Insomnia

[celestialbitch]

I've had some bad times in my life... I've struggled to prevent things from repitition, and tried to develop myself so that I could move on when things happen. Now... I find no way of controling the life force around me. Everything I love... my grandfather, my job... the few friends I have... are slipping away. It's 5 am... I have been lying in bed almost near panic attack for the past 4 hours... I can't sleep... I haven't been eating... and the fight in me I used to have... I just don't have the strength, nor the energy. What will be will be. I learned that a long time ago, but only in the last few years really grasped the potency of that statement.

With the tears flowing... and my nerves shot to hell... I am begging for this pain to stop. Let me have some little strand of hope? Maybe just ONE constant in my life that I can rely upon in times of need... a friend to call my very own? Something in which I can have that will help disapate this exile I have created for myself, and the depression I see no end to?

Please God... I am asking for help... pleading for mercy... I'm done, I've reached the limit and have now crossed over to that dark place inside myself where no protection is offered, where all the negative things are piled up, where I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to be happy... I'm so tired of being sad and alone all the time. Even the joys hold no joy. :(