ANNOYED!!!
I'm finished with "trying to make things work." More than hurt or jaded, I'm annoyed. I really feel like I go out of my way to be considerate, to make people feel comfortable, take necessary "space," but I can't do it at the expense of my comfort. I have felt this way with a couple of my friendships and relationships, and have continuously convinced myself that said relationships are meaningful and important enough to put in the extra time and energy, but, looking back, most of those relations ended unpleasantly. Afterward I would often feel guilty for "giving up on someone," but the reality of the matter is no one person can hold together any relationship. "Trying to make things work" is one, "Making things work" is two.
In the future I am going to try to show the initial interest and wait for a concrete response before jumping into various relations. It might be possible to bypass further annoyances if I take the time to understand exactly what it is the other party expects from me as well as what he/she is wanting and willing to give.
Furthermore, from the other perspective, it is not fair for me to establish unspoken expectations for an individual, then get angry because he/she did not fulfill them. I guess I need to be a bit more vocal, or stop whining, but I feel like people aren't often comfortable with outright discussion of emotional expectations- or maybe it's just that people don't know what they want? Whatever, fuck it, I'm leaving soon. The real solution to this problem is to realize that my time here is over and so are the bulk of the relations that came with it, but ultimately, that the ones that are supposed to continue will continue with or without exhausting myself "trying to make things work."
(P.S. While "a" person sparked the writing of this entry, this was not written to bitch about any ONE person, nor an attempt to alter current circumstances/ get a response.)
In the future I am going to try to show the initial interest and wait for a concrete response before jumping into various relations. It might be possible to bypass further annoyances if I take the time to understand exactly what it is the other party expects from me as well as what he/she is wanting and willing to give.
Furthermore, from the other perspective, it is not fair for me to establish unspoken expectations for an individual, then get angry because he/she did not fulfill them. I guess I need to be a bit more vocal, or stop whining, but I feel like people aren't often comfortable with outright discussion of emotional expectations- or maybe it's just that people don't know what they want? Whatever, fuck it, I'm leaving soon. The real solution to this problem is to realize that my time here is over and so are the bulk of the relations that came with it, but ultimately, that the ones that are supposed to continue will continue with or without exhausting myself "trying to make things work."
(P.S. While "a" person sparked the writing of this entry, this was not written to bitch about any ONE person, nor an attempt to alter current circumstances/ get a response.)