Journal Entry: Friday May 14th 2010 11:30 pm
2010 has been a difficult year for many People. I am very grateful for the Special People in my Life who help me through my Darker Days.
In An Autumn Evening, the Poem, I refer to being Single, but not Alone. That is Very True of my Life Today. So Many Years after writing the Poem. It has been two years since Dave an I broke up. Two years that I have been Single. It was very tough in the Beginning, but thanks to my Amazing Circle of Friends, I got through it.
Today I look back on my Relationship with Dave and my Relationship with CJ and smile at the good memories. Tonight I was thinking about my relationship with Damian and smiled as I remembered tender moments. I am 42 years old I have had three Partners in my Life. Now I can look back and remember the good moments of each Relationship. None of the relationships ended well at the time. But I am past that. When I look back to each former Partner, I remember the positive things that happened and not the negative way each relationship ended. My Life today is very different than when I was with my Former Partners. I am Different. In a good way. For the first time in my Life, I am learning to do the things I want to do for me.
I am coming to terms with accepting and vocalizing My Wants and My Needs. I have only one Need of those who are Close to me: Close Friends, Chosen Family, Future Partners: Honesty.
Sincere Brutal Honesty no matter what the message.
Before I consider having another Partner in My Life, I need to find Someone who can be as Honest with me as I am with him or her. I know that level of Honesty is rare.
It is worth the wait.
Until then, I am Single But Not Alone.
I continue to enjoy My Friends and their Company. I am blessed with an Amazing Group of Friends and Chosen Family. They have helped me through my Darkest Days. And they have made my Brightest Days even Brighter.
For the First time in my Life, being Single does not feel like I am incomplete. I have made Peace with the Silence when there is no-one else around. I do not feel uncomfortable when there is no-one else around to respond to. When there is no-one else around to tend to the needs of.
For the First time since my Empathy decided to make up for lost time...
I am okay being alone and simply doing things I want or choose to do.
I am grateful that Keri has been here while I have gotten bad news about Mom. Keri has been a real Blessing, even when I have given her migraine headaches due to the pain that I have been in.
Being Single, Enjoying the Company of Friends, has taught me to look after Myself. Part of that is asking For Help with Something Before I push my Limits too far. I can't spend multiple days in bed because I pushed my health issues to the limit and then exceeded those limits.
Fortunately I am surrounded by Wonderful People who are always ready to help out Physically and Emotionally.
I don't know if I will ever find someone who can be as honest with me as I am with them. But I can wait. Until I meet such a Person, I will continue to Live My Life, not just let it pass me by. I will continue to Share both the Bright and Dark days ahead with My Amazing Company of Friends.