Sigh... Whew... Got a lot off my chest tonight
So, I decided to "Post" officially all the entries in my journal for as far back as it would let me. I decided to do this because... I'm no longer that person in love with Rik... wondering "Why did he do this?" I'm not pinning away thinking he will come back... lol actually I'm glad now he never came back. I'm not dreading holidays anymore. I used to loath them... as eveident in this journal if you have the patients to read it. I will say this... this journal has been a life line for me. The constant friend that always welcomed my words. It offered the ear I didn't have in the darkest of hours. Many times I would come strictly to vent the pains of my exsistance. Not that I didn't have good times... but in the good times I would share those freely with ones I care about. In the "Dark," that was my burden. Mine alone to suffer, mine alone to bare. I make them public now for the reason that I am free. I'm free of the negative thoughts that have plauged my mind these past years. I made a post last year, "I am a catipillar," I am, and I have done what I set out to do. I am a new person... and I've opened myself up and changed the path I was on. I took every step I had to take to get out of the rut I was in. The trench of darkness that has held me captive no longer has power over me, I'm free. I'm still that sad little girl fighting her way out... but the way is somehow easier now. I feel like I have something at my side now, that I'm not so alone as I was. Every step I take I feel closer to the happiness I've longed for. One day... I know I'll arrive at what I'm reaching for. Today is not that day... but it has brought me one day closer. If you do read this journal... you will see the RAW human emotions that make up Megan. The long journey I have taken, and the deep seeded emotions along the path. The mistakes I've made... the pains I've endured... the tests, the trials, and the emotional rollarcoasters. Everything... (mostly negative... as I said before the good times I share with others... the bad often got vented out here) This is me... take it... or leave it... I'm not going to hide anymore. I answer to God, and myself... and you are nither!