Pre-Courtship Questionnaire - pt 3 Your Relationships
Questions from here: http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2013/06/the-pre-courtship-questionnaire/
66. Describe your relationship with your father? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
Um, in a single paragraph or in a memoir? It could currently be described as 'honouring', although that's not my first choice of words. It could not be described as 'obedient,' which is ok, as he doesn't tend to give me orders. I'm 37 and I've moved to a different continent.
67. Does your father have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
Nope, he's all good.
68. Describe your relationship with your mother? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
Alas, my mother died a decade ago. I could use the honouring word, but, again, not so obedient. My mother was a lovely woman with whom I got on extremely well once I left home and grew up a bit.
69. Does your mother have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
She died of cancer, but she was 65.
70. How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, cities of residence? Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?
I have a brother who's personal information I should probably not post to the internet. I see him around once a year. He's a good guy. We had a lot of rivalry when we were young. I thought he didn't like me until I was 30ish.
71. Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?
The last one died 15 years ago-ish. I used to go visit her once a week in her care home.
My other grandmother died 20 years ago, when I was still in high school. My mother was very close with her and when she died I was just getting enough freedom that I used to go by myself to see her.
Her husband died 3 or 4 years before she did, but had dementia for several years previously.
My other grandfather died many years before I was born.
72. Can you describe your relationship with your friends? Have you ever been peer-dependent? How did you resist this?
They're all good people. The folks I've known longest live in the States. I've had to make new friends in London. I've got some quality mates here, but I do wish I had a few more of them.
'Peer-dependent' is evangelical speak for needing mates aside from imaginary friends. I've tried to get along without really having friends around, which is what happens when one moves to an entirely new place. It kind of sucks, honestly, to be mostly friendless. I think everybody needs friends, so colour me peer-dependant, or, rather, peer-interdependent. I try to pick good people to be my friends.
73. Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments? Give examples.
I tend to who up to all my band practices, although not always on time. I did get divorced the one time, though.
74. Do you show a regular willingness to serve others? In what ways?
I should probably do more volunteering. I do a bit for an NGO, but not often. I got to protests every 2 or 3 months.
75. In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
I don't like to share puddings and if asked, I will often refuse. I also don't like to share my laptop. I try not to be greedy otherwise.
76. How do you relate to authority in your life? If so, what adjectives would your employers use to describe you?
It depends on how legitimate the authority is. I mean, fuck the police and all that, but I'm all good with my line manager.
77. Have you ever been a supervisor? If so, what adjectives would your employees use to describe you?
I've had students. My evaluations have varied, but I'm gaining experience, which they appreciate.
78. Are you ever manipulative of others?
I hope not.
79. What kinds of situations cause you frustration? How do you respond?
Not having eaten recently is the major cause of frustration in my life. If I were more reasonable, whenever I felt frustrated I would have a snack and a cup of tea. Maybe with a scone. oooh, and clotted cream and some strawberry jam. Maybe fresh strawberries too... I wonder if the sainsburys local sells clotted dream...
What good is their bloody website if it can't tell you if the local Sainsburys sells clotted cream? Honestly.
80. What circumstances might make you impatient or angry? How do you handle anger? Have you ever been violent? Do you raise your voice when angry?
I get angry during arguments. I try to count to 10 or whatever. I do sometimes raise my voice, but I've never been violent.
81. Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of
Well, there was the one time I got divorced. It was really not working out, alas.
82. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
I would really hope to get on with the family of my hypothetical future spouse. However, my relationship would primarily be with her and not them, so I would follow her lead.
83. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
I would expect my hypothetical future spouse to get on ok with my family, but, you know, family... occasional exasperation is allowed.
84. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
Um, should I tag three lj users? Do people still do that? Why would I only have three friends?
85. How did you get to know them?
Probably either in a musical group or a tech project or both.
86. Why are they your friends?
My friends tend to be interesting to talk to and have similar interests. Of course, after a while, relationships are carried by their own weight.
87. What do you like most about them?
My closest friends are all kinds and caring and that's what I like most about them.
88. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
I would not anticipate any changes.
89. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
Several
90. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
I'm not sure what this means? I have social and working relationships with women, some of whom I've very close to.
91. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
The same.
(Seriously, I would not marry somebody who was going to torpedo my friendships. I mean, my hypothetical future spouse doesn't need to befriend them also - and if any of my friends were creepy or weird to her, the creepy/weird friends would be cut off, but that's would be down to their own poor behaviour (and that I don't want friends who would act like that). But if she's got a problem with my friends due to their gender, that's a major red flag and would probably take her out of the running to be a future spouse.)
92. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
In a perfect world, I'd like to merge friendship groups and have everybody hang out together. In practice, this might not work. I mean, even in my own circles, I have a few discrete groups that don't have much overlap. It's important that my hypothetical future spouse feel comfortable with my friends and be willing to socialise with them in groups, even if she doesn't get on with every individual. My friends / friend groups are fairly diverse along several axes, so my hypothetical future spouse needs to be comfortable with people who are not of her age, class, nationality, race, sexual orientation, etc. Keep in mind that I'm very far from my family and so rely a lot on my friends, and also that they're all nice people.
66. Describe your relationship with your father? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
Um, in a single paragraph or in a memoir? It could currently be described as 'honouring', although that's not my first choice of words. It could not be described as 'obedient,' which is ok, as he doesn't tend to give me orders. I'm 37 and I've moved to a different continent.
67. Does your father have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
Nope, he's all good.
68. Describe your relationship with your mother? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
Alas, my mother died a decade ago. I could use the honouring word, but, again, not so obedient. My mother was a lovely woman with whom I got on extremely well once I left home and grew up a bit.
69. Does your mother have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
She died of cancer, but she was 65.
70. How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, cities of residence? Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?
I have a brother who's personal information I should probably not post to the internet. I see him around once a year. He's a good guy. We had a lot of rivalry when we were young. I thought he didn't like me until I was 30ish.
71. Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?
The last one died 15 years ago-ish. I used to go visit her once a week in her care home.
My other grandmother died 20 years ago, when I was still in high school. My mother was very close with her and when she died I was just getting enough freedom that I used to go by myself to see her.
Her husband died 3 or 4 years before she did, but had dementia for several years previously.
My other grandfather died many years before I was born.
72. Can you describe your relationship with your friends? Have you ever been peer-dependent? How did you resist this?
They're all good people. The folks I've known longest live in the States. I've had to make new friends in London. I've got some quality mates here, but I do wish I had a few more of them.
'Peer-dependent' is evangelical speak for needing mates aside from imaginary friends. I've tried to get along without really having friends around, which is what happens when one moves to an entirely new place. It kind of sucks, honestly, to be mostly friendless. I think everybody needs friends, so colour me peer-dependant, or, rather, peer-interdependent. I try to pick good people to be my friends.
73. Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments? Give examples.
I tend to who up to all my band practices, although not always on time. I did get divorced the one time, though.
74. Do you show a regular willingness to serve others? In what ways?
I should probably do more volunteering. I do a bit for an NGO, but not often. I got to protests every 2 or 3 months.
75. In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
I don't like to share puddings and if asked, I will often refuse. I also don't like to share my laptop. I try not to be greedy otherwise.
76. How do you relate to authority in your life? If so, what adjectives would your employers use to describe you?
It depends on how legitimate the authority is. I mean, fuck the police and all that, but I'm all good with my line manager.
77. Have you ever been a supervisor? If so, what adjectives would your employees use to describe you?
I've had students. My evaluations have varied, but I'm gaining experience, which they appreciate.
78. Are you ever manipulative of others?
I hope not.
79. What kinds of situations cause you frustration? How do you respond?
Not having eaten recently is the major cause of frustration in my life. If I were more reasonable, whenever I felt frustrated I would have a snack and a cup of tea. Maybe with a scone. oooh, and clotted cream and some strawberry jam. Maybe fresh strawberries too... I wonder if the sainsburys local sells clotted dream...
What good is their bloody website if it can't tell you if the local Sainsburys sells clotted cream? Honestly.
80. What circumstances might make you impatient or angry? How do you handle anger? Have you ever been violent? Do you raise your voice when angry?
I get angry during arguments. I try to count to 10 or whatever. I do sometimes raise my voice, but I've never been violent.
81. Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of
Well, there was the one time I got divorced. It was really not working out, alas.
82. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
I would really hope to get on with the family of my hypothetical future spouse. However, my relationship would primarily be with her and not them, so I would follow her lead.
83. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
I would expect my hypothetical future spouse to get on ok with my family, but, you know, family... occasional exasperation is allowed.
84. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
Um, should I tag three lj users? Do people still do that? Why would I only have three friends?
85. How did you get to know them?
Probably either in a musical group or a tech project or both.
86. Why are they your friends?
My friends tend to be interesting to talk to and have similar interests. Of course, after a while, relationships are carried by their own weight.
87. What do you like most about them?
My closest friends are all kinds and caring and that's what I like most about them.
88. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
I would not anticipate any changes.
89. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
Several
90. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
I'm not sure what this means? I have social and working relationships with women, some of whom I've very close to.
91. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
The same.
(Seriously, I would not marry somebody who was going to torpedo my friendships. I mean, my hypothetical future spouse doesn't need to befriend them also - and if any of my friends were creepy or weird to her, the creepy/weird friends would be cut off, but that's would be down to their own poor behaviour (and that I don't want friends who would act like that). But if she's got a problem with my friends due to their gender, that's a major red flag and would probably take her out of the running to be a future spouse.)
92. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
In a perfect world, I'd like to merge friendship groups and have everybody hang out together. In practice, this might not work. I mean, even in my own circles, I have a few discrete groups that don't have much overlap. It's important that my hypothetical future spouse feel comfortable with my friends and be willing to socialise with them in groups, even if she doesn't get on with every individual. My friends / friend groups are fairly diverse along several axes, so my hypothetical future spouse needs to be comfortable with people who are not of her age, class, nationality, race, sexual orientation, etc. Keep in mind that I'm very far from my family and so rely a lot on my friends, and also that they're all nice people.