Happy?Unhappy?
Was thinking of blogging since last week to release everything that I've kept inside coz I can't keep things to myself anymore. I don't know if this is what leads to my chest pain. My chest pain was quite frequent these few days. Was having chest pain in the office the other day and there was no one in the office that time. I was scared coz I'm afraid if something REALLY happen to me, no one will be there to save me.
I was practically living in hell for the past 3 weeks and I was like a freaking zombie walking around. But now, the more I thought of it, I found out that there's nothing much to say actually. In fact, there's nothing I can do. Learned to just go with the flow and don't think so much. Not that I can control things also. It won't bring me anywhere by just thinking. My mum was really worried about me and she kept advising me.
There were lots of questions in my head last week but it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore as long as you're by my side. And those silly things I did....thinking back now, it's really silly. When you had your surgery, I had zero information about it and I googled info regarding the surgery and I happen to bump into a forum so that gave me enough info I could get. When you were not contacting me for that 2 weeks, I was so silly that I thought of driving to your house eventhough I don't know where you stay. Just thought of rounding around that area so that I'm at least closer to you but I knocked that off coz getting lost alone is really scary.
Guess I can let go now. Let go in the sense that I won't be so stubborn, holding on to things the way I thought it should be but I'm not going to let you go. Many people will say that I'm hurting myself but I'm not. I'm happy that I'm given a chance to love you.
I was practically living in hell for the past 3 weeks and I was like a freaking zombie walking around. But now, the more I thought of it, I found out that there's nothing much to say actually. In fact, there's nothing I can do. Learned to just go with the flow and don't think so much. Not that I can control things also. It won't bring me anywhere by just thinking. My mum was really worried about me and she kept advising me.
There were lots of questions in my head last week but it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore as long as you're by my side. And those silly things I did....thinking back now, it's really silly. When you had your surgery, I had zero information about it and I googled info regarding the surgery and I happen to bump into a forum so that gave me enough info I could get. When you were not contacting me for that 2 weeks, I was so silly that I thought of driving to your house eventhough I don't know where you stay. Just thought of rounding around that area so that I'm at least closer to you but I knocked that off coz getting lost alone is really scary.
Guess I can let go now. Let go in the sense that I won't be so stubborn, holding on to things the way I thought it should be but I'm not going to let you go. Many people will say that I'm hurting myself but I'm not. I'm happy that I'm given a chance to love you.