(no subject)
When you lose someone close to you, it's hard. Family members... I've lost a lot of them. It's complicated as hell for me, and has for some of them been very much a relief, but it's still big, and still tough.
One way I've always coped with those losses is by throwing myself into music. Both times that I've lost a mom (!!), I've had shows to perform that I went ahead with, even when my fellow musicians suggested cancellation to make me feel better. But that's never been my way. In fact, I did a show in November with my friend Jen, whose younger sister was killed in a car accident a few days before. Jen dedicated the last song to her, and we sobbed on stage while we sang the a capella ending, but we did the fucking gig. That's how we do.
Last night I lost a band member. I'm devastated.
He lost his mother to a long protracted illness right before the holidays. He'd been out awhile and was getting back into gigging again in the last month, after putting everything on hold to be with her. Finally re-emerging into the world, he'd told us just last week that he quit his day job and was going back to music full time. He recently moved in with his girlfriend that he was totally nuts about, and was pulling his life together and making it what he wanted.
Last week after rehearsal we were talking about the the long road to recovery after the loss of family. I hugged him goodbye Saturday night after the show, fully expecting to see him tomorrow. I shot him an email yesterday about song choices for the set list, and stayed up until 3 am working everything out so the Valentine's Day show with him would be awesome.
I don't know how to throw myself into music for this. It feels all ruined. I need to change the set list entirely, taking out all his songs, which I just can't be okay with. I ought to call around and get a replacement for him but there is no replacement. And I don't want anybody else. I want him. There are very few people that I connect with musically where it's just Right and you look in each other's eyes on stage and it's fucking Perfect. He was one of only two singers ever in my life for me like that, and we were looking forward to doing great things this year with original music and us two and a killer band. Now I've got a show to do that requires moving on from that. This is NOT how we do.
One way I've always coped with those losses is by throwing myself into music. Both times that I've lost a mom (!!), I've had shows to perform that I went ahead with, even when my fellow musicians suggested cancellation to make me feel better. But that's never been my way. In fact, I did a show in November with my friend Jen, whose younger sister was killed in a car accident a few days before. Jen dedicated the last song to her, and we sobbed on stage while we sang the a capella ending, but we did the fucking gig. That's how we do.
Last night I lost a band member. I'm devastated.
He lost his mother to a long protracted illness right before the holidays. He'd been out awhile and was getting back into gigging again in the last month, after putting everything on hold to be with her. Finally re-emerging into the world, he'd told us just last week that he quit his day job and was going back to music full time. He recently moved in with his girlfriend that he was totally nuts about, and was pulling his life together and making it what he wanted.
Last week after rehearsal we were talking about the the long road to recovery after the loss of family. I hugged him goodbye Saturday night after the show, fully expecting to see him tomorrow. I shot him an email yesterday about song choices for the set list, and stayed up until 3 am working everything out so the Valentine's Day show with him would be awesome.
I don't know how to throw myself into music for this. It feels all ruined. I need to change the set list entirely, taking out all his songs, which I just can't be okay with. I ought to call around and get a replacement for him but there is no replacement. And I don't want anybody else. I want him. There are very few people that I connect with musically where it's just Right and you look in each other's eyes on stage and it's fucking Perfect. He was one of only two singers ever in my life for me like that, and we were looking forward to doing great things this year with original music and us two and a killer band. Now I've got a show to do that requires moving on from that. This is NOT how we do.