Yes I am actually posting 3 times in a row...I gots shit to say...

[ceciskittle]

OK so it hits me the other day...I am cute. I have been fighting it. I know it's not a bad thing, people still seem to like me, but fucking christ why do I have to be 'cute'? I can't tell you how much I wanted to be dark and creepy. I love wearing black, doing my make up all dark, and just freaking people out. But unfortunately I could never pull it off. I have always wanted to be able to go out and look all goth. Like ammitnox, so freakin goth and no effort, just is. If I had worn what she wore to the party Saturday, (hell what half the people there had worn) everyone would have looked at me like I was crazy. I love so much of that look, but I have to be cute. And not the right kind of cute. I'm all like bubbley. Like someone stuck a bottle of fucking champainge up my ass after they shook it up.

I don't know why I'm bitching about this, because I truely like who I am. I think I'm a good person who has lead fairely decent life. I think I have been fighting 'cute' for so long. I would have rather been beautiful, than cute. *sigh* I dunno, I guess I just wanted to be one of the gang my whole life, instead of the outsider. And since the majority of my friends are goth, industial, rave type people, (and now computer geeks)I always stand out. I just want to fit in somewhere. Now I'm sounding whiny, and I didn't want that.

I'm happy I'm cute really. I've just got to come to terms with it.