Believing in This Living
Title: Believing in This Living
Series: Finding
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Characters: Mal, crew
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Stands alone but fits into and obliquely refers to the 'verse as it has been growing in the series Finding. Kind of rough, any words offered would be welcomed...
Believing in this living
Mal shook his head at the memory of Wash exclaiming that landing might get ‘interesting’. “Oh god, Oh god, we’re all gonna die?”
He had to admit it was Wash’s way of looking at the situation that made flying with him so painfully missed. That, and the loss for Zoë. Mal never could go to certain places with Zoë, even before Wash, and when he wanted to comfort her, there was no way that door would open. So they just left it as it was after Miranda.
Zoë knew Mal was always going to be there if she needed him to be more than her Captain and Sergeant. She never did ask as he recalled.
Staying true. If there was a guiding star in Mal’s life that would be it. Him and Zoë were of a cloth on that front. They only gave their hearts with extreme caution; Mal would have sworn no one would ever capture Zoë’s again. Zoë lost hers to Wash, and then lost Wash. There would never be anyone else to take that space; if there were to be another he would have to fill a different one.
River was a mystery he gave up ever trying to decipher. Her dance had drawn them all into a maelstrom that led out the other side to a world of strangeness and surprises. Mal had to admit to himself that it was his own oversight that let him miss the building paradigm shift that he would have averted had he only paid attention. Grey had streaked his hair, crinkles had deepened from the corners of his eyes before the no longer young woman touched his cheek and gently told him he never had the power to change the course she had followed with her heart glad.
A heart given to a man Mal would have sworn would never have earned it nor accepted it. He was certain Jayne was as surprised as he was. The big mercenary was not a man to talk about what happened or how he felt on it. Mal figured his Albatross had done to him what she did to everyone. She became the brightness in the dark. The proof that life will out. It secretly terrified Mal that River and Jayne had become two explosive forces orbiting each other like two suns. Was many years before he relaxed enough to allow that they may not implode upon one another and draw everyone into the destruction.
Simon, ever the Core-bred Doctor was the one who finally laid Mal’s heart to ease. The Doctor had seen before most of them the calm his little sister found in her dance with Jayne. He saw her find her way to being complete and strong. As he grew old, he would acknowledge that it was the warm heart of Kaylee that let him see that which was not clear to the eye. Simon saw his mei mei flourish where fear and terror had owned her. Stitching one more of innumerable injuries on Jayne after a night of violence spawned in a job gone well of all things, Simon had joined eyes with Mal over the body of the unconscious merc. River was at Mal’s elbow, Jayne’s large, calloused hand grasped in both of hers. Her eyes were fixed on his face, voice softly entreating him to come back to her, to not leave her to dance alone.
Mal knew he had given his heart to Inara, but he wasn’t ready to believe it was going to be received as fully as it was given. He would go to whatever lengths he could to be a man Inara would feel content to leave her former life for, permanently. They circled each other on the ship cautiously, neither one certain of their footing, their grounding. He had no wind to guide him here. That left him with staying the course set after Miranda. His heart still in pieces, his soul torn and flayed from its foundations, the magnitude of the horror of Miranda merely adding to the devastation of the War.
When he looked back to the passing of the years, he saw that she had given all for him and he had done all he could to be worth that. Again the brightness of Kaylee had shown him that love was more than he expected it to be, more powerful that it should be to his thinking. Except it gave him the greatest gifts of all. His life was completed by the living of it.
His truth was made of his crew, his family in point of fact, and Inara. She held the critical piece in her hands. He knew that he would be irretrievably destroyed if he lost her. And in the end, he found that she stayed because she shared that with him.
Series: Finding
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Characters: Mal, crew
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Stands alone but fits into and obliquely refers to the 'verse as it has been growing in the series Finding. Kind of rough, any words offered would be welcomed...
Believing in this living
Mal shook his head at the memory of Wash exclaiming that landing might get ‘interesting’. “Oh god, Oh god, we’re all gonna die?”
He had to admit it was Wash’s way of looking at the situation that made flying with him so painfully missed. That, and the loss for Zoë. Mal never could go to certain places with Zoë, even before Wash, and when he wanted to comfort her, there was no way that door would open. So they just left it as it was after Miranda.
Zoë knew Mal was always going to be there if she needed him to be more than her Captain and Sergeant. She never did ask as he recalled.
Staying true. If there was a guiding star in Mal’s life that would be it. Him and Zoë were of a cloth on that front. They only gave their hearts with extreme caution; Mal would have sworn no one would ever capture Zoë’s again. Zoë lost hers to Wash, and then lost Wash. There would never be anyone else to take that space; if there were to be another he would have to fill a different one.
River was a mystery he gave up ever trying to decipher. Her dance had drawn them all into a maelstrom that led out the other side to a world of strangeness and surprises. Mal had to admit to himself that it was his own oversight that let him miss the building paradigm shift that he would have averted had he only paid attention. Grey had streaked his hair, crinkles had deepened from the corners of his eyes before the no longer young woman touched his cheek and gently told him he never had the power to change the course she had followed with her heart glad.
A heart given to a man Mal would have sworn would never have earned it nor accepted it. He was certain Jayne was as surprised as he was. The big mercenary was not a man to talk about what happened or how he felt on it. Mal figured his Albatross had done to him what she did to everyone. She became the brightness in the dark. The proof that life will out. It secretly terrified Mal that River and Jayne had become two explosive forces orbiting each other like two suns. Was many years before he relaxed enough to allow that they may not implode upon one another and draw everyone into the destruction.
Simon, ever the Core-bred Doctor was the one who finally laid Mal’s heart to ease. The Doctor had seen before most of them the calm his little sister found in her dance with Jayne. He saw her find her way to being complete and strong. As he grew old, he would acknowledge that it was the warm heart of Kaylee that let him see that which was not clear to the eye. Simon saw his mei mei flourish where fear and terror had owned her. Stitching one more of innumerable injuries on Jayne after a night of violence spawned in a job gone well of all things, Simon had joined eyes with Mal over the body of the unconscious merc. River was at Mal’s elbow, Jayne’s large, calloused hand grasped in both of hers. Her eyes were fixed on his face, voice softly entreating him to come back to her, to not leave her to dance alone.
Mal knew he had given his heart to Inara, but he wasn’t ready to believe it was going to be received as fully as it was given. He would go to whatever lengths he could to be a man Inara would feel content to leave her former life for, permanently. They circled each other on the ship cautiously, neither one certain of their footing, their grounding. He had no wind to guide him here. That left him with staying the course set after Miranda. His heart still in pieces, his soul torn and flayed from its foundations, the magnitude of the horror of Miranda merely adding to the devastation of the War.
When he looked back to the passing of the years, he saw that she had given all for him and he had done all he could to be worth that. Again the brightness of Kaylee had shown him that love was more than he expected it to be, more powerful that it should be to his thinking. Except it gave him the greatest gifts of all. His life was completed by the living of it.
His truth was made of his crew, his family in point of fact, and Inara. She held the critical piece in her hands. He knew that he would be irretrievably destroyed if he lost her. And in the end, he found that she stayed because she shared that with him.