he has followed you into hell and back… like the rest of us.” Zoë said in response, oddly quiet herself.
Mal sputtered, looked at his crew, could see that their question was not one of betrayel but of a desire for appeasement. It was five long years after Miranda, he had kept a wall between them and especially Jayne. The pressure from that had driven a wedge into the stability of Jayne’s tenuous control.
Mal sighed, “Well Doc, seems our mer… Jayne, has a trigger. Any chance of a safe-word?”
~*~
Jayne felt heat return to his limbs, felt the burn course down his arms, making his hands itch and clench. He groaned as he felt the light against his skin. Knew the ceiling of the infirmary would greet his view when he opened his eyes. A small swell of moisture leaked down his face, trailing a cool line across skin growing progressively warmer.
Lips brushed the salty drop from his cheek; apple tickled his senses. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was her, his xiâo que. A heavy breath escaped him, relief and sadness coiling together.
“You promised me you would never leave.” Her voice still had the song of his dream bird to it.
He struggled to find his own voice, the man’s, not the bear’s.
“You promised me there was no place you would rather be.”
He grunted, eyes barely slit open, the light too bright, her face haloed in darkened shadow.
“I know…” He managed to answer.
“Bears and lions must live shoulder to shoulder, must not let the madness step in to destroy that which requires all three; bear, lion , and bird.”
“I know… I…” He stuttered, voice still not his own.
“Must not lose what is not yours to lose.”
He got his eyes to focus on hers, confused at what she was meaning.
“The madness is not yours to loose upon the lion; must live as brothers despite the divide.” She tried to explain.
Jayne shook his head slightly, unsure still.
River sighed, pursed her lips in thought. “Two are as one, one leaves and the other will follow…’Bein’ a genius don’t give ‘er sense’… will follow the bear even if leaving the lion.”
He turned his head away, tried to retreat inwards only to be repulsed by something he couldn’t define. He looked back at her, “I won’t go.”
“Won’t leave the home?”
“I ain’t leavin’ Serenity.”
“Won’t kill the lion who believes his kingdom is all he watches over?”
“Won’t if he don’t kill me first.”
“Xin li…” River tightened her hold on his hand, her fingers curling around his, feeling the familiar pulse of flame through his skin. Comforted by it. Exasperated at his argument.
“No… dunno how, but I won’t kill Mal if that’s what yer sayin’.” Jayne answered gruffly, knowing he would be struggling with that promise for the rest of his years.
“Can’t leave to keep the promise.” She replied.
“Won’t leave…”
“Cannot let yourself go quietly into that night. Cannot stay where only the bird and the bear roam. May only visit; more time to be here first.”
“No dyin’…?”
“Yes. Must not chose to stay there where there is nowhere.”
“No dyin’.” He met her eyes clearly, awake, fire connecting the two with all the pain and warmth flames destroy and create. Mingling of the two until one defined the other and they spiralled in life and death.
“No choosin’ ta die.”
~*~
xiâo que: little bird
xin li: my heart
Series: Finding
Sub-Series: Five Times No
Characters: Jayne/River, Mal, crew
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post-BDM, five years after Miranda, after Fourth No.
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Finally!!! It is done, the Five No's are done! For the prompt so kindly, patiently waited for by
bookaddict43 . She is the soul of patience! And a great gal too! And for
jaynedancing for asking how it would go if Jayne lost control on Mal, so I went down the path to see it happen. The lyrics are by Jim Steinmann, sung by Meat Loaf, my guilty pleasure. This is a song arc that hopefully will flow more smoothly. Concrit is much appreciated.
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline no matter when they appear.
Five No's Organizational Post
Had to split into two posts... lj being tweaky. Part One
Later
She felt him choose, felt him withdraw and retreat from himself. Her fingertips brushed his cheek, felt an unnatural coolness there. He had always been warm, often burning to her touch. This was the first time she had ever felt him cold. Fear darkened her eyes; she reached out to him, pulled one of his hands close. Cold, no touch of the fire that was Jayne.
“Jayne? Jayne, xin li, please no.” She pleaded softly. She knew loud would be heard no more than soft. Her whisper barely registered as sound at all.
“Now is not the time. Sleep, be, but return.”
~*~
He heard faintly on the still air her voice. A bird’s call, sweet and soothing. He sighed and closed his eyes letting the sound of her song quiet him. Sleep, forgetting, and then letting go; he released a breath and then no more.
A shrieking call and talons pulled him aware. His beautiful bird with her shimmering plumage was launching her tiny body against him, plucking at his fur, his head exposed. Wings beat about his face, buffeted him awake.
Grumbling, he swatted with a paw at the frantic bird. Wanted to get back to the peaceful nothingness he had finally found.
A tear of talons across his brow, the high pitched cry of her anguished voice drove the last of that hope away, waking him fully.
~*~
His body had cooled to the point where Simon was hoping warm infusions of plasma would stave off system-shut down, but he had little hope for the man his sister would not leave. Simon had doped Jayne as he had too to stop the brutal fight with the Captain. In doing so he had had to so overdose the man that he feared he had pushed him to the other side of recovery to inevitable death.
River had not said anything to Simon, had not made his culpability in potentially killing Jayne verbal and he felt that she probably never would. She just held the man’s cold hand and talked in low undertones to him. Simon had tried to hear what she was saying, but her voice was pitched to low for hearing.
