I don't even know anymore
I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I belong here, in college. Am I really college material? I know that I am capable of learning, and that I am relatively smart. But is that really enough? I feel like I don't fit in here. I know that fitting in isn't the most important part, but I can't pinpoint where I belong. I don't carry on deep, philosophical conversations and debates. I don't game obsessively. I don't dress all in black and blast hardcore music. I have nothing against people who do those things, rather, I wish I was more like that, but I would still feel out of place, a poseur even, which is how I feel that people would view me. BUT... on all outside appearances I appear to be more preppy, but I most certainly don't fit in with that subset either. There are people who appear to be more preppyish but who hang out with much more interesting people, but I can't seem to do that, I feel like I come across as a shallow little twit. I know I have friends, but I still don't come out of my little safe world and seek them out nearly as much as I should.
I just realized... I went completely off my original topic of "Do I really belong at college?" Maybe that's just my laziness speaking, I dunno. I don't want to much be here anymore, but when I look at my other options, I don't see any other choice. I refuse to drop out and become the next best thing to an alcoholic with a dead-end retail job. Or go home and work at Genovese for the rest of my life, like my managers. For the quality of life I desire, I must continue on, and I refuse to be one of the people who sticks around WPI for practically the rest of their lives. It's a decent school and all, but I must admit I don't love it the way I did freshman year, too many things have soured here.
I think and say the same things over and over again, yet never come to any conclusions. Is this the way the rest of my life will be?
I just realized... I went completely off my original topic of "Do I really belong at college?" Maybe that's just my laziness speaking, I dunno. I don't want to much be here anymore, but when I look at my other options, I don't see any other choice. I refuse to drop out and become the next best thing to an alcoholic with a dead-end retail job. Or go home and work at Genovese for the rest of my life, like my managers. For the quality of life I desire, I must continue on, and I refuse to be one of the people who sticks around WPI for practically the rest of their lives. It's a decent school and all, but I must admit I don't love it the way I did freshman year, too many things have soured here.
I think and say the same things over and over again, yet never come to any conclusions. Is this the way the rest of my life will be?