BEWARE THE WHITE RAT
So, I had the most terrifying dream last nite.
It was not unlike a psychological thriller.
So, here we go:
I lived in a house that was undergoing some remodeling. We were moving around stuff and discovering some new areas. It was crazy. Rooms we'd never known existed, furniture that seemed to appear out of nowhere. There were boxes everywhere, too. I can only assume they were there to hold items that needed to be packed away during the remodel.
Anyway, I'm rummaging through some stuff when all of a sudden this giant white rat appears. He just waltzed into the room like nobody's business. I froze - a very common reaction on my part when I'm around things that scare the mexican shit out of me.
So, I look around at the other people in the room to make sure that they see the grotesque white rodent. They acknowledge his presence and then just continue rummaging through the boxes. I....I don't know what to do. I don't want to be the only pansy in the room. So, I slowly psych myself into being okay with the rat. It doesn't work. But, I feign acceptance. And this rat...this rat is just prancing around like he owns the place. And he stares me down every chance he gets.
Let me stop to describe this rat. Because, the director of this dream was obviously in love with this rat. This rat was the size of a fat beagle. He had a long hairy snout with big scraggly teeth. His eyes were albino red. His fur had specks of gray and when he looked at you, his tongue would occasionally peek out to touch his scary chapped rat lips.
This rat had personality.
So, we're rummaging. I'm quitely dying. The rat is giving me the stink eye and prancing around like Little Lord Fauntleroy (sp?). As we change rooms, he follows us....or rather, he follows me. Yes. Not only am I terrified, I've also reached a new level of paranoia. He seems to get a kick from softly scurrying past my legs. I guess seeing me jump 10 feet in the air is rather amusing. After about 2 hours of silence (really, I should be commended for my patience)... I lose it. I look at the rat lovers around me and I scream at the top of my lungs:
"WE ARE SURROUNDED BY VERMIN! CAN WE PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO GET RID OF IT?!?!?"
They look at me and my paranoia creates a voice in my head that whispers: "They're on his side, nit wit".
The voice was right.
All of a sudden I'm a fur-wearing cretin who is #1 on P.E.T.A.'s Most Wanted List. They start throwing the boxes and furniture at me. The white rat laughs, that asshole. They tell me that this is also the white rat's home and I have to share it with him.
And then they tell me the only way I can make it up to him is to share my bed with him for one night.
Cela + Evil White Rat = Slumber Party.
I'm telling you, I could not wake up fast enough.
Cold sweat.
Chills.
I could still feel his furry snout.
I washed my sheets today. I swear I can still feel the rat fur.
*shudders*
worst.
dream.
ever.
Rodent Lovers can Suck It
It was not unlike a psychological thriller.
So, here we go:
I lived in a house that was undergoing some remodeling. We were moving around stuff and discovering some new areas. It was crazy. Rooms we'd never known existed, furniture that seemed to appear out of nowhere. There were boxes everywhere, too. I can only assume they were there to hold items that needed to be packed away during the remodel.
Anyway, I'm rummaging through some stuff when all of a sudden this giant white rat appears. He just waltzed into the room like nobody's business. I froze - a very common reaction on my part when I'm around things that scare the mexican shit out of me.
So, I look around at the other people in the room to make sure that they see the grotesque white rodent. They acknowledge his presence and then just continue rummaging through the boxes. I....I don't know what to do. I don't want to be the only pansy in the room. So, I slowly psych myself into being okay with the rat. It doesn't work. But, I feign acceptance. And this rat...this rat is just prancing around like he owns the place. And he stares me down every chance he gets.
Let me stop to describe this rat. Because, the director of this dream was obviously in love with this rat. This rat was the size of a fat beagle. He had a long hairy snout with big scraggly teeth. His eyes were albino red. His fur had specks of gray and when he looked at you, his tongue would occasionally peek out to touch his scary chapped rat lips.
This rat had personality.
So, we're rummaging. I'm quitely dying. The rat is giving me the stink eye and prancing around like Little Lord Fauntleroy (sp?). As we change rooms, he follows us....or rather, he follows me. Yes. Not only am I terrified, I've also reached a new level of paranoia. He seems to get a kick from softly scurrying past my legs. I guess seeing me jump 10 feet in the air is rather amusing. After about 2 hours of silence (really, I should be commended for my patience)... I lose it. I look at the rat lovers around me and I scream at the top of my lungs:
"WE ARE SURROUNDED BY VERMIN! CAN WE PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO GET RID OF IT?!?!?"
They look at me and my paranoia creates a voice in my head that whispers: "They're on his side, nit wit".
The voice was right.
All of a sudden I'm a fur-wearing cretin who is #1 on P.E.T.A.'s Most Wanted List. They start throwing the boxes and furniture at me. The white rat laughs, that asshole. They tell me that this is also the white rat's home and I have to share it with him.
And then they tell me the only way I can make it up to him is to share my bed with him for one night.
Cela + Evil White Rat = Slumber Party.
I'm telling you, I could not wake up fast enough.
Cold sweat.
Chills.
I could still feel his furry snout.
I washed my sheets today. I swear I can still feel the rat fur.
*shudders*
worst.
dream.
ever.
Rodent Lovers can Suck It