jesufuckingcristo...
i had another uylsses fit today.
it was one of the worst ones yet.
i couldn't breathe. it seemed like there was something crushing me making it impossible to inflate my lungs. i was shaking convulsively and muttering incoherently. i was miserable and alone.
i felt like i was dying, like i wanted to die, and while it was happening i was thinking "what if i did die; right now...what would happen? did i make a difference in anyone's life? what is going to happen to my friends and family? how would i be remembered?"
thinking of my mortality was awful; there were no answers. i honestly didnt know what to think. granted, i was distracted with the terrible pain surging throughout my body, but still.
but on a side note. my therapist said she is worried about me...she said that im going to have to see her until july; every week until july. so needless to say, im worse off than i thought.
well damn.
it was one of the worst ones yet.
i couldn't breathe. it seemed like there was something crushing me making it impossible to inflate my lungs. i was shaking convulsively and muttering incoherently. i was miserable and alone.
i felt like i was dying, like i wanted to die, and while it was happening i was thinking "what if i did die; right now...what would happen? did i make a difference in anyone's life? what is going to happen to my friends and family? how would i be remembered?"
thinking of my mortality was awful; there were no answers. i honestly didnt know what to think. granted, i was distracted with the terrible pain surging throughout my body, but still.
but on a side note. my therapist said she is worried about me...she said that im going to have to see her until july; every week until july. so needless to say, im worse off than i thought.
well damn.