I am your disease.
The devil is in the details, and the spaces between them. I didn't start this to do a rant. I'm not really about rants. Its just thats how somethings have to start.. just enough heat to get the kettle boiling, enough pain to make you flinch. I don't want to set you on fire, I want to put cigarettes out on your arm. Sorry if it seems cruel. You already know the reason why.
I use homeopathic remedies to solve things. Its closer to the way nature works and I find that soothing somehow. Last night I talked religion until four in the morning with a coworker I was training. I wonder what the corporate bigwigs would think if they knew their dollars went to philosophical debate last night. When its important I like to cheat. Winning is all that matters, dear world you taught me that. Like trading riddles in the dark I protect that which is precious to me. I keep it warm in my pocket. And right now if you are not already aware I am babbling, but there is a point.
Life at times is not about living it. Sometimes its about blood shed in the dirt, about the pounding and the hollering, spitting in the eye of your enemy. Its about surviving. About good old fashioned monkey wisdom, smashing your fellows brains out the back of his skull so that you get to live another day. And enduring the pounding that the world can give you. Enduring, that's what it all comes down to really. Of course we all know that certain rules apply in polite society. We cannot crush our opponents, raze their homes and torch their Chevy Tahoe. Dancing madly and gaily about the guttering gas tank flames in the thin dark like the hunter children in Lord of the Flies (They'll put your head on a stick.), but you'd like too. Maybe that's why they're on top to begin with. They cheat. But if you want to play by the rules you have to endure.
I have learned recently to endure my work place and all the horror that goes on there. It can be done. I'm not telling my secrets on that except to say this. I have finally learned to eliminate the awful whining noises that come from the heads of my customers. Like I said before. I used to have such faith in humanity. Now I just want to watch it burn. If you can think of any reason why it shouldn't please contact me.
But enough about that. Its petty and pointless, like this journal. I'm looking for positive things in my world. Very shortly I hope to be securing web space for some kind of venture into the unknown. Perhaps at that point people might start listening. Of course in a lot of ways I'm a defeatist about that. Perhaps I just don't want them to listen. What a small world that would be. No.. no I still feel like picking a fight. I'm not Holden Caulfield by the way. I don't want to be the angry young man, but maybe this forum is simply a more sophisticated way of expressing the bile that got caught in my throat on growing up. Its another dodge on the topic of anger, a blister on the dick of my conscience. But seriously fuck you. Fuck you for looking for an excuse to make my anger look childish.
Just because you're not pissed off doesn't mean I can't be. Anger is as healthy as taking a shit. More people should take a shit. There'd probably be less murder and mayhem in the world if we had an outlet. The Center for Post Adolescent Male Ego Rage. CPAMER. Lets see, move some things around. CRAPME. Still doesn't make any sense. MECRAP. ME CRAP. So I guess it is all about taking a shit.
All day I have been seeing the black cat. It comes rounding out of the corner of my eye. Twitching its tail and then becoming something else entirely as I round the corner. The belt on my pants. A strange shadow on the wall. This is the white rabbit signing out.
I use homeopathic remedies to solve things. Its closer to the way nature works and I find that soothing somehow. Last night I talked religion until four in the morning with a coworker I was training. I wonder what the corporate bigwigs would think if they knew their dollars went to philosophical debate last night. When its important I like to cheat. Winning is all that matters, dear world you taught me that. Like trading riddles in the dark I protect that which is precious to me. I keep it warm in my pocket. And right now if you are not already aware I am babbling, but there is a point.
Life at times is not about living it. Sometimes its about blood shed in the dirt, about the pounding and the hollering, spitting in the eye of your enemy. Its about surviving. About good old fashioned monkey wisdom, smashing your fellows brains out the back of his skull so that you get to live another day. And enduring the pounding that the world can give you. Enduring, that's what it all comes down to really. Of course we all know that certain rules apply in polite society. We cannot crush our opponents, raze their homes and torch their Chevy Tahoe. Dancing madly and gaily about the guttering gas tank flames in the thin dark like the hunter children in Lord of the Flies (They'll put your head on a stick.), but you'd like too. Maybe that's why they're on top to begin with. They cheat. But if you want to play by the rules you have to endure.
I have learned recently to endure my work place and all the horror that goes on there. It can be done. I'm not telling my secrets on that except to say this. I have finally learned to eliminate the awful whining noises that come from the heads of my customers. Like I said before. I used to have such faith in humanity. Now I just want to watch it burn. If you can think of any reason why it shouldn't please contact me.
But enough about that. Its petty and pointless, like this journal. I'm looking for positive things in my world. Very shortly I hope to be securing web space for some kind of venture into the unknown. Perhaps at that point people might start listening. Of course in a lot of ways I'm a defeatist about that. Perhaps I just don't want them to listen. What a small world that would be. No.. no I still feel like picking a fight. I'm not Holden Caulfield by the way. I don't want to be the angry young man, but maybe this forum is simply a more sophisticated way of expressing the bile that got caught in my throat on growing up. Its another dodge on the topic of anger, a blister on the dick of my conscience. But seriously fuck you. Fuck you for looking for an excuse to make my anger look childish.
Just because you're not pissed off doesn't mean I can't be. Anger is as healthy as taking a shit. More people should take a shit. There'd probably be less murder and mayhem in the world if we had an outlet. The Center for Post Adolescent Male Ego Rage. CPAMER. Lets see, move some things around. CRAPME. Still doesn't make any sense. MECRAP. ME CRAP. So I guess it is all about taking a shit.
All day I have been seeing the black cat. It comes rounding out of the corner of my eye. Twitching its tail and then becoming something else entirely as I round the corner. The belt on my pants. A strange shadow on the wall. This is the white rabbit signing out.