anchors away
CAUTION BAD THOUGHTS AHEAD
i remember trick-or-treating with my friends. i lived in one place for many years, which was north attleboro, massachusetts, and all of the halloween experiences i had there have basically blended together. i remember being really bad and taking two handfuls of candy from the Arno's unattended candy basket when a sign next to it clearly proclaimed, "One piece per person!" I remember getting lost and ending up near Nadine's house, way past Roosevelt elementary school. I remember traveling the criss-crossing, spiraling, forest-laden streets of my neighborhood, filling my bag to the brim with candies that i felt guilty pigging out on even when i was 10 years old.
i never felt more alone than those nights, despite being surrounded people who were, in fact, my peers (by association of age only, rest assured). we raced from house to house, occasionally shrieking and marvelling at the nearly orgasmic feeling produced by observing the incredible amount of consumption we had done. we were amassing utility. at the time, i knew there was something ominously American about what we were doing, but I never really figured it out until recently. I can see now that the frenzied, shameless self-indulgence in which we were participating is the same game as the one businessmen and lawyers and scientists play with each other. some of us scramble so vehemently for the prize that we ignore it completley, along with each other. that's exactly what is happening to all of us, college-age fun-loving whipper-snappers looking for their piece of the pie and a way to end their constant dissatisfaction.
Wait these aren't really bad thoughts, I guess. I am the candy, and I am my hatred of it. I am the thunderstorm, and that I am also my fear of it. And together, we are a delicious thing indeed. Let's just hope that laws of addition and subtraction work with karma (can I multiply one slice of my past by a constant and add it to another, like in linear algebra? because that would be great!). so now i'm sitting here and i feel just like i'm saying, like a sum of just the right slices. and i guess it's OK.
i remember trick-or-treating with my friends. i lived in one place for many years, which was north attleboro, massachusetts, and all of the halloween experiences i had there have basically blended together. i remember being really bad and taking two handfuls of candy from the Arno's unattended candy basket when a sign next to it clearly proclaimed, "One piece per person!" I remember getting lost and ending up near Nadine's house, way past Roosevelt elementary school. I remember traveling the criss-crossing, spiraling, forest-laden streets of my neighborhood, filling my bag to the brim with candies that i felt guilty pigging out on even when i was 10 years old.
i never felt more alone than those nights, despite being surrounded people who were, in fact, my peers (by association of age only, rest assured). we raced from house to house, occasionally shrieking and marvelling at the nearly orgasmic feeling produced by observing the incredible amount of consumption we had done. we were amassing utility. at the time, i knew there was something ominously American about what we were doing, but I never really figured it out until recently. I can see now that the frenzied, shameless self-indulgence in which we were participating is the same game as the one businessmen and lawyers and scientists play with each other. some of us scramble so vehemently for the prize that we ignore it completley, along with each other. that's exactly what is happening to all of us, college-age fun-loving whipper-snappers looking for their piece of the pie and a way to end their constant dissatisfaction.
Wait these aren't really bad thoughts, I guess. I am the candy, and I am my hatred of it. I am the thunderstorm, and that I am also my fear of it. And together, we are a delicious thing indeed. Let's just hope that laws of addition and subtraction work with karma (can I multiply one slice of my past by a constant and add it to another, like in linear algebra? because that would be great!). so now i'm sitting here and i feel just like i'm saying, like a sum of just the right slices. and i guess it's OK.