2020 Hits
Aunt Helen died 9/13/2020. Nothing is sadder than attending a Covid-19 funeral. She did not die from Covid-19, but social distancing and masks needed to be worn. I could not hug my cousins, aunts or uncles. It hit me hard. I cried a lot. My poor mother...
In the same week, we missed my LH surge because my body apparently has a quick surge, merely a few hours. This is likely why we are having a hard time getting pregnant. Also, in that week, they made huge cuts at work. 222 more district employees were cut. It was also the first week of virtual classes. I was updating my Google classroom from the back of my Dad's car as we drove down to Brooklyn to bury my aunt. I cried a lot the first few days of school. Luckily, I kept my job and I was able to say goodbye to Aunt Helen. The guilt still sits in me though. I wish I reached out to her more. I called. But was it enough? I visited. Often enough? I am grateful I visited with Khaleesi a few times. I sat with her at my bridal shower and I brought her the video of our wedding and watched it with her. However, I do not remember the last time I saw her. Likely, August of 2019. Maybe in Autumn?
I am currently listening to Evan's confirmation through Facebook. Another Covid-19 change. He's my Godson and I have to watch his ceremony through my phone. It's spotty and keeps freezing. I can't really see where he is sitting on the screen. It's sad but I am still grateful I could experience even in this mode.
I realize my last few posts have been so negative, as this has been a tool to get through a hiccup in my life timeline. My great hope is to look back on this, one day, with a kid (or two) on my lap or sleeping on my shoulder. I'll probably be craving some piece and quiet... but this is a reminder that you wanted this. And you are blessed to have it.