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[centerishome]

[[ Follows this. They stood together like that for a long time. At one point, Clarke was fairly certain Jen had actually fallen asleep in his arms. That was fine with him, he would have been happy to hold her all night if she wanted. He was glad she could let herself rest like that. It had to be better than coffee and stubbornness, which he was

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[centerishome]

He'll turn 26 on New Years Day. He pays his bills. He has a job. He's totally self-sufficient. Even so, he's still a kid and the way Gibbs is regarding him right now says that he's thinking that right now but Clarke doesn't care. He presses on.

"Jen told me you and she cleared the air a bit, that's good." Why is he starting with that? Gibbs is going to think he's here to confront him about the sex. He doesn't want Gibbs to think that! He rolls his shoulders back and continues. "She's been through a lot. Me and you both have some blame in it but I don't she will really move on until she and Heather can talk. I think they need to yell and scream at each other until everything that can be said is said. They can pledge to part ways and claim the other is dead to them but that won't make things go away. They're sisters."

He's saying too much. Gibbs knows all this. It's not Clarke's place to tell them to talk each other anyway so why is he bringing it up? Gibbs is going to think he's a moron. A moron with balls is still a moron.

"Whether or not they talk, well that's not up to me. I'm hoping and praying that they do but I don't know Jen's sister that well, I can't put myself there. You do though and I'm not going to ask you to try to convince Jen to talk to her. You don't need me to do that."

He's cursing himself internally. He's really only got this one chance to appeal to Gibbs and if he doesn't get to the point soon he's going to blow it.

"What I really want to talk to you about is me and Jen. It's simple, Agent Gibbs. I'm in love with her. She knows that. She loves me too. We should be together. It shouldn't be complicated but it is. I've told her that I'm not giving up and I've been fighting for her.

It always comes back to this. She doesn't think being with me is a good idea because she thinks it's taking advantage of me since she doesn't think she can give me enough of herself with only having the time left that she does. I understand what she means but I've told her that I don't care if it's not perfect. I know she loves me and that's enough, even with stipulations.

I've plead my case. I spent the afternoon holding her, letting her falling apart in my arms. I don't know what else to do to convince her that it's worth we're worth it, even if it's so far from perfect that parts of it are crappy. I'm not going anywhere."

He sighed, wondering how pathetic Gibbs thought he was.

"I know this conversation is probably the last thing you want to do. The thing is, I love her, Agent Gibbs. I don't know about you but for me, feeling this way about someone doesn't happen very often. Loving someone so hard and having that person love you back? Forget about it. You know her better than anyone. She trusts you. Maybe if you talked to her, she'd really hear it."

[dc_knight]

He almost laughs. Almost. Because he remembers a certain twenty-something who was so smitten with his wife he'd turn into a blubbering idiot every time her name was even mentioned.

He misses Shannon. Right now more than ever.

But he's grown into a man of few words - save for when he's around the Shepard women apparently. And he's none too fond of Clarke bringing up Heather. That isn't his territory and that alone sets him on edge. He leaves that be. But what Clarke says at the end bothers him because the person he does love apparently does not love him back. Not like he thought she did.

"I don't think it's gonna matter all that much coming from me." He shakes his head. "And I think putting me in the middle of what you two have going on is pretty dumb."

[centerishome]

Part of him wants to hang his head and walk away until he reaches his bed and can just pass out. He's probably right of course but that doesn't mean that he wasn't hopeful.

If he had known anything about what had happened between Gibbs and Heather as of late he never would have mentioned it.

"You might be right." He pauses for a moment.

"I think you might be surprised how much it could matter coming from you. She's already heard it from me." He tries his hardest not to sigh. "I didn't think of it as you getting involved. Just that if you could see how much I loved her that maybe you'd not want her to give that up for faulty reasons."

[dc_knight]

For a long minute, Gibbs leans against the wall, staring at the kid. It's been almost 30 years since he had that kind of look on his face - nervous and anxious and wanting everything to be perfect. It hits him that he suddenly feels like he's in high school all over again - the dorky science geek wants to know if the head cheerleader likes him.

"If you really care like you say you do, don't push it. At least not with me. Things won't get fixed for you overnight."

[centerishome]

Clarke is quiet during the long pause. He's not sure he wants to know what Gibbs is thinking.

"I can be patient." That wasn't the problem. "You really think it would be better for me to walk away for a while?"

[dc_knight]

God he is exhausted. Five minutes alone somewhere to sleep would make this conversation much easier. "Didn't say that. I said don't be in there pleading your case every five minutes. Look," he sighs and rubs his eyes. "If she brings it up, I'll see where it goes but I gotta tell you, she'll be the one to control things. You're just along for the ride."

[centerishome]

He wondered if he was wrong about how much pull Gibbs had over Jen or if he was just unaware of it. If Jen would only reconsider him because Gibbs told her to that would be wrong and Clarke wouldn't be interested. He just thought Gibbs might help dispel some of the reserves she was hiding behind.

"I know. It's on her terms. Always has been."

[dc_knight]

For a minute, he feels bad. The kid is learning the hard way what it's like to be in love with a Shepard woman. But he's too tired to play relationship counselor and he's too numb to worry about anyone's heart but his own. With a long sigh he leans forward and shrugs. "She gives a damn about you, Clarke. And it matters that you ... aren't me." He also knows that Clarke knows just how much he matters to Jen. If Gibbs were to tell Jen he wanted her back, Clarke would finish out the rest of his contract in his office and never see the upper decks again.

Lucky for Clarke, all he actually wants is to be there for Jenny. To possibly help her and Heather fix things. First though, all he wants is sleep and he decides that when he's done with this, he is going home. The case can wait. Evidence will take a few hours to sift through anyway. His couch is not close enough for his liking right now.

"I'll make you a deal. You never bring this up again to me and I'll talk to her a little bit. See what happens."

[centerishome]

Clarke is aware of that. So aware that it might be stupid that he still wants to be with her so much. He likes to think that if that happened that Jen would still give him a glowing professional recommendation and maybe not be guilt free. Mostly though, he believed that if she had more time she'd be more adventures from the start and not cling to past like it's all she has.

The fact that certain things are crappy is not a good enough deterrent. Every relationship has obstacles. Maybe he's just seen too many relationships that look good on paper but are utterly fucked up in reality. His parents are a good example.

"Deal." He offers his hand and a half smile to Agent Gibbs. "Thank you so much, Agent Gibbs. If there's every anything I can do for you, name it. I mean it."

Clarke probably won't ever be to do something so significant for Gibbs but he would if he was asked, probably even before this conversation. Until then, Gibbs might have a nephew who needs a science tutor.

[dc_knight]

For a minute, Gibbs looks at the outstretched hand, wondering exactly what he's supposed to do there. Really. They're shaking on it? But the kid is so earnest and so damned devoted to an idea that may or may not pan out he has to just give in. Maybe he's just tired. He doesn't know. But he shakes Clarke's hand and then looks for the nearest escape to his car and then his couch. He doesn't plan to wake up for the next year.