random
ok so i just found out that tonia is getting married. i'm not sure why this bothers me, but it does. i mean i'm happy for her but at the same time i'm like, that is supposed to be me. i'm supposed to find someone first and be happy. i mean after all i did break up with her. i don't know, its almost like i expected her to be miserable for a long time, but like right after i broke up with her she moved on and found someone else. maybe she really didn't want to be with me either, she just didn't have the balls to break up with me, so i had to be the bad guy. oh well. i'm not sure why i'm dwelling on it but i am. a small part of me is lonely too. i mean i like for someone to want to see me and be with me and love me and make me feel beautiful; but at the same time tonia didn't provide me with that in the ways that i needed so i don't know why i'm kind of sad. i thought i had found the right one, but then he dumped me. as it turns out though that is the best thing that could of happened because now he is unemployed, drinking a lot and got a dui so now he has no licsence too. so he is pretty much a deadbeat.