A Yellow Easter Egg
There is a yellow Easter egg in the closet of my office room. It has been there since Sunday, April 8th, 2012. You took me to your family Easter and we had a delicious lunch. I was welcomed with kindness by your family and we were both excited I was there. I know I was at least. We got to go on a small Easter egg hunt. I believe there was just an egg for each person there, but it was enough. I can't remember what kind of candy was in the eggs. I don't think there were any children there, but I can't remember. It was sweet and I was delighted you wanted me there.
You came home with me the night before. I was in a rough patch in my relationship with your best friend. We weren't official, so I thought that meant I could do whatever I wanted, as I assumed she was down at Purdue. I had just started working at the Frog and I felt like the coolest. I thought I was going to make all kinds of money and be the kind of guy everyone liked. To some extent that came true, but it was rarely like it was the night you came home with me. I never really felt that cool.
You liked me. You liked my house. I remember you having a kind of wonder in your eyes. I always loved your eyes.
I have kept that egg ever since. I still have it. Now you'll never know I kept it all this time. I don't know that you ever really did know what you meant to me, ever so briefly, in that short time.
We were probably in the wrong. You weren't supposed to be messing around with your friend's man. I wasn't supposed to be messing around with her best friend. It hurt her, even though I still don't believe she was being faithful to me at the time. I always discounted it, but I know it ruined your friendship. If she never spoke to you agian, now she never will.
I'll never know.
What I do know is you met a good man and started a beautiful family. You had your shit together. I never stopped admiring you, but I knew you would never be mine. I blew it early on, and I regretted it. I chose her over you, but then I didn't even do a good job of that. I never made her happy the way she wanted.
You were there the night she pushed me in the channel at the Frog and you took me to a party to dry off and warm up by the fire. You cared when you found out my best friend and I got into a fight over her that night. He broke my eye socket. You came to get me in the morning and take me to my car. You cared.
It was all so long ago. It all went so wrong. We were never going to talk about it, but now we never will. A part of my past died with you, but that doesn't matter. You died, and you deserved to live. You deserved to watch your children grow up.
The world was better with you in it.
I can't imagine the pain those close to you are feeling. I'm hurting and I hadn't seen you in many years, or spoken in even more years.
I still have that yellow Easter egg in my closet. Your friends have been posting pictures of you. I still love your eyes. Your smile. Your whole face. I always liked our interactions. You fascinated me in a special way. I probably loved you or could have. We always love what we can't have. I couldn't have you when I did. I couldn't when you were alive. I can't now or ever. And that's ok. It's just sad you're gone.
Goodbye, Danielle. There isn't even anybody I can talk to about this, but I hope you're somewhere kind and pleasant. You deserve paradise.