On the other bed in the infirmary Mal’s breaths were coming strong and regular. Simon had been fortunate enough that the damage done was all within his medical skills to manage easily. A few more minutes with Jayne and it would have been impossible. Inara had been comforting to the young doctor when he had started stumbling through his explanation of the series of events leading to the end.
They had all looked to River to find answers. Answers to what kind of man would wake if Jayne survived. It was a painful reminder to them all of River after the Maidenhead fight.
~*~
“Albatross, we have ourselves a terribly hard question on our hands.” Mal said as kindly as he could. His right cheek was swollen and bruised; a split lip topped a line purpled down to his neck. Bandage above his right eye hid a laceration ugly with its’ depth. The rest of him was as colored and marked. His voice was softer than usual, coarser from a blow across his throat. But he lived.
River nodded, eyes hidden behind a curtain of hair.
“Sweetie, Jayne isn’t safe. He has been getting worse hasn’t he?” Inara asked, her arm soothingly around River’s shoulders.
“Dancing with the song of violence ringing in his ears.” River murmured softly.
Zoë interrupted, “He was going to kill the Captain, said he would years back if he got pushed hard enough.”
Mal snorted grimly, “Seems I found that push. But tell me true Albatross. Do I got more ta worry on with my merc.?”
“Not your merc… my balance, the root around which all flows. End one, end the other. Will follow where I must.”
“He has to know if what Jayne is will keep being a threat to us; to him.” Zoë said less kindly.
River threw her hair back over her shoulders; looked from one person to the next evenly and calmly.
“Why should I let a man live who I can’t trust to not turn on me.” Mal finished Zoë’s thought.
Frustration clear in her voice, River spoke, “A lord over his kingdom needs around him those loyal to his cause. Must trust in those he has chosen, those who have chosen themselves to stay…” She stopped, reached out to rest her fingers gently on her unconscious husband’s arm. “Trust Captain. There is no other answer if the kingdom will survive.”
“You know better than I do that trust isn’t coin we trade on much.” Mal grunted back.
“It keeps us a family. It keeps us whole.” She answered evenly.
“He was going to kill me Albatross!”
“Yes. You did not trust him. Have not before. He will never believe until you do.”
Before Mal could erupt, Inara stopped him, understanding more than she knew. “Mal, it has been more than six years since Jayne came onto Serenity. When have you ever trusted him?”
Mal snorted, shook his head while grimacing in pain, “Never, and you can the see why!” He gestured at his bandages.
“Despite that he has followed you into hell and back… like the rest of us.” Zoë said in response, oddly quiet herself.
Mal sputtered, looked at his crew, could see that their question was not one of betrayel but of a desire for appeasement. It was five long years after Miranda, he had kept a wall between them and especially Jayne. The pressure from that had driven a wedge into the stability of Jayne’s tenuous control.
Mal sighed, “Well Doc, seems our mer… Jayne, has a trigger. Any chance of a safe-word?”
~*~
Jayne felt heat return to his limbs, felt the burn course down his arms, making his hands itch and clench. He groaned as he felt the light against his skin. Knew the ceiling of the infirmary would greet his view when he opened his eyes. A small swell of moisture leaked down his face, trailing a cool line across skin growing progressively warmer.
Lips brushed the salty drop from his cheek; apple tickled his senses. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was her, his xiâo que. A heavy breath escaped him, relief and sadness coiling together.
“You promised me you would never leave.” Her voice still had the song of his dream bird to it.
He struggled to find his own voice, the man’s, not the bear’s.
“You promised me there was no place you would rather be.”
He grunted, eyes barely slit open, the light too bright, her face haloed in darkened shadow.
“I know…” He managed to answer.
“Bears and lions must live shoulder to shoulder, must not let the madness step in to destroy that which requires all three; bear, lion , and bird.”
“I know… I…” He stuttered, voice still not his own.
“Must not lose what is not yours to lose.”
He got his eyes to focus on hers, confused at what she was meaning.
“The madness is not yours to loose upon the lion; must live as brothers despite the divide.” She tried to explain.
Jayne shook his head slightly, unsure still.
River sighed, pursed her lips in thought. “Two are as one, one leaves and the other will follow…’Bein’ a genius don’t give ‘er sense’… will follow the bear even if leaving the lion.”
He turned his head away, tried to retreat inwards only to be repulsed by something he couldn’t define. He looked back at her, “I won’t go.”
“Won’t leave the home?”
“I ain’t leavin’ Serenity.”
“Won’t kill the lion who believes his kingdom is all he watches over?”
“Won’t if he don’t kill me first.”
“Xin li…” River tightened her hold on his hand, her fingers curling around his, feeling the familiar pulse of flame through his skin. Comforted by it. Exasperated at his argument.
“No… dunno how, but I won’t kill Mal if that’s what yer sayin’.” Jayne answered gruffly, knowing he would be struggling with that promise for the rest of his years.
“Can’t leave to keep the promise.” She replied.
“Won’t leave…”
“Cannot let yourself go quietly into that night. Cannot stay where only the bird and the bear roam. May only visit; more time to be here first.”
“No dyin’…?”
“Yes. Must not chose to stay there where there is nowhere.”
“No dyin’.” He met her eyes clearly, awake, fire connecting the two with all the pain and warmth flames destroy and create. Mingling of the two until one defined the other and they spiralled in life and death.
“No choosin’ ta die.”
~*~
xiâo que: little bird
xin li: my heart