The Light at the end of the Never Ending Tunnel (5/?)

[catherineackles]

 
The Light at the end of the Never Ending Tunnel 5/?

Author:  catherineackles 
Beta: Thaanks to my awsome Beta  majs_majs I dont know what i'd do with out you.
Characters: Jared/Jensen, Jack, Chris
Rating / Warning: NC-17 (contains child abuse) 
Disclaimer: As you all know Jared, Jensen and Chris are real persons, who I have used in my fictional story. No harm intended.

Special Thanks to TINNA, see i told you i'd do it. well yups she rocks my kinky socks, KIIKO KIIKO bubs.
LOVE YOUUU x.o.x.o, Plus a special thanks to all those people who leave a comment =D, you all rock.

Summary: Jared's parents died in a car accident when he was 8 and after that he moved in with his abusive uncle. When he was 16 they moved to a new town and everything changes when he met a guy named Jensen. 
Words (this chapter):  5364 words

Chapters 1  -  2  -  3  -  4




Chapter 5
As Jared awakened, he slowly became aware of his surroundings and realized that he was lying in Jensen’s warm and safe embrace. He had never felt so comfortable and at peace before, and he didn’t want to move. Just the knowledge that he had someone watching over him for once, was something he hasn't felt since his parents were alive.

When Jensen felt Jared squirm in his arms, he smiled, realizing that Jared had finally woken up. He felt so content, and wanted nothing more than to stay there forever with Jared safe in his arms. But deep inside, he knew that he couldn’t since there were still so many things they needed to talk to about.

Gently nudging Jared, he said softly, "You awake yet sleepy head?"

Once again closing his eyes and snuggling deeper into Jensen’s chest Jared replied, "Uh uh, I’m comfy, and you’re warm. Don’t wanna move yet."

Jensen couldn’t help but smile at how absolutely adorable Jared looked right then. He knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to pry him away, and decided he would be happier if they had this conversation with Jared safe in his arms anyway.

He doesn’t’t know how he is going to get it out of Jared, but he knows that he has to. He can’t believe that someone would want to hurt him. He has known the boy for no more than two days and he can already tell that Jay is not the type of guy to try and get into trouble.

While he continued to sit, leaning against the bed with Jared warm and safe in his arms, he tried to think of a way to ask him about the bruising; in the end, deciding that he might as well come straight out with it.

Rubbing his thumb soothingly against Jared’s back he brought his other hand up to brush away the hair in his eyes as he quietly asked, "Hey . . .Jay, I know your tired and you don’t want to talk about this but, well, I really need to know. So could we just, you know, talk for a lil while? Or, you know, you can talk if you want. I don’t even have to say anything, I can just listen. But I can’t help you at all if you don’t tell me Jay."

Jared truly did want to tell him what’s been going on, but he knew that he can’t. He doesn’t want to lose Jensen. He is the first real friend that he’s had in such a long time, and he knows that if he tells him what’s really going on then Jensen will be disgusted with him. He will look at him how everyone else does; as if he means nothing, and doesn’t deserve to live when his parents had to die.

Jensen can feel Jared begin to shake and knows that he must be terrified. Just the thought of whoever did this to him makes him feel sick. He doesn’t want Jared to feel scared to talk to him. He knows that he might not be able to do anything to help him, but he knows one thing for sure, he’s going to do everything in his power to ‘try’.

Taking a deep breath he tried again, "Please Jay, just talk to me. I promise I won’t judge you. I just want to be there for you. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be that way with me. I’ll keep you safe Jay. You can trust me, I promise you."

Jensen can feel Jared’s tears soak through his shirt as Jared buries his face deeper into his chest trying to block out the rest of the world. Jensen does all he can do and squeezes him tighter resting his chin on top of his head, knowing that this must be really hard for Jared.

Just when Jensen thought he wasn’t going to get anywhere he heard Jared’s muffled reply, "You can’t keep me safe Jen. Nobody can."

"Well I can try, cant I? All you have to do is tell me who did this to you."

"It’s not that easy. And even if I do tell you, it isn‘t gonna change anything."

