Fic: Remains (5/?)
Title: Remains (5/?)
Author: cellochick92
Words: ~3,500
Rating: R overall
Disclaimer: Not mine. Woe.
Warning: This fic deals with abuse of all kinds involving a minor. If this is triggering for you, please don't read. It's not especially graphic yet, but it may get there.
Summary: Done for an anon prompt over at the rq_meme: Rachel finds out Quinn is being abused by her mom (Quinn's, not Shelby!) No pregnancy. Unbeta'd.
A/N: Redid a couple chunks from this part. I had written myself into a wall, but it's all fixed now!! Haha hopefully I can have the next part up in the near future =)
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four
__________________________
The song Rachel hums...if you're interested =)
Quinn had a distinct feeling of deja vu as she stood in front of Rachel’s front door. It was Friday night, and she was again staring the door down as though she could burn holes through it. She and Rachel had talked throughout the rest of the week and it had actually been really nice, but Quinn found herself once again plagued by doubt. If the diva’s fathers hadn’t believed Rachel when she told them the blonde had changed then she was screwed. If Rachel wanted to get her back for earlier in the week, she was screwed. If…well, there were just a lot of ways she might be screwed.
Trying to ignore all of the ways that things might go wrong, Quinn forced her hand to move forward and knock on the hard wood of the door, cringing at the harsh sound. There were a heart-stopping few seconds where nothing happened, and Quinn had almost convinced herself that Rachel had forgotten or changed her mind, but then the door was flying open and a bubbly brunette was tugging her inside the house eagerly.
As Rachel talked her ear off, Quinn felt a wave of relief sweep over her and she mentally chastised herself for being so quick to doubt the other girl. Trying to catch up to the conversation, Quinn managed to catch something about how Rachel's dads were gone for the weekend and wouldn't be back till Monday. Quinn felt a sweeping sense of relief that at least she wouldn't have to worry about them- Rachel was plenty intimidating all on her own.
Eying Quinn’s bag, Rachel asked, “Do you want to put your stuff up in my room?” Still nearly shaking from relief that Rachel hadn’t rejected her and that the brunette's fathers were gone, Quinn nodded and gestured for Rachel to lead the way. Going up the stairway to Rachel's bedroom, her eyes landed on what seemed like hundreds of paintings and drawings, accompanied by various photographs.
All of the hand-drawn ones were meticulously autographed in the lower right hand corner, and Quinn felt a small smile steal across her lips at how...Rachel that seemed. The photographs were of Rachel and men that Quinn imagined had to be her fathers. All three of them looked absolutely joyful in every single picture. There were some where Rachel was pouting, or making faces, but Quinn caught herself thinking that this was what love looked like. She wished for a fleeting moment that she had someone who loved her, someone she could love in return and just be herself with.
Feeling a tug on her hand, she looked up and saw Rachel bouncing impatiently on the stairs. Grinning at the brunette's impatience, Quinn let herself be dragged the rest of the way up the stairs to the diva's room. The room was comfortably furnished, a large bed against one wall and a couch against the other. The walls were a shade of bright turquoise blue, and while there was the occasional star scattered around the room, for the most part it looked like any other teenager's room.
The window above the bed had black drapes, and when Rachel saw Quinn's confused look, she shrugged and said, “It gives me more even lighting when I'm recording videos.” Nodding and accepting the answer, Quinn continued her perusal of the room. There was a small tv, a dark mahogany dresser with a mirror on top, and a small desk tucked away in the corner. Amused by Quinn's inspection of her room, Rachel asked, “So, does it meet your standards?”
Nodding seriously, Quinn gave the room another quick glance and said, “I suppose...though I think a few more stars might have added a nice touch.”
There was a split second where Rachel didn't realize that Quinn was teasing, and she was gearing up to seriously defend her décor when it hit her. Mouth opening in mock outrage, she threw a pillow off the bed at Quinn, who deftly caught it and placed it on the couch.
Giggling, Rachel sat back on the bed, just watching Quinn and taking in how relaxed she appeared. The brunette didn't think that she had ever seen the blonde so at ease in all the years she had known her, and when the other girl shot a quick smile at Rachel, she was nearly blinded by its brightness. “So,” Quinn said, “Did you have anything planned out for us to do? A step-by-step guide to the night, maybe?”
