(Untitled)
I'm back from jolly old England, fit as a fiddle and clean as a whistle and other such metaphors. I just got back from Home Depot with supplies for my next project. Before that, I went to my mother's to beg forgiveness for not being here on Mother's Day and present her with heaps of presents. I believe I'm in her good graces once again
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Don't be like that, Gabe "The Tool Man" Coolidge. It's the good kind of talk. You don't like talking to me anymore?
I'm glad you're not, though I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. [...] I'm sorry about what I said. I just want you to be okay. Okay?
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Not sarcastic. You didn't say anything, Harri. I'm fine.
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When you assume... "We need to talk" could end in "I'm pregnant!" or "You're the best employee I've ever had, so I'm giving you a raise". Mr. Negativity. And I refuse to wear flannel and be Al. I don't care if I do have a beard and happen to be your assistant, much of the time.
[...]
[Gabe]
You like Cassie, right?
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[Harrison]
Yeah, she's all right. Seems nice.
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I don't think so, Gabe. I shouldn't have said anything. I look more like Eddy Vedder than Al, anyway. Are you trying to say I'm chubby?
[Gabe]
Good. Yeah. She is.
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Okay, but you have to be the guy behind the fence then. Wilson. I expect to never see your mouth again, from this moment forth. \
[Harrison]
Okay. Glad we have that settled.
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I'll wear the flannel. Thankfully you're not a safety hazard like Tim.
But my mouth is GREAT. Why can't I be Randy, the precocious kid?
[Gabe]
Yep. [...] Woo, this is awkward. Okay. Um. [...] Nah, I'll tell you this in person too. [...] Just promise not to give me a sad face.
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Um, wasn't he Jonathan Taylor Thomas? No. Just, no.
[Harrison]
Okay? Now I'm curious. And you know what they say about cats and curiosity.
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Well, it'd be fun, but it wouldn't be good for your insurance company. Or safe, unless you wore armour made of pots and pans. Or Iron Man's suit.
Why you be hatin' the JTT? We love the JTT in the ghetto. Fool. [...] I don't know. That just came out.
[Gabe]
Okay, maybe the other thing can wait cos I'm not doing it until tomorrow anyway, but I can tell you one thing now. But don't be sad, okay, because you're still my best friend and I'll still spend a lot of time with you and nothing has to change.
But I'm moving in with Cassie.
That's why I'm not home right now. Because here's my home.
Okay? Are you okay? I don't want to upset you.
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Dude, when I was growing up my sister had the biggest crush on JTT. It was sad and sort of scary.
I, on the other hand, was all about that chick from Hanson. Until I found out she was a guy. To hell with you, Taylor.
[Harrison]
[...] Oh.
Okay. Um, sure. That's fine. I just wasn't expecting that. Looks like I'm going to have an empty nest, then. What's the situation with the kittens?
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I want it too! But I'd rather not have a heart condition.
I liked him on Home Improvement - and in The Lion King. But then, I didn't have a sister to be annoyed with.
[pause while he laughs hysterically]
Oh god, you're pulling my tit leg, right? Please say you're joking!
[Gabe]
You won't always have an empty nest. We could stay over sometimes, if you'd like. And we'll still hang out. Cassie likes you. And we've still got Caloo Calay! We just need to practice. And get a gig.
You could keep the kittens. They can keep you company when I'm not there. [doodled smiley face] But I'm keeping Wellington.
I'm sorry. I just want to be with Cassie because we're together and driving back and forth when petrol is fifty-six bagillion dollars now kind of sucks, you know? It doesn't mean I don't love you anymore, Kitty.
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No, I'm not pulling your leg. Granted, it was only a few days before I realized he was a guy, but yeah. Go on, laugh it up. At the time I was more concerned with "holy god, she's 16 I'm a pervert" and then it was "holy god, that's a man, baby" and then I forced the entire situation out of my mind until now.
But I've grown wise with my years and I'm no longer ashamed.
[Harrison]
I know. It's okay, Harrison, you don't have to try to cheer me up right now, I'm fine. I was just surprised.
Good luck with her, Harri.
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Hmm. True, that is pretty cool.
[shakily, cos he's laughing] Hahahaha! That's actually not the weirdest thing you've ever told me, but... Hahaha!
Thank you for opening up with me. I'm honoured that you trust me enough to tell me about your shocking male crushes.
[Gabe]
Okay. Good.
Hypothetically, if I were to get married, would you be my Best Man or would that be too stressful for you?
Hypothetically.
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[Harrison]
Hypothetically, I'd say no one else but me should be the Best Man for any wedding, because... well, who do you know that could throw a better bachelor's party than I could?
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...Yeah, some things should not be asked about.
[Gabe]
As long as there are no trannies at the bachelor's party. Or I'd hypothetically have to kick your hypothetical ass.
But, okay. Good.
Because I'm asking Cassie to marry me tomorrow.
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[Harrison]
Of course there will be no transexuals of any kind.
Really. Wow.
It's [...] You don't think it's too soon?
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