(no subject)
so he dumped me, henry did. he wanted me to feel the pain he felt when i cheated on him. but he still wants us to stay the same... friends or whatever. so then, whats the point of breaking up? to prove his point. point proved indeed. i never thought that i would feel so without feeling. i'm very numb. i know i have thought about breaking up with him a lot, but i never did it because i thought that it would hurt him so bad. he would never let me either. he's very stubborn.
i know he doesn't feel right about it. i knew he wouldn't. i know that he won't find anyone like me. i don't really want anyone else right now either. it's going to be awhile before i date again.
so yea i dont know wats going to happen now. i'm not sure that anything will happen. i think things will be like this. yea. until he comes down again. so i guess i dont have to worry about flying him down for valentines? yea i do. maybe i'll do it anyways. surprise him? i know he wants to come home. i really think thats what im going to do. but maybe not for valentines. maybe some other weekend. cuz i dont work weekends and neither does he. but should i? i mean that would be like me telling him to come see me. i dunno. whatever maybe i wont. i'll see how things work out. cuz i know that he's miserable up there anyway. but he's got tons of time to be up there. i dont kno. im mad that he cant forgive me. im mad that he couldnt forget about it. im mad that he still judges me as that person. it would have been so much better if he had done it back then... but now? i dont get it. and im mad that even tho he can dump me he can still have all of me. it just makes me angry that he's not really losing much. he has me still. and he can call me up if he needs to talk. and ill be there for him. yet i guess its better if things just gradually come to a stop. i hate being lonely and he hates me for having cheated. things will work themselves out and we'll stop doing this. we'll just meet people that will suit our needs. i like to think that.
i know he doesn't feel right about it. i knew he wouldn't. i know that he won't find anyone like me. i don't really want anyone else right now either. it's going to be awhile before i date again.
so yea i dont know wats going to happen now. i'm not sure that anything will happen. i think things will be like this. yea. until he comes down again. so i guess i dont have to worry about flying him down for valentines? yea i do. maybe i'll do it anyways. surprise him? i know he wants to come home. i really think thats what im going to do. but maybe not for valentines. maybe some other weekend. cuz i dont work weekends and neither does he. but should i? i mean that would be like me telling him to come see me. i dunno. whatever maybe i wont. i'll see how things work out. cuz i know that he's miserable up there anyway. but he's got tons of time to be up there. i dont kno. im mad that he cant forgive me. im mad that he couldnt forget about it. im mad that he still judges me as that person. it would have been so much better if he had done it back then... but now? i dont get it. and im mad that even tho he can dump me he can still have all of me. it just makes me angry that he's not really losing much. he has me still. and he can call me up if he needs to talk. and ill be there for him. yet i guess its better if things just gradually come to a stop. i hate being lonely and he hates me for having cheated. things will work themselves out and we'll stop doing this. we'll just meet people that will suit our needs. i like to think that.