(no subject)
I feel so tired in my bones. My heart is so tired. My mind is so tired. My Soul is so tired.
Trying to figure out the emotional weather inside me sometimes drives me crazy. Maybe it's because astrologically my sun sign swings in the place between Pisces and Aquarius, that I go from one state of being to another. Sometimes I feel so new and young and excited about the endless possibilities of Life!!!! Then I feel so old, tired, sick and worn out by this reality. I feel this old-ness right now and don't know what to do with myself.
Streams of thoughts are trying to understand the flow of emotions...
A few days ago my co-worker and I were talking and I mentioned that I feel like I might have a bit of bipolar tendencies in me, and she laughed because she said it seems like everyone in Sarnia (the armpit of Canada) is like that. I said I wonder if it's the energy of the refineries, toxifying the air to process the energy source that the human culture at this time depends on: oil. We all have a mixture (or polarization) of guilt about the pollution and gratitude for the lifestyle we all think it's worth.
When I wrote the songs of Mindshift, my mind was really in the gutter with everything that's happening in the world, and I was really wanting to express the pain and weight of this polluted culture. Then I moved into the direction of "better", moving out west, getting into new age spirituality, gardening, learning about the law of attraction, selling chocolate to people, and enjoying the light feeling of being far from Sarnia. Flourish is an album of hope from a genuine place. But just like southern Ontario pulled me back, to make peace and find healing... I'm finding my own inner pendulum swinging back to the land of suffering.
I'm really not sure what to believe or what to dream anymore. I wrote a bit about getting psychic readings, and though they were fun to think about and get worked up about, now I am struggling with it all. I'm really disappointed by my dissolved expectations. She told me about somebody I'd meet, and I feel like I totally messed with everything by telling the dude, telling my friends, telling my family. I really wanted to believe that my life is like a fairy tale.
Now I want to take the helm and move my ship into a whole other direction. The question is... Where to?
Trying to figure out the emotional weather inside me sometimes drives me crazy. Maybe it's because astrologically my sun sign swings in the place between Pisces and Aquarius, that I go from one state of being to another. Sometimes I feel so new and young and excited about the endless possibilities of Life!!!! Then I feel so old, tired, sick and worn out by this reality. I feel this old-ness right now and don't know what to do with myself.
Streams of thoughts are trying to understand the flow of emotions...
A few days ago my co-worker and I were talking and I mentioned that I feel like I might have a bit of bipolar tendencies in me, and she laughed because she said it seems like everyone in Sarnia (the armpit of Canada) is like that. I said I wonder if it's the energy of the refineries, toxifying the air to process the energy source that the human culture at this time depends on: oil. We all have a mixture (or polarization) of guilt about the pollution and gratitude for the lifestyle we all think it's worth.
When I wrote the songs of Mindshift, my mind was really in the gutter with everything that's happening in the world, and I was really wanting to express the pain and weight of this polluted culture. Then I moved into the direction of "better", moving out west, getting into new age spirituality, gardening, learning about the law of attraction, selling chocolate to people, and enjoying the light feeling of being far from Sarnia. Flourish is an album of hope from a genuine place. But just like southern Ontario pulled me back, to make peace and find healing... I'm finding my own inner pendulum swinging back to the land of suffering.
I'm really not sure what to believe or what to dream anymore. I wrote a bit about getting psychic readings, and though they were fun to think about and get worked up about, now I am struggling with it all. I'm really disappointed by my dissolved expectations. She told me about somebody I'd meet, and I feel like I totally messed with everything by telling the dude, telling my friends, telling my family. I really wanted to believe that my life is like a fairy tale.
Now I want to take the helm and move my ship into a whole other direction. The question is... Where to?