(no subject)

[cdeschere]

I have spent all weekend studying so far. From yesterday evening on...even while I was on the step machine today. I know, I know junior year and all. For the first time ever, I started crying during lecture yesterday. I was at my wit's end with transfer phenomena as the professor consistently shows up late and teaches as if we're supposed to intuit his thought and knowledge. I E mailed my advisor for the second time regarding my frustrations with the class. But for now there's nothing to do but study for Tuesday's exam until it sticks...so far no dice. My classmates try to encourage me that I'll do fine, that no one knows what's going on in the class. If this prof shoots my GPA, and I lose my job with Exxon, I swear to God I'll change schools. He's taking away from my other classes and letting me have no life. I don't go out, I don't participate in clubs or sports, and for pete sake, I'm only taking three classes! And for now, of course, I'm just grinning and bearing it. I'm just doing what I have to to stay afloat. But I'm only 20! I should be going out and enjoying my fleeting youth. Instead I'm in on a Saturday night ranting to my LJ because my brain is shot and I'm lonely. I'm so disallusioned right now. I guess they warned me about MIT. Sometimes I pass young families and I think, "gosh, if I could just have that, I would be so much happier." For now I live the lonely life of trying to get an MIT chem E degree. Arg, and then there's what stress does to me...my stomach is all in knots, I have no patience for my sloppy housemates, sometimes I'm ready to up and move out of WILG. My life blood is people I care about, and I feel like I'm losing myself in all this studying. It doesn't help that I haven't heard much from Jason lately. After he got back to Houston, his dad collapsed. They found out he has a stomach tumor, which he's undergoing an operation for. I want to just forget about him because it saddens me to not hear from him, but there's this dress hanging in my closet and dried roses on my desk... K, there's my rant. Sorry, I had to get it out.

Love,
Cristina