Fic: Good Enough
Fic: Good Enough
Author: Cellochick92
Rating: PG13 (just in case!)
Words: 1039
Summary: Quinn is never quite good enough… Short little angst, cause I’m tired of silly multi-chapter fics ;)
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Cause I’m never ever good enough for you…
Quinn tried.
If she had ever thought she had committed herself to something before she met Rachel Berry, she had been delusional. Every second of every day of her lonely little life had become about trying to be better for Rachel, and what did she have to show for it?
Nothing. Empty space between her fingers, where another person’s hand could have been. Nothing to cling to at night other than a tear-stained pillow. No one who would care if she just disappeared off the face of the earth one of these days. She had absolutely nothing to show for all of her efforts, and still she tried.
Somewhere along the way, Quinn had decided that she wanted to know Rachel Berry. She wanted to know the girl who was strong enough to withstand daily slushies and constant belittling, and still came out the other side the better for it. She wanted to get to know the girl with the heavenly voice who believed in angels. She wanted to know that girl, but she also wanted to know who Rachel Berry was beyond all of that.
It was like she had been drawn in by a magnet. She just couldn’t stop herself. Every effort made to talk to the brunette had ended with her being shot down and Rachel walking away from her. Every compliment was met with a scoff, and everything Quinn did drew intense criticism.
Nothing she could do was good enough for the petite singer.
Quinn supposed that this might be a sort of punishment, her karma coming back to bite her in the ass. She knew that it had been a stupid idea in the first place, but she couldn’t seem to stop. Everything she did, she found herself questioning. Was it good enough? Would it make Rachel hate her even more?
She knew she wasn’t really anything special- she didn’t have Rachel’s voice, and while she had been amazing at cheerleading, she didn’t want to be that person any more. She was pretty enough, she guessed, but not in the same jaw-dropping way that Rachel was. She was just that girl who had been a bitch, and then got pregnant and got kicked out of her house and gave her baby up for adoption.
Quinn knew her many shortcomings- she had had them screamed at her often enough when she was still living with her parents, but she had tried to fix them since then.
Not smart enough- she took all AP classes and got A’s.
Not pretty enough- there wasn’t a whole lot she could do about her genetics, but she had exercised fanatically until all of the baby weight was gone.
Not talented enough- again, the damn genetics didn’t give her a lot of leeway, but she tried, pushing her limits in everything she did.
Not selfless enough- she tried to give back in any way she could, whether it was talking to other teens at the local homeless shelter or just helping a neighbor with her groceries.
Not independent enough- she had gotten a job after being kicked out (multiple times), and had her own apartment. It was tiny, yes, but she paid for everything and still managed to hold down the job during school.
She just didn’t know what more she could do. She had tried everything that she could think of to prove to Rachel that she was a good enough person to be friends with, and still her every attempt was rebuffed.
She knew she should probably just accept that Rachel was clearly out of her league, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. If she gave up, then it would mean that every time her father had told her she wasn’t good enough, he had been right. If she gave up, it would meant that every time Coach Sylvester had told her she was a good for nothing waste of space, she had been right. If she gave up, it would mean that every time she had convinced herself otherwise, she had been wrong.
So Quinn continued on in what was fast becoming an exercise in masochism, gritting her teeth and pushing past every rejection. Every time she watched Rachel walk past her without a second glance, she felt her determination break a little more, but she forced herself to keep going.
The blow that finally shattered her was small, but it slipped through a chink in her battered armor and she couldn’t take the pain.
Rachel had been sitting in the library, and Quinn had gone to sit at the same table as her. Even if they weren’t friends, she reasoned, they were still in Glee together and could therefore sit at the same table.
Rachel had been sitting with Puck, and Quinn had caught a few words. Something about calculus, and how Rachel needed help studying. Puck suggested that she ask the blonde, and Quinn felt a rush of gratitude that he, at least, didn’t think she was entirely worthless.
The next thing she heard made her heart clench, however, as Rachel’s voice responded, “Are you crazy? Quinn Fabray? The only way she’s passing that class is if she’s sleeping with the teacher.”
The accusation itself didn’t hurt so much as who was saying it, and Quinn turned hurriedly away, trying to blink back her tears. She half-ran to the nearest bathroom, and once inside she slid down the wall until she was seated, knees pulled up to her chest.
No matter what she did, she was always going to be that girl. Never smart enough, never pretty enough- just never enough.
Letting the tears flow, Quinn struggled to muffle her sobs in her knees to keep them from echoing off the bathroom walls. Closing her eyes, she prayed that one day, someone would be able to see past everything she wasn’t. That one day, someone would see more than a girl who continually fell short.
That maybe one day, she could be good enough.
