(no subject)
wow. i so rarely check this thing anymore, and even more rarely do i write in it. maybe that's because i lead such a boring life now.
i did a shitload of housecleaning today. i am so sick of the house being messy all the time. i am a creature of order within, but seemingly a creature of mess without. i just can't do it anymore. even with this small child reeking havoc on the house, i WILL find a way to keep it in order if it kills me... and don't worry, it probably will.
if the apartment doesn't kill me, i'm betting on the constant build-up of hostility i feel toward justin. it's to this point now where i have to leave the room sometimes because my chest and arms are hurting from me being so upset. it's not a heart attack though (but i am pretty old now), just how the fibro. manifests itself when i'm under severe stress conditions.
i had this horrible dream today during my "nap" that parker had a very long and severe seizure but because i have a new "vonage" phone i couldn't figure out how to dial 911 on it. it was really scary and fucked up. and in the dream justin was sitting at the computer the whole time blabbering on and on about what things he was going to install and what they do and whatnot, but he was ignoring that i was screaming to come into the room because of parker's seizure.
i think my dreams can be ridiculously telling.
i got a certificate for a massage for xmas, and i could really use it right this second.
i've been really lonely since jon moved away. i am not liking the loneliness thing, but it's something i've dealt with a great deal so i guess i can handle it.
i feel so desperate to go to school to get some sort of degree or training for something. but i can't figure out what. not that it would be easy since i'm a stay at home mom... but... who knows, maybe i could get it done in the next 20 years. suggestions for what i should go for appreciated. despite the seeming lack of intelligence needed and the smell and the lack of respect for this kind of thing, i have always thought i would like to be a nail tech. it seems like it would be fun to clean and paint peoples nails for a living. does that, plus my future plan to have a pink, shaved toy poodle that i name "snickerpoodle" mean i'm dumb?
i did a shitload of housecleaning today. i am so sick of the house being messy all the time. i am a creature of order within, but seemingly a creature of mess without. i just can't do it anymore. even with this small child reeking havoc on the house, i WILL find a way to keep it in order if it kills me... and don't worry, it probably will.
if the apartment doesn't kill me, i'm betting on the constant build-up of hostility i feel toward justin. it's to this point now where i have to leave the room sometimes because my chest and arms are hurting from me being so upset. it's not a heart attack though (but i am pretty old now), just how the fibro. manifests itself when i'm under severe stress conditions.
i had this horrible dream today during my "nap" that parker had a very long and severe seizure but because i have a new "vonage" phone i couldn't figure out how to dial 911 on it. it was really scary and fucked up. and in the dream justin was sitting at the computer the whole time blabbering on and on about what things he was going to install and what they do and whatnot, but he was ignoring that i was screaming to come into the room because of parker's seizure.
i think my dreams can be ridiculously telling.
i got a certificate for a massage for xmas, and i could really use it right this second.
i've been really lonely since jon moved away. i am not liking the loneliness thing, but it's something i've dealt with a great deal so i guess i can handle it.
i feel so desperate to go to school to get some sort of degree or training for something. but i can't figure out what. not that it would be easy since i'm a stay at home mom... but... who knows, maybe i could get it done in the next 20 years. suggestions for what i should go for appreciated. despite the seeming lack of intelligence needed and the smell and the lack of respect for this kind of thing, i have always thought i would like to be a nail tech. it seems like it would be fun to clean and paint peoples nails for a living. does that, plus my future plan to have a pink, shaved toy poodle that i name "snickerpoodle" mean i'm dumb?