Huffing out an exhausted breath Jensen asked, "Well, then, what do you want me to do? Am I supposed to just sit here knowing that someone’s hurting you? Because, I’m sorry Jay, but I cant do that. It’s just not me."

"It really isn’t as bad as it looks Jen. My cheek only looks like this cause it’s a lil swollen, and it’s only a split lip, nothing to stress about. So you should just stop worrying about me, because I’m fine."

Jared knows that’s not the truth. He hasn’t been fine in a long time. He feels like crap and knows he’s always going to feel like this. Not to mention the part where he decided to leave Jensen in the dark about the horrible strangulation bruising around his neck. It hurts like hell, but he knows that if he were to tell him about it then it would only make matters worse, and cause Jensen to stress ten times more.

"You know that is complete bullshit Jay, you are NOT fine. I’m not just going to stop stressing about this because you say you’re 'fine' when I know damn well that you’re not. You seriously need to start thinking more of yourself. If someone beat you up then you don’t have to keep in the dark about it man. I swear, I won’t think differently of you, Jay, no matter what happened. You've just gotta learn to trust me. I’m here right now because I care. Not just about what’s happening to you, but Jay, I care about YOU. And whether you like it or not, I’m not letting this go until you tell me what the hell happened to you."

While Jensen was saying all of this to him, Jared had slowly lifted his head from Jensen’s chest and looked up to meet his gaze with red and watery eyes. He didn't know what it was he was looking for when he searched Jensen’s gaze, maybe it was doubt. He wanted to see if Jensen actually meant everything he was saying, or if it was just a lie like everything else in his life. When Jensen held his gaze and continued to stare directly into his eyes, he realized that there was nothing there besides love, comfort and honesty. He could see the genuine concern staring back at him even if he couldn't understand why such a loving and caring person was so interested with him. He drove him crazy trying to figure out how he could make him feel like the rest of the world had fallen away, leaving only him and Jensen.

As a tear slowly trailed its way down Jared’s cheek, Jensen brought his hand up to wipe away the trace of sorrow and fear that he knew Jared had been holding within for too long. He’s not thinking about the evident bruising, but the torment Jared had been causing him self over the past seven years. The guilt that he’s had to carry everyday of his life since that tragic accident, the thought that it was he who caused the death of the two people in his life that he’d never wish harm upon.

With his arm still tucked protectively around Jared’s back and his hand placed tenderly on Jared’s jaw, caressing the soft, smooth and tear damp skin of his cheek, Jensen quietly said, "Jay, I don’t understand why you can’t just tell me. I promise I’ll never tell anyone so no one will know that you’ve told besides the two of us."

Breaking eye contact, Jared rested his head back on Jensen’s chest and replied so quietly that Jensen almost didn’t hear, "He will find out, he always finds out."

Eye brows knit together in confusion Jensen asked, "Who will find out? You gotta be a lil more specific Jay, cause you’re confusing me."

Realizing that he’d let something slip Jared tried to cover it up quickly, "Uhh, nah, its nothing. I was just, you know, mumbling to myself, just forget it."

Knowing that was a lie, Jensen looking down towards Jared, "Jay you don’t just say someth . . . . WHAT THE FUCK?"

Flinching at Jensen’s unexpected outburst Jared looked back up at Jensen with a mixture of confusion and fear on his face.

Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm him self down before he opened them once again, fixed sternly on Jared.

"Where else are you hurt Jared? And don’t even try to lie because I’m not stupid."

Jared could feel the fear beginning to grow in the pit of his stomach. He knows that he’s hurt in a lot of other place, but none that are visible. He doesn’t know where Jensen’s sudden outburst came from, so he decides his best bet is to play it cool.

"W-w-what are you talking about?"

Reaching down to unzip the top of Jared’s jacket where he saw a glimpse of a bruise he replied, "This is what Im talki . . . Fuck Jay, your neck is fucking purple! Seriously, what the fuck is going on?"

Not knowing what to do Jared quickly stood up and moved away from Jensen, trying to hide what his uncle had caused. Shaking slightly he zipped up the jacket while looking away from Jensen, flinching when his hand rubbed up against the large bruise. He didn’t want Jensen to see because he knew that if he did, then he would pity and comfort him, not realizing that Jared deserved the punishment he received.

