A Letter from Kimberly Stewart, duh!
Okay. Enough of the backlash, already. Yeah, I said in a Blendermagazine interview that Jennifer Aniston was homely. Hello! I'm a model-slash-actress, so I totally know what is gorgeous and what isn't. You grow up with the sexiest man ever and you learn a few things. Like take, for example, me. I am gorgeous. I have been on, like, four jobs as a model. Three were for weird Japanese underwear runways thingies, and they do not just pick anyone, fools.
I mean, if you look at what I said, I'm trying to pay her a compliment. I said that I like her because "she's, you know, homely. She obviously has to have something else. It's not like she's gorgeous or anything." Which in girl-code means she must suck a mean pole to have landed Brad Pitt, come on! And I've told Access Hollywood, I've told the Associated Press-thingamabob, and like, I sent her a really nice floral bouquet from FTD - the "Condolences" package. That should be enough, people.
Seriously: when my dad walked out on my mom for another woman, he sent my MOM flowers and it got better. What's the diff?
Being me is so hard, you have no idea. I have to pretend to wreck on a motorcycle thingy with long handles, professionally hang-out and pretend to not hate Nicole Ritchie... It all depends on what Paris tells me to do. Thank god she hasn't told me to get married or quit doing coke. I mean, drinking Diet Coke™. That would suck. And then I wouldn't look so freaking fantastic, which means not getting asked back to model boy's underwear in Japan. Because I am a model FIRST, you guys. I am a model.
For reals: I am a model.
And Jennifer? Dude. Get over it. Not everyone can be as pretty as me. I am a model, after all. Thanks you guys. That felt really good to get that off my thin, bony chest. Which is hott. Oh my god, don't tell Paris I used her phrase. Crap.
Like, bye and stuff,
Kimberly Stewart