although i know this is my own fault, and i was never meant to hear it, i cant help but feel sad
i Suddenly realised this evening, the initial reason for wanting to go to cananda.
why you ask ... Because i HATE them, i dont enjoy their company, i never want to engage in conversation with them, because they think they know me and i dont want to be the person the think i am, i cant be, i'm not THAT much of a ... what was it "loser".. or "loner" wait no i remember now they think i have one friend, the friend to whhich i have over ofter enough for their likeing, but apparantly dont do anything with.
What else was it.. hmm something like i care too much about school and dont have enough fun... of maybe you just think that because i shut mysxelf in my room for hours and for some reason you think i am doing huge amounts of homework, when in accual fact i am doing minimal study because i am in there thinking about my extreme hatred for you,well maybe i am just trying to escape from you and that is the only way i know how. Maybe i smarted then you thought was possible for your fucking genes to have created. i "Just stay at home on saturday nights" Do I? well i dare say i go out more often then you do, did i go out last saturday night, and the one before that? i do believe i did. ok so you dont fucking think i can do anything for myself, have my own friends, or last 10 seconds without you or maybe thats because you dont fucking know me. for you fucking information i have my own friends, and my own socail life and maybe i am a little insecure but whose fault is that, i wasnt the one that raised me, brought me up to be the way i became, didnt encourage me when i said i want to do something but rather told me all the bad things that come out of it rather than encouraging me to do what i want to do and that fact that i am completly dependable on you makes me want to puke. hence the reason i want to break that. And another thing why you think i know absolutly nothing about doing anything myself i dont know, four years using public transport and then you tell me how to get on a train at malvern.. Really its not that hard. And maybe another reason i feel insecure is because when i get dressed to go somewhere completely informal you say " oh megan hurry up we're about to go why arent you dressed yet" or "dont you have anything better" or when you say "i'll have to take you shopping" well when i need my mother to dress me ill fucking tell you and i can promise you i wont be letting you do it anytime soon. And onther fucking thing, i dont give a shit whether you're going to be, nor do i want you to tell me about what every single person you know did today, nor do i like it when you rub my shoulder or squeeze my fat or touch me at all, it really isnt apprichiated, why because your a fucking pric, i used to think you we're great but then i realised thatyou are ignorant, arragont, boring, old , and unenjoyable nor do i like it when you talk to your fucking wife about me and how you thjink i have no friends, or social life or have any fun in my life at all, the only time i have that is when i am around you because you are far to over protective and dont understabd that i HATE you.
anyways today was pretty goo d dispite the 5 or 10 mins where i overheard a complete bitch feast about me and then got as far away from there as possible, to mope around in my bedroom for an hour. i had reasonably good subjects in R.E, jap-which i left for guitar anyways, multimeadi - where all computers failed so i had a quite long talk with mr.J about 3/4 info tech and the VET coures and then SOS which i dont remember at all. also had soccer we won 3 - 1 but what else can you expect from Star in the A devision. gloria said i was like everywhere, but i didnt think i played very well, but then again i am not very good at soccer so its a wonder how i got on the A team.
Oh i also reacived the acceptance pack from the exchange company, and re fell in love wit the idea of going on exchange, which was then helped out but the sudden urge to go anywhere but here because i dont feel paticuly weanted by the two people i am most dependant on. but i also want to tke a year off between school and uni/tafe/airfoce/army/the next brichure i recive.i need a job. oh i woinder i the re any new jobs to look at on the internet. i think ill do that.
bye
why you ask ... Because i HATE them, i dont enjoy their company, i never want to engage in conversation with them, because they think they know me and i dont want to be the person the think i am, i cant be, i'm not THAT much of a ... what was it "loser".. or "loner" wait no i remember now they think i have one friend, the friend to whhich i have over ofter enough for their likeing, but apparantly dont do anything with.
What else was it.. hmm something like i care too much about school and dont have enough fun... of maybe you just think that because i shut mysxelf in my room for hours and for some reason you think i am doing huge amounts of homework, when in accual fact i am doing minimal study because i am in there thinking about my extreme hatred for you,well maybe i am just trying to escape from you and that is the only way i know how. Maybe i smarted then you thought was possible for your fucking genes to have created. i "Just stay at home on saturday nights" Do I? well i dare say i go out more often then you do, did i go out last saturday night, and the one before that? i do believe i did. ok so you dont fucking think i can do anything for myself, have my own friends, or last 10 seconds without you or maybe thats because you dont fucking know me. for you fucking information i have my own friends, and my own socail life and maybe i am a little insecure but whose fault is that, i wasnt the one that raised me, brought me up to be the way i became, didnt encourage me when i said i want to do something but rather told me all the bad things that come out of it rather than encouraging me to do what i want to do and that fact that i am completly dependable on you makes me want to puke. hence the reason i want to break that. And another thing why you think i know absolutly nothing about doing anything myself i dont know, four years using public transport and then you tell me how to get on a train at malvern.. Really its not that hard. And maybe another reason i feel insecure is because when i get dressed to go somewhere completely informal you say " oh megan hurry up we're about to go why arent you dressed yet" or "dont you have anything better" or when you say "i'll have to take you shopping" well when i need my mother to dress me ill fucking tell you and i can promise you i wont be letting you do it anytime soon. And onther fucking thing, i dont give a shit whether you're going to be, nor do i want you to tell me about what every single person you know did today, nor do i like it when you rub my shoulder or squeeze my fat or touch me at all, it really isnt apprichiated, why because your a fucking pric, i used to think you we're great but then i realised thatyou are ignorant, arragont, boring, old , and unenjoyable nor do i like it when you talk to your fucking wife about me and how you thjink i have no friends, or social life or have any fun in my life at all, the only time i have that is when i am around you because you are far to over protective and dont understabd that i HATE you.
anyways today was pretty goo d dispite the 5 or 10 mins where i overheard a complete bitch feast about me and then got as far away from there as possible, to mope around in my bedroom for an hour. i had reasonably good subjects in R.E, jap-which i left for guitar anyways, multimeadi - where all computers failed so i had a quite long talk with mr.J about 3/4 info tech and the VET coures and then SOS which i dont remember at all. also had soccer we won 3 - 1 but what else can you expect from Star in the A devision. gloria said i was like everywhere, but i didnt think i played very well, but then again i am not very good at soccer so its a wonder how i got on the A team.
Oh i also reacived the acceptance pack from the exchange company, and re fell in love wit the idea of going on exchange, which was then helped out but the sudden urge to go anywhere but here because i dont feel paticuly weanted by the two people i am most dependant on. but i also want to tke a year off between school and uni/tafe/airfoce/army/the next brichure i recive.i need a job. oh i woinder i the re any new jobs to look at on the internet. i think ill do that.
bye