When Jared began to move towards the door, in an effort to make his escape from the confrontation he knew was coming, Jensen quickly scrambled to his feet and grabbed Jared by the wrist.

Jensen doesn’t know how to react to what he just saw. He knows the bruising was obviously caused by trying to strangle Jared. He just had no idea that what was happening to Jared was that serious. He had thought it was just a bit of a punch up from a guy that didn’t like the new kid at school. Although, punch ups don’t usually include strangling someone to the point where it left marks like that.

He wants to scream at Jared for not telling him how serious this thing actually was, but one look into those beautiful hazel eyes, so full of fear, changes his mind. Loosening his hold on Jared’s arm he gently led him back over to the bed, placing Jared on the edge while he crouched in front of him.

Jared has no idea what to do. When Jensen pulled him away from the door, he suddenly knew that Jensen wouldn’t stop until found out everything. He’d love to be able to tell him but knew there was no way that he’d understand. Jensen has never seen what people can really be like if they are pushed. He has never seen the ugly side of life. Jared doesn’t want to dirty him with his life. Jensen was still a teenager and Jared wants him to be able to live it with innocence and without all the torment Jared has had to suffer through.

Having finally calmed down, Jensen once again slowly brought his hand up and pulled down the zipper to reveal the ugly purple and black bruising covering most of Jared’s throat. Jared couldn’t stop himself from flinching when he saw Jensen pulling down his zipper. A voice in his head was telling him that he should be stopping Jensen and getting out of there, but when he’s around Jensen he feels so safe and loved, as if he actually matters, and it’s that feeling that keeps him from moving away.

Once Jensen was able to see the dark bruising up close that sick feeling returned to his stomach. Placing his hand on Jared’s jaw, he turned his face back towards him so he could get the message across loud and clear. Waiting until Jared met his gaze, Jensen the said in a calm and caring voice, "Jay you have gotta tell me what happened This is even more serious then I thought. These bruising are really bad, we’ve gotta get them looked at."

Eyes widening in fear at Jensen’s advice of medical attention he quickly jerked away, then stuttered out, "No, please Jen, y-you can do that. You promised me you would keep this a secret. You can’t make me see anyone."

Moving onto the side of the bed to sit closely next to Jared, he placed a reassuring arm around his waist.

"I made a promise, Jay, and I’m not going to break it. I want you to get it checked out but I’m not going to force you. I said you could trust me and I meant that. Now all you’ve gotta do is believe it."

Turning his head to face, Jared said quietly, "It would only make things worse if I saw someone Jen. I know you’re only trying to help, but seeing someone won’t make a difference."

Tightening his hold on Jared, Jensen asked, "Well then tell me what will Jared. Tell me what will make a difference. Cause right now I’m out of ideas. I mean, I don’t even know what happened let alone how to help you."

Laying his head on Jensen’s shoulder and breathing in his comforting scent he whispered, "You don’t have to do anything."

Looking down at Jared resting against his shoulder and feeling the comforting warmth that spread through him, he brought his head down and placeds a chaste kiss to the top of his head.

"I know I don’t have to do anything Jared. But the thing is . . . I ‘want’ to. I want to help you get through whatever it is you’re going through. I want to bash the person who laid there hands on you. You didn’t deserve to be hurt, let alone like this. And the thing you don’t deserve the most is to have to go through this alone. Whatever it is, I will be there. Plus you have your uncle who can look aft. . ." Jensen cut himself off, feeling Jared’s lean body stiffen in his arms and his sharp intake of air, wondering what he said wrong he asks "Hey . . . you alright? What’s wrong Jay?"

Jared didn’t mean to react at the mention of his uncle, but whenever he even thinks about him, let alone hears someone else mention him, he feels cold, empty, and scared. So when Jensen brought up his name, he felt as though he was no longer here and safe with Jensen, but back where he truly belonged; with his uncle, where being safe had never existed, only the feeling of fear.

Jensen quickly replayed the last conversation in his head, trying to pinpoint what he might have said to make Jared all of a sudden look as though he had seen a ghost.

