(no subject)
i wish i could post something happy here more often.
im super stressed all of a sudden because my boss isn't giving me many hours and i don't have a ton of extra money lying around so if the situation does not improve really soon, i need to get a new job or at least a second job. its been awhile now since i had to go out into the world and interview and impress and have a schedule and deal with people i dont know, etc. and its kind of scaring me, the thought of it. i dont even know what i want to try and get or what i CAN even get. fuck. i have no future, in anything. i havent built up any kind of base to my security in any way. not health, not financial, not emotional.
sometimes i consider that i need help, like a psychiatrist or therapist or life coach or whatever, just someone who has ideas and time and the know-how to help me figure shit out. i always figure everything out myself and never ask for help and dont even have very many close friends anymore.. but maybe thats why im where im at.
i keep having these amazing long weird epic vivid dreams and sleeping too much which always makes me feel kinda BLAH. and i think i am PMSing too. and this weather wont stop being gloomy and depressing. i say this every year by this time, after what, 7 months of straight grey skies, that maybe i should move out of portland. :(
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
im super stressed all of a sudden because my boss isn't giving me many hours and i don't have a ton of extra money lying around so if the situation does not improve really soon, i need to get a new job or at least a second job. its been awhile now since i had to go out into the world and interview and impress and have a schedule and deal with people i dont know, etc. and its kind of scaring me, the thought of it. i dont even know what i want to try and get or what i CAN even get. fuck. i have no future, in anything. i havent built up any kind of base to my security in any way. not health, not financial, not emotional.
sometimes i consider that i need help, like a psychiatrist or therapist or life coach or whatever, just someone who has ideas and time and the know-how to help me figure shit out. i always figure everything out myself and never ask for help and dont even have very many close friends anymore.. but maybe thats why im where im at.
i keep having these amazing long weird epic vivid dreams and sleeping too much which always makes me feel kinda BLAH. and i think i am PMSing too. and this weather wont stop being gloomy and depressing. i say this every year by this time, after what, 7 months of straight grey skies, that maybe i should move out of portland. :(
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh