In Our Own Skins: Guinevere II
Title: In Our Own Skins (3b/8)
Author: ceecee_05
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter contains sexual content, and some swearing)
Characters/Pairings (In this chapter): Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lance, Gwaine, Merlin, Elaine (allusions to Morgan, Uther, Tom, Eli or Elyan, and Arthur/Elaine)
Spoilers: NONE
Disclaimer: MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.
Summary: Gwen and Lance are finished, and her feelings for Arthur are growing, but what happens when there's trouble in paradise?
Author's notes: This is the conclusion of Guinevere's chapter. There is a fair bit of sexual content, hence the mature rating. This is my first time writing smut, so sorry if it's not as impassioned as you'd hoped it be. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this, and this chapter is quite long, so yeah... I apologize in advance for any errors.
Guinevere II
I saunter into the common room as if I'm walking on a cloud. Most people are looking at me as if I've lost my mind. Yes, my boyfriend turned out to be a lying cheat, and my best mate an evil bitch, but I've found that my life hasn't come to a sudden end like I thought it would. There are times when I do miss Lance, and on the rare occasion Morgan, but Merlin, and Arthur have been wonderful to me; Arthur more than anyone.
I blush as I sit across from Merlin. Arthur had been at my door only a few minutes after I rang him, and as we'd enjoyed dinner he'd made me laugh and smile all night. I'd really wanted him to stay the night - not for anything intimate, but because I just didn't want to be alone. Though, in the end I thought it best not to make our newly rekindled friendship uncomfortable with such a request. I knew he would have if I'd asked, and that's all that matters.
"Let me guess, Arthur on the brain?"
Embarrassment quickly crosses over my features before I try and hide it with indignation. I can't be so transparent; it's only been a couple weeks. Surely Merlin hasn't caught on to my feelings, and if he has what if Arthur has too.
"Of course not! I'm just happy for the weekend. Any excuse not to have to see Lance and Morgan every day."
My smile slowly fades, and Merlin looks guilty. Actually, every time I mention their names he looks guilty, but I don't have the heart to ask why. While I was in my own little world with Lance, Morgan, and Gwaine, I'd never paid all that much attention to Arthur and Merlin besides idle chitchat here and there. After everything that happened with Lance and Morgan, Merlin hasn't once looked at me crossly for falling back on he and Arthur for support. Merlin even holds me in his arms, and lets me soak his cardi whenever I skip Maths class because I have it with Lance and Morgan. I never ask why he's not in P.E.
"Gwen there's something I need to tell you. I haven't really had the courage to tell you before, but I owe you an explanation."
I'm not going to lie his words are making my stomach queasy. I don't know if I can handle any more painful truths after what happened the last time.
"I knew about Lance and Morgan, well I didn't know for sure. I saw him running out of the house, and well…"
I hide a small giggle behind my hands at the red blush that is now dominating Merlin's very pale face.
"I also saw Morgan lying naked on her bed. You have to believe me, I didn't know for certain what had gone on so I didn't want to tell you and break your heart. I was hoping it had all been Morgan trying to seduce him, but a part of me knew that something more had happened. I'm so sorry it took me so long to say anything Gwen, please forgive me."
How can Merlin possibly think I'd ever be angry at him for that? He was in a delicate situation, and without any proof I probably wouldn't even have believed him. Well, without hearing it from Lance I most likely wouldn't have believed anyone.
Although, secretly I will admit that I was hoping Merlin was going to finally fess up about what's going on with his health. As much as Arthur wants to live in denial, I know Merlin's lying about this illness he's slowly recovering from. The same illness he has yet to give a name to.
I gently take his hand in mine, and give him a soft smile. I shiver at how cold and bony his hand feels, and have to force myself not to cry at how scared I really am for him.
"You have nothing to apologize for Merlin. I can't even imagine the position you must have been put in holding that kind of secret from everyone because I know Arthur didn't know."
I quickly hesitate. I need to remember to pick my next words carefully.
"I'm glad that you've finally told me the truth, and I want you to know that you can always tell me anything. I know we haven't really been close for a while, and really that's all my fault, but I need you to know that no matter what's wrong you can always come to me."
He looks at me sadly, and I'm actually terrified at the pain I see in his eyes. At the sight of tears, I immediately reach for a tissue out of my purse, and dab his eyes before squeezing his hand in assurance that I'm still there with him.
"I…I met a girl. She's sweet, kind, funny, really fit, and she fancies me."
I'm surprised at the turn the conversation's taking, but I don't say anything to stop him, just giggle at the small grin on his face. We move closer together so it looks like we're secretly conspirng when the noise from the others in the room starts to elevate. We're just smiling at each other, and I'm so happy to see the Merlin I used to know without the hidden sadness behind his eyes.
"Does she go to College here? What's her name?"
"She doesn't go to Camelot anymore; she can't."
I frown as he swiftly turns his head away from me, but I remember not to press him for any information he doesn't want to willingly give.
"Her name's Freya and she's brilliant. From the first moment I met her, I've felt so comfortable with her. I can say and do anything because she just lets me be myself, but most importantly she likes who I am. I think I…"
I move in closer to Merlin when he turns back to look me in the eyes. I've never heard Merlin talk about a girl like this before. Sure he'd had a little crush on Morgan when we were younger, but after he'd pushed her for hitting Arthur that fascination had quickly ended. Since then I wasn't really sure who Merlin fancied. Though, I had seen him with a girl named Nina a few times when he was in Year 9. She was a definite slag.
"I think I'm in love with her."
My smile grows at his declaration. Merlin in love, I never thought I'd see the day. I desperately want to meet this girl that has captured Merlin's heart, but I'm afraid to ask too many questions, and risk having him close himself off once again.
"Oie, what's this then?"
My wide smile falls, and Merlin and I quickly separate from each other. I don't know why I feel so nervous, it's only Arthur.
"I didn't know that I needed your permission to talk to one of my mates Arthur?"
My eyes narrow at him, and he has the decency to look ashamed. Merlin and I were only talking, and even if we weren't he can't just act like…well, like an overprotective boyfriend. I keep my mouth shut when I see Elaine linking their arms, or touching his arm way too many times for absolutely NO reason! So who is he to get angry at the sight of me just talking to Merlin, and holding his hand in comfort. I've known Merlin since I was nine, and he'd only known Elaine for a little over four months now. Not to mention how obvious it is that she fancies him.
"I wasn't…I mean I didn't think…I'm sorry"
Merlin laughs beside me, and it takes all my self control to keep my face neutral and not join in. I never can stay mad at Arthur for long.
I help Merlin to stand, even though he's swatting me away with his hand. He won't admit it, but I know he's grateful for the help. I already know Arthur's looking away from the scene, out of sight out of mind as the saying goes. Whether either of them wants to acknowledge it or not, Merlin's seriously unwell.
"Alright, well I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."
The four of us are nearing the car park, and I'm not happy with the fact that Elaine's been following us. Usually she's not even around after College. When I asked about it a couple days ago Merlin told me that she works a lot. Well why isn't she working today?
I hate feeling like such a bitch, but I can't stand the way she fauns over Arthur, as if he actually feels the same way about her that she does about him. I guess it's possible he could. My eyes quickly move to Arthur as he opens the door to the black Mercedes Benz he's been forced to drive to accommodate both Merlin and myself. Although he's not opened the driver's door but the door to the back, and Elaine's just hopped in with a rosy blush gracing her cheeks. My shoulders slump at the thought of Arthur and Elaine. Maybe he does have feelings for her?
"Guinevere, are you really going to make me stand here all day?"
My eyes lock onto his, and he smiles at me before nodding to the still open door. As I walk towards him our eyes don't leave the others face, and I feel as if I'm floating. Arthur is so wonderful, and I care about him so much, but Lance and I only just split up. How can I just jump from one bloke to another?
"GWEN"
Instantly the connection is broken, and I see Arthur's face harden at the person coming up behind me. I know it's Lance, a couple weeks couldn't make me forget the sound of his voice. Arthur starts moving towards me, but I shake my head at him. I'm done being a weak little girl that lets others fight her battles. I can see Arthur's not happy with my decision to leave him out, but when he steps back I know he respects it.
When I turn to face Lance, Gwaine quickly scurries off with a quick nod in my direction. He always knows how to stay away from awkward situations, no wonder he's been able to keep that secret hidden for so long.
"Lance, what do you want?"
I'm tired of the messages and voicemails telling me how sorry he is, and how he'll do anything to make things right between us. There were a few times when I wanted to believe that if he promised to never talk to Morgan again, and attach himself to me at the hip things might work. But that wouldn't be fair to either of us.
As strange as it is to believe, I do forgive him for what he did with Morgan. Lance isn't a bad person; he'd just done a really stupid thing. My problem isn't forgiving Lance, but trusting him again. Not to mention Arthur. Before I could ignore my feelings, and just keep thinking Lance is better for me. But after spending practically every day of these last two weeks just talking and laughing with Arthur, I'm not so sure he is.
"Gwen, please forgive me. I've been in hell without you. I miss you so much I can't think clearly. I know you've been avoiding me, and every day in Maths and English I just stare at your empty desk, and hate myself even more for ever hurting you."
"I forgive you Lance"
My heart breaks at the look of happiness on his face, and I'm glad that I've made him feel a little better. Yes, I'm still angry, but I think Lance has suffered enough.
"Oh Gwen you have no idea how happy that makes me. I was afraid you'd never…"
When he starts reaching forward for my hands, I hastily back away. His smile fades, and I turn my head away from the sorrowful look in his eyes.
"I thought you wanted to try again. I'll never love anyone like I love you, please Gwen. I made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life, but I promise you I will never hurt you like that again."
"Lance I can't…"
"Haven't I always been there for you in the past? Whenever you've needed anything I've been there without question. All those times you told me you love me did you even mean it?"
I run straight for Lance, and backhand him as tears pour down my face. How dare he question me about my feelings? I'd been pissed to the point that I couldn't even remember losing my virginity, what was his excuse?
"Did you ever love ME? You always put me before yourself, don't make me laugh. All the times I waited for you when your family went on holidays to this place or that place, and not once did you ever think to ask me to come. My Dad died a month before you and your family were meant ti go to France, and you went anyway! I needed you, and you just left me. You know how Eli is. I told you so many times how he hates me because I wasn't able to save his Dad. He was dying in my arms, and Tom told me not to leave him. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave him, even to get the phone. What if he…HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE!"
I can feel arms wrapping themselves around me, and I turn to cry into Arthur's chest. I haven't talked about that night with Dad since the paramedics made me recount the story, and for a while that's exactly what the whole thing had felt like - a story. Eli had been at Uni when Dad had died. When he found out that I'd waited until Tom was passed out to call for help he barely spoke to me. For so long I thought I deserved his anger.
"It's okay Guinevere, you didn't do anything wrong."
"What if they could have saved him?"
I look up into Arthur's eyes as he soothingly rubs my face. I don't want him to see me like this anymore. I just want to be happy…with him.
"And what if they couldn't have? Would you have really wanted him to spend the last few minutes of his life scared and alone?"
Slowly I shake my head no, and he gives me a small grin.
"His last wish was to be with you, and you gave him that. Don't ever regret that decision."
I smile at Arthur as he wipes the tears from my eyes. Gently he takes my hand in his, and kisses my knuckles before walking me back to the car.
"Gwen?"
Reluctantly I pry my gaze from Arthur's to look back at Lance's tear filled eyes. I can't help but pity him for all the pain Morgan has caused us.
"I'm always here for you, and I always will be. If you ever need to talk"
Briefly his eyes take in the sight of my hand in Arthur's before looking back to me.
"…about anything. I'm here for you. I'm sorry I hurt you. Losing you will always be my biggest regret."
I don't respond, and Lance doesn't wait for me to. He scurries towards his car, and for a while I watch him before Arthur leads me to the back of his Mercedes and closes the door.
-o-
The four of us go to see a film where Arthur drapes his arm comfortably behind my seat, and I can't help but swoon a little when he does. I'm so focused on Arthur's face that I barely notice when the credits start to roll, and everyone picks up there things to leave. After the film we go out to dinner at some posh restaurant I've never been to before. The food's really tasty, and of course Arthur picks up the bill. Afterward he drops Merlin home because he keeps complaining that the smell from all the food at the restaurant is making him feel ill. I don't necessarily think he's lying, but I know there's more to the story than Merlin's saying. Elaine's the next to get booted from the car, even though she tries so hard to convince Arthur to take me home first - nice try. She lives in a relatively small home, and I'm shocked to see it's even smaller than my own. Arthur ever the gentleman, walks her to her door, and even pretends not to notice when she trips a little on her porch steps. I cringe when he hugs her, but smile at the fact that it only lasts a couple of seconds before he pulls away.
Now we're right back to where we were that first day Arthur dropped me home, sitting rather awkwardly in his car. I don't really know what to say or do at this moment, so I wait for him to make some sort of move. However, Arthur seems to have the same idea as me, and just keeps looking nervously in my direction. Gradually I start to feel anxious just sitting there with him in silence, so I decide to make my way into the house. Almost instantly his door opens too, and he follows behind me with his hands in the pockets of his trousers. I hesitate with the key in the lock, hoping he'll finally pluck up the nerve to kiss me already. We haven't snogged each other since that day in his kitchen, and it's suddenly starting to feel like much too long ago.
"I had a really nice time tonight. Thanks for being there for me today, and every day for the last couple weeks. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."
Arthur turns me around so I'm no longer talking into my front door. He's smiling again. Although he's usually smiling whenever I'm around; and secretly I hope that it's me that makes him smile so much.
"Yeah I did too. I really would have preferred it if it had been just the two of us, but like they say baby steps. We've got loads of time to go out on a proper date."
By now I'm blushing so furiously I turn my head away from him in embarrassment. What happened to the nervous, stumbling over his words Arthur that I'd grown so accustom to? The man before me is so comfortable and sure of himself, and it's making me so flustered I don't know what to do with myself.
As usual Arthur tenderly brings my face back to stare at his own, and I don't know if I love or hate how easy it is to get lost in his eyes.
"I've wanted to kiss you all night."
His voice is husky, and the sound of it is making me sweat with desire. All week I've been going back and forth with my feelings for Arthur. Should I just wait a little longer, or be happy with someone who truly brings joy to my life?
"You have no idea how much power you have over me Guinevere. I'd do anything in the world to take away your pain, even if it takes every day of my life. Sometimes when I look into your eyes I see your sadness, and I actually feel it too."
Oh no I'm crying again, and I hate crying. I want to hide my tears, but Arthur is still holding my face in his hands. Not even Lance has ever spoken to me like this. My legs feel like jelly, and I'm thankful that I'm leaning on Arthur's muscular chest for support.
"I want you to feel like you can talk to me, because if it means your happiness I'd carry any burden for you."
"Arthur I…I don't know what to say."
"When you told me about what happened to you that night, how some sick fuck had hurt you, I wanted to kill him. I've never felt like that before Gwen, and it scared me. I just want to make sure you're safe and happy, with me."
This time I kiss him first, and the feeling of his lips once again on my own is just heavenly. Slowly I wrap my arms securely around his neck. We stand on the porch snogging each other senseless for what feels like hours, as our hands roam freely over each others clothed bodies. I'm sure were probably being watched by a few of my neighbours, but I honestly don't care. I need to be close to him, so much closer.
I break away from him breathless, and then quickly disentangle myself to unlock the door. I miss the key in the lock a few times because my hands are shaking so much, but then suddenly I feel his hand steadying mine enough to get the door open. As soon as it's open I pull Arthur inside, and lock it behind him. He won't be leaving anytime soon.
I jump on Arthur, and hungrily claim his lips. I can feel small movements from his legs - he's probably taking his shoes off - then he hoists my body up so he's holding me. As he carries me up the stairs and to my bedroom, our lips don't part once. I feel like an animal attacking his mouth the way I am, but everything about this moment just feels so right. With Lance I'd always been hesitant, but not with Arthur.
Once we make it to my room, he drops me on my bed. I take this as an opportunity to refill my lungs with air, while Arthur removes his coat and shirt. Quickly following his example I remove my coat, white blouse, and black boots. I wait for his reaction at the sight of me in my black lacy bra, and relax a bit at the way his pupils have dilated.
Feeling adventurous I jump under the covers, and make quick work of my school skirt so I'm lying underneath the blankets in nothing but my knickers. I give Arthur my best come hither look, and giggle when he almost rips the seams in his trousers on his quest to get them off. As soon as he's got his pants off I instantly notice the rather large bulge in his boxers. He moves to join me on the bed, but I hastily put my arm out to stop him. He looks hurt and confused, and I bite my lip in embarrassment.
"I want to see you; all of you."
He slowly gets off of the bed to stand in front of me. I'm rather nervous, but secretly very excited to catch a glimpse of the goods.
As he pulls down his boxers his eyes don't leave my face. I can feel his apprehension once they hit the ground, but I quickly reach for his body to show him just how much I desire him. He's actually a fair bit bigger than Lance, but I won't be telling Arthur that for fear of what it would do to his ego.
Instinctively my hand reaches for his dick, and I start stroking him. He's already quite hard, but I love the way he's mumbling my name because of the way I'm touching him. Just when I think he's about to reach his peak, he flips me so I'm lying underneath him. That small action only makes me wetter, and I grab his face to snog him as he expertly unhooks my bra - I try really hard not to think about how many times he's done this before.
I can feel him rubbing against me through my knickers, and it's driving me wild. I just want to feel him inside of me. I want him to make love to me.
"Arthur I want you… inside of me."
I'm panting for air, and all were doing is humping each other.
"Are you sure? I'd always thought our first time would be more special. You know romantic candles, rose petals, and expensive wine."
I smile at him, and cup his face in my hands. I'm so lucky to have him.
"I don't care about any of that stuff, you're what makes this night special to me."
The smile slowly falls from his face, and I'm afraid I've somehow said something to offend him.
"I love you Guinevere, I love you so much."
His eyes don't leave mine, and I force myself not to cry - even if they are tears of happiness.
"And you were the same person who told me he wasn't good with words. Well, you've been doing a hell of a job tonight."
He grins at me, and I softly kiss his lips. As were kissing I can feel his hands pulling off my knickers, and I gasp when I feel his cock touching my flesh. I'm shocked at how badly I want him.
"Arthur, make love to me."
Arthur doesn't need me to tell him again. With one last long look, I can feel him slowly entering me. It wasn't really painful, just uncomfortable. Once he's completely inside of me he immediately stops moving to give me time to adjust to his size, which I'm rather grateful for. I may not be a virgin, but I'm certainly not experienced in sex either. Gradually Arthur starts moving in and out of me. I can tell keeping up such a slow pace is killing him, and so I quickly kiss him just as he bites his lip.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I should be asking you that. I'm not hurting you am I?"
He sounds like he's in so much pain, but I don't know what to do to make him feel better. My heads spinning at all the different sensations passing through my body, and I can barely think straight.
"No, fine"
His movements are still somewhat uncomfortable, but I'm beginning to feel my body respond more eagerly to Arthur's thrusts. I moan as my pleasure grows, and all I want is for him to go faster.
"Faster Arthur, please… go… faster"
The discomfort is all but gone as Arthur moves so much quicker inside of me. His deep thrusts are making my back arch, and my toes tingle. My body starts to meet his thrusts, and I never want this moment to end.
"Guinevere"
When his mouth latches onto my nipple and his tongue starts licking it's almost my undoing.
"Oh God Arthur… YES!"
I can feel my body start to shudder uncontrollably, and I know I'm almost there. Arthur seems to know it to, because he moves even faster and harder inside of me; his eyes never leaving my face. Watching the lust in his gaze as he continues to tongue my breasts is what finally sends me over the edge, and I scream out his name. It only takes a couple more minutes for Arthur to grunt out his orgasm into the crook my neck, and lazily roll onto his back beside me. I'm positive I'll look like I got mauled by a bear in the morning, but I don't particularly care.
That was brilliant! I can't stop panting for air. We were barely kissing, but I feel like I've just run a marathon. I'm exhausted, but I want to do it again. I can definitely see why shagging is so popular, and all we did were the basics.
I beam at Arthur's lopsided grin, and he swiftly pulls me into his arms to spoon me. I still can't believe Arthur and I really just made love.
"I love you Guinevere"
I may not be ready to say the words I love you to him yet, but I hope the look I'm giving him is somehow getting the message across.
He kisses my forehead, and I quickly make myself comfortable in his arms before my eyes start to drift shut.
-o-
I slowly open my eyes when I feel something calmly tickling my arm. When they finally adjust to the light I can see Arthur grinning down at me, and I smile at the memories of what we shared last night.
"I hope you don't find it creepy, waking up to me staring at you and all?
He's laughing, but I know he's actually worried I'll tell him that I think it's actually rather pervy.
"Not creepy, just a little embarrassing. I'm sure I look a right mess right now."
Of course it's easy for him because he looks breathtakingly sexy in the morning.
"You look beautiful when you sleep. You have this thing you do with your lip, you just nibble on it a bit. It's adorable."
He resettles himself on the bed so he's more comfortable while I throw my head into my pillow in humiliation. He's being so charming, but he really doesn't understand how mortifying it is to know you nibble like a rabbit in your sleep.
"Oh come on Guinevere. Trust me it's very cute, and not at all embarrassing."
I peek at him from the safety of my fluffy pillow, and melt at the soft look he's giving me. I've really just had sex with Arthur Pendragon. Even if technically I wasn't a virgin before we'd shagged, it was basically the first time I was conscious and alert during sex.
"Come here Gwen, I want to hold you."
I hurriedly lift myself and the sheet covering my nakedness to get to Arthur. I haven't spent much of the lotto money Dad left for me in his will on the house, just a bigger bed that is now turning into more of a hindrance than a blessing. After getting tangled in the sheet for the second time Arthur simply picks me up, and throws me on top of his chest. I want to yell at him for scaring me and throwing off the sheet that was covering me, but he's giving me that innocent school boy grin of his, and it's rendering me powerless. Not to mention his hands are snaking done my body to my arse, and he boldly gives it a light squeeze. I can feel him hard and ready now that I'm on top of him, and my heart races at the idea of making love to him once again.
He softly kisses my lips before lifting his hand from my arse, and placing it behind his head. I'm confused as to what exactly he's playing at, but calmly wait for him to explain himself.
"Do you remember the first time we met?"
"Of course I do. All day at the park you threw sand into my shirt, and then burped in my face at least three times. It was love at first sight."
He chuckles, and I smile down at his serene face. Why is he bringing this up now?
"You're the first, and only girl I've ever really cared about Guinevere. At the time I didn't really know how to react to you. You were cute and sweet, and I just wanted you to notice me. Okay, so maybe the sand and burps weren't the way to go, but you sure as hell didn't forget me after all that."
"No I didn't. I even kind of fancied you too."
"Really?"
I'm blushing again, and without my pillow I bury myself into Arthur's hard chest.
"Yeah, why else do you think I let you kiss me at your birthday party?"
I don't know whether or not Arthur's laughing at the feeling of my lips tickling his skin as I talk, or he thinks what I said is funny, either way the sound of his laughter is like music to my ears.
"If I remember correctly you leaned into me"
His eyes are now open, and one of his eyebrows are raised in disbelief. Why is it that no matter what he does I always think he looks so damn delicious?
"Don't forget it was you who spun the bottle on me. I knew you were nervous, and I didn't like that the guys Morgan brought were teasing you so I made it easier for you."
"You always did do your best to look out for me, but I know that secretly you just wanted to snog me senseless."
"Shut up"
I'm not going to admit he's right, even if he is. Yeah, I had been trying to prevent those idiots from taunting him about being a ponce, but really I just wanted to stop waiting for Arthur to give me my first kiss.
"Do you know that that day you gave me my first kiss?"
"No, but I'm glad that we got to share our first kisses together."
And just to prove his point his lips softly meet mine, however when I try and deepen the kiss he removes them.
"Arthur what's wrong?"
Did I do something wrong? Why is he being so distant? I reach for the white sheet from before, and re-wrap it around my body to fend off the small chill in the air.
"You didn't do anything Gwen. I just…I need to know that this isn't just you looking for company until you realize that you love Lance far too much to really leave him for good."
"How did you know I was thinking I did something wrong?"
I want to assure him that my feelings for him are genuine, but I need to know how it is he always seems to know what's on my mind.
"You really don't know how expressive your face is. I guess someone who hasn't been in love with you for so long wouldn't pick up on the little things you do, but for someone like me it's as clear as day. Obviously I can't actually read your mind, but I can read your face which seems to be just as good."
He loves me. Well yes Gwen that's what he's been saying since last night. Now perhaps you'd like to say something to put his worries about Lance at ease so you two can go back to enjoying other fun activities.
Oh my God I'm actually talking to myself in the third person, I've finally lost it.
"I'm not going to lie to you Arthur. I still care for Lance very deeply."
His eyes close, and for the first time it's him who turns his head away from me. I gently brush my fingertips over his strong jaw, and move his face back to look at me.
"Open your eyes, and look at me Arthur."
At the gentle tone of my voice he opens his eyes, and I see the sadness that he's trying so desperately to hide from me.
"I also care very strongly for you. I think… no I know even more than I do for him. I've always had feelings for you; I just never thought we could ever be together. You have to know, especially if you really know me as well as you claim, that I wouldn't just have sex with anyone."
My cheeks burn in shame when I remember, that for my first time, I'd unintentionally done just that.
"That doesn't count. I was your first Guinevere, and I plan on being your last."
He kisses me passionately, and I forget everything but the wonderful way Arthur makes me feel. His hands are moving over my breasts, arse, really just about anything he can get his hands on before I hear his mobile go off on the small dresser beside the bed.
Initially he ignores the ring, and continues to kiss and suck on my neck until I'm convinced he's covered every bit of me with love bites. Though, when all we can hear is Kanye West's song Power drifting in the background, he quickly jumps for his mobile and immediately presses the talk button.
"Father"
I've been without a parent for so long now that I sometimes forget that people around my age need to let their guardians know where they are when they decide not to go home for the night.
Arthur looks beyond worried, and I feel useless knowing that I can't do anything to help him. His father's horrible, but I guess with his Mum gone he's the only parent he has left.
"Yes Father I know I should have called. It was very irresponsible of me not to."
"What was I doing?"
Please don't tell him you're with me. He'll actually go on a mad rampage through Albion if you do that Arthur.
"I was staying at Merlin's for the night."
Right, good idea, Merlin will go along with this no problem.
"Yes, I know you did not raise me to be a liar, I'm sorry."
Shit, he's giving me that look, don't you dare tell him Arthur Pendragon!
"I'm with Guinevere, my girlfriend."
Fuck. Even him calling me his girlfriend isn't making this situation any better. Arthur may not realize it, but I know just how much his Dad's opinion means to him, and the last thing Uther Pendragon wants for his only son is to be shacking up with someone as lowly as myself.
"Yeah, Morgan's mate"
Ex-mate that is, never going back to that tainted friendship EVER again. Once you realize how cruel someone really is it's hard to see them as anything else.
"Father please"
It's at this point when Arthur stops looking at me, and his voice starts getting progressively quieter. I know his Dad's calling me every name in the book. This is exactly why I've always had my reservations about starting a relationship with Arthur, his father.
"Father it's not like that with Guinevere, I…I love her very much. I want to be with her."
I smile when he says he loves me; I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing him say those three words.
"No she's not pregnant"
I jump out of the bed, and quickly start searching for my robe so that I can cover myself. I don't need to stay here, and let someone who doesn't even know me degrade my character like this. I may not be good enough for Uther Pendragon, but Arthur seems to like me just fine.
I can see Arthur apologizing with his eyes, but I ignore him as I make my way into the washroom. Once I've used the toilet, washed my face, and brushed my teeth, I take a moment to try and tame my wild curls. I leave not really any happier, but feeling much more refreshed.
When I reach the door to my room I wait outside, and listen to their conversation - I am in my right since they are talking about me in my house.
"Please Father you have to see reason."
I can hear the desperation in his voice, and I shudder at what they've been talking about while I've been gone.
"No she's not after our money. Guinevere has money of her own."
That I do; enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life as long as I stay on budget.
"No I'm not positive that she hasn't run out of money. Father, Guinevere is not trying to rob me blind, she's not like that. If you'd just give her a chance you'd see that."
The day Uther Pendragon gives me a chance, is the same day hell freezes over. Since that isn't about to happen anytime soon, I'm fairly certain Arthur's father's not going to be inviting me for tea in the near future.
"Yes Father"
I know I should be more shocked to hear the defeat in Arthur's voice, but honestly I've been expecting something like this to happen. I was just hoping it would come about long after Arthur and I were married with children.
I softly push the door open just to be confronted by the sight of Arthur with his head in his hands. This is the reason why I never pursued my feelings for him. If we stay together we'll just cause each other too much pain in the end.
"Arthur?"
He startles at the sound of my voice, and for a second I hesitate before going to him, it looks like he's just been crying.
"Guinevere I'm sorry about my father; he just doesn't understand were not in the 12th Century. Thankfully, people don't have to get together based on wealth and status anymore."
I know he's trying to make me smile like he usually does, but this time I can't bring myself to do it. I know what I have to do, and the longer I wait the harder it'll be.
"Arthur…"
"Don't worry about him though, he'll come around eventually. Everyone loves you, and how could they not. Even my father won't be able to resist your charms for long."
I whimper at the hope in his voice as he moves to put his clothes back on. I will not let myself cry until he's gone.
"I've gotta go have a chat with him about missing curfew, but I promise I'll be back tonight with dinner."
He hungrily kisses my lips, and I can't help but kiss him back. I'm going to miss the feeling of his lips on mine.
"And then maybe after dinner we can continue what we started before my father interrupted us."
He winks at me before he walks out of the room, and down the stairs to the front door. There's a moment where I try and convince myself that maybe I don't need to go after him, but in my heart I know I need to do this.
"Arthur…"
"Yes Guinevere, what's wrong? You look like your near tears. Is it about your Dad?"
He runs up the stairs, and just holds me in his arms. Eventually I stop trying to be strong, and let myself cry. If anyone deserves my tears it's Arthur. The idea of hurting him is killing me, but this is the right decision. It has to be.
"I can't be with you anymore Arthur."
He stiffens in my arms, and my breathe catches when he says nothing. We stand there for nearly five minutes before Arthur slowly disentangles himself from my body. He's looking at me as if I'm not really there, and I feel so cold without his warmth surrounding me.
"What I…I don't understand. I thought things were going well. Is this about my father?"
I look away from him. He'll never understand. He may not think his father's dismissal of me is important, but our relationship will always be strained by it, and I won't make him choose.
"Arthur, you have to realize just how important your father's opinion is to you. Being with me will be too hard on the both of us."
He shakes his head in denial, and I sigh in defeat. I knew he wouldn't understand.
"Guinevere I love you. I've loved you for years. I would never let my father come between us."
"I know you love me, and I know you think that this can work even with your father against us, but it won't. Look at your life Arthur. Football started out as just a game to you, and then he told you there was no point in it unless you were team Captain. Why would he want to go watch you play a game when you're just like every other player?"
I'd actually heard Uther yell those words at Arthur a month ago when he'd asked him to come to his big game against Mercia.
"So now I watch you nearly kill yourself every game so your coach will make you Captain. You hate business, yet you're enrolled in every business class Camelot has to offer. I don't blame you for wanting to please your father, but I know that eventually I'm going to be a casualty in all this, and I can't…"
My words falter when he starts walking back down the stairs towards his shoes. My tears are flowing freely down my face, and I feel as if I'm hyperventilating.
"You should know that I would never give you up just because my father tells me to."
"I can't take the chance that you will. I can't take another broken heart Arthur, especially not from you."
"This is about him isn't it? You want to go back to that fucking idiot even after he hurt you. I'm never going to be good enough for you am I?"
"Arthur you know this has nothing to do with Lance…"
"I kissed you for the first time, and then two days later you're dating him. I thought it was because I was small and scrawny, so as I got older I started working out. Still you didn't give me the bloody time of day. All I ever heard from Morgan's room was Lance this and Lance that. You have no idea what it's like to care about someone so much, and suffer through them constantly hurting you."
"Arthur I don't want to hurt you, I lov…"
"Don't Gwen… I can't hear you say that right now."
"I'm sorry Arthur, I'm so sorry. It hurts now, but you'll see this is for the best."
Please let this be for the best
"Everyone leaves you, and everyone disappoints me. I guess were both fucked."
"Arthur…"
I want to run down the stairs, and tell him to forget every last word I've just said. I want to scream that I love him, and I need him in my life. That the last few days were some of the happiest of my life all because of him. Instead I let my tears fall, and square my shoulders. If it doesn't end now, it'll just be worse in the future. Arthur's father has already planned out a successful future for him, and his feelings for me will only hold him back. I'm not the debutant kind of girl, and I don't think I ever will be. I can't forget that.
"You want to know the worst bit Gwen."
I know I don't, but I can't bring myself to speak anymore. His face is so distraught, and I caused that. I hurt the one person whose only vice is wanting to love me. Less pain now, more pain later; I can't forget.
"I thought you of all people had faith in me."
I can hear the door open and close, but my face is in my hands. I slip to the floor, and can't find the strength to do anything but cry. Losing Arthur hurts so much more than I thought it ever would. It's only been two bloody weeks, but it's still painful to remember all the times he smiled at me, or held me in his arms. I gently touch my lips and cry even harder when I realize I'll never feel his lips pressed against mine, or hear the words I love you flow from them ever again.
I stay on the stairs and cry until I can't cry anymore. I'm just laying there terrified that I've made a huge mistake, and I have no one to talk to about it. I think about calling Merlin, but I know Arthur needs him right now. He's the victim in this, not me.
Eventually I'm able to drag myself off the floor and into my bedroom. Small tears form in my eyes when I realize the air still smells so strongly of him, and I fall onto my bed with the pillow he used grasped tightly in my arms. I can't stop thinking it's not supposed to hurt this much already, but it does. Not even losing Lance was this painful.
My arm reaches out for my mobile, and I dial the only number I have left. He doesn't answer on the first, or even the second ring, and sadly I start to think that he's not going to pick up.
"Gwen"
I cry as soon as I hear his voice.
"What's happened love?"
"I just need somebody to talk to, so I can stop thinking about how badly I've fucked up."
"Whoa, must be really bad if you're cussing."
"You've no idea"
The phone goes silent, and for a second I'm afraid he's dropped the call on me.
"Gwen we can't do this. I want to help you, I really do, but I don't think we should be drawing any attention to ourselves now that you've told everyone about the party. If Lance or Arthur see us getting closer, the questions will start, and something might slip out."
"Please Gwaine, I kept that night a secret from Lance because you begged me not to tell him. I just need someone to talk to right now. I promise I won't tell anyone. Please, I've got no one else."
Thank you for reading!:)
Next is chapter 4: Gwaine
Author: ceecee_05
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter contains sexual content, and some swearing)
Characters/Pairings (In this chapter): Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lance, Gwaine, Merlin, Elaine (allusions to Morgan, Uther, Tom, Eli or Elyan, and Arthur/Elaine)
Spoilers: NONE
Disclaimer: MERLIN's not mine, just the grammatical errors.
Summary: Gwen and Lance are finished, and her feelings for Arthur are growing, but what happens when there's trouble in paradise?
Author's notes: This is the conclusion of Guinevere's chapter. There is a fair bit of sexual content, hence the mature rating. This is my first time writing smut, so sorry if it's not as impassioned as you'd hoped it be. Be forewarned that I'm the only one who's edited this, and this chapter is quite long, so yeah... I apologize in advance for any errors.
Guinevere II
I saunter into the common room as if I'm walking on a cloud. Most people are looking at me as if I've lost my mind. Yes, my boyfriend turned out to be a lying cheat, and my best mate an evil bitch, but I've found that my life hasn't come to a sudden end like I thought it would. There are times when I do miss Lance, and on the rare occasion Morgan, but Merlin, and Arthur have been wonderful to me; Arthur more than anyone.
I blush as I sit across from Merlin. Arthur had been at my door only a few minutes after I rang him, and as we'd enjoyed dinner he'd made me laugh and smile all night. I'd really wanted him to stay the night - not for anything intimate, but because I just didn't want to be alone. Though, in the end I thought it best not to make our newly rekindled friendship uncomfortable with such a request. I knew he would have if I'd asked, and that's all that matters.
"Let me guess, Arthur on the brain?"
Embarrassment quickly crosses over my features before I try and hide it with indignation. I can't be so transparent; it's only been a couple weeks. Surely Merlin hasn't caught on to my feelings, and if he has what if Arthur has too.
"Of course not! I'm just happy for the weekend. Any excuse not to have to see Lance and Morgan every day."
My smile slowly fades, and Merlin looks guilty. Actually, every time I mention their names he looks guilty, but I don't have the heart to ask why. While I was in my own little world with Lance, Morgan, and Gwaine, I'd never paid all that much attention to Arthur and Merlin besides idle chitchat here and there. After everything that happened with Lance and Morgan, Merlin hasn't once looked at me crossly for falling back on he and Arthur for support. Merlin even holds me in his arms, and lets me soak his cardi whenever I skip Maths class because I have it with Lance and Morgan. I never ask why he's not in P.E.
"Gwen there's something I need to tell you. I haven't really had the courage to tell you before, but I owe you an explanation."
I'm not going to lie his words are making my stomach queasy. I don't know if I can handle any more painful truths after what happened the last time.
"I knew about Lance and Morgan, well I didn't know for sure. I saw him running out of the house, and well…"
I hide a small giggle behind my hands at the red blush that is now dominating Merlin's very pale face.
"I also saw Morgan lying naked on her bed. You have to believe me, I didn't know for certain what had gone on so I didn't want to tell you and break your heart. I was hoping it had all been Morgan trying to seduce him, but a part of me knew that something more had happened. I'm so sorry it took me so long to say anything Gwen, please forgive me."
How can Merlin possibly think I'd ever be angry at him for that? He was in a delicate situation, and without any proof I probably wouldn't even have believed him. Well, without hearing it from Lance I most likely wouldn't have believed anyone.
Although, secretly I will admit that I was hoping Merlin was going to finally fess up about what's going on with his health. As much as Arthur wants to live in denial, I know Merlin's lying about this illness he's slowly recovering from. The same illness he has yet to give a name to.
I gently take his hand in mine, and give him a soft smile. I shiver at how cold and bony his hand feels, and have to force myself not to cry at how scared I really am for him.
"You have nothing to apologize for Merlin. I can't even imagine the position you must have been put in holding that kind of secret from everyone because I know Arthur didn't know."
I quickly hesitate. I need to remember to pick my next words carefully.
"I'm glad that you've finally told me the truth, and I want you to know that you can always tell me anything. I know we haven't really been close for a while, and really that's all my fault, but I need you to know that no matter what's wrong you can always come to me."
He looks at me sadly, and I'm actually terrified at the pain I see in his eyes. At the sight of tears, I immediately reach for a tissue out of my purse, and dab his eyes before squeezing his hand in assurance that I'm still there with him.
"I…I met a girl. She's sweet, kind, funny, really fit, and she fancies me."
I'm surprised at the turn the conversation's taking, but I don't say anything to stop him, just giggle at the small grin on his face. We move closer together so it looks like we're secretly conspirng when the noise from the others in the room starts to elevate. We're just smiling at each other, and I'm so happy to see the Merlin I used to know without the hidden sadness behind his eyes.
"Does she go to College here? What's her name?"
"She doesn't go to Camelot anymore; she can't."
I frown as he swiftly turns his head away from me, but I remember not to press him for any information he doesn't want to willingly give.
"Her name's Freya and she's brilliant. From the first moment I met her, I've felt so comfortable with her. I can say and do anything because she just lets me be myself, but most importantly she likes who I am. I think I…"
I move in closer to Merlin when he turns back to look me in the eyes. I've never heard Merlin talk about a girl like this before. Sure he'd had a little crush on Morgan when we were younger, but after he'd pushed her for hitting Arthur that fascination had quickly ended. Since then I wasn't really sure who Merlin fancied. Though, I had seen him with a girl named Nina a few times when he was in Year 9. She was a definite slag.
"I think I'm in love with her."
My smile grows at his declaration. Merlin in love, I never thought I'd see the day. I desperately want to meet this girl that has captured Merlin's heart, but I'm afraid to ask too many questions, and risk having him close himself off once again.
"Oie, what's this then?"
My wide smile falls, and Merlin and I quickly separate from each other. I don't know why I feel so nervous, it's only Arthur.
"I didn't know that I needed your permission to talk to one of my mates Arthur?"
My eyes narrow at him, and he has the decency to look ashamed. Merlin and I were only talking, and even if we weren't he can't just act like…well, like an overprotective boyfriend. I keep my mouth shut when I see Elaine linking their arms, or touching his arm way too many times for absolutely NO reason! So who is he to get angry at the sight of me just talking to Merlin, and holding his hand in comfort. I've known Merlin since I was nine, and he'd only known Elaine for a little over four months now. Not to mention how obvious it is that she fancies him.
"I wasn't…I mean I didn't think…I'm sorry"
Merlin laughs beside me, and it takes all my self control to keep my face neutral and not join in. I never can stay mad at Arthur for long.
I help Merlin to stand, even though he's swatting me away with his hand. He won't admit it, but I know he's grateful for the help. I already know Arthur's looking away from the scene, out of sight out of mind as the saying goes. Whether either of them wants to acknowledge it or not, Merlin's seriously unwell.
"Alright, well I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight."
The four of us are nearing the car park, and I'm not happy with the fact that Elaine's been following us. Usually she's not even around after College. When I asked about it a couple days ago Merlin told me that she works a lot. Well why isn't she working today?
I hate feeling like such a bitch, but I can't stand the way she fauns over Arthur, as if he actually feels the same way about her that she does about him. I guess it's possible he could. My eyes quickly move to Arthur as he opens the door to the black Mercedes Benz he's been forced to drive to accommodate both Merlin and myself. Although he's not opened the driver's door but the door to the back, and Elaine's just hopped in with a rosy blush gracing her cheeks. My shoulders slump at the thought of Arthur and Elaine. Maybe he does have feelings for her?
"Guinevere, are you really going to make me stand here all day?"
My eyes lock onto his, and he smiles at me before nodding to the still open door. As I walk towards him our eyes don't leave the others face, and I feel as if I'm floating. Arthur is so wonderful, and I care about him so much, but Lance and I only just split up. How can I just jump from one bloke to another?
"GWEN"
Instantly the connection is broken, and I see Arthur's face harden at the person coming up behind me. I know it's Lance, a couple weeks couldn't make me forget the sound of his voice. Arthur starts moving towards me, but I shake my head at him. I'm done being a weak little girl that lets others fight her battles. I can see Arthur's not happy with my decision to leave him out, but when he steps back I know he respects it.
When I turn to face Lance, Gwaine quickly scurries off with a quick nod in my direction. He always knows how to stay away from awkward situations, no wonder he's been able to keep that secret hidden for so long.
"Lance, what do you want?"
I'm tired of the messages and voicemails telling me how sorry he is, and how he'll do anything to make things right between us. There were a few times when I wanted to believe that if he promised to never talk to Morgan again, and attach himself to me at the hip things might work. But that wouldn't be fair to either of us.
As strange as it is to believe, I do forgive him for what he did with Morgan. Lance isn't a bad person; he'd just done a really stupid thing. My problem isn't forgiving Lance, but trusting him again. Not to mention Arthur. Before I could ignore my feelings, and just keep thinking Lance is better for me. But after spending practically every day of these last two weeks just talking and laughing with Arthur, I'm not so sure he is.
"Gwen, please forgive me. I've been in hell without you. I miss you so much I can't think clearly. I know you've been avoiding me, and every day in Maths and English I just stare at your empty desk, and hate myself even more for ever hurting you."
"I forgive you Lance"
My heart breaks at the look of happiness on his face, and I'm glad that I've made him feel a little better. Yes, I'm still angry, but I think Lance has suffered enough.
"Oh Gwen you have no idea how happy that makes me. I was afraid you'd never…"
When he starts reaching forward for my hands, I hastily back away. His smile fades, and I turn my head away from the sorrowful look in his eyes.
"I thought you wanted to try again. I'll never love anyone like I love you, please Gwen. I made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life, but I promise you I will never hurt you like that again."
"Lance I can't…"
"Haven't I always been there for you in the past? Whenever you've needed anything I've been there without question. All those times you told me you love me did you even mean it?"
I run straight for Lance, and backhand him as tears pour down my face. How dare he question me about my feelings? I'd been pissed to the point that I couldn't even remember losing my virginity, what was his excuse?
"Did you ever love ME? You always put me before yourself, don't make me laugh. All the times I waited for you when your family went on holidays to this place or that place, and not once did you ever think to ask me to come. My Dad died a month before you and your family were meant ti go to France, and you went anyway! I needed you, and you just left me. You know how Eli is. I told you so many times how he hates me because I wasn't able to save his Dad. He was dying in my arms, and Tom told me not to leave him. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave him, even to get the phone. What if he…HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE!"
I can feel arms wrapping themselves around me, and I turn to cry into Arthur's chest. I haven't talked about that night with Dad since the paramedics made me recount the story, and for a while that's exactly what the whole thing had felt like - a story. Eli had been at Uni when Dad had died. When he found out that I'd waited until Tom was passed out to call for help he barely spoke to me. For so long I thought I deserved his anger.
"It's okay Guinevere, you didn't do anything wrong."
"What if they could have saved him?"
I look up into Arthur's eyes as he soothingly rubs my face. I don't want him to see me like this anymore. I just want to be happy…with him.
"And what if they couldn't have? Would you have really wanted him to spend the last few minutes of his life scared and alone?"
Slowly I shake my head no, and he gives me a small grin.
"His last wish was to be with you, and you gave him that. Don't ever regret that decision."
I smile at Arthur as he wipes the tears from my eyes. Gently he takes my hand in his, and kisses my knuckles before walking me back to the car.
"Gwen?"
Reluctantly I pry my gaze from Arthur's to look back at Lance's tear filled eyes. I can't help but pity him for all the pain Morgan has caused us.
"I'm always here for you, and I always will be. If you ever need to talk"
Briefly his eyes take in the sight of my hand in Arthur's before looking back to me.
"…about anything. I'm here for you. I'm sorry I hurt you. Losing you will always be my biggest regret."
I don't respond, and Lance doesn't wait for me to. He scurries towards his car, and for a while I watch him before Arthur leads me to the back of his Mercedes and closes the door.
-o-
The four of us go to see a film where Arthur drapes his arm comfortably behind my seat, and I can't help but swoon a little when he does. I'm so focused on Arthur's face that I barely notice when the credits start to roll, and everyone picks up there things to leave. After the film we go out to dinner at some posh restaurant I've never been to before. The food's really tasty, and of course Arthur picks up the bill. Afterward he drops Merlin home because he keeps complaining that the smell from all the food at the restaurant is making him feel ill. I don't necessarily think he's lying, but I know there's more to the story than Merlin's saying. Elaine's the next to get booted from the car, even though she tries so hard to convince Arthur to take me home first - nice try. She lives in a relatively small home, and I'm shocked to see it's even smaller than my own. Arthur ever the gentleman, walks her to her door, and even pretends not to notice when she trips a little on her porch steps. I cringe when he hugs her, but smile at the fact that it only lasts a couple of seconds before he pulls away.
Now we're right back to where we were that first day Arthur dropped me home, sitting rather awkwardly in his car. I don't really know what to say or do at this moment, so I wait for him to make some sort of move. However, Arthur seems to have the same idea as me, and just keeps looking nervously in my direction. Gradually I start to feel anxious just sitting there with him in silence, so I decide to make my way into the house. Almost instantly his door opens too, and he follows behind me with his hands in the pockets of his trousers. I hesitate with the key in the lock, hoping he'll finally pluck up the nerve to kiss me already. We haven't snogged each other since that day in his kitchen, and it's suddenly starting to feel like much too long ago.
"I had a really nice time tonight. Thanks for being there for me today, and every day for the last couple weeks. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."
Arthur turns me around so I'm no longer talking into my front door. He's smiling again. Although he's usually smiling whenever I'm around; and secretly I hope that it's me that makes him smile so much.
"Yeah I did too. I really would have preferred it if it had been just the two of us, but like they say baby steps. We've got loads of time to go out on a proper date."
By now I'm blushing so furiously I turn my head away from him in embarrassment. What happened to the nervous, stumbling over his words Arthur that I'd grown so accustom to? The man before me is so comfortable and sure of himself, and it's making me so flustered I don't know what to do with myself.
As usual Arthur tenderly brings my face back to stare at his own, and I don't know if I love or hate how easy it is to get lost in his eyes.
"I've wanted to kiss you all night."
His voice is husky, and the sound of it is making me sweat with desire. All week I've been going back and forth with my feelings for Arthur. Should I just wait a little longer, or be happy with someone who truly brings joy to my life?
"You have no idea how much power you have over me Guinevere. I'd do anything in the world to take away your pain, even if it takes every day of my life. Sometimes when I look into your eyes I see your sadness, and I actually feel it too."
Oh no I'm crying again, and I hate crying. I want to hide my tears, but Arthur is still holding my face in his hands. Not even Lance has ever spoken to me like this. My legs feel like jelly, and I'm thankful that I'm leaning on Arthur's muscular chest for support.
"I want you to feel like you can talk to me, because if it means your happiness I'd carry any burden for you."
"Arthur I…I don't know what to say."
"When you told me about what happened to you that night, how some sick fuck had hurt you, I wanted to kill him. I've never felt like that before Gwen, and it scared me. I just want to make sure you're safe and happy, with me."
This time I kiss him first, and the feeling of his lips once again on my own is just heavenly. Slowly I wrap my arms securely around his neck. We stand on the porch snogging each other senseless for what feels like hours, as our hands roam freely over each others clothed bodies. I'm sure were probably being watched by a few of my neighbours, but I honestly don't care. I need to be close to him, so much closer.
I break away from him breathless, and then quickly disentangle myself to unlock the door. I miss the key in the lock a few times because my hands are shaking so much, but then suddenly I feel his hand steadying mine enough to get the door open. As soon as it's open I pull Arthur inside, and lock it behind him. He won't be leaving anytime soon.
I jump on Arthur, and hungrily claim his lips. I can feel small movements from his legs - he's probably taking his shoes off - then he hoists my body up so he's holding me. As he carries me up the stairs and to my bedroom, our lips don't part once. I feel like an animal attacking his mouth the way I am, but everything about this moment just feels so right. With Lance I'd always been hesitant, but not with Arthur.
Once we make it to my room, he drops me on my bed. I take this as an opportunity to refill my lungs with air, while Arthur removes his coat and shirt. Quickly following his example I remove my coat, white blouse, and black boots. I wait for his reaction at the sight of me in my black lacy bra, and relax a bit at the way his pupils have dilated.
Feeling adventurous I jump under the covers, and make quick work of my school skirt so I'm lying underneath the blankets in nothing but my knickers. I give Arthur my best come hither look, and giggle when he almost rips the seams in his trousers on his quest to get them off. As soon as he's got his pants off I instantly notice the rather large bulge in his boxers. He moves to join me on the bed, but I hastily put my arm out to stop him. He looks hurt and confused, and I bite my lip in embarrassment.
"I want to see you; all of you."
He slowly gets off of the bed to stand in front of me. I'm rather nervous, but secretly very excited to catch a glimpse of the goods.
As he pulls down his boxers his eyes don't leave my face. I can feel his apprehension once they hit the ground, but I quickly reach for his body to show him just how much I desire him. He's actually a fair bit bigger than Lance, but I won't be telling Arthur that for fear of what it would do to his ego.
Instinctively my hand reaches for his dick, and I start stroking him. He's already quite hard, but I love the way he's mumbling my name because of the way I'm touching him. Just when I think he's about to reach his peak, he flips me so I'm lying underneath him. That small action only makes me wetter, and I grab his face to snog him as he expertly unhooks my bra - I try really hard not to think about how many times he's done this before.
I can feel him rubbing against me through my knickers, and it's driving me wild. I just want to feel him inside of me. I want him to make love to me.
"Arthur I want you… inside of me."
I'm panting for air, and all were doing is humping each other.
"Are you sure? I'd always thought our first time would be more special. You know romantic candles, rose petals, and expensive wine."
I smile at him, and cup his face in my hands. I'm so lucky to have him.
"I don't care about any of that stuff, you're what makes this night special to me."
The smile slowly falls from his face, and I'm afraid I've somehow said something to offend him.
"I love you Guinevere, I love you so much."
His eyes don't leave mine, and I force myself not to cry - even if they are tears of happiness.
"And you were the same person who told me he wasn't good with words. Well, you've been doing a hell of a job tonight."
He grins at me, and I softly kiss his lips. As were kissing I can feel his hands pulling off my knickers, and I gasp when I feel his cock touching my flesh. I'm shocked at how badly I want him.
"Arthur, make love to me."
Arthur doesn't need me to tell him again. With one last long look, I can feel him slowly entering me. It wasn't really painful, just uncomfortable. Once he's completely inside of me he immediately stops moving to give me time to adjust to his size, which I'm rather grateful for. I may not be a virgin, but I'm certainly not experienced in sex either. Gradually Arthur starts moving in and out of me. I can tell keeping up such a slow pace is killing him, and so I quickly kiss him just as he bites his lip.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I should be asking you that. I'm not hurting you am I?"
He sounds like he's in so much pain, but I don't know what to do to make him feel better. My heads spinning at all the different sensations passing through my body, and I can barely think straight.
"No, fine"
His movements are still somewhat uncomfortable, but I'm beginning to feel my body respond more eagerly to Arthur's thrusts. I moan as my pleasure grows, and all I want is for him to go faster.
"Faster Arthur, please… go… faster"
The discomfort is all but gone as Arthur moves so much quicker inside of me. His deep thrusts are making my back arch, and my toes tingle. My body starts to meet his thrusts, and I never want this moment to end.
"Guinevere"
When his mouth latches onto my nipple and his tongue starts licking it's almost my undoing.
"Oh God Arthur… YES!"
I can feel my body start to shudder uncontrollably, and I know I'm almost there. Arthur seems to know it to, because he moves even faster and harder inside of me; his eyes never leaving my face. Watching the lust in his gaze as he continues to tongue my breasts is what finally sends me over the edge, and I scream out his name. It only takes a couple more minutes for Arthur to grunt out his orgasm into the crook my neck, and lazily roll onto his back beside me. I'm positive I'll look like I got mauled by a bear in the morning, but I don't particularly care.
That was brilliant! I can't stop panting for air. We were barely kissing, but I feel like I've just run a marathon. I'm exhausted, but I want to do it again. I can definitely see why shagging is so popular, and all we did were the basics.
I beam at Arthur's lopsided grin, and he swiftly pulls me into his arms to spoon me. I still can't believe Arthur and I really just made love.
"I love you Guinevere"
I may not be ready to say the words I love you to him yet, but I hope the look I'm giving him is somehow getting the message across.
He kisses my forehead, and I quickly make myself comfortable in his arms before my eyes start to drift shut.
-o-
I slowly open my eyes when I feel something calmly tickling my arm. When they finally adjust to the light I can see Arthur grinning down at me, and I smile at the memories of what we shared last night.
"I hope you don't find it creepy, waking up to me staring at you and all?
He's laughing, but I know he's actually worried I'll tell him that I think it's actually rather pervy.
"Not creepy, just a little embarrassing. I'm sure I look a right mess right now."
Of course it's easy for him because he looks breathtakingly sexy in the morning.
"You look beautiful when you sleep. You have this thing you do with your lip, you just nibble on it a bit. It's adorable."
He resettles himself on the bed so he's more comfortable while I throw my head into my pillow in humiliation. He's being so charming, but he really doesn't understand how mortifying it is to know you nibble like a rabbit in your sleep.
"Oh come on Guinevere. Trust me it's very cute, and not at all embarrassing."
I peek at him from the safety of my fluffy pillow, and melt at the soft look he's giving me. I've really just had sex with Arthur Pendragon. Even if technically I wasn't a virgin before we'd shagged, it was basically the first time I was conscious and alert during sex.
"Come here Gwen, I want to hold you."
I hurriedly lift myself and the sheet covering my nakedness to get to Arthur. I haven't spent much of the lotto money Dad left for me in his will on the house, just a bigger bed that is now turning into more of a hindrance than a blessing. After getting tangled in the sheet for the second time Arthur simply picks me up, and throws me on top of his chest. I want to yell at him for scaring me and throwing off the sheet that was covering me, but he's giving me that innocent school boy grin of his, and it's rendering me powerless. Not to mention his hands are snaking done my body to my arse, and he boldly gives it a light squeeze. I can feel him hard and ready now that I'm on top of him, and my heart races at the idea of making love to him once again.
He softly kisses my lips before lifting his hand from my arse, and placing it behind his head. I'm confused as to what exactly he's playing at, but calmly wait for him to explain himself.
"Do you remember the first time we met?"
"Of course I do. All day at the park you threw sand into my shirt, and then burped in my face at least three times. It was love at first sight."
He chuckles, and I smile down at his serene face. Why is he bringing this up now?
"You're the first, and only girl I've ever really cared about Guinevere. At the time I didn't really know how to react to you. You were cute and sweet, and I just wanted you to notice me. Okay, so maybe the sand and burps weren't the way to go, but you sure as hell didn't forget me after all that."
"No I didn't. I even kind of fancied you too."
"Really?"
I'm blushing again, and without my pillow I bury myself into Arthur's hard chest.
"Yeah, why else do you think I let you kiss me at your birthday party?"
I don't know whether or not Arthur's laughing at the feeling of my lips tickling his skin as I talk, or he thinks what I said is funny, either way the sound of his laughter is like music to my ears.
"If I remember correctly you leaned into me"
His eyes are now open, and one of his eyebrows are raised in disbelief. Why is it that no matter what he does I always think he looks so damn delicious?
"Don't forget it was you who spun the bottle on me. I knew you were nervous, and I didn't like that the guys Morgan brought were teasing you so I made it easier for you."
"You always did do your best to look out for me, but I know that secretly you just wanted to snog me senseless."
"Shut up"
I'm not going to admit he's right, even if he is. Yeah, I had been trying to prevent those idiots from taunting him about being a ponce, but really I just wanted to stop waiting for Arthur to give me my first kiss.
"Do you know that that day you gave me my first kiss?"
"No, but I'm glad that we got to share our first kisses together."
And just to prove his point his lips softly meet mine, however when I try and deepen the kiss he removes them.
"Arthur what's wrong?"
Did I do something wrong? Why is he being so distant? I reach for the white sheet from before, and re-wrap it around my body to fend off the small chill in the air.
"You didn't do anything Gwen. I just…I need to know that this isn't just you looking for company until you realize that you love Lance far too much to really leave him for good."
"How did you know I was thinking I did something wrong?"
I want to assure him that my feelings for him are genuine, but I need to know how it is he always seems to know what's on my mind.
"You really don't know how expressive your face is. I guess someone who hasn't been in love with you for so long wouldn't pick up on the little things you do, but for someone like me it's as clear as day. Obviously I can't actually read your mind, but I can read your face which seems to be just as good."
He loves me. Well yes Gwen that's what he's been saying since last night. Now perhaps you'd like to say something to put his worries about Lance at ease so you two can go back to enjoying other fun activities.
Oh my God I'm actually talking to myself in the third person, I've finally lost it.
"I'm not going to lie to you Arthur. I still care for Lance very deeply."
His eyes close, and for the first time it's him who turns his head away from me. I gently brush my fingertips over his strong jaw, and move his face back to look at me.
"Open your eyes, and look at me Arthur."
At the gentle tone of my voice he opens his eyes, and I see the sadness that he's trying so desperately to hide from me.
"I also care very strongly for you. I think… no I know even more than I do for him. I've always had feelings for you; I just never thought we could ever be together. You have to know, especially if you really know me as well as you claim, that I wouldn't just have sex with anyone."
My cheeks burn in shame when I remember, that for my first time, I'd unintentionally done just that.
"That doesn't count. I was your first Guinevere, and I plan on being your last."
He kisses me passionately, and I forget everything but the wonderful way Arthur makes me feel. His hands are moving over my breasts, arse, really just about anything he can get his hands on before I hear his mobile go off on the small dresser beside the bed.
Initially he ignores the ring, and continues to kiss and suck on my neck until I'm convinced he's covered every bit of me with love bites. Though, when all we can hear is Kanye West's song Power drifting in the background, he quickly jumps for his mobile and immediately presses the talk button.
"Father"
I've been without a parent for so long now that I sometimes forget that people around my age need to let their guardians know where they are when they decide not to go home for the night.
Arthur looks beyond worried, and I feel useless knowing that I can't do anything to help him. His father's horrible, but I guess with his Mum gone he's the only parent he has left.
"Yes Father I know I should have called. It was very irresponsible of me not to."
"What was I doing?"
Please don't tell him you're with me. He'll actually go on a mad rampage through Albion if you do that Arthur.
"I was staying at Merlin's for the night."
Right, good idea, Merlin will go along with this no problem.
"Yes, I know you did not raise me to be a liar, I'm sorry."
Shit, he's giving me that look, don't you dare tell him Arthur Pendragon!
"I'm with Guinevere, my girlfriend."
Fuck. Even him calling me his girlfriend isn't making this situation any better. Arthur may not realize it, but I know just how much his Dad's opinion means to him, and the last thing Uther Pendragon wants for his only son is to be shacking up with someone as lowly as myself.
"Yeah, Morgan's mate"
Ex-mate that is, never going back to that tainted friendship EVER again. Once you realize how cruel someone really is it's hard to see them as anything else.
"Father please"
It's at this point when Arthur stops looking at me, and his voice starts getting progressively quieter. I know his Dad's calling me every name in the book. This is exactly why I've always had my reservations about starting a relationship with Arthur, his father.
"Father it's not like that with Guinevere, I…I love her very much. I want to be with her."
I smile when he says he loves me; I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing him say those three words.
"No she's not pregnant"
I jump out of the bed, and quickly start searching for my robe so that I can cover myself. I don't need to stay here, and let someone who doesn't even know me degrade my character like this. I may not be good enough for Uther Pendragon, but Arthur seems to like me just fine.
I can see Arthur apologizing with his eyes, but I ignore him as I make my way into the washroom. Once I've used the toilet, washed my face, and brushed my teeth, I take a moment to try and tame my wild curls. I leave not really any happier, but feeling much more refreshed.
When I reach the door to my room I wait outside, and listen to their conversation - I am in my right since they are talking about me in my house.
"Please Father you have to see reason."
I can hear the desperation in his voice, and I shudder at what they've been talking about while I've been gone.
"No she's not after our money. Guinevere has money of her own."
That I do; enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life as long as I stay on budget.
"No I'm not positive that she hasn't run out of money. Father, Guinevere is not trying to rob me blind, she's not like that. If you'd just give her a chance you'd see that."
The day Uther Pendragon gives me a chance, is the same day hell freezes over. Since that isn't about to happen anytime soon, I'm fairly certain Arthur's father's not going to be inviting me for tea in the near future.
"Yes Father"
I know I should be more shocked to hear the defeat in Arthur's voice, but honestly I've been expecting something like this to happen. I was just hoping it would come about long after Arthur and I were married with children.
I softly push the door open just to be confronted by the sight of Arthur with his head in his hands. This is the reason why I never pursued my feelings for him. If we stay together we'll just cause each other too much pain in the end.
"Arthur?"
He startles at the sound of my voice, and for a second I hesitate before going to him, it looks like he's just been crying.
"Guinevere I'm sorry about my father; he just doesn't understand were not in the 12th Century. Thankfully, people don't have to get together based on wealth and status anymore."
I know he's trying to make me smile like he usually does, but this time I can't bring myself to do it. I know what I have to do, and the longer I wait the harder it'll be.
"Arthur…"
"Don't worry about him though, he'll come around eventually. Everyone loves you, and how could they not. Even my father won't be able to resist your charms for long."
I whimper at the hope in his voice as he moves to put his clothes back on. I will not let myself cry until he's gone.
"I've gotta go have a chat with him about missing curfew, but I promise I'll be back tonight with dinner."
He hungrily kisses my lips, and I can't help but kiss him back. I'm going to miss the feeling of his lips on mine.
"And then maybe after dinner we can continue what we started before my father interrupted us."
He winks at me before he walks out of the room, and down the stairs to the front door. There's a moment where I try and convince myself that maybe I don't need to go after him, but in my heart I know I need to do this.
"Arthur…"
"Yes Guinevere, what's wrong? You look like your near tears. Is it about your Dad?"
He runs up the stairs, and just holds me in his arms. Eventually I stop trying to be strong, and let myself cry. If anyone deserves my tears it's Arthur. The idea of hurting him is killing me, but this is the right decision. It has to be.
"I can't be with you anymore Arthur."
He stiffens in my arms, and my breathe catches when he says nothing. We stand there for nearly five minutes before Arthur slowly disentangles himself from my body. He's looking at me as if I'm not really there, and I feel so cold without his warmth surrounding me.
"What I…I don't understand. I thought things were going well. Is this about my father?"
I look away from him. He'll never understand. He may not think his father's dismissal of me is important, but our relationship will always be strained by it, and I won't make him choose.
"Arthur, you have to realize just how important your father's opinion is to you. Being with me will be too hard on the both of us."
He shakes his head in denial, and I sigh in defeat. I knew he wouldn't understand.
"Guinevere I love you. I've loved you for years. I would never let my father come between us."
"I know you love me, and I know you think that this can work even with your father against us, but it won't. Look at your life Arthur. Football started out as just a game to you, and then he told you there was no point in it unless you were team Captain. Why would he want to go watch you play a game when you're just like every other player?"
I'd actually heard Uther yell those words at Arthur a month ago when he'd asked him to come to his big game against Mercia.
"So now I watch you nearly kill yourself every game so your coach will make you Captain. You hate business, yet you're enrolled in every business class Camelot has to offer. I don't blame you for wanting to please your father, but I know that eventually I'm going to be a casualty in all this, and I can't…"
My words falter when he starts walking back down the stairs towards his shoes. My tears are flowing freely down my face, and I feel as if I'm hyperventilating.
"You should know that I would never give you up just because my father tells me to."
"I can't take the chance that you will. I can't take another broken heart Arthur, especially not from you."
"This is about him isn't it? You want to go back to that fucking idiot even after he hurt you. I'm never going to be good enough for you am I?"
"Arthur you know this has nothing to do with Lance…"
"I kissed you for the first time, and then two days later you're dating him. I thought it was because I was small and scrawny, so as I got older I started working out. Still you didn't give me the bloody time of day. All I ever heard from Morgan's room was Lance this and Lance that. You have no idea what it's like to care about someone so much, and suffer through them constantly hurting you."
"Arthur I don't want to hurt you, I lov…"
"Don't Gwen… I can't hear you say that right now."
"I'm sorry Arthur, I'm so sorry. It hurts now, but you'll see this is for the best."
Please let this be for the best
"Everyone leaves you, and everyone disappoints me. I guess were both fucked."
"Arthur…"
I want to run down the stairs, and tell him to forget every last word I've just said. I want to scream that I love him, and I need him in my life. That the last few days were some of the happiest of my life all because of him. Instead I let my tears fall, and square my shoulders. If it doesn't end now, it'll just be worse in the future. Arthur's father has already planned out a successful future for him, and his feelings for me will only hold him back. I'm not the debutant kind of girl, and I don't think I ever will be. I can't forget that.
"You want to know the worst bit Gwen."
I know I don't, but I can't bring myself to speak anymore. His face is so distraught, and I caused that. I hurt the one person whose only vice is wanting to love me. Less pain now, more pain later; I can't forget.
"I thought you of all people had faith in me."
I can hear the door open and close, but my face is in my hands. I slip to the floor, and can't find the strength to do anything but cry. Losing Arthur hurts so much more than I thought it ever would. It's only been two bloody weeks, but it's still painful to remember all the times he smiled at me, or held me in his arms. I gently touch my lips and cry even harder when I realize I'll never feel his lips pressed against mine, or hear the words I love you flow from them ever again.
I stay on the stairs and cry until I can't cry anymore. I'm just laying there terrified that I've made a huge mistake, and I have no one to talk to about it. I think about calling Merlin, but I know Arthur needs him right now. He's the victim in this, not me.
Eventually I'm able to drag myself off the floor and into my bedroom. Small tears form in my eyes when I realize the air still smells so strongly of him, and I fall onto my bed with the pillow he used grasped tightly in my arms. I can't stop thinking it's not supposed to hurt this much already, but it does. Not even losing Lance was this painful.
My arm reaches out for my mobile, and I dial the only number I have left. He doesn't answer on the first, or even the second ring, and sadly I start to think that he's not going to pick up.
"Gwen"
I cry as soon as I hear his voice.
"What's happened love?"
"I just need somebody to talk to, so I can stop thinking about how badly I've fucked up."
"Whoa, must be really bad if you're cussing."
"You've no idea"
The phone goes silent, and for a second I'm afraid he's dropped the call on me.
"Gwen we can't do this. I want to help you, I really do, but I don't think we should be drawing any attention to ourselves now that you've told everyone about the party. If Lance or Arthur see us getting closer, the questions will start, and something might slip out."
"Please Gwaine, I kept that night a secret from Lance because you begged me not to tell him. I just need someone to talk to right now. I promise I won't tell anyone. Please, I've got no one else."
Thank you for reading!:)
Next is chapter 4: Gwaine