im back for a min
hey yall even though i dont think no one reads my entries anymore im still gonna post. my life is i dont know its kinda wierd. lets see lets start off with school. right now im on AP and that is becuase i got really really stressed out at the end of both semesters last year and didnt do to well either semester i did alot better 1st semester than las but they both were not good. but im trying to work my ass off to make that better. second work. work is goign great besides the fact that i am getting bored and my back seems like it does not want to work anymore so i find myself popping pills everyday to stay out of pain. third my personal life with the guys. um lets see this is very complicated. for one im single but...as u all know i waw madly in love with JP but he decided it was not right for him anymore and he wanted to get bakc with his ex so he did and quite frankly i have not gotten over him and when i found out things were not goign so well i got all happy and got my hopes up just to find out that things got better so that made me feeel horrible so obviously im still not over him. then there was this guy that i have known since highschool that i kinda started a relationship with but all we did was go on dates, talk on the phone and kiss. it was not a relationship cause he knew i was not ready for one but it looked like it was heading it that direcion then i got all scared like and i pushed him away and stopped talking to him just cause i was scared to get hurt again and now he thinks he fucked up and i hurt him. see i fucked u potintially good realtionship cause 1 i still love JP and 2 i dont wanna get hurt. then i found myslef in a desperate need for affection so found myslef back in a purley sexual realtionship with what yall know as Mr. KING and it was fine cause i was keeping all feeling aside then this weekend he just up and stops calling me and i guess that is a good thing cause that needed to stop cuase it never needs to happen but what ever. then there is Mark Andrew. see he is the guy iw ent to prom with. the guy i dated my last year of highschool the guy that i felt i first loved that "special one" from your past. well we have gone through in the past year and 1/2 one of those i want u i dont want u the time aint right but i will always love you type things and since his grandfather passed on october 14 i have been spending alot of tiem with him and we went and got tatoo's in the same sopt and ive been like his support system but in all this time we have been spending together and knowing that he still loves me and oh so wants to start up another relationship with me all those feeling come back more so on his end since my walls are put up hard core but i dont know what i wanna do with that cause i wanna take a chance but at the same time im not sure what i wanna do since like i hav said before im still not over JP. and when it come to my personal life with my friends. im lost one cause i feel i have no life and need more friends 2 cause the one true fried i feel i have im loosing quickly so hey im just all lost and i need to feel love cause this shit is getting on my nerves.