Shaking her head and pretending to glare at the blonde, Rachel huffed and said, “No, I most certainly do not!” Her bravado suddenly falling, she murmured, “Having never really had friends before, I wouldn't know where to start.”
Quinn's heart felt like it was breaking as she watched the sudden shift in the brunette's behavior. Slowly going over to sit next to Rachel on the bed, she nudged her gently with her hip and said, “Guess that's something we'll have to remedy, hmm?” When Rachel looked up and met her gaze, her brown eyes were filled with so much hope it made Quinn's heart ache.
“Really?”
The diva's voice was uncharacteristically soft and hesitant, and Quinn nodded vehemently to try to reassure her. “Really really. Since it was mostly my fault you never had any friends, I think it's only fair that I get you caught up to speed. I have a feeling these types of skills may prove useful to you in the future.”
Half an hour later, both girls were lying on Rachel's bed, a bowl of popcorn between them. Rachel wasn't really paying attention to the movie that was playing, instead trying to puzzle through Quinn's sudden change in attitude. It just...it didn't make sense. It all seemed too fast. She was thrilled that Quinn was willing to try to work through their differences, but watching movies and suddenly being best friends? It was too weird, and she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.
She knew that it was probably best if she just took the time that Quinn gave her and appreciated it while it lasted, but...they just seemed to click, and Rachel knew that if she let her guard down too much, if the blonde ended up ditching her it would be impossible to go back to being happy without her. The banter that was normally caustic and biting had become playful and teasing, and the blonde seemed to genuinely want to make things work.
Rachel knew, somewhere in a corner of her mind, that her daddy was probably right and Quinn was most likely leading her on with some ulterior motive. However, she was reluctant to accuse the blonde of such a thing for fear of ruining whatever friendship they could cobble together. The rational part of her brain quickly came up with a reason why she should stick things out with Quinn and see what happened- if the blonde really was being hurt at home, although that option had been decisively ruled out, but just in case- Rachel would be there to try to help.
Still, it seemed risky to allow the blonde to see this much of her life. While Rachel was all for second chances and forgiveness, she was loathe to be taken advantage of and used by Quinn, and she found herself fighting an internal war as to whether she should continue this...whatever it was.
Rachel was jolted out of her thoughts by a piece of popcorn hitting her squarely in the face. Whipping her head to face Quinn, her jaw dropped at the way the blonde was innocently staring at the tv screen. Opening and closing her mouth, Rachel finally settled for grabbing a piece of popcorn out of the bowl and throwing it at Quinn. It hit the blonde squarely in the cheek, and Rachel couldn’t help but feel accomplished. The feeling quickly evaporated, however, as Quinn turned to her, a devilish smirk on her face.
Ten minutes later, the popcorn bowl was empty, and Rachel’s room was covered with a thin layer of kernels. Gasping for breath through her laughter, Rachel fell back on the bed, grinning as Quinn crawled back up on the bed from her strategic spot on the floor. Flopping back onto the pillows, Quinn smiled over at her and reached over to gently pluck a stray piece of popcorn from her hair. Grinning, Rachel sighed happily and silently thought that having a friend was the best feeling in the world.
A sharp intake of breath to her left caused her to look over, and she saw Quinn staring back at her.
Shit.
Apparently her silent thinking was not so silent, but before she could backtrack or try to say anything, Quinn was giving her a pained smile and murmuring, “Yeah, Rach,” before flipping over onto her back and staring resolutely at the ceiling.
Torn between being ecstatic that Quinn Fabray had just admitted (albeit in a very roundabout way) that they were friends or being concerned that she had killed the atmosphere, Rachel bit her lip and sidled closer to the blonde. Quinn rolled over so that she was on her side and incredibly close to being pressed up against Rachel. Letting out a small sigh, she looked up at the brunette and asked, “Movie?”