He finally remembers the last line he said to Jared and feels as though he is going to throw up. He can’t believe he has been so stupid and naïve. The more he thinks about it the more everything seems to fall into place. Why Jared is so afraid to tell Jensen anything and why this person has such over him. He doesn’t know how he didn’t see it before.

He doesn’t say anything to Jared yet, just continues to go over the thought in his head. Every second that passes by, every second he is left thinking about this, just makes him feel even sicker to his stomach. How could his uncle even think about hitting him? What the fuck made him think he had the right to put his hands on him? How long could have this been going on without anyone knowing? Every question he has goes over and over in his head without being answered. He can barely handle thinking about this; he doesn’t even want to acknowledge the thought that Jared has had to live with it. He finally understands why Jared has such low self esteem and wonders if it was his uncle who put the thought into his head that he caused his parents death.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when he asked Jared in a stern voice, raw from anger and tears, "So how long has your uncle been doing this to you?"

Jared looked up at Jensen, shocked and shaking with fear, wondering how the hell he had figured it out. He begins to hope that he didn’t hear him correctly. If Jensen actually figured out what was going on then Jared would never be able to look him in the eyes again. Every time that he did would just be a reminder that Jensen knew how dirty he was, and why he even deserves to get punished in the first place.

In a shaky voice he asked, "W - what do you mean Jen? What’s any of this have to do with my, umm . . . uncle?"

Continuing to look down at Jared with worry and concern and his mind set on getting an answer he said, "Well that’s what I’d like to know Jared. What does your uncle have to do with all of this?"

Jared can feel Jensen’s gaze burning a hole into him, judging him, disgusted after finally discovering what type of person Jared really is. He knew that Jensen had figured out what’s going on, but Jared was not yet ready to admit it. "I dunno, what the hell you’re talking about Jen?"

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Jensen sighed and said in an exhausted tone "Please, don’t lie to me Jay. I’m not stupid, ok? I figured out what’s going on. I know that it was your uncle who hurt you. I wanna know why Jay. Why did your own flesh and blood, your own guardian, do something like this to you? Cause I know for a fact that you didn’t deserve it."

Feeling tired and defeated, Jared gave up any attempt at denying it. Jensen wasn’t stupid and he also wasn’t going to let this go, no matter how hard Jared wished he would. He decided it was time to just tell the truth.

"You don’t know that Jen. You don’t know what I have done. I did something bad and I’m getting what I deserve."

Turning his whole body so he was looking directly at Jared he said, "How the HELL could you say you deserve that Jared? He literally strangled you! YOUR UNCLE, Jay. Don’t you get that? Your parents trusted him enough to give him guardianship of you, and look what he’s done. So how can you just sit there and say that you deserve this? Nobody deserves that type of treatment, no matter what they may or may not have done."

Jared doesn’t want Jensen to get anymore worked up, and he knows disagreeing with him will do so. Looking down at his lap where his hands are twisting together, he said anxiously, "Uhh, yeah, ok. Jen. I’m sorry, I was wrong."

Closely examining him, Jensen can see right through the lie. Ducking his head in front of Jared’s face to get his point across he said, "Well how about you say that again. Except this time Jay, why don’t you actually try and mean it."

"Well, how do you expect me to mean it when I don’t even believe it?" Jared desperately replied.

"Then at least tell me WHY you don’t believe it. Why don’t you tell me WHY you think you deserve this. Cause, Jay, I just don’t get it. Nothing you could have done would make you deserve this . . . nobody deserves this type of treatment Jay . . . nobody."

"You know why I deserve this Jen. I already told you."

Jensen began to feel frustrated. Not with Jared, but with whoever put this thought into his head. Raising his voice slightly he asked incredulously, "WHAT? That you killed your parents?

When Jared doesn’t say anything and continued to stare down at his hands with a blank look on his face Jensen tried again, "Jay, it’s not true. None of that is true. I already told you this. IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT, none of this is your fault. You were just a kid, there is nothing you could have done to save them. It was a CAR crash, Jared, and I don’t care what the hell your uncle has been telling you all these years, because you had nothing to do with it. They could have died anywhere; on the way to the store, work, dinner, ANYWHERE. Jay, just cause you asked them to pick you up from school doesn’t mean you’re to blame."

