i'm sorry this is so long but if someone could please read and give me advice i would be so thankful

[centdix]

i just got off the phone with my boyfriend. we got in a huge fight over my ~bulimia~

i have this friend, h, who happens to be my best and only friend. h is also bulimic. i always thought we were so much alike and had a lot in common because of it. we share a lot of the same feelings. we both feel alone, depressed, and pretty much inadequate about

Comments

tl;dr

[harriet_mwelsch]

i can relate to the love/hate aspect of having a toxic friendship. i recently realized that someone that i've been really really close to for the past year was probably the worst, most unhealthy part of my life. he was sucking me into his mental health issues and i was letting myself get burried in them because it was easier than dealing with my own. maybe this is what's going on with you and your friend. maybe the fact that you can immerse yourselves in each others' illness makes it easier to deal with it all. this is not a healthy way to live. and that is not how real friendships work. if all you have in common is the worst parts of yourselves, you're only going to continue bringing out the worst in each other. even if it's difficult, if you want to get better, you'll have to have time away from her to focus on yourself. it would be healthier for both of you to not have a "partner in crime," so to speak.

in the same way, i can understand why it's too hard for your boyfriend to be in a relationship with you when you're not well. it's overwhelming to be close to someone who's struggling with issues like this. it's frustrating because you want to make it go away and fix it for them but you can't. feeling that helpless is hard, especially when it's with someone you really care about. i'm sure he only wants the best for you and maybe he feels like if he gives you the time to get better, it will be easier if you're not worried about upsetting him.

like someone else already said in a comment, i know what it's like to feel so comfortable in your self-destructing behavior. i understand how doing something that's bad for you can feel so good and so bad at the same time. how it's addicting, even if you're ashamed of it, it doesn't matter because of the way you feel when it's happening. i understand this so well. but i also understand that this way of coping with things doesn't solve anything. it doesn't make anything go away. it redirects your focus from the real issues to something more tangible, which is why it feels good. but it's just a distraction. what i had to learn to get better was that i had to face my issues head-on. grab them by the throat and deal with them. it hurts and it's hard and it feels so out of control, but it's the only way anything gets better. you can't feel better about anything until you face it, figure it out, and put it behind you. this disease shouldn't be such a big part of you that it "defines" you. you are not bulimia. you are so many more wonderful things and you can only let the great aspects of you come out when you put these bad aspects in the past. you DO have talents. you've just buried them beneath this. dig them out.

sometimes being alone is the best thing. nobody can ever really understand this battle you're fighting with yourself and your body but you. so maybe it would be good for you to take time to focus on yourself and not think about anyone else but you. sometimes it's more selfish to put others first.