[Life] Anniversary

[celestineangel]

A year ago today, I had to have my kitty, Rat, put to sleep. She was old, and sick, and had stopped eating and was slowly starving herself to death. The vet said she was in the late stages of liver failure at that point, was half-blind, and probably senile. It was the right thing to do, having her put to sleep, but it was also the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever done. When I made the appointment that Friday to take her in the next Monday, I cried over the phone. I cried over the whole weekend, knowing what was coming. I took every chance I could to hold her and cuddle her before I would never be able to again. I cried all day that Monday, cried in the car on the way there, probably scared the other people at the vet when I walked in clutching my cat and nearly sobbing, and I basically did not stop crying for the next week.

It doesn't feel like it's been a year. I still sometimes look up, thinking I've seen movement, thinking she's going to walk in and come lay on my feet.

Shit, I'm crying while I type this.

Still not ready to say goodbye, though I did it a year ago.