Jared had never thought of it that way. He’s always just seen it the way his uncle told it. Jack said that it was his fault; he even punished him for it. So, he just assumed that Jack was right. It never even occurred to him that maybe it was just an accident. Looking up towards Jensen with a small smile on his face he whispers brokenly "Thanks, Jensen."

"Don’t say thanks to me Jay. I didn’t do anything. All I did was tell you the truth. Now all you gotta do is learn how to believe it."

Nodding, Jared turned fully so he was facing Jensen head on. He felt something warm in the pit of his stomach when he stared straight into Jensen’s eyes and saw the concern, worry, and something else he hadn’t yet figured out staring right back at him.

As Jensen continued to sit there and look at Jared, he could feel the love and admiration he had for him grow. He still doesn’t understand why, when around him, he felt weak and couldn’t seem to think straight. He knows that he’s got a crush on Jared, he just didn’t know that it was this serious. All he wants to do is steal Jared away from the rest of the world and keep him safely locked up where he never has to worry about his uncle ever again.

Jared wants to say something. He wants to ask Jensen how he was able to make him feel this way. He’s never even had a crush before, let alone on a guy. He didn’t even know if he was gay. But here he is, lost in a world of oceanic green eyes and sinfully gorgeous lips. He has never actually craved someone’s touch before, because all he has ever received is the painful and poisonous touch of his uncle, but sitting here, staring at the only person left on this world that actually cares, all he wants to do is curl up with him and feel those soft pink lips on his own.

Jensen can feel his breath coming quicker. He wets his suddenly dry lips as he lowers his gaze to Jared’s gorgeous pink lips just begging to be kissed.

Jared blushed and looked down shyly with a slight smile on his face when he noticed Jensen staring at his lips with pure lust in his eyes. He looks back up and swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling dry as Jensen placed his hand on his cheek. Closing his eyes, he leaned into the tender touch.

"Do you trust me Jay?" Jensen asked quietly while gently caressing Jared’s bruised cheek with his thumb.

Looking up quickly at the unexpected question Jared stared into Jensen’s eyes as he suddenly realized that he didn’t even have to give it any thought. He doesn’t know why, but for some reason he knows he can trust Jensen. Although he hasn’t told him about what his uncle actually does to him, and he doesn’t think he ever will; not because he doesn’t trust Jensen, he’s just too afraid he will scare him away.

Placing his hand over Jensen’s where it lay on his face Jared smiled slightly as he sincerely whispered, "Yeah, Jen. I trust you."

With his hand still gently caressing Jared’s face he gently lifted it so they were face to face when Jensen asked hopefully, "So you will let me help you?"

The smile disappeared but Jared continued to hold Jensen’s gaze

"Well you can try, but I don’t think your go-", he gets cut off with a large yawn and continues "going to have much luck."

Lightly laughing Jensen said, "Well, we will just have to see about that now wont we? And are you feeling ok Jay?" He asked with more concern in his voice.

"Uhh, yeah, I’m just really tired. Big day I guess."

With a smile tugging at the side of his lips Jensen said, "Yeah, I get what you mean. I’m pretty beat myself, even though we have only been sitting around the whole time."

Smiling widely showing of his dimples Jared said, "I guess this whole conversation has just taken a lot out of us, you know, with all the girly chick flick moments."

Laughing and smiling along with Jared, Jensen replied "I guess your right, Jarradeena. And, just for the record, I wanna see those pearly whites and adorable dimples more often alright Jay?"

Smiling even wider as he started to lightly blush he replied shyly, "Well as long as you’re around I will."

"Well you don’t have to worry about that. There’s no way I’m going anywhere anytime soon." Nodding his head in mock disapproval he continued, "according to my friend Chris I’m like a bloody leach."

Yawning loudly Jensen said, "Anyway, I feel like I’m gonna be dead to the world soon so do you wanna, umm, lie down and have a nap or something? Its only 12:30, so we’ve got a lot of time."