Nodding and taking the obvious out the blonde was giving her, Rachel nearly leaped off the bed to put in the next DVD from the pile they had agreed was acceptable. Moving back to the bed, she laid down hesitantly, glancing over at Quinn frequently. After a few minutes, she began to relax as the risk of the blonde leaving thanks to the ill-placed comment decreased. A half hour into the movie, she settled back into the pillows with a comfortable sigh.
Quinn glanced over at her, offering a small smile, before turning her attention back to the screen. After another half hour, Rachel looked over at Quinn and saw the blonde curled on her side, eyes closed and fast asleep. Pulling the covers up and over the blonde, she tensed when the other girl curled into her and ended with her head pillowed on her lap. After a few long moments, Rachel slowly relaxed and turned her attention back to the movie.
Her fingers ran gently through Quinn’s hair of their own accord, and she glanced down at the girl every few minutes, amazed at how peaceful she was when she was sleeping. She absentmindedly began humming a song that had been a childhood favorite as her fingers continued to gently comb through silky blonde strands.
Rachel sat there long after the movie ended, just taking in how nice it felt to have Quinn nestled against her…in all honesty, how nice it felt just to be in the same room with the blonde without insults being hurled. She waited as long as possible before moving, afraid to break the spell that seemed to have fallen over them, but eventually her leg was asleep and she couldn’t stand the feeling any longer.
Moving carefully so as not to disturb Quinn, Rachel untucked her leg and gently transferred Quinn’s head to a pillow. When she was satisfied that she hadn’t woken the blonde, Rachel silently stepped out of the room, turning the lights off and closing the door behind her. As long as she was awake and up, she saw no reason not to brush her teeth before going back to bed.
Going through her night-time regimen slowly and meticulously, she brushed her teeth before washing her face. She then flossed twice (a habit acquired after reading that people who flossed lived longer), and applied chapstick to ensure her lips didn’t dry out overnight. Doing a few brief stretches to help prevent leg cramps, she finally turned the bathroom light off and padded back to her room.
She opened the door, and watched with a faint smile as the light from the hall spilled into the room, illuminating Quinn’s sleeping form. Her shadow was dark against the carpet as she stepped into the room, but before she could take a second step Quinn whimpered, “Please don’t.” Confused, Rachel looked around to see what Quinn could possibly be referring to, but was met only with the standard décor of her room.
As she went to take another step, however, she was met with a second whimper and Quinn’s voice, pleading this time as the blonde sat up in the bed. “Please, please just go away and leave me alone.”
Now growing frustrated as well as confused, Rachel huffed and stepped forward, unsure what Quinn was playing at. She could barely see the blonde’s figure in the dim light from the hallway, but as she moved forward she could clearly see Quinn trying to back away from her in the bed.
“Please don’t hurt me, please just go away, please. I’ll make it up to you, I promise, don’t make me do anything, please!”
Quinn’s voice was growing more and more frantic, and Rachel’s frustration had dissolved into concern. Quinn seemed convinced that Rachel was going to hurt her, and the brunette took another step forward so that her knees were touching the bed, talking softly. “It’s okay, Quinn, you’re fine.”
The blonde didn’t respond, still muttering soft pleas under her breath, and Rachel climbed onto the bed, kneeling so that she was facing Quinn. Reaching out, she carefully placed a hand on Quinn’s arm but the second their skin made contact the blonde recoiled form her touch, her back hitting the wall with a solid thump.
Moving forward a tiny bit more, Rachel tried more soothing words, murmuring, “It’s all right, Quinn.”
The brunette was unprepared for Quinn suddenly lashing out, her fist catching her on the lip, as the blonde cried, “It’s not all right! Leave me alone!”
Rachel scrambled backwards off the bed, not stopping until her back hit the opposite wall. Her shoulder hit the light switch on accident, flooding the room with sudden light. As the room was illuminated, Quinn saw Rachel slide to the floor, a hand rising to touch her bleeding lip. Realizing what had happened, her hands flew to cover her mouth.
“Oh god,” she choked out, trying to find a way to apologize to Rachel. The brunette was looking up at her, features marred by confusion and hurt and maybe a tinge of anger. Opening her mouth to try to say something, anything, to take back what she had just done, Quinn found her throat blocked by tears. Pushing herself off the bed, Quinn stumbled out of the room, apologies flying over her shoulder as she ran out of the house.
