It's been a harsch year
So much loss of dear ones.. I had to stop writing for a while because it just seemed to hurt so much. Every time I turned around I've been losing another friend. I hadn't posted since just before Boars hunt. Well the SCA season is now over. And yet again at Banner War I was having a memorial for a dearly loved one. This time it was for Jesse Lee Dukellis. I was getting more worried with myself until satuday night when I lost it and stood there crying into Joe's shoulder. Drinking about half of my bottle of birthday mead helped a little. But after we had processed from Temple down to the river's edge with us carrying tealights, people said a few words, we release the little raft memorial we had made, Virginia and I sang a song I could only half remember with choked-up squeeky voices...then Matty, Mikey and I did Temple's chant once last time for Jesse, I just lost it.
Until then, there had been a couple emotional upwellings but it was at unsafe moments, like when I was driving. I was beginning to think my "emotional pipeline" had been so bluggened (sp?) from this year's losses that it had been pinched shut or near shut. But yea...after I finally stopped crying into Joe's shoulder and looked around we were alone by the river. So I spent the rest of the night with Joe wanderng site talking a lot about Jesse and drinking...I feel better. Still mourning and I have decided I will mourn for one year as I did with Papa Karl's passing. Thank you Joe!
I hope to return to writings becausue they help me.
Until then, there had been a couple emotional upwellings but it was at unsafe moments, like when I was driving. I was beginning to think my "emotional pipeline" had been so bluggened (sp?) from this year's losses that it had been pinched shut or near shut. But yea...after I finally stopped crying into Joe's shoulder and looked around we were alone by the river. So I spent the rest of the night with Joe wanderng site talking a lot about Jesse and drinking...I feel better. Still mourning and I have decided I will mourn for one year as I did with Papa Karl's passing. Thank you Joe!
I hope to return to writings becausue they help me.