Rubbing his eyes Jared replied, "Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea, but, umm, could I get a drink please? My throat is killing me."

Jensen frowned and looked down feeling a little queasy thinking about the reason for his sore throat, but quickly hid it.

"Sure thing, Jay, you can lie down under the covers if you want. I’ll be back with your drink in just a sec."

Nodding his agreement Jared pulled off his shoes and pads up to the top of the bed, pulling down the covers, and shivering as he slides under the cold smooth sheets of Jensen’s soft queen size bed.

As soon as his head hits the pillow he feels drifting off, but the need for water desperately overpowers his need for sleep. So, he laid there waiting for Jensen to return, and thought about how everything seemed so different now then it did just yesterday. Yesterday, he had no hope, no will to live. But today, Jensen has restored some of that hope, and given him the comfort which he hasn’t felt in so long.

When Jensen walked back into the room, he finds Jared curled up under the covers looking as though he’s asleep. Jensen continued to stand there in the door way just watching Jared’s beautiful and peaceful face. He’s never seen Jared look so relaxed before.

He’s knocked out of his thoughts when Jared cracks open an eye and said, "You can either stand there staring at me all day or come over here and give me my drink."

Laughing Jensen said, "Looks like someone’s a lil grump. So maybe I’ll just stand here and drink it all, how about that huh Jay?"

Jensen was completely unprepared for Jared’s lethal weapon, the puppy dog eyes. Jared just sat there helplessly with what Jensen thought to be the most adorable pout he had ever seen in his life. As soon as it was pulled on him, he immediately groaned and moved towards the bed as Jared grinned triumphantly.

Jensen sat on the edge of the bed next to Jared and handed him the glass of water. Jared gulped it down greedily as soon as it was handed to him and sighed as the cool water slid down his throat, refreshing the burning from his injuries.

Jared handed the glass back to him. "Thanks, Jen, I really needed that."

Setting aside the glass and climbing into the other side of the bed Jensen turned towards Jared and said, "No problem Jay, anytime."

Jared smiled back but just continued to lay there trying to decide whether or not Jensen would want to cuddle up with him. He was shocked with his own thoughts since he never would have even thought of wanting to be that close to someone after what his uncle had done to him. He really wanted to crawl up close to him right now but decided he better not doing it since Jensen probably wouldn’t want to be that close to him right now anyway. He’s scared that he might somehow dirty Jensen’s innocence and purity.

Jensen can tell something’s wrong with Jared at the moment. Today, whenever Jay would talk about something upsetting, he’d get a certain haunted look in his eyes. And as Jensen laid there staring at him, he could see the same look dancing through that beautiful hazel gaze now. So without even thinking about it he reached out and pulled Jared close.

As soon as Jared sees Jensen reach for him he can’t help but smile and crawls over to him, feeling as though everything seems to be falling into place. He lies in Jensen’s arms with his head over his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat as he wrapped his arm over Jensen’s torso and rests his hand on his hip. He smiled against his firm but yet comfy chest feeling as though that’s where he’s always belonged and said quietly, "Thank you Jen," not even really sure what he’s thanking him for, maybe just the fact that he’s there and that he cares.

Jensen kissed Jared’s head in reply as he soothingly ran his fingers through his soft mop of hair. "Try and get some sleep Jay, I’ll be here for you when you wake up. You’re safe here, I promise."

Jared smiled against his chest and lifted his head up to look at Jensen. "Remember when I said I didn’t know if I was gay or not?"

Confused with Jared’s random question, he looked at him quizzically and cautiously said, "Uhh, yeah, but what’s that have to do anything."

Smiling more and laying his head back down placing a kiss to Jensen’s chest he SAID, "Well, umm, after today . . . I’m pretty sure I’m gay."

Laughing a little, Jensen is about to reply before he heard Jared’s breathing even out and realized he was out like a light. Smiling to himself, Jensen whispered. "Me too, Jay. Ohh God, me too," before he falls into the deep comforting darkness of sleep.

TBC. . .

PLEEASE comment, there the only things that keep me going. and if you do i promise to reply =D