(no subject)
"Idle youth, enslaved to everything; by being too sensitive I have wasted my life."
- Arthur Rimbaud
that quote rests heavy on my mind whenever I think of all the energy and time i've poured into trying to get other people to like me. There is so much I didn't do out of fear. Not fear for myself, but fear of the reprimand of others. Sensitivity is truly enslaving, and I was truly a slave. A depressing fact without question, but times have changed... even before I leave, I am not the boy I was.
I have floundered, mishandled, fucked up, embarassed myself, overestimated, underestimated, hurt myself, and hurt others allll the way into a place of confidence and moderate capability. I'm quite, quite far from being done growing, but I've entered a new phase of life, without question.
I no longer feel shackled by fear or inadequacy. I'm not taking things personally, and I'm not scared of being me. I'm letting go. I'm free falling. It feels great.
I'm inspired by this:
"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, 'Always do what you are afraid to do.'"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
truth, truth.
13 days left.
less than two weeks.
whoa.
- Arthur Rimbaud
that quote rests heavy on my mind whenever I think of all the energy and time i've poured into trying to get other people to like me. There is so much I didn't do out of fear. Not fear for myself, but fear of the reprimand of others. Sensitivity is truly enslaving, and I was truly a slave. A depressing fact without question, but times have changed... even before I leave, I am not the boy I was.
I have floundered, mishandled, fucked up, embarassed myself, overestimated, underestimated, hurt myself, and hurt others allll the way into a place of confidence and moderate capability. I'm quite, quite far from being done growing, but I've entered a new phase of life, without question.
I no longer feel shackled by fear or inadequacy. I'm not taking things personally, and I'm not scared of being me. I'm letting go. I'm free falling. It feels great.
I'm inspired by this:
"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, 'Always do what you are afraid to do.'"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
truth, truth.
13 days left.
less than two weeks.
whoa.