She had thought…. God, it had just been another stupid nightmare, and she had woken up in bed, and had tried to tell herself that she was safe and it was just a dream. But then…then the door opened, the person standing there backlit by the hallway light. She hadn’t been able to see their face, but she had seen this scene too many times before, and she knew what was going to happen.
On instinct, she had instantly begun pleading with them to stop, to go away and leave her alone, but they had kept coming, and she hadn’t known what to do. She had tried backing away, but her back hit a wall, and for a moment she thought that it was strange, because her bed wasn’t against a wall. But then the person kept coming, and they were about to pin her against the wall, and they just kept trying to tell her that it was okay, that everything was going to be fine. She had heard those lines before, and nothing was ever okay. Nothing was fine, or all right, and she most certainly was not okay in any sense of the word.
They had reached out for her again, still trying to tell her that it was okay, and she had snapped. They were lying, and she flailed desperately, trying to ward them off. She felt her fist connect with something, and she was yelling, trying frantically to make them just go away.
And then the lights had come on. Instead of a faceless assailant, it was Rachel who was left bleeding on the floor, and Quinn didn’t know how to deal with that. She didn’t know how to explain what she had thought was going on, because really? There wasn’t any way to tell the brunette that she had thought that she was going to…well there just wasn’t any way to explain that. Especially not with Rachel staring up at her, so hurt and confused about why the blonde had lashed out at her.
Running had been the easiest option, because in that moment Quinn was certain that not only had she just destroyed any hope she had of getting Rachel to believe things were fine, but she had also most likely destroyed any chance they might have had at friendship. The thought killed her, and she felt tears running down her cheeks as she ran for the park. Curling up inside the tunnel, she sobbed as she wished desperately for a way to fix things.
******************
Back in the Berry household, Rachel was still sitting on the floor of her room, in mild shock over what had just happened. She had no idea how things had gone so quickly from being calm and friendly to this. It felt like a dream, but as she reached up to touch her lip again, she winced at the sting. No, it wasn't a dream, but that didn't make it any easier to understand.
It was like Quinn hadn't had any idea where she was, or who she was with. In the split second after the lights had turned on but before Quinn seemed to realize what she had done, the look on her face had been...it had been some sort of horrible combination of terror and shame and anger and a muddle of other emotions too complex for Rachel to identify. It was a haunted look, and Rachel had immediately wanted nothing more than to make it disappear.
She had raised her hand then, more out of instinct than anything, to check her lip and see how bad it was. The motion had drawn Quinn's attention, and the expression on her face had morphed into something else entirely. The terror was still there, but it was different now. Quinn looked scared of what she had done, and there was a pained sort of embarrassment enveloping the other emotions. Before Rachel could think to say or do anything, the blonde was up and out of the room, tearful “I'm sorrys” thrown over her shoulder as she went.
Rachel had been sitting up against the wall since, trying to figure out what she was supposed to do in a situation like this. She had been angry at Quinn for all of two seconds, but the second the blonde was gone the anger had dissolved into worry. Normal, happy, well-adjusted people didn't feel the need to defend themselves when they were sleeping, and they certainly weren't terrified when a friend walked into their room at night. Obviously there was some larger issue that Quinn was dealing with, and Rachel was growing more and more concerned about what that issue was based on her interactions with the blonde.
Pushing herself up off of the floor, Rachel walked to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth from under the sink. Dousing it in cold water, she dabbed her lip gingerly, grimacing as it started to bleed a little bit. Holding the washcloth against the lip until the bleeding stopped, she sighed and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked disheveled and tired, and the slight swelling around her lip certainly wasn't helping.
Pulling her hair up into a ponytail, she went back to her room and threw on some warmer sweatpants, a sweater, a fleece, and then grabbed her heavy coat. She doubted Quinn had gone home, or to anyone else's house, and there was no way she was about to let the blonde spend the night outside. On her way out the door, she grabbed her mittens and scarf for good measure. It was cold outside, and she doubted Quinn would come willingly, but she would be damned if she let Quinn run away from this without a fight.
Part Six
Author: cellochick92
Words: ~3,500
Rating: R overall
Disclaimer: Not mine. Woe.
Warning: This fic deals with abuse of all kinds involving a minor. If this is triggering for you, please don't read. It's not especially graphic yet, but it may get there.
Summary: Done for an anon prompt over at the rq_meme: Rachel finds out Quinn is being abused by her mom (Quinn's, not Shelby!) No pregnancy. Unbeta'd.
A/N: Redid a couple chunks from this part. I had written myself into a wall, but it's all fixed now!! Haha hopefully I can have the next part up in the near future =)
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four
__________________________
The song Rachel hums...if you're interested =)
Click to viewQuinn had a distinct feeling of deja vu as she stood in front of Rachel’s front door. It was Friday night, and she was again staring the door down as though she could burn holes through it. She and Rachel had talked throughout the rest of the week and it had actually been really nice, but Quinn found herself once again plagued by doubt. If the diva’s fathers hadn’t believed Rachel when she told them the blonde had changed then she was screwed. If Rachel wanted to get her back for earlier in the week, she was screwed. If…well, there were just a lot of ways she might be screwed.
Trying to ignore all of the ways that things might go wrong, Quinn forced her hand to move forward and knock on the hard wood of the door, cringing at the harsh sound. There were a heart-stopping few seconds where nothing happened, and Quinn had almost convinced herself that Rachel had forgotten or changed her mind, but then the door was flying open and a bubbly brunette was tugging her inside the house eagerly.
As Rachel talked her ear off, Quinn felt a wave of relief sweep over her and she mentally chastised herself for being so quick to doubt the other girl. Trying to catch up to the conversation, Quinn managed to catch something about how Rachel's dads were gone for the weekend and wouldn't be back till Monday. Quinn felt a sweeping sense of relief that at least she wouldn't have to worry about them- Rachel was plenty intimidating all on her own.
Eying Quinn’s bag, Rachel asked, “Do you want to put your stuff up in my room?” Still nearly shaking from relief that Rachel hadn’t rejected her and that the brunette's fathers were gone, Quinn nodded and gestured for Rachel to lead the way. Going up the stairway to Rachel's bedroom, her eyes landed on what seemed like hundreds of paintings and drawings, accompanied by various photographs.
All of the hand-drawn ones were meticulously autographed in the lower right hand corner, and Quinn felt a small smile steal across her lips at how...Rachel that seemed. The photographs were of Rachel and men that Quinn imagined had to be her fathers. All three of them looked absolutely joyful in every single picture. There were some where Rachel was pouting, or making faces, but Quinn caught herself thinking that this was what love looked like. She wished for a fleeting moment that she had someone who loved her, someone she could love in return and just be herself with.
Feeling a tug on her hand, she looked up and saw Rachel bouncing impatiently on the stairs. Grinning at the brunette's impatience, Quinn let herself be dragged the rest of the way up the stairs to the diva's room. The room was comfortably furnished, a large bed against one wall and a couch against the other. The walls were a shade of bright turquoise blue, and while there was the occasional star scattered around the room, for the most part it looked like any other teenager's room.
The window above the bed had black drapes, and when Rachel saw Quinn's confused look, she shrugged and said, “It gives me more even lighting when I'm recording videos.” Nodding and accepting the answer, Quinn continued her perusal of the room. There was a small tv, a dark mahogany dresser with a mirror on top, and a small desk tucked away in the corner. Amused by Quinn's inspection of her room, Rachel asked, “So, does it meet your standards?”
Nodding seriously, Quinn gave the room another quick glance and said, “I suppose...though I think a few more stars might have added a nice touch.”
There was a split second where Rachel didn't realize that Quinn was teasing, and she was gearing up to seriously defend her décor when it hit her. Mouth opening in mock outrage, she threw a pillow off the bed at Quinn, who deftly caught it and placed it on the couch.
Giggling, Rachel sat back on the bed, just watching Quinn and taking in how relaxed she appeared. The brunette didn't think that she had ever seen the blonde so at ease in all the years she had known her, and when the other girl shot a quick smile at Rachel, she was nearly blinded by its brightness. “So,” Quinn said, “Did you have anything planned out for us to do? A step-by-step guide to the night, maybe?”
Shaking her head and pretending to glare at the blonde, Rachel huffed and said, “No, I most certainly do not!” Her bravado suddenly falling, she murmured, “Having never really had friends before, I wouldn't know where to start.”
Quinn's heart felt like it was breaking as she watched the sudden shift in the brunette's behavior. Slowly going over to sit next to Rachel on the bed, she nudged her gently with her hip and said, “Guess that's something we'll have to remedy, hmm?” When Rachel looked up and met her gaze, her brown eyes were filled with so much hope it made Quinn's heart ache.
“Really?”
The diva's voice was uncharacteristically soft and hesitant, and Quinn nodded vehemently to try to reassure her. “Really really. Since it was mostly my fault you never had any friends, I think it's only fair that I get you caught up to speed. I have a feeling these types of skills may prove useful to you in the future.”
Half an hour later, both girls were lying on Rachel's bed, a bowl of popcorn between them. Rachel wasn't really paying attention to the movie that was playing, instead trying to puzzle through Quinn's sudden change in attitude. It just...it didn't make sense. It all seemed too fast. She was thrilled that Quinn was willing to try to work through their differences, but watching movies and suddenly being best friends? It was too weird, and she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.
She knew that it was probably best if she just took the time that Quinn gave her and appreciated it while it lasted, but...they just seemed to click, and Rachel knew that if she let her guard down too much, if the blonde ended up ditching her it would be impossible to go back to being happy without her. The banter that was normally caustic and biting had become playful and teasing, and the blonde seemed to genuinely want to make things work.
Rachel knew, somewhere in a corner of her mind, that her daddy was probably right and Quinn was most likely leading her on with some ulterior motive. However, she was reluctant to accuse the blonde of such a thing for fear of ruining whatever friendship they could cobble together. The rational part of her brain quickly came up with a reason why she should stick things out with Quinn and see what happened- if the blonde really was being hurt at home, although that option had been decisively ruled out, but just in case- Rachel would be there to try to help.
Still, it seemed risky to allow the blonde to see this much of her life. While Rachel was all for second chances and forgiveness, she was loathe to be taken advantage of and used by Quinn, and she found herself fighting an internal war as to whether she should continue this...whatever it was.
Rachel was jolted out of her thoughts by a piece of popcorn hitting her squarely in the face. Whipping her head to face Quinn, her jaw dropped at the way the blonde was innocently staring at the tv screen. Opening and closing her mouth, Rachel finally settled for grabbing a piece of popcorn out of the bowl and throwing it at Quinn. It hit the blonde squarely in the cheek, and Rachel couldn’t help but feel accomplished. The feeling quickly evaporated, however, as Quinn turned to her, a devilish smirk on her face.
Ten minutes later, the popcorn bowl was empty, and Rachel’s room was covered with a thin layer of kernels. Gasping for breath through her laughter, Rachel fell back on the bed, grinning as Quinn crawled back up on the bed from her strategic spot on the floor. Flopping back onto the pillows, Quinn smiled over at her and reached over to gently pluck a stray piece of popcorn from her hair. Grinning, Rachel sighed happily and silently thought that having a friend was the best feeling in the world.
A sharp intake of breath to her left caused her to look over, and she saw Quinn staring back at her.
Shit.
Apparently her silent thinking was not so silent, but before she could backtrack or try to say anything, Quinn was giving her a pained smile and murmuring, “Yeah, Rach,” before flipping over onto her back and staring resolutely at the ceiling.
Torn between being ecstatic that Quinn Fabray had just admitted (albeit in a very roundabout way) that they were friends or being concerned that she had killed the atmosphere, Rachel bit her lip and sidled closer to the blonde. Quinn rolled over so that she was on her side and incredibly close to being pressed up against Rachel. Letting out a small sigh, she looked up at the brunette and asked, “Movie?”
Nodding and taking the obvious out the blonde was giving her, Rachel nearly leaped off the bed to put in the next DVD from the pile they had agreed was acceptable. Moving back to the bed, she laid down hesitantly, glancing over at Quinn frequently. After a few minutes, she began to relax as the risk of the blonde leaving thanks to the ill-placed comment decreased. A half hour into the movie, she settled back into the pillows with a comfortable sigh.
Quinn glanced over at her, offering a small smile, before turning her attention back to the screen. After another half hour, Rachel looked over at Quinn and saw the blonde curled on her side, eyes closed and fast asleep. Pulling the covers up and over the blonde, she tensed when the other girl curled into her and ended with her head pillowed on her lap. After a few long moments, Rachel slowly relaxed and turned her attention back to the movie.
Her fingers ran gently through Quinn’s hair of their own accord, and she glanced down at the girl every few minutes, amazed at how peaceful she was when she was sleeping. She absentmindedly began humming a song that had been a childhood favorite as her fingers continued to gently comb through silky blonde strands.
Rachel sat there long after the movie ended, just taking in how nice it felt to have Quinn nestled against her…in all honesty, how nice it felt just to be in the same room with the blonde without insults being hurled. She waited as long as possible before moving, afraid to break the spell that seemed to have fallen over them, but eventually her leg was asleep and she couldn’t stand the feeling any longer.
Moving carefully so as not to disturb Quinn, Rachel untucked her leg and gently transferred Quinn’s head to a pillow. When she was satisfied that she hadn’t woken the blonde, Rachel silently stepped out of the room, turning the lights off and closing the door behind her. As long as she was awake and up, she saw no reason not to brush her teeth before going back to bed.
Going through her night-time regimen slowly and meticulously, she brushed her teeth before washing her face. She then flossed twice (a habit acquired after reading that people who flossed lived longer), and applied chapstick to ensure her lips didn’t dry out overnight. Doing a few brief stretches to help prevent leg cramps, she finally turned the bathroom light off and padded back to her room.
She opened the door, and watched with a faint smile as the light from the hall spilled into the room, illuminating Quinn’s sleeping form. Her shadow was dark against the carpet as she stepped into the room, but before she could take a second step Quinn whimpered, “Please don’t.” Confused, Rachel looked around to see what Quinn could possibly be referring to, but was met only with the standard décor of her room.
As she went to take another step, however, she was met with a second whimper and Quinn’s voice, pleading this time as the blonde sat up in the bed. “Please, please just go away and leave me alone.”
Now growing frustrated as well as confused, Rachel huffed and stepped forward, unsure what Quinn was playing at. She could barely see the blonde’s figure in the dim light from the hallway, but as she moved forward she could clearly see Quinn trying to back away from her in the bed.
“Please don’t hurt me, please just go away, please. I’ll make it up to you, I promise, don’t make me do anything, please!”
Quinn’s voice was growing more and more frantic, and Rachel’s frustration had dissolved into concern. Quinn seemed convinced that Rachel was going to hurt her, and the brunette took another step forward so that her knees were touching the bed, talking softly. “It’s okay, Quinn, you’re fine.”
The blonde didn’t respond, still muttering soft pleas under her breath, and Rachel climbed onto the bed, kneeling so that she was facing Quinn. Reaching out, she carefully placed a hand on Quinn’s arm but the second their skin made contact the blonde recoiled form her touch, her back hitting the wall with a solid thump.
Moving forward a tiny bit more, Rachel tried more soothing words, murmuring, “It’s all right, Quinn.”
The brunette was unprepared for Quinn suddenly lashing out, her fist catching her on the lip, as the blonde cried, “It’s not all right! Leave me alone!”
Rachel scrambled backwards off the bed, not stopping until her back hit the opposite wall. Her shoulder hit the light switch on accident, flooding the room with sudden light. As the room was illuminated, Quinn saw Rachel slide to the floor, a hand rising to touch her bleeding lip. Realizing what had happened, her hands flew to cover her mouth.
“Oh god,” she choked out, trying to find a way to apologize to Rachel. The brunette was looking up at her, features marred by confusion and hurt and maybe a tinge of anger. Opening her mouth to try to say something, anything, to take back what she had just done, Quinn found her throat blocked by tears. Pushing herself off the bed, Quinn stumbled out of the room, apologies flying over her shoulder as she ran out of the house.
She had thought…. God, it had just been another stupid nightmare, and she had woken up in bed, and had tried to tell herself that she was safe and it was just a dream. But then…then the door opened, the person standing there backlit by the hallway light. She hadn’t been able to see their face, but she had seen this scene too many times before, and she knew what was going to happen.
On instinct, she had instantly begun pleading with them to stop, to go away and leave her alone, but they had kept coming, and she hadn’t known what to do. She had tried backing away, but her back hit a wall, and for a moment she thought that it was strange, because her bed wasn’t against a wall. But then the person kept coming, and they were about to pin her against the wall, and they just kept trying to tell her that it was okay, that everything was going to be fine. She had heard those lines before, and nothing was ever okay. Nothing was fine, or all right, and she most certainly was not okay in any sense of the word.
They had reached out for her again, still trying to tell her that it was okay, and she had snapped. They were lying, and she flailed desperately, trying to ward them off. She felt her fist connect with something, and she was yelling, trying frantically to make them just go away.
And then the lights had come on. Instead of a faceless assailant, it was Rachel who was left bleeding on the floor, and Quinn didn’t know how to deal with that. She didn’t know how to explain what she had thought was going on, because really? There wasn’t any way to tell the brunette that she had thought that she was going to…well there just wasn’t any way to explain that. Especially not with Rachel staring up at her, so hurt and confused about why the blonde had lashed out at her.
Running had been the easiest option, because in that moment Quinn was certain that not only had she just destroyed any hope she had of getting Rachel to believe things were fine, but she had also most likely destroyed any chance they might have had at friendship. The thought killed her, and she felt tears running down her cheeks as she ran for the park. Curling up inside the tunnel, she sobbed as she wished desperately for a way to fix things.
******************
Back in the Berry household, Rachel was still sitting on the floor of her room, in mild shock over what had just happened. She had no idea how things had gone so quickly from being calm and friendly to this. It felt like a dream, but as she reached up to touch her lip again, she winced at the sting. No, it wasn't a dream, but that didn't make it any easier to understand.
It was like Quinn hadn't had any idea where she was, or who she was with. In the split second after the lights had turned on but before Quinn seemed to realize what she had done, the look on her face had been...it had been some sort of horrible combination of terror and shame and anger and a muddle of other emotions too complex for Rachel to identify. It was a haunted look, and Rachel had immediately wanted nothing more than to make it disappear.
She had raised her hand then, more out of instinct than anything, to check her lip and see how bad it was. The motion had drawn Quinn's attention, and the expression on her face had morphed into something else entirely. The terror was still there, but it was different now. Quinn looked scared of what she had done, and there was a pained sort of embarrassment enveloping the other emotions. Before Rachel could think to say or do anything, the blonde was up and out of the room, tearful “I'm sorrys” thrown over her shoulder as she went.
Rachel had been sitting up against the wall since, trying to figure out what she was supposed to do in a situation like this. She had been angry at Quinn for all of two seconds, but the second the blonde was gone the anger had dissolved into worry. Normal, happy, well-adjusted people didn't feel the need to defend themselves when they were sleeping, and they certainly weren't terrified when a friend walked into their room at night. Obviously there was some larger issue that Quinn was dealing with, and Rachel was growing more and more concerned about what that issue was based on her interactions with the blonde.
Pushing herself up off of the floor, Rachel walked to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth from under the sink. Dousing it in cold water, she dabbed her lip gingerly, grimacing as it started to bleed a little bit. Holding the washcloth against the lip until the bleeding stopped, she sighed and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked disheveled and tired, and the slight swelling around her lip certainly wasn't helping.
Pulling her hair up into a ponytail, she went back to her room and threw on some warmer sweatpants, a sweater, a fleece, and then grabbed her heavy coat. She doubted Quinn had gone home, or to anyone else's house, and there was no way she was about to let the blonde spend the night outside. On her way out the door, she grabbed her mittens and scarf for good measure. It was cold outside, and she doubted Quinn would come willingly, but she would be damned if she let Quinn run away from this without a fight.
Part Six