Sequel here, if you're not a fan of angsty endings ;)
Author: Cellochick92
Rating: PG13 (just in case!)
Words: 1039
Summary: Quinn is never quite good enough… Short little angst, cause I’m tired of silly multi-chapter fics ;)
____________________________________
Cause I’m never ever good enough for you…
Quinn tried.
If she had ever thought she had committed herself to something before she met Rachel Berry, she had been delusional. Every second of every day of her lonely little life had become about trying to be better for Rachel, and what did she have to show for it?
Nothing. Empty space between her fingers, where another person’s hand could have been. Nothing to cling to at night other than a tear-stained pillow. No one who would care if she just disappeared off the face of the earth one of these days. She had absolutely nothing to show for all of her efforts, and still she tried.
Somewhere along the way, Quinn had decided that she wanted to know Rachel Berry. She wanted to know the girl who was strong enough to withstand daily slushies and constant belittling, and still came out the other side the better for it. She wanted to get to know the girl with the heavenly voice who believed in angels. She wanted to know that girl, but she also wanted to know who Rachel Berry was beyond all of that.
It was like she had been drawn in by a magnet. She just couldn’t stop herself. Every effort made to talk to the brunette had ended with her being shot down and Rachel walking away from her. Every compliment was met with a scoff, and everything Quinn did drew intense criticism.
Nothing she could do was good enough for the petite singer.
Quinn supposed that this might be a sort of punishment, her karma coming back to bite her in the ass. She knew that it had been a stupid idea in the first place, but she couldn’t seem to stop. Everything she did, she found herself questioning. Was it good enough? Would it make Rachel hate her even more?
She knew she wasn’t really anything special- she didn’t have Rachel’s voice, and while she had been amazing at cheerleading, she didn’t want to be that person any more. She was pretty enough, she guessed, but not in the same jaw-dropping way that Rachel was. She was just that girl who had been a bitch, and then got pregnant and got kicked out of her house and gave her baby up for adoption.
Quinn knew her many shortcomings- she had had them screamed at her often enough when she was still living with her parents, but she had tried to fix them since then.
Not smart enough- she took all AP classes and got A’s.
Not pretty enough- there wasn’t a whole lot she could do about her genetics, but she had exercised fanatically until all of the baby weight was gone.
Not talented enough- again, the damn genetics didn’t give her a lot of leeway, but she tried, pushing her limits in everything she did.
Not selfless enough- she tried to give back in any way she could, whether it was talking to other teens at the local homeless shelter or just helping a neighbor with her groceries.
Not independent enough- she had gotten a job after being kicked out (multiple times), and had her own apartment. It was tiny, yes, but she paid for everything and still managed to hold down the job during school.
She just didn’t know what more she could do. She had tried everything that she could think of to prove to Rachel that she was a good enough person to be friends with, and still her every attempt was rebuffed.
She knew she should probably just accept that Rachel was clearly out of her league, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. If she gave up, then it would mean that every time her father had told her she wasn’t good enough, he had been right. If she gave up, it would meant that every time Coach Sylvester had told her she was a good for nothing waste of space, she had been right. If she gave up, it would mean that every time she had convinced herself otherwise, she had been wrong.
So Quinn continued on in what was fast becoming an exercise in masochism, gritting her teeth and pushing past every rejection. Every time she watched Rachel walk past her without a second glance, she felt her determination break a little more, but she forced herself to keep going.
The blow that finally shattered her was small, but it slipped through a chink in her battered armor and she couldn’t take the pain.
Rachel had been sitting in the library, and Quinn had gone to sit at the same table as her. Even if they weren’t friends, she reasoned, they were still in Glee together and could therefore sit at the same table.
Rachel had been sitting with Puck, and Quinn had caught a few words. Something about calculus, and how Rachel needed help studying. Puck suggested that she ask the blonde, and Quinn felt a rush of gratitude that he, at least, didn’t think she was entirely worthless.
The next thing she heard made her heart clench, however, as Rachel’s voice responded, “Are you crazy? Quinn Fabray? The only way she’s passing that class is if she’s sleeping with the teacher.”
The accusation itself didn’t hurt so much as who was saying it, and Quinn turned hurriedly away, trying to blink back her tears. She half-ran to the nearest bathroom, and once inside she slid down the wall until she was seated, knees pulled up to her chest.
No matter what she did, she was always going to be that girl. Never smart enough, never pretty enough- just never enough.
Letting the tears flow, Quinn struggled to muffle her sobs in her knees to keep them from echoing off the bathroom walls. Closing her eyes, she prayed that one day, someone would be able to see past everything she wasn’t. That one day, someone would see more than a girl who continually fell short.
That maybe one day, she could be good enough.
Sequel here, if you're not a fan of angsty endings ;)