I'm addicted to stress, it's the way that I get things done...
... if I'm not under pressure then I sleep too long, and I hang around like a bum, I think I'm goin nowhere and that makes me nervous.
Balance. The topic of the... year. Still working on it! This weekend, Kev and I took a mini-vacation from the stress of trying to do everything and make everyone happy and coordinated and social-directing and stuff. Of course, then we capped off the weekend with an us-coordinated huge people-pile (me, Kev, Jeff, Aaron, Dave, Mike, Kristina, Mark) at the Davis Mega Maze. Man, the maze is freakin great, but oh-so-hard... luckily, we finished the maze just as we were all getting very discouraged and frustrated... the best time to finish, really! We'd split into 2 groups for the wandering - Mike, Kristina and Mark for one group, the rest of us for the other. Afterwards, our group went to the Manor in West Boylston for dinner, which was great - I had some really tasty moussaka, which made me happy, especially after wandering in the sun for hours. Later Sunday night found us chillin at F'ham, watching Family Guy while Scott worked on his latest sewing project, and Dave zoning out in the broken recliner. Totally felt like old West St. days for a little while at least, which was really cool.
I seem to get a bit of frustration while trying to get people together to do group activities. Feeling bad when people split off from the rest of the group and not really knowing who to "choose" to stick with when I've been in charge of inviting everyone. Feeling completely and utterly frustrated at trying to get in touch with people who previously expressed interest in specific group activities and being completely unable to, by IM or phone or whatever, and finding out they've made other plans for that day, or, even more frustrating, made plans for the same event but with a totally different group of people - with absolutely no communication. The most frustrating part? Scheduling said events such that it works with these people's schedules, even though it takes up even more of the precious commodity of September weekend time, then hearing nothing. Argh!
I know I've been overextending myself lately, trying to make sure everyone's happy and got fun things to do and stuff. Don't like hearing about people being left out of the loop when it comes to activities - hell, I've been left out of the loop so much in the past, I don't want anyone else to go through it. I keep feeling like I'm pushing so hard to make everyone happy, and I'm starting to realize that it may be coming at the expense of my own sanity. Definitely wish I could feel a little more of the blase, screw-you-guys-but-I'm-gonna-have-fun mentality when it comes to the group stuff, rather than trying to herd the cats. I think I feel like I'm personally responsible to make sure everyone has fun, and when I can't do that, it saddens and frustrates me, and it's really hard on me. I think I take things too personally. Cultivating the appearance of a thick skin and having one are not the same.
All I know is, after this month, I'm not planning another group outing for awhile at least. I'm hoping that this month at least gets other people mobilized to let everyone know about group events and make sure people aren't outta the loop. I really think that's my primary concern, making sure no one's left out. Yeah, a bit different from how I used to be... but yeah, I was stupid back then. I've grown up since then. I don't like playing sides. I'm going to invite everyone to everything, and people can duke it out for themselves. If I'm leaving people out of invites, this is why I use Google Calendar - people can see if I'm unintentionally leaving people out, and let me know!
**end frustrated rant tangent**
Don't get me wrong, this weekend was pretty darn great. Having 40 hours to just relax and get away from it all with Kevin was absolutely amazing, and pretty necessary. Feeling the return of some old, good vibes with the group, with the dynamic of me, Kev and Jeff, and feeling some of the old West St. relaxation was pretty damn sweet, and makes me really hopeful and happy for being able to re-cultivate those vibes further. At the same time though, it makes me want to, even more, try and fix other friendships that are still in need of repair, and I'm beginning to simply feel like I don't have the time or the energy to fix everything else, and that scares me. It also makes me wonder just how much some of these other dynamics are going to be able to be fixed, and whether some of them are worth it, or will just lead to more frustration until something gives.
On a more optimistic note, even with being greeted today with some stress (Phantom Gourmet Food Festival tickets are sold out - DAMMIT for those who haven't gotten 'em yet), I'm still feeling a little more relaxed about stuff, well-rested, and looking forward to trying to knock out some 'useful' things this week, along with some fun projects, like renfaire garbing and various other crafty and cookery things. I'm just starting to realize that I can't run myself ragged trying to make everyone happy, that during the week especially, I need to be able to make myself happy.
