How do I do this?

[cellochick92]

So this has no relation to any of my Faberry fics.  I just...am really, really struggling at the moment, and writing even a little was the only thing I could think of to make even the tiniest dent in everything I'm feeling right now.  Please don't feel obligated to read, and if CSA is triggering for you, I would not recommend continuing to read.  I promise I'll try to get back to the fics eventually, but right now there's just too much hurt in the world.
_______________________________


A mattress in a dark basement

Cajoling words

Feeling weird, feeling bad

dirty

Stop

Please

I don't want to

Reassurances

Everyone likes this

We're friends, aren't we

So small

Fucking cunt

Think you can leave

Get back here

You'll like it, I promise

Please

Don't

Nobody listens

Nobody there

Just us

alone

*********

Rooms next door

He was older

I want to show you something

He said

And

There was a pinecone in his pants

Why is it there

Wrapped up tight in a rug

Chains around me

Have to break free

Like a magic trick

he said

But now

No more magic

Just suffocating in the rug

alone

***************

How do I do this

How do I help

When I am still so broken

So many pieces inside

But maybe

If I can help you

I can help myself

But honestly

I don't really care about me right now

you

I just want to help you

To be able to do something good with all the pain inside

To save you from the dark I was trapped in

am still trapped in

I don't want you here

trapped

with me

The one time

I would rather be

alone

****************

I know you

A reflection of myself

my hurt

All of it wrapped up

Tangled

Too much for one person

But you are not just one person anymore

I'm here too

I love you

So much

You are myself in another body

And I hurt with you

I fear with you

I cry with you

And I will never leave you alone

Your darkness is my darkness now

No longer just the weight of the world

on you

alone