its been a long time
yeah i know its been forever. sorry guys. its been a whirlwind of a year. treatment, moving, working, recovery, relapse, all kinds of stuff. i guess i'll attempt to update on what is going on in my life right now. warning: its kind of scary.
lets see. i got out of treatment in july and moved to frankfort to live with my dad. i was hoping that it would be a new start for me, in a new place, surrounded by new people. i started working at starbucks about a month and a half ago. i like my job ok. its long hours on my feet but overall its not too bad. although, i hope to be getting a job at eastern state hospital in lexington. i am really excited about the possibility of working there. everything i have is riding on getting this job. right now i'm going through another relapse. this is the quickest slide i've had since i've been home. its kind of scary. its so hard to keep myself healthy. i know all i have to do is eat and keep it down, not exercise too much or use laxatives, but it seems impossible. i'm also not doing well emotionally or mentally. i am in a constant state of unhappiness. everything seems too hard; even putting on clothes, or socks, or getting out of bed. i'm hoping that because i want this job so badly that if i get it i can pull myself out of this. i have decided that if i don't get this job that i am giving up. i will do one of two things. i will let myself die from starvation, or i will take my own life. i know i don't sound like the best candidate for this job since it is in the mental health field. but i just want to help people. i want to feel like i'm making a difference in someone's life. i can't get that feeling at starbucks. i mean, yeah, i make people happy by making them happy, but am i actually making a difference? i doubt it.
eating disorder wise; as of right now my doctors are pushing me to do ng tube feeding. its where a tube is inserted through your nose and goes down your throat into your stomach, and then you are hooked up to a machine that puts supplements in your body. it is supposed to restore me to a more safe weight because right now my weight is dangerously low. not as low as it has been, but it is going down quickly, and i am unable to eat enough to stabilize it.
so thats it for now. i hope everyone out there is doing ok.
sorry for the rather depressing email. if i get the job there should be good things to come!
lets see. i got out of treatment in july and moved to frankfort to live with my dad. i was hoping that it would be a new start for me, in a new place, surrounded by new people. i started working at starbucks about a month and a half ago. i like my job ok. its long hours on my feet but overall its not too bad. although, i hope to be getting a job at eastern state hospital in lexington. i am really excited about the possibility of working there. everything i have is riding on getting this job. right now i'm going through another relapse. this is the quickest slide i've had since i've been home. its kind of scary. its so hard to keep myself healthy. i know all i have to do is eat and keep it down, not exercise too much or use laxatives, but it seems impossible. i'm also not doing well emotionally or mentally. i am in a constant state of unhappiness. everything seems too hard; even putting on clothes, or socks, or getting out of bed. i'm hoping that because i want this job so badly that if i get it i can pull myself out of this. i have decided that if i don't get this job that i am giving up. i will do one of two things. i will let myself die from starvation, or i will take my own life. i know i don't sound like the best candidate for this job since it is in the mental health field. but i just want to help people. i want to feel like i'm making a difference in someone's life. i can't get that feeling at starbucks. i mean, yeah, i make people happy by making them happy, but am i actually making a difference? i doubt it.
eating disorder wise; as of right now my doctors are pushing me to do ng tube feeding. its where a tube is inserted through your nose and goes down your throat into your stomach, and then you are hooked up to a machine that puts supplements in your body. it is supposed to restore me to a more safe weight because right now my weight is dangerously low. not as low as it has been, but it is going down quickly, and i am unable to eat enough to stabilize it.
so thats it for now. i hope everyone out there is doing ok.
sorry for the rather depressing email. if i get the job there should be good things to come!