The previous paragraph was indirectly brought to you by this CNN article Jeff linked me to.
Balance. The topic of the... year. Still working on it! This weekend, Kev and I took a mini-vacation from the stress of trying to do everything and make everyone happy and coordinated and social-directing and stuff. Of course, then we capped off the weekend with an us-coordinated huge people-pile (me, Kev, Jeff, Aaron, Dave, Mike, Kristina, Mark) at the Davis Mega Maze. Man, the maze is freakin great, but oh-so-hard... luckily, we finished the maze just as we were all getting very discouraged and frustrated... the best time to finish, really! We'd split into 2 groups for the wandering - Mike, Kristina and Mark for one group, the rest of us for the other. Afterwards, our group went to the Manor in West Boylston for dinner, which was great - I had some really tasty moussaka, which made me happy, especially after wandering in the sun for hours. Later Sunday night found us chillin at F'ham, watching Family Guy while Scott worked on his latest sewing project, and Dave zoning out in the broken recliner. Totally felt like old West St. days for a little while at least, which was really cool.
I seem to get a bit of frustration while trying to get people together to do group activities. Feeling bad when people split off from the rest of the group and not really knowing who to "choose" to stick with when I've been in charge of inviting everyone. Feeling completely and utterly frustrated at trying to get in touch with people who previously expressed interest in specific group activities and being completely unable to, by IM or phone or whatever, and finding out they've made other plans for that day, or, even more frustrating, made plans for the same event but with a totally different group of people - with absolutely no communication. The most frustrating part? Scheduling said events such that it works with these people's schedules, even though it takes up even more of the precious commodity of September weekend time, then hearing nothing. Argh!
I know I've been overextending myself lately, trying to make sure everyone's happy and got fun things to do and stuff. Don't like hearing about people being left out of the loop when it comes to activities - hell, I've been left out of the loop so much in the past, I don't want anyone else to go through it. I keep feeling like I'm pushing so hard to make everyone happy, and I'm starting to realize that it may be coming at the expense of my own sanity. Definitely wish I could feel a little more of the blase, screw-you-guys-but-I'm-gonna-have-fun mentality when it comes to the group stuff, rather than trying to herd the cats. I think I feel like I'm personally responsible to make sure everyone has fun, and when I can't do that, it saddens and frustrates me, and it's really hard on me. I think I take things too personally. Cultivating the appearance of a thick skin and having one are not the same.
All I know is, after this month, I'm not planning another group outing for awhile at least. I'm hoping that this month at least gets other people mobilized to let everyone know about group events and make sure people aren't outta the loop. I really think that's my primary concern, making sure no one's left out. Yeah, a bit different from how I used to be... but yeah, I was stupid back then. I've grown up since then. I don't like playing sides. I'm going to invite everyone to everything, and people can duke it out for themselves. If I'm leaving people out of invites, this is why I use Google Calendar - people can see if I'm unintentionally leaving people out, and let me know!
**end frustrated rant tangent**
Don't get me wrong, this weekend was pretty darn great. Having 40 hours to just relax and get away from it all with Kevin was absolutely amazing, and pretty necessary. Feeling the return of some old, good vibes with the group, with the dynamic of me, Kev and Jeff, and feeling some of the old West St. relaxation was pretty damn sweet, and makes me really hopeful and happy for being able to re-cultivate those vibes further. At the same time though, it makes me want to, even more, try and fix other friendships that are still in need of repair, and I'm beginning to simply feel like I don't have the time or the energy to fix everything else, and that scares me. It also makes me wonder just how much some of these other dynamics are going to be able to be fixed, and whether some of them are worth it, or will just lead to more frustration until something gives.
On a more optimistic note, even with being greeted today with some stress (Phantom Gourmet Food Festival tickets are sold out - DAMMIT for those who haven't gotten 'em yet), I'm still feeling a little more relaxed about stuff, well-rested, and looking forward to trying to knock out some 'useful' things this week, along with some fun projects, like renfaire garbing and various other crafty and cookery things. I'm just starting to realize that I can't run myself ragged trying to make everyone happy, that during the week especially, I need to be able to make myself happy.
The previous paragraph was indirectly brought to you by this CNN article Jeff linked me to.