Am I Dropping Out?
I had the craziest, most depressing evening.
To begin, I went to my acting class fairly excited. But, one of the first things we do is this group/individual exercise where everyone has to be totally crazy and abstract and uninhibited in front of everyone else. It wasn't a one at a time thing, so everyone was as goofy as everyone else. But for some reason, I just flat out couldn't. It was the worst feeling. I just simply could not let myself go to that point, which is very disappointing. I feel like I let myself and my awesome teacher down.
So, anyway, I am sitting in the middle of the floor, rapidly progressing to the point of tears, and I look across the room and see one of the guys standing dead still,too. I've been watching this guy in class over the past few weeks and I really think there is something to him, something very hidden underneath the surface. So, I watch the teacher go over and give him some one-on-one advice and then leave again.The guy is still standing still. So I slowly walk over and say, "it seems like we're kindred spirits." We get to talking about how we can't seem to do it, regardless of how much we want to, we just can't. So this goes on and on and eventually the exercise ends. Later, when we're on break (this is a three hour class), we get to talking. He says he's thinking of dropping the class. This makes me very sad, because I am on the verge of getting to know something about him. So, we get to talking about that. It turns out he is rather very shy, as am I, when it comes to stuff like this. And he is generally fed up with the time he's wasting in college. He's an English major who feels like the university can't teach someone to write. He feels like he's wasting his time. Also, he just wants to take off and travel, not be stuck here with the mundane existence that is his life. He was saying stuff like he felt like he just wanted to take off for a while, but felt guilty letting his family down and was a little scared to just abandon his education, even though it's killing him to stay. He was saying how he felt so shackled here. (here i must admit that he wasn't talking to me, but rather to our teacher.) After he was done, I went over to him and confessed that I had been eavesdropping. I was like "What you said, it was like my soul had left my body and was standing over there talking. I know exactly how you feel."
So, I really feel like this kid and I have way too much in common. And tonight was really depressing because all the stuff I have been trying to ignore since the beginning of the semester was vocalized to me tonight. That's a horrible feeling, if you've never had it. He ended up leaving early and may drop the class. This depresses the heck out of me.
But, while all this is very depressing, the worst part is... he invited me along. And what I mean by that is this.... When we were sitting next to each other in a circle and Ian (our teacher) is yakking away to my right, Ty leans over and says, in all seriousness, "I'll drop out if you will." Holy crap! And that isn't the worst part. The worst part is I seriously considered it. Like to the point where I am considering it right now.
To begin, I went to my acting class fairly excited. But, one of the first things we do is this group/individual exercise where everyone has to be totally crazy and abstract and uninhibited in front of everyone else. It wasn't a one at a time thing, so everyone was as goofy as everyone else. But for some reason, I just flat out couldn't. It was the worst feeling. I just simply could not let myself go to that point, which is very disappointing. I feel like I let myself and my awesome teacher down.
So, anyway, I am sitting in the middle of the floor, rapidly progressing to the point of tears, and I look across the room and see one of the guys standing dead still,too. I've been watching this guy in class over the past few weeks and I really think there is something to him, something very hidden underneath the surface. So, I watch the teacher go over and give him some one-on-one advice and then leave again.The guy is still standing still. So I slowly walk over and say, "it seems like we're kindred spirits." We get to talking about how we can't seem to do it, regardless of how much we want to, we just can't. So this goes on and on and eventually the exercise ends. Later, when we're on break (this is a three hour class), we get to talking. He says he's thinking of dropping the class. This makes me very sad, because I am on the verge of getting to know something about him. So, we get to talking about that. It turns out he is rather very shy, as am I, when it comes to stuff like this. And he is generally fed up with the time he's wasting in college. He's an English major who feels like the university can't teach someone to write. He feels like he's wasting his time. Also, he just wants to take off and travel, not be stuck here with the mundane existence that is his life. He was saying stuff like he felt like he just wanted to take off for a while, but felt guilty letting his family down and was a little scared to just abandon his education, even though it's killing him to stay. He was saying how he felt so shackled here. (here i must admit that he wasn't talking to me, but rather to our teacher.) After he was done, I went over to him and confessed that I had been eavesdropping. I was like "What you said, it was like my soul had left my body and was standing over there talking. I know exactly how you feel."
So, I really feel like this kid and I have way too much in common. And tonight was really depressing because all the stuff I have been trying to ignore since the beginning of the semester was vocalized to me tonight. That's a horrible feeling, if you've never had it. He ended up leaving early and may drop the class. This depresses the heck out of me.
But, while all this is very depressing, the worst part is... he invited me along. And what I mean by that is this.... When we were sitting next to each other in a circle and Ian (our teacher) is yakking away to my right, Ty leans over and says, in all seriousness, "I'll drop out if you will." Holy crap! And that isn't the worst part. The worst part is I seriously considered it. Like to the point